


Dust to Dust

by BMDM_01



Category: Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-02-27 17:02:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 93,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BMDM_01/pseuds/BMDM_01
Summary: A betrayal, an illegitimate child, and dark secrets come to light. Can love really conquer all?





	1. Prologue

_April 5, 1992_

 

_Numbness. It was something Theresa could easily identify, a very, very familiar feeling. She went numb at the death of her father, the death of her mother, the two lost babies, but she couldn't stop the hurt this time.  She couldn't stop that feeling of her heart physically cracking in her body, the overwhelming pain of it bringing her to her knees. She could feel her legs collapsing under her weight, and she could feel her mouth open, letting out an ungodly wail of despair. But in her mind, she was standing and staring blankly at the face of her husband. In her mind, she was lost for words and surrounded by darkness. She could feel it, the old friend of numbness seeping into her bones again...but she didn't want it. She didn't want its help this time. If she was going to do this, she wanted the heartbreak that would come with it._

 

_"Theresa, please.” She could hear the muffled voice of her husband. In her head, she was locking herself in some closet in the back of her mind and sinking to her knees, covering her ears, and trying to block the confession her husband had just told her. "Please say something."_

 

_Theresa slowly turned to see Philip kneeling beside her on their bedroom floor. Her voice was scarily even. "What would you have me say?"_

 

_"I don't know, really." Philip's eyes were filled with tears and fear as he waited for the words of his wife._

 

_“I_ _can deal with the...one night stand. But not this."_

 

_Philip jerked his head up and grabbed her hands. "Please don't say that. Please. We can do this."_

 

_Theresa couldn't fully believe what her husband was asking of her. The woman who was laying, broken and battered, in her mind wanted to scream and throw things and hit the only man she's ever actually loved, but Theresa contained her heart, feeling all the things she wanted to say pound the roof of her mouth as if begging to escape. "I can't do this, but you can." Philip turned his head sharply to meet her eyes. "You have to. This is your responsibility...and you will do it. Alone."_

 

_Philip squeezed her hands tighter. "No. No! You can't leave me. Please, Theresa. I love you-"_

 

_"No!" Theresa bit back, some of the poison of anger lacing her words. "You don't get to say that. You don't have the right."_

 

_"But I do," Philip said brokenly._

 

_"Then why did you do it in the first place? Why hurt me so irreversibly?"_

 

_Theresa watched as Philip searched for the words he wanted to say. "I told you I didn't mean for it to happen. I was drunk and angry and hurt."_

 

“ _And that makes it all okay?" Theresa was trying to see his reasoning but couldn't. The lonely and hurt girl was now running through the house of her mind, breaking picture frames and ripping memories of a life built together apart._

 

_"No, of course. I...I am so sorry," Philip mumbled, hanging his head in shame._

 

_Theresa extracted her hands from his and stood, beginning to pace. "She," her voice cracked, "she is pregnant. And it is your child."_

 

K _neeling, Philip looked up to see the still emotionless face of the woman he's loved for the past fifteen years. "And I don't know what to do."_

 

_Theresa stopped, looking the man, whose last name she proudly took as her own, in the eye. "You support her. You support her and your baby. And you man up and take responsibility for it. That is what you do."_

 

_"And you?" Philip was almost afraid to hear the answer._

 

_Theresa took a deep breath, feeling her heart shatter. "I leave."_

 

_"What?"_

 

_"I leave and make way for your son or daughter. I can't stay here and help you raise it."_

 

_"But-"_

 

_"No. I couldn't watch you do that. Not after...our little ones," Theresa whispered, looking down. "And if I did stay, I would end up resenting the child. I couldn't do that. It is the only innocent part of this whole mess."_

 

_Philip got up and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, feeling her fall into his embrace. Kissing her forehead, he whispered, "Oh, love, I am so terribly and utterly sorry."_

 

_Theresa sobbed against his chest. She wanted to pound her fists against him, but the love outweighed the anger and the hurt. It always would. So, she crushed her mouth against his instead, causing him to stumble back and sit on the bed. She immediately began to work the buttons of his shirt._

 

_Philip pulled, confusion across his features. "What are you doing?"_

 

_Theresa stilled her hands and met his crystal blue eyes. "If I'm going to go, I want you to give me something to remember. I want you to love me like you used to. Please? One more time?"_

 

_Philip nodded before kissing her deeply again and removing her jacket and blouse. He rolled her under him, pulling her skirt down as he went._

 

_.........................._

 

_Theresa awoke to feel the warm presence of her husband behind her, his arm wrapped snugly around her waist. She had one blissful moment of half consciousness before she remembered everything: the affair, the baby, the argument...the sex. It had been passionate. It had been earth shattering. It was proper love making...not the routine they had fallen into when they were trying to get pregnant._

 

_Slowly and carefully, Theresa detangled herself from Philip. He stirred slightly before falling back into slumber. She wrapped the sheet around her bare body and made her way to he bathroom. Looking at her reflection, she expected to feel disgust for herself for so easily falling back into bed with her unfaithful love, but she couldn't bring herself to sense hate for it. She took a shower, got dressed, did her makeup, one last time in her marital home before pulling her suitcase down from the top of the closet and packing her essentials. She kissed Philip's forehead before making her way downstairs quietly. She paused at the small desk in their makeshift office and took a piece of paper, writing:_

 

 

_Don't hate me for leaving. Don't hate me for being a coward for leaving and not facing you. I do love you so very much, and I'm sorry you had to seek comfort in someone else's bed. I am happy you are having a child. You deserve it so much, and you'll be an amazing father. Tell your daughter or son about me, okay? Tell them about the girl who loved you whole-heartedly. Goodbye, Philip. I love you, forever and always._

 

_Your Theresa_

 

_Slipping her wedding bands off, she took one last look at her home and made her way to the front door, refusing to cry as her heart broke itself into a million pieces. Then those broke themselves into a million more, leaving nothing but dust._


	2. Can’t Help Falling in Love With You

October 4, 2017

  
“Daddy, hurry!” A young woman in her mid-twenties called.

  
“I’m trying Emily.” Philip said back, acerbated by the continuous nagging from his daughter.

  
The girl turned to face her father. Blue eyes met blue eyes as she squared her shoulders. “I do NOT want, nor do I need, to miss this. So move it!” She places her hands on her hips as she looked up at Philip. At 5”4, Emily Genevieve May was more than capable of being bossy herself, and it almost endeared her father to her. Almost.

  
“I didn’t want to come to this in the first place,” he said as he struggled with his tie.

  
“Ugh. Here,” Emily huffed, taking the tie from her father and chucking it on the bed. “Now, come on. I have to meet her before she goes on.”

  
“My tie? I have to wear one.”

  
“No you don’t. You look quite handsome without one. Maybe you’ll even find yourself a nice Tory girl to date,” she replied while giving him a tight smile.

  
“Fine, but where are our seats? I can sit while you meet your boss.”

  
“We don’t have time. You’ll have to come with me,” the raven haired beauty said, stepping into her heels.

  
“No. Absolutely not. I will not go with you to meet your boss,” Philip responded defensively.

  
Crossing her arms, Emily took a deep breath. “And why is that, pray tell? You always go soft when you see her on TV.”

  
“I just won’t!”

  
“You’re being childish.”

  
“I am not.”

  
“Now you’re being indignant.”

  
“Alright. I’ll go...but if it doesn’t go well, don’t blame me,” Philip said before throwing his hands up and walking out of the hotel room. Emily rolled her eyes as she followed, making sure her father did look presentable after seeing the God-awful outfit he chose the day before: bright blue jacket, khaki pants, and black shoes.

......................

“Oh, thank the Lord, you are here,” Ben, a co-worker, said as she stepped through the door.

  
Startled and confused, Emily looked up. “Why? What’s happened?”

  
Ben took on an air of drama as he explained. “Her voice isn’t better. Worse, actually. And she looks so sick and can’t stop coughing and...” he was to the point of hyperventilation.

  
“Calm down,” Emily said evenly. “She’ll be fine. She’s a tough girl.”

  
“Who is this?” Ben’s attention quickly shifted from the potential downfall of his boss to the man standing behind his slightly less senior boss.

  
“Ben this is Dad. Dad this is Ben.”

  
The click-clack of heels could be heard coming closer on the hardwood floor. “Emily?” a hoarse voice called. “Is that you? I need your opinion on this outfit...” The owner of said voice stopped as she saw a man she never expected to see again standing in her hotel room. Softly, almost a whisper, she forced out, “Philip?”

  
With his hands in his pockets, he slowly looked up to meet her olive green eyes. “Hello, Theresa.”

  
.....................

_Late January 1977, London_

_  
A young Theresa was leaned against Philip as they walked on ice covered roads, attempting to get to a book store before closing. “Tell me, Ms. Brasier,” Philip said teasingly._

_  
“Yes, Mr. May?”_

_  
“Have you ever thought of dating someone shorter than yourself?”_

_  
“I’m dating you, aren’t I?” She said, giving him the most brilliant smile._

_  
Philip held her tighter to his side. “So, we’re dating?”_

_  
Theresa felt nerves build up. She thought they were dating. Meeting right before Christmas and spending a night out together before they left for home, then being almost inseparable after coming back, she thought he wanted a relationship with her that wasn’t merely platonic. She thought he liked her more than just a friend. They had kissed, quite a lot actually. Some nights, it seemed that’s all they did in his dorm room or hers...just sit and kiss. Theresa had slowed and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, feeling fear and tears well up. “Well, I thought we were.” She took her hand out of the crook of his elbow slowly, refusing to meet his eyes._

_  
Philip realized he had upset her and gently touched her chin, bringing her face up to look at him. He leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss against the cold, chapped lips of a girl he already knew he loved but was to afraid to admit to. “Good. I can call you mine,” he smiled at her._

_  
Letting out a sigh of relief, Theresa kissed him again, slipping her tongue passed his lips. “You scared me for a moment.”_

_  
Philip pulled her closer to him by her waist and leaned his forehead against hers. “Why let something, someone, as wonderful as you go?”_

........................

  
Emily stood confused. “Wait, you two know each other?”

  
Theresa straightened up, putting the steel back in her spine. “Yes.”

  
“How?” Emily asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.

  
“I could ask you the same thing,” Theresa replied almost defensively.

  
Emily was taken aback by Theresa’s tone. She had come to regard Theresa as a mother, and she could never remember her being that way towards her. “He’s my father.”

  
Philip could see the light leave his ex wife’s eyes as the revelation sunk in. “I’ll go. I can wait outside for you, Emily.”

  
“No one is going anywhere until I know how you two know each other,” Emily said demandingly.

  
“He was my husband.” Theresa looked up at Philip. “A very, very long time ago.”

  
........................

  
_“How’s this one?” Philip asked, plopping down on the small couch in the corner of the store. He held out the book for Theresa to inspect._

_  
“Hmm...’Grimm’s Fairytales’. It is a classic,” she said while flipping through the pages._

_  
Philip wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer so he could kiss her temple. “Emma will love it. I’m sure of it,” he reassured her._

_  
“But she’s my goddaughter, I want her birthday to be special,” Theresa worriedly explained._

_  
“Love, it’s a first edition, and she loves to read, or so you’ve said. She’ll love it. Besides, she’s only seven. She’ll need help with most of the stories.”_

_  
“I guess. I have already gotten her that little pink dress for Easter. This will work.” She turned to kiss him before she got up to pay._

_  
Philip hurriedly stood and dashed to the back of the store to take the small package he had purchased earlier from the hiding place he had made. Tucking it in his coat, he made his way to find Theresa just paying and smiled. “Dinner? We could make it to that pub you like,” he asked, attempting to distract her from his coat being a bit bulkier._

_  
“That’s sounds lovely.”_

  
........................

  
“You mean,” Emily paused as she came to grips with her situation, “she is the one you cheated on?”

  
Philip slowly nodded before feeling the sharp pain of being slapped, rather hard, on the back of the head. “Ow!”

  
“What the actual fuck, Daddy?”

  
“Emily! Watch your mouth!” Philip and Theresa said in unison.

  
“Look, I have to leave. I have a speech to give,” Theresa said as she placed her heels on. “Do I look presentable?”

  
“You look beautiful,” Philip mumbled.

  
Theresa narrowed her eyes at him. “I wasn’t asking you.”

  
“Sorry,” Philip said looking down.

  
“You look amazing,” Emily stepped in, trying to ease some of the tension.

  
“Good. We can leave,” Theresa said forcibly, pushing past Philip, Emily, and Ben.

  
“I never knew this much drama would come with the job. Emily, do you think I could get a raise?” Ben asked, confusion and mirth across his features.

  
“Not a raise, but I’ll buy you a drink.”

  
“Make it two.”

  
“Deal. Daddy, I’ll need your credit card.”

  
“Why?!” Philip exclaimed.

  
“Your fuck up equals you buy.”

  
........................

  
_Philip had managed to slip his surprise into Theresa’s bag at the pub while she ran to the restroom, and now, he was walking her back to her room. “I always hate this part.”_

_  
Theresa wrapped her arms around his neck before leaning against him. “Me too. You could kiss me and make it better.”_

_  
Philip smiled before brushing his lips against hers. “Better?”_

_  
“You can do better.”_

_  
Philip cupped her face and gently pressed his lips against hers firmly before backing them up against the stone column in front of the door. He could feel Theresa’s arms snake around his waist, and softly ran his tongue over the bottom lip she always bit. The kiss grew heated, and he slipped his hands to hold her hips when they heard someone clearing their throat. Quickly breaking apart, they saw one of Theresa’s professors standing in front of the door with her arms crossed looking rather displeased. “Ms. Brasier, it’s passed curfew, and you know the rule: no men allowed.”_

_  
“Sorry, Professor Linley.” She looked at Philip apologetically. “See you tomorrow.”_

_  
“See you tomorrow, love.” Philip reluctantly moved so she could scuttle past the the cross woman._

_  
Philip watched as the elder woman closed and locked the door and felt his heart flutter, something that happened only around Theresa. He hoped she would find his gift and appreciate it, or at least like it._

........................

  
Philip was sat, horrified at the scene unfolding. Theresa had been ambushed on stage by first, a prankster, then, a coughing fit from hell itself. Philip Hammond had stepped up and handed her a cough sweet, but the damage had been done.

  
Philip had glanced at his daughter who looked like she was about to be violently ill as she watched months of preparation being destroyed in a matter of moments. He reached over and gently squeezed her hand. “It will be alright, love. It’s not your fault.”

  
“I...great. Now, the set is falling apart.” Emily buried her head in her hands. “I’m going to lose my job. My dream job, and I’m going to lose it.”

  
“You won’t.” Philip patted her back. “She has more of a heart than that.”

  
“You would know, of course.” She whispered angrily.

  
“I-“

  
Emily looked at her father with tear filled eyes. “I knew your ex wife was the love of your life, but you never told me it was my boss. You never said you were married to the PM.”

  
“Emily, I’ll explain later. I promise.” Philip said before turning his attention back to the stage. He saw the distress on Theresa’s face; he could see the tears building beneath the surface, and all he wanted to do was give her a hug.

  
Emily observed her father, seeing the concern on his face as he watched the horror show in front of him. “You are still in love with her aren’t you?”

 

........................

_  
Theresa hurried to her room, blushing like crazy at being caught out after curfew. She was a good girl; she didn’t break the rules. But there was something about Philip that made her willing to break those rules if it meant more time spent with him. She set her bag down on her small bed, flopping down beside it and laying back._

_  
She pulled her coat and scarf and gloves off before taking her boots off. She started getting ready for bed when she noticed a second parcel with hers. She sat, pulling it out and slowly pulling the brown paper off. She gasped as she saw a beautiful leather-bound copy of ‘Pride and Prejudice’. It was her favorite book of all time, and she couldn’t believe Philip had remembered. She flipped the first page open and saw an inscription written in Philip’s scrawl._

_‘The distance is nothing when one has a motive._

_I thought this fit us having to break apart every night. I hope you like the book. I saw how yours was falling apart from you reading it so much. Hopefully, this one will last longer._

_Your Philip xx’_

_  
Theresa fell back, clutching the book to her chest. Then something clicked. She was in love. Theresa Mary Brasier was in love, and she was ever so happy._

  
_Across, at another college, Philip May looked at himself in the mirror and mumbled under his breath, “You love her, and its amazing.”_

 


	3. Birthdays

_October 25, 1993_

_  
“Come on, Sweetheart. Blow your candle out,” Philip gently coaxed. It was his daughter’s first birthday, and he had his parents down to celebrate the special day. “You can do it.”_

_  
Emily looked around with curious blue eyes. She couldn’t understand why everyone was paying so much attention to her. She never got this. Ever. She was spoiled by her daddy but no one else. She looked in front of her to the large chocolate cake and the small flickering candle. Leaning forward, she felt her father shuffle towards the cake as well, and the next thing she knew, the light was gone. Staring down, she decided to go for it and smashed her face into the sugary confection._

_  
“At a girl,” Philip said proudly. He was smiling like an idiot as he looked around at his family._

_  
His mother, Joy, came over and pinched her granddaughter’s cheek. “I’ll take her to get cleaned up and changed.”_

_  
“Alright, Mum,” Philip replied, planting a kiss on Emily’s head before letting her go. He watched as Joy bounced his one year old daughter up and down as she made her way to the hall bathroom. “I’m going to sell the house,” he mumbled._

_  
His father met his eyes, an unwavering coldness in the elder man’s own. “Good. You don’t deserve to stay in this house.”_

_  
Philip let his head fall against the back of the couch. “Here we go.”_

_  
“This was your home with Theresa, your wife-“_

_  
“Soon to be ex wife. I’m signing the papers next week.”_

_  
“You’re just going to let her go...without a fight,” his father said angrily._

_  
Philip stood, pacing the length of the living room. “I put up a fight! I,” he lowered his voice as to not disturb his daughter, “I tried to make her stay. I did everything I could to make her stay, but she didn’t want to. I’m letting her go because she wants to be free. It’s the least I can do for her. Do you know hard it is for me to wake up and her not be here? Do you know how empty I feel?”_

_  
John May wasn’t a tall man, but he could strike fear into anyone when his temper had flared. Standing, he came toe to toe with his son. “You wouldn’t feel empty if you had not have cheated. But then, to bring that...child into this home-“_

_  
“That child, my daughter and your granddaughter, is the only thing that has kept me going. She’s the only reason I haven’t jumped off a bridge,” Philip uttered in vexation. “And Theresa left this house to me.”_

_  
“She doesn’t belong here. She belongs with her mother.”_

_  
“Her mother left her...before she was a month old. I’m sorry that I refused to let my daughter go into social care.”_

_  
“She...she doesn’t belong here. That’s all I have to say on the matter,” John said, waving his hand dismissively._

_  
Philip stared in disbelief as his father sat down. “That baby is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Yes, I miss Theresa. She was the love of my life for God’s sake, but I screwed up. Now, I have to deal with consequences and having Emily makes it better. Emily is the only innocent one in this, and if you can’t see that she is a bright, beautiful little girl, then it’s your loss.” Philip turned to leave before stopping and looking back at his father. “And I don’t appreciate you ruining her first birthday. It would’ve been better had you just not come.”_

 

...................

  
October 13, 2017, London

“So, let me get this right. You were married to my boss, the PM?” Emily questioned. She had been doing this for over an hour, and Philip just wanted to sleep.

  
“Yes, for the millionth time. I was married her, and we divorced after twelve years.”

  
“Because you cheated?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“You son of a bitch.”

  
“Emily! I am still your father, and you will not speak to me like that! Or call your deceased grandmother a bitch!” Philip exclaimed.

  
Emily jerked her head up to look her father in the face. “You know I didn’t mean that about Granny. But still, you cheated. How could you?”

  
“It was a difficult time.” Philip looked down and mumbled, “I don’t expect you to understand.”

  
“I’m not a child-“

  
“Yes, you are. You are my child,” he stated.

  
Emily scoffed, “That isn’t what I meant.”

  
“Can we stop talking about my past? I haven’t seen you since the last night of the conference. We need to discuss your birthday party.”

  
Emily sighed as she let herself fall back against the couch in her father’s flat. “Michael and I-“

  
“What has Michael suggested? He’s already gotten you to move in with him,” Philip said.

  
“I am an adult, and I suggested it. You know that,” Emily responded with an air of annoyance.

  
“Hmmm.”

  
“But, Michael and I have decided to rent a restaurant downtown. That way, we can have all of our friends.”

  
Philip looked at his daughter, his once baby girl. “And you want me to help pay?”

  
Emily shrugged her shoulders and nonchalantly mentioned, “It wouldn’t hurt if you helped.”

  
“Fine...on one condition.”

“Yes?”

  
Philip smiled before kissing her forehead. “We dance like we used to at your birthdays.”

  
Emily snuggled into her father’s side, inhaling the familiar scent that comforted her over the years. “Of course, Daddy.”

  
...................

 

_October 25, 1997_

_  
Children were running about, streamers in pink and purple hanging from the ceilings, balloons were scattered across the floor, but the birthday girl was nowhere to be found. Philip had searched for Emily for the past ten minutes before he found her curled up in a ball in their attic. “Oh, sweetie,” Philip said sitting beside her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”_

_  
Emily looked up, big blue eyes bloodshot and filled with tears. “They all have mummies,” she whispered._

  
_Philip felt his heart hurt for her. “Oh, love.” He pulled her to his side and kissed the top of her head._

_  
She began sobbing again as she felt the warm embrace of the only parent she had ever known. She was able to choke out a few words. “They...all...my friends...have...mummies...and I...don’t,” she managed._

_  
“Slow down, sweetie. Breathe,” Philip soothed._

_  
“Why don’t I have one?”_

  
_Philip had dreaded this question from the day Emily had been dropped on his doorstep with a note saying her mother couldn’t do it. He had run and rerun this scenario in his mind; none of his imaginations had prepared him for this. Philip took a deep breath to steel himself for the speech he had prepared. “Some...some children don’t have mummies. Some have two mummies. Some don’t have daddies or have two. Some don’t have any parents, but that...that doesn’t mean that child is any less loved or wanted or special. And you, young lady, are very special. Especially, to me.”_

_  
Emily had relaxed into Philip’s side when he heard her mumble, “Do you mean that?”_

_  
Picking her up and bringing her to his chest, Philip rocked his daughter back and forth. “I mean that with my whole heart, love.”_

  
_They sat in silence before Emily piped up, “What’s that?”_

_  
“What’s what?” Philip questioned._

_  
“That,” Emily observed, pointing to a large box in the corner._

_  
“That is a record player. It plays music.”_

_  
Emily slipped off his lap and walked over to the strange object, opening the case and examining the contents. “Will you play some for me?”_

_  
“If you like,” Philip responded while walking over and taking a record from a crate beside her. “How’s this one?”_

_  
Emily nodded as music began to float through the speakers._

__  
‘Isn't she lovely  
Isn't she wonderful  
Isn't she precious  
Less than one minute old’

  
_“Dance?” Philip asked holding his hand out. He was met with a toothy grin as Emily gently stepped on the top of his feet as he swayed them back and forth._

  
...................

 

October 24, 2017

  
Emily had just stepped into Philip’s flat when she heard him rattling around in the kitchen. “Daddy?!” She called, following the sound of the racket.

  
“Yes, Love?” Philip asked, popping his head up from his bent position at the oven.

  
Emily leaned against the doorframe as she observed her father. “What are you doing?”

  
“This,” Philip stated proudly as he pulled a roasted chicken from out of the oven.

  
“I’m very impressed. Well done,” Emily remarked, giving a small clap. “Why did you call me to come over?”

  
“To give you your birthday present.”

  
...................

 

_October 25, 2005_

_  
Philip felt a tiny hand push his shoulder. “Daddy. Daddy, wake up,” was the muffled phrase he heard. Rolling over, he found himself faced with the scared face of his barely thirteen year old daughter._

_  
Groggily sitting up, he saw she was crying. “What is it? Did you have a nightmare?” She shook her head. “Then what?”_

_  
“There,” Emily looked down, biting her trembling lower lip before whispering, “there is red...all over my bed. I think it’s blood.”_

  
_Realization hit Philip like a ton of bricks as he recognized that his little girl was now a young woman having started her period. “It’s alright, love.”_

_  
“It’s all over my pajamas too,” she observed, looking down at her stained pants._

_  
“I’ll take care of your bed, and you hop in the shower. I’ll get you clean clothes and everything.” Philip kissed her head before going to find her bed almost covered in blood. He had no idea how he was going to explain this, but he’d have to try. Luckily, his mother had warned him and bought pads to keep in the house in case the situation arose. He reluctantly took them out of the cabinet and set them with the clean pajamas and underwear he put on the counter in the bathroom for Emily to find. Quickly but efficiently, he stripped her bed and put fresh sheets on, leaving no sign of what had happened._

_Exiting the bathroom in new clothes and wet hair, Emily softly called, “Daddy?”_

_  
Philip rushed to meet her in the hallway. “Yes, honey?”_

_  
“What...what’s happening...down...there?”_

_  
“Umm...” to say Philip was at a loss for words was an understatement. “Well, you’re getting older, and your body is changing. You’re becoming a young woman, and this happens when you do.”_

_  
“But...why?”_

_  
Philip always hated when she asked that to things he couldn’t explain. “It’s a part of life...of growing up. You are a teenager now.”_

_  
“Yeah...not the best way to start a birthday,” Emily said sarcastically._

_  
Philip chuckled. “No. I guess not.”_

_  
“Can I call Granny? In the morning so she can tell me?”_

_  
“Oh thank God,” Philip mumbled. “Yes. Yes, you can call in the morning.”_

_  
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”_

_  
“Of course,” Philip said, smiling. No matter how old she was, she would always be his little girl._

_..................._

 

Dinner was finished, and the two adults were sitting, enjoying one last glass of wine. “Tell me, what is this gift you had to give me before my birthday?” Emily asked mischievously.

  
Philip leaned over and grabbed a little black box. “These.”

  
Emily took the box with excited curiosity and opened it, letting out a gasp as tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Daddy. These are...these are Granny’s earrings,” she remarked, looking down at the teardrop diamond studs. “These were always my favorite of hers.”

  
“I know. I asked if I could have them for you, after she passed,” Philip declared.

  
“Oh, thank you,” Emily said tearfully, hugging her father. “I can wear them tomorrow night.”

 

...................

 

_October 25, 2008_

_  
Philip waited with baited breath for Emily to come home. It was her sixteenth birthday, and he had given her an extra hour for curfew. 12:00. Not a minute more. Admittedly, it was only 11:45, but it was also her first date. Another rule of his: no dating until she was sixteen. And only then with a group. He heard the door click open and saw his daughter step in. Attempting to act less relieved than he was, he slowly said, “You’re back early.”_

_  
Shrugging her shoulders, Emily made her way to the kitchen without saying a word._

_  
Following her, Philip saw the sadness on her face. “What’s happened? It’s your sixteenth birthday. You should be enjoying it.”_

_  
“That boy I went out with...”_

_  
Philip closed his hand into a fist, preparing to go out and kill the boy who hurt his daughter. “What? What did he do?”_

_  
“He just talked to his friends all night. It’s like I wasn’t even there. What a way to make a girl feel special on her birthday...”_

_  
Philip felt himself relax as he heard what happened, glad he wasn’t going to prison for murder. “I think you’re special.”_

_  
“You’re meant to. You’re my dad.”_

_  
“I know what will cheer you up.”_

_  
“And what’s that?” Emily questioned._

_  
Practically bouncing to the refrigerator, Philip pulled out a tub of something. “Chocolate chip cookie dough, a few horrible comedy films, and pizza.”_

  
_She couldn’t hide the smile on her face as her father listed her favorite things. “Okay, you’ve got me. I’ll get the films ready; you make the popcorn.”_

_  
“Deal.”_

_  
They spent the night laughing until they cried, eating junk food, and talking, something they didn’t do much of anymore. Eventually, Emily fell asleep on the couch, and Philip carried her to her room, tucking her in and placing a soft kiss on her forehead._

_  
..................._

 

October 25, 2017

  
“Are you sure I look alright, Michael?” Emily questioned nervously.

  
The 6”3 giant leaned down and wrapped his arms around the slight figure in front of him. “I think you look lovely,” Michael replied, meeting Emily’s baby blues in the mirror with his emerald eyes. “You look amazing, in fact.”

  
Smiling at his reflection, she leaned back. “I’m nervous.”

  
“Why?”

  
“My father and Theresa.”

  
“Ah,” the dark brown haired boy said. “Still can’t believe they were married.”

  
“Neither can I. We should head back out to the party. I’d hate to be a bad host,” Emily stated before walking over to push the door leading to the large reception open. Tilting her head towards the sounds of a crowd, she smiled. “Come on.” Michael sighed and took her hand, letting her drag him back out to madness of the party.

  
Philip was stood in the corner, sipping his wine when he saw a cluster of men walk in. Confused, he stepped closer and saw the woman behind them. His ex wife, in a lovely, navy blue dress and light blue coat, was standing almost in front of him. He looked her up and down and smirked when he saw her leopard kitten heels, her signature shoe. He saw she was holding a gift bag that she soon passed to someone to put it on the table of other presents, and he smiled at her thoughtfulness, a quality that had first attracted him to her.

  
Theresa said hello to the various staffers at the gathering before hugging Emily. “Happy birthday. Twenty-five...you’re getting old,” she teased.

  
“Don’t remind me. I’m almost thirty,” Emily said, feigning drama.

  
Theresa patted the young girl’s hands before giving a warm smile. “I hope you like what I’ve gotten you.”

  
“I’m sure I will, ma’am.”

  
“We’re not at work. Call me Theresa. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell you that,” Theresa mock scolded.

  
“Sorry, Theresa.”

  
“Better.”

  
Emily looked around before calling a waiter over and taking a glass of Prosecco off and offering it to her boss. “It’s a party. Therefore, you must drink.”

  
Accepting the glass thankfully, Theresa took a drink. “Thank you. Why don’t you go mingle? I’d hate to keep you from your guests.”

  
Emily gave a grateful smile before turning and walking to a large group of young women, leaving Theresa to back into the corner. Philip silently slipped beside her. “You always hated big parties,” he said, leaning into her.

  
Theresa jumped, grabbing her chest from fright. “Philip May! Don’t do that!”

  
He quietly laughed before offering, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” He watched as the silver haired beauty swirled the contents of her glass. “How’s life been?”

  
Refusing to look up, Theresa professed, “It’s been...life I suppose.”

  
“I am sorry,” Philip started.

  
“Don’t do this. Not here. Don’t ruin her party. Besides, I forgave you a long time ago,” she asserted before downing her drink and grabbing another one.

  
Philip turned sharply to look at her profile. “Do you mean that? Really?”

  
“Yes. You can’t get very far holding grudges.”

  
“Thank you for that, forgiving me,” he said sincerely.

  
Theresa looked him in the eye for the first time that night and softly smiled. “Of course.”

  
Philip didn’t know exactly what possessed him, but he reached to touch her arm, causing his ex to look at him again. “Would you like to dance?”

  
She could feel the familiar butterflies in the pit of her stomach and could feel the ever present pull of Philip’s charm. Without even realizing, she had nodded and was being led onto the dance floor. She lightly rested her hand on his shoulder as he held her waist and swayed them back and forth. “This is...nice.”

  
Philip grinned. “It is, isn’t it?”

  
“So...tell me about you? What have you done?” Theresa asked, trying to ease the tension.

  
“Oh, just work and raising Emily. That’s all.”

  
“You didn’t get remarried? To...Emily’s mother, Amanda wasn’t it?”

  
“No....I...no. Amanda left after Emily was born. She left Emily on my doorstep in her car seat.”

  
“I am sorry. You’ve done a good job with Emily, though. She’s an amazing young woman.”

  
“Thank you. That was as much Mum as me.”

  
“I heard...that she passed. I sent flowers,” Theresa said sadly as they turned to the music.

  
Philip gave a small smile as he remembered the large bouquet of white lilies she had sent. They were his mother’s favorite, and he was so touched at the remembrance. So touched, he made sure her flowers were at the front of the church. “I know. Thank you for them. They were lovely.”

  
Theresa blushed at the way Philip was staring at her. She hadn’t seen those eyes in two and a half decades, but they could still melt her heart. She had been truthful when she said she had forgiven. In all honesty, she forgave him before he had really ever asked. It’s funny what love can do to a person. “I’m glad you liked them.”

  
“I loved them, and I’m sure Mum would have too,” he responded while twirling them.

  
“We kept in touch after...well, after. I hope that didn’t bother you,” Theresa worried, biting her lower lip as nerves settled back in.

  
Philip smiled inwardly, thinking, ‘Old habits die hard.’ He reached up and gently brushed her hair back. “It didn’t bother me at all. She was a mother to you, and I’m glad I got a few updates here and there.”

  
Ducking his gaze, she felt her cheeks tinge pink from the attention he was giving her. She felt his finger nudge her face up to look at him. Theresa felt like a teenager waiting for their first kiss again, but she had kissed those lips before. Probably one thousand times before. ‘I wonder if they are still as soft as they used to be. Or if they are chapped. Or warm,’ she could hear the voice in her mind saying. She was subconsciously leaning forward, pressing their faces closer together. They were practically breathing the same air-

  
“Happy birthday to you...”

  
Theresa jerked back, the moment broken by the beginning of the traditional song. She quickly stepped away from Philip as she too started singing, an attempt look calm and less flushed. Philip cleared his throat as he watched her blush. He didn’t know why he fell under her spell, but he did. And now, she was embarrassed; it was his fault too. Again. Always his fault.

  
Emily had blown her candles out and swiftly turned her attention back to her father and the leader of her country. She had watched them chat and then dance...and the wheels were already turning in her mind. 


	4. Yesterday pt. 1

November 1, 2017

“No, Emily!” Michael exclaimed. “I’m not helping you get them back together.”

  
Emily crossed her arms and arched her eyebrow. “And why not? You agreed that they looked like they were still in love at the party.”

  
“That doesn’t mean that I want to get involved with my prime minister’s love life. Or my girlfriend’s father’s!”

  
“Michael, please. You know how Daddy is when he sees her on the telly.”

  
“But...he scares me,” Michael said shyly.

  
Emily froze and looked her boyfriend over. “I’m sorry?”

  
“Philip May scares me!”

  
“Have you seen you. You could bench press my father. In fact, I’m pretty sure you could bench press two of him.”

  
“He’s still your father. He put the fear of God in me the first time we met.”

  
Rolling her eyes, Emily stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Please? For me?” She gave her best puppy dog face.

  
“Ugh. Fine,” Michael said running a hand over his face.

  
“Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Emily said jumping up and down.

  
“But,” Michael said, immediately killing her mood, “if it doesn’t work the first time, no more. One time is all you get.”

  
“Deal.”

..............................

 

_Mid December, 1976_

_  
Philip was leading Theresa through a small forest he had found during his first months at Oxford. He hadn’t made any friends when he discovered his hidden retreat. He loved exploring a bit and being on his own at times. Being the oldest of four and having siblings that were a much younger than him, he learned that sometimes you have to make your own fun and find a place to make it._

_  
“Philip, where are we going? Please tell me,” Theresa questioned. She was cold, and she didn’t consider their first date to be going well. She and Philip had gotten close, very close, in fact, since they met at the Conservative Association disco in the fall. Truth be told, Theresa had started to like Philip more than just a friend. He was kind and compassionate and funny and very, very handsome. When he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, she had nearly jumped over the moon. She expected to have a nice dinner or see a film, not running through a forest in freezing weather and ice and snow._

_  
“You’ll see. I promise you’ll love it,” he said, leading her deeper into the trees. He was carrying a basket he had hidden his surprise in, and he could feel the butterflies of uncertainty as he hoped she would love the small paradise he found as much as he did._

_  
Theresa wasn’t so sure she was going to love this place he wanted her too, but if it made him this happy, she would try. Philip continued to maneuver them around tree roots and dead stumps until he came to stand in front of a frozen weeping willow. Slowly, he reached and pulled back the frozen leaves that draped elegantly over its limb. The wall of the iced covered, green leaves looked like glass bea_ ds strung together.

  
_Philip watched her face as he revealed the most magnificent sight. Theresa gasped and stepped in the enclosed area. A small cliff stood on one side; it was a waterfall. The water itself frozen mid-flow. The small stream was ice as well, and snow covered every available surface. She did a slow 360 and took in the sight. Trees that were topped in the white powder made the small space private. She stopped as she saw a swing in the willow. It was old but looked sturdy, and she trudged through the snow to make it to the hanging, wooden structure._

_  
Philip was nervous, and it showed in the way his voice wobbled. “So...you like it?”_

_  
Theresa turned with wonder in her_ _eyes. “It’s beautiful.”_

...........................

 

Emily strutted into her office with a sense of determination about her. She had a meeting with Theresa is twenty minutes, and she had to tweak the plan she had come up just a few more times before it was perfect. She had outlined it and shown it to Michael, who rolled his eyes and huffed. Emily was set on getting her father and his ex wife back together after he had failed to answer the question of him still loving her. Emily witnessed his ears and cheeks tinge pink, and she had her answer.

  
Quickly, she made her way to her boss’s office and gave two brisk knocks before opening the door and stepping in. “Good morning, ma’am.”

  
Without looking up, Theresa continued to peer at the paper she was reading whilst cautiously reaching for her tea to take a sip. “Emily,” she said in greeting. “What’s on the agenda today?”

  
“You have a lunch with Philip Hammond at one, and a meeting with Amber Rudd at four. Then, you said you would make an appearance at a private charity dinner for a children’s hospice.”

  
“Alright. Is there anything else?”

  
“You have a few calls you need to make at some point. Don’t forget that there is a meeting with Brussels next week, and a draft of your speeches for the upcoming holidays will be given to you later today.”

  
Theresa looked up and gave a small smile. “Thank you, Emily. That’s all I need for now.”

  
Emily took a deep breath before deciding it was now or never. “I was actually wondering if I could invite you to dinner? It’s just going to Michael and me, and I thought you might like to come with us.” Emily nervously bit her lip and looked down.

  
Theresa was taken aback by the request. She had come to view the raven haired girl as a daughter over the last few months, but she had never expected this. “Umm...are you sure I wouldn’t be interrupting you and Michael?”

  
Emily looked up, hope filling her bright blue eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t. We were planning on asking you. We invited Ben as well, but he can’t make it. Please?”

  
“Oh, alright. When?”

  
“Friday night,” Emily said looking down at her schedule, “which is the third. You’re free.”

  
“Well, you’ll see me then. Just text me the restaurant and the time.”

  
Emily was attempting to not jump up and down at the prospect her plan actually working. She nodded her head and quickly left, but she couldn’t stop the large smile on her face as she made her way to her office. Attempting professionalism, she closed the door then proceeded to drop her schedule and notes to bounce up and down while silently screaming.

  
Three loud knocks interrupted her little celebration, and she quickly straightened herself out before opening the door. “Yes, Ben?”

  
Ben had the most worried look on his face as he stumbled his words out. “Em-Emily, we have a-a problem.”

  
Taking in his appearance and shaky voice, she quickly switched into her work mode. “What? Tell me.”

  
“Michael Fallon...”

  
“Yes. He’s the defense secretary.”

  
“He just resigned.”

  
Emily felt her stomach drop. “What?! Why?!” She was silently hoping and praying that it had nothing to do with Westminster’s recent sexual harassment scandal. She was praying in her mind, ‘God, let it be a terminal illness or something. Not this.’

  
“He said his past conduct fell below the expected standard.”

  
“Fuck! Okay, we’ve got this. We can deal with this,” Emily said, running a hand through her hair.

  
Ben looked down at her and bit his lip. He knew the next thing he was about to say would probably kill the deputy chief of staff. “He had a second accuser.”

  
“I thought so. Do we know who it is?”

  
“Andrea Leadsom.”

  
Emily stopped and stared at Ben. She couldn’t believe it was Andrea. She didn’t blame her for reporting it. Any woman who is harassed should, but she just couldn’t believe it. “Do the press know?”

  
“I don’t think so.”

  
“Good. We need to keep it that way for as long as we can. Does Ms. Brasier know?”

  
“Yes. Andrea told her.”

  
“I see. Let’s keep this to a minimum. I want a meeting with Gavin, Robbie, Paul and James. I don’t want this to be blown out of proportion.”

  
“Yes, ma’am.”

  
..........................

 

_Philip watched as Theresa dusted the snow off of the swing to sit. He made his way over and set a basket down beside her. “Now, would you like the rest of the surprise?”_

_  
Theresa smiled, snow sticking to her eyelashes as it fell from the tree above. “Please? I’ve been wondering what’s in there this whole time.”_

_  
Philip gave her a grin as he pulled out two pairs of ice skates. “I thought this would be fun. The stream is completely frozen; I’ve already checked.”_

_  
“How lovely,” Theresa gushed as she took the skates from him._

  
_“I’ve also brought hot chocolate,” Philip said, holding up a thermos. “And biscuits.”_

_  
“The perfect after skating snack.”_

_  
“Exactly.”_

_  
“I do have to admit,” she professed as she tied the the skates, “I haven’t done this in a very long time. You can’t laugh if I fall.”_

_  
“You could hold my hand. We could both go down together.”_

_  
Theresa smiled at him again. “That’s a lovely idea.” She slowly stood after putting the skates, unsure of her footing._

  
_“Let me put mine on, and we can go,” Philip explained before sitting in the seat recently vacated by Theresa and putting on the skates._

_  
........................._

 

Emily all but collapsed as soon as she walked into her father’s house. “Daddy?!”

  
Coming around the the corner he took in the ragged appearance of his daughter. “Emily, what’s happened?”

  
“Michael Fallon resigned because of harassment claims.”

  
“Oh, love,” Philip said softly. He hurt for his daughter because he knew the amount of pressure she was under, but he couldn’t keep his mind from Theresa. Her leadership had been shaky since the disaster of a speech she gave at the conference, and with the slew of allegations surrounding Westminster, her future seemed even more uncertain. “Do you know what happened?”

  
“He made some inappropriate comments to Andrea Leadsom.”

  
“I see. How is everything fairing?”

  
“I think all right. I’m just trying to keep the blow back to a minimum.”

  
“Which is understandable. Where is Michael? I thought you were going straight home after work.”

  
Emily looked up from her sprawled, face down position on the couch. “He had a study group tonight. I thought I’d spend some time with you.”

  
Philip gave a small smile. “I’m terribly glad you did. What would you like for dinner?”

  
“I’ll cook. I was think spaghetti,” Emily said, getting up.

  
“Sounds lovely, but I’ll do it. You’ve had a hard day.”

  
“I want to. You know cooking helps calm me down.”

  
“If you insist.”

  
Emily paused before turning to face her father. “Daddy, I was wondering...”

  
Philip looked at her over the tops of his glasses. “Yes?”

  
“Would you like to come to dinner with Michael and me Friday night?”

  
Philip smiled again. “Why not? Where are we going?”

  
“There is a lovely new curry house downtown.”

  
“Looking forward to it.”

  
Emily couldn’t stop from beaming as she turned and went into the kitchen. So far her plan had worked and all she needed now was to not be sacked or disowned for it.

  
..........................

_“Oh, Philip,” Theresa exhaled breathlessly. “I haven’t had this much fun in ages.”_

_  
Philip slowed to a halt on the frozen surface. “Neither have I. Quite the work out too.” He skated over to her and held his hand out. “One more time then hot chocolate?”_

_  
“Sure.” Theresa gently took his hand, and they started sliding around on the ice together. But neither saw the small indentation in the ice. Theresa lost her footing and could feel herself falling. Luckily, Philip had pulled her to him spun them so he would be what she landed on instead of solid ground. They hit the frozen water with a loud thump and a groan coming from Philip._

  
_“Are you okay, Theresa?”_

_  
Having landed on his chest, she looked up and couldn’t stop the giggle from emerging from her mouth. His hair was messed up, and the ear muffs he had on had slid across the ice. “I’m fine. Are you okay?”_

_  
Philip felt his lips curling upwards. “I’m wonderful,” he breathed out. He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and took in the soft blush that came from the intimate act._

_  
Butterflies were in Theresa’s stomach as she looked down at this boy she was absolutely and completely smitten with. Slowly, she leaned in closer until their breath was hitting each other’s face. She felt Philip’s hand cup her cheek as he lifted his head and brought their lips together in a sweet, chaste kiss._

_  
Theresa felt the butterflies be replaced with a tugging sensation in her stomach and her heart. The frigid weather no longer had an effect on her. She felt warm, and she was sure they would melt the ice and fall into the water below if they didn’t move._

_  
Philip’s heart was pounding. He didn’t know how she would react when he kissed her; he didn’t even know if she liked him like that or if she just said yes out of pity. But when he felt her kiss back, he slid his hands around her waist to hold her closer. The insane rate of his heart was still there, but he was breathless for another reason: Theresa Brasier had the softest lips, and he was hooked on her._

_  
Pulling back, Theresa couldn’t hide the grin spreading across her face. She saw the twinkle in Philip’s eyes and blushed even harder, turning her whole face red. “Wow.”_

_  
“I know. Shall we get up? Maybe have some hot chocolate?”_

_  
Still in shock somewhat, Theresa nodded and rolled off of Philip before standing. She offered him a hand and helped him up before they made their way in silence to t_ _he swing._

  
.........................

 

November 3, 2017

  
Theresa looked at herself in the mirror of her bathroom. She took in dark circles and wrinkles as she got ready to go to dinner. Truth be told, she just wanted to go home to Sonning and sleep, but Emily had been so hopeful about it since Wednesday she couldn’t bring herself to cancel. And she hated changing plans last minute. Besides, she thought the company of a few youngsters might do her some good.

  
Emily had said it was a nicer restaurant and to dress business casual. The only problem: no one actually knew what business casual was. She opted for a purple, asymmetrical dress and black heels. Nice, but not formal. She was putting the finishing touches on her make up when her phone lit up. Emily had text to say they were early and had already gotten a table. Theresa smiled at the girl’s use of emojis, not quite understanding why someone needed them.

  
She turned and walked into her bedroom, seeing the TV was on. It was more coverage of the sexual abuse and harassment charges at Westminster. She had set out a new rule book for her party today and even that was criticized. She had lost a cabinet member, almost certain to lose another due to porn allegations, and God only knows how many MPs were going to be called in and ripped apart by headquarters to find the real offenders. She sighed before turning the blasted thing off and putting her coat on. The last thing she saw before she walked out of the door was an old photograph of her and a young man, just a bit shorter than her, standing side by side in a wedding portrait.

  
...........................

  
Michael was fidgeting with his buttons on his shirt. “I still can’t believe you actually arranged this. I mean, really Emily?”

  
“Look, the plan worked. Just play it cool and stop being a crybaby.”

  
“I’m not being a crybaby. I just don’t want your father or the leader of the country mad at me...but mostly your father.”

  
Emily looked at her boyfriend’s profile. As much as she loved him, she just wanted to throttle him at times. “Well, don’t be so dramatic, and they won’t know.”

  
“Ugh, fine.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
Philip spotted them as he came through the door. He waved a quick hello to Emily before he walked over. “Hello, love. Hello, Michael.”

  
Michael held his hand out and shook Philip’s. “Mr. May,” he greeted nervously.

  
“It’s a lovely place, Emily. Good choice.”

  
“Thank you, Daddy.”

  
Philip perused his menu. “Have you two decided what you want?”

  
Emily looked over and smirked. “Not quite yet. I’m sure you’ll love what you see though.”

  
“Umm...all right,” Philip said suspiciously. He looked up and met green eyes. Very familiar green eyes as they slowly walked closer to him. He was able to tear his eyes away from them long enough to recognize that he was staring at Theresa. And he didn’t know what to do.


	5. Yesterday pt. 2

Theresa watched as Philip’s face morphed from confusion to shock and back to confusion as he recognized her. She looked at Emily hiding against Michael’s side. Then she took in the boy, who looked as though he was going to be sick. She turned her attention back to Philip who was staring open mouthed at her.

  
Philip took in his ex wife. He couldn’t believe how stunning she looked. The color of her dress brought out the loveliness of her hair, and he just wanted to stare at her, trying to memorize every line on her face and every little detail. He could feel his heart flutter, and he wanted to reach out and touch her, make sure she was real and not some artwork come to life.

  
“Emily,” Theresa said giving a tight smile. “I thought it was going to be just us three.” She tilted her head slightly to her Philip, who still couldn’t take his eyes off of her; she wasn’t even sure he had blinked since seeing her.

  
“The reservation was made for four people. I thought I could invite...him,” Emily responded nervously. The look Theresa was giving her was a mixture of fury, nerves, and something she couldn’t quite place.

  
Michael looked at Theresa. “She made me come,” he said pointing to Emily.

  
“Thanks, Love.”

  
Theresa looked at the table. She had been looking forward to this. And she would hate to seem rude. The only seat was next to Philip, and she slowly walked around the circular structure to sit, deciding that she could handle the situation. Philip saw and quickly stood to hold it out for her, earning a small nod. Turning to sit back down, Philip noticed how the table was surrounded by her security detail and sat gingerly, afraid he would do something that would make them shoot him. Theresa chuckled inwardly. “They won’t hurt you, Philip. They know you wouldn’t harm me.”

  
Philip let out a breath. “Thank God for that.”

  
Emily kicked Michael under the table, causing him to take in the scene. She smirked as she watched the two engage in a bit of banter. She then elbowed her beau to signal him it was time for part two of her plan. He shook his head and silently pleaded by mouthing ‘no’ and ‘not yet’.

  
Emily ignored his protests and tapped the timer on her phone. Two minutes. That’s all they had. “So, anyone see anything they like?” She asked.

  
Theresa looked up from her menu. “Not quite yet. It all sounds so good.”

  
Philip agreed by saying, “I know. I’ve seen four dishes I want to order.”

  
Beep! Beep! Beep! Emily’s phone went off, and she quickly stood, acting as though she has to take a call. She stepped away from the table before coming back. “Michael, we have to go.”

  
Michael looked at her with fear in his eyes. “Umm...why?”

  
“We forgot about that thing.”

  
“Oh yeah, that thing.” Michael quickly stood and grabbed Emily’s hand.

  
Theresa and Philip looked at each, both raising an eyebrow as they watched the scene unfold in front of them. “What thing did you two forget?” Philip questioned, narrowing his eyes at him.

  
Emily met his eyes before speaking up, “A thing for a friend. Now, we really must go. Bye. Love you.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Bye, Theresa.”

  
Michael dragged Emily out as soon as possible, refusing to breathe until they were outside. “That was close,” he gasped out.

  
“But it worked.”

  
Meanwhile, Theresa and Philip were left sitting alone and staring at each other.

  
...........................

_After the ice skating and drinking of hot cocoa, Philip had suggested they get dinner at a pub before they went back to university. It was a quiet place; it was an intimate place. It was one of those where you have to sit close together no matter the size of the table. He really hoped Theresa never found out he had scoped this place out before to make sure it was like that._

_  
“I think I’m going to get soup,” Theresa quietly announced._

_  
“That sounds nice. Especially with the weather. I might get steak and potatoes.”_

_  
“Always a good choice.”_

_  
Philip looked at her. Really looked at her. Of course he knew she was beautiful; anyone with eyes could see that. But he saw the little things now. Like the way her fringe got on her nerves, and she would sweep it away with her hand. Or the way her cheeks were chapped from walking around in frigid weather. Or how the tip of her nose was still pink from their adventure earlier. But the thing that caught his attention were the small indentions in her lower lip. They were light, barely noticeable, and he was sure you would never see them under lipstick. He knew they were from her biting that lip, and he knew the silky softness of them now. His eyes traveled up her cheek and settled on the green eyes that were distracted by reading the menu. They were a brilliant color. He had never seen eyes quite like hers, the kind that you’d always remember._

_  
Theresa knew he was staring at her, and she blushed at the thought he could be admiring her. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his and tucked her bottom lip under her teeth. “What?”_

_  
“You are very beautiful,” Philip said honestly. He wanted to look at her every second of the day and try and memorize every little flaw that he saw as a perfection._

_  
Theresa ducked her head. “Stop. You don’t mean that.”_

_  
“But I do,” he slid his hands across the table to hold hers. “You are absolutely gorgeous. I mean that with my whole heart.”_

_  
Theresa jerked her head up at his use of the word heart. She felt her knees go a bit weak, and she was sitting down. She wanted to melt right there as she saw the smile that proudly crossed his features. “Thank you.”_

_  
Philip leaned over the small wooden table between them and kissed her again._

  
............................

  
Theresa kept her eyes firmly glued in front of her. She was afraid to look up and see those blue eyes she had missed for almost 25 years. After Emily’s birthday, she had been dreaming about him. Well, it was more like remembering them. She would lay down and close her eyes only to be woken later as she saw their life together flash before her in her sleep.

  
Philip motioned a waiter over. “I want a whiskey. Large.”

  
Theresa finally looked up. “Make that two.” The waiter quickly brought their drinks and watched in awe as they both downed them in one before ordering water.

  
It was an awkward silence that filled the space between them. Theresa started fiddling with her necklace when she heard her name being called. “Theresa? Theresa, would you like to order?” Philip said as he watched her break out of her daydream.

  
“Oh, yes. I’ll have the chicken curry. Thank you,” she replied, handing the menu back to the waiter.

  
“I’ll have the same, please.” With their meals ordered neither could use the excuse of trying to decide as an answer to not talking. “How are you? I know you’ve had a hard week,” Philip remarked.

  
Theresa was taken aback with the care laced in his words. “Oh, umm, it’s been okay. It could be better of course. I just want to make sure everyone is alright.”

  
“And are they?”

  
“So far. I feel horrible that this has been allowed to go on.”

  
“You couldn’t exactly help it. You didn’t know.”

  
“I should have-“

  
“You can’t fix everything, Theresa. You are doing the best you can now. You are making a difference. That is just as important.” Philip had always hated hearing her talk herself down, and he tried to stop it any time he heard it.

  
Theresa finally looked at him. “You’ve lost quite a bit of hair.” Philip chuckled making her feel a bit more comfortable.

  
“Well that’s a nice icebreaker.”

  
Theresa smiled. “Better than my shoes. I have to say they are quite boring tonight though.”

  
.........................

  
_Theresa slowly spooned soup into her mouth before dabbing the corners of her mouth. She glanced up to see Philip cutting his food, and she watched his hands. They were quite nice hands to her. They weren’t rough like some of the boys she knew from home. His fingers were long and smooth, and his nails were clean. She remembered how it felt to hold his hand. How the skin on skin contact made her flush before she felt lightheaded. “Philip?”_

_  
“Yes?”_

_  
“Why did you ask me to go out with you?”_

_  
Philip hadn’t expected that question. “Well, you are funny and kind and sweet and compassionate and smart and you have the cutest little laugh...” Philip stopped himself before he could get too carried away. He could feel the blush coming over him as he realized everything he had said._

_  
Theresa had propped her head up in her hand as she listened to him ramble on about the things he liked about her. It felt...nice to be noticed by him, to be wanted by him. There were girls that were prettier and smarter, but he picked her. “You could go on if you like?” She quipped before smiling._

  
_He looked to see her dazzling eyes looking into his, and that cheeky little grin she wore when she was feeling mischievous. “You are also lovely in just about every way possible. You have an amazing heart that I’ve seen in action. You are principled and have morals and are an incredible speaker. You’re a Tory, that’s a plus,” he said making her laugh. “But you believe in things. That has to be my favorite. You have goals and ambition and a drive for making a difference. You are simply outstanding.” He could see his words overwhelm her as she looked away. “Now I have something to ask you. Why did you say yes?”_

  
.......................

  
A bottle and a half of wine and several dishes later, Theresa and Philip found themselves relaxed and laughing, actually. They had managed to stumble upon the topic of their days at university, and Philip had brought up the time he showed up drunk at her apartment and passed out on her couch.

  
Theresa had tears in her eyes. “Do...do you remember the next....morning?” She could hardly speak from laughing so hard.

  
“How could I forget? I thought your kitchen garbage can was the loo. I will never forget your face.”

  
“I was just standing there, making breakfast, and you toddled in, dropped your pants, and went.”

  
“I looked up and saw the stove. That’s when I realized it wasn’t the bathroom.” Philip looked down and smiled at the memory.

  
Theresa watched with affection as she saw his faint blush. “Tonight has been surprisingly nice.”

  
“It has.”

  
“Even if Emily did set us up,” Theresa teased.

  
Philip shook his head. “I still can’t believe she did this.” He motioned to the waiter to bring the check.

  
“I’ll pay half,” Theresa said as she rummages through her purse for her wallet.

  
“No, I’ve got it. My daughter got us in this mess.”

  
“Really, let me help.”

  
The waiter came over holding their bill. “Sir, Ma’am, your bill has been paid. A Ms. Emily May told us to put it on her card.”

  
“Oh,” Philip glanced at the woman who was and still is the love of his life. “Well...great. Thank you.” The young man gave a small nod of acknowledgement before disappearing.

  
“I guess that settles that then.” Theresa stood, wrapping her jacket around herself. “I’ll just go.”

  
“I’ll walk you to your car.”

  
“I do have agents.”

  
“But it’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”

  
Theresa smiled and rolled her eyes at Philip’s insistence on manners, but she allowed him to walk by her side to the jaguar waiting for her. She felt the same apprehension she felt the first time he walked her back to her dormitory.

  
Philip reached and opened her door for her when he heard himself say, “Would you like to do this again sometime?”

  
Theresa was shocked. She never thought Philip May would be asking her on a date again. “What?”

  
Philip looked down at his feet as he felt the fear of rejection hit him. “Would you like to do this again? It doesn’t have to be a date. Just two old friends catching up.”

  
She smiled at the tinge of pink on the tips of his ears. She thought it was sweet and found herself saying ‘yes’ before her brain could comprehend it.

  
“Really?” Philip asked astounded.

  
“Really. I’m free next week for lunch,” Theresa offered in an attempt to ease the awkwardness.

  
Philip’s bewilderment continued, but he snatched the opportunity. “Umm...great. I’ll have Emily make the arrangements with you.”

  
“Okay. Goodnight, Philip,” she said before sliding into the backseat of the car.

  
Philip gently closed the door while whispering ‘night’ as the car drove off.

  
Theresa leaned back and sighed. ‘What the fuck did you just do?’ she thought to herself.

  
Meanwhile, Philip walked to his car in an euphoric haze as he thought about her answer.

  
.........................

  
_“I said yes because I like you,” Theresa answered shyly._

_  
“That’s not fair. I gave you a whole list.”_

_  
Theresa looked down and started playing with her hands. “I think you’re handsome, obviously. I like you intelligence. It’s nice to talk to someone who understands. But then, there are your eyes. They were the first thing I noticed. Big and very, very blue. They were kind and telling. You also make me laugh. Which, if you believe some of the things people at school say, is quite the task.”_

_  
“Why do people say that?” He couldn’t understand why someone would be so unkind about her. He thought she was terrific._

_  
“Apparently, I’m quite dull. I mean, I am, but I didn’t realize it was quite so noticeable.”_

_  
“You aren’t dull.”_

_  
“I am. I’m very dull and awkward and shy, and I don’t see why you asked me out, honestly.” She looked away, afraid to meet Philip’s eyes._

_  
“Well, I think you’re brilliant, and I’m happy that I won’t have to share,” he said as he brushed her hair back like he did when she fell while skating._

_  
Theresa felt that pull in her stomach again and leaned in closer before gently pressing her lips to his once again._

 

 

 


	6. Questions and Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight smut!

November 6, 2017

Emily slowly eased into Theresa’s office. She was trying to make as little noise as possible due to the fact she was terrified she would lose her job for the stunt she pulled the Friday before.

  
“Come in, Emily,” Theresa called.

  
Emily winced internally. She just knew she was about to be sacked. “Yes, ma’am.” She took her stance in front of her boss’s desk.

  
Theresa slowly turned in her chair to face her. “Quite the little plotter you are.” Emily blushed. “It was very clever what you did.”

  
Emily looked down, afraid of making eye contact. “I was just-“

  
“Trying to get your father and me back together. Yes, I gather that.” Theresa watched as the young girl started fiddling with her sleeves, a trait most definitely from her father.

  
Taking a deep breath, Emily blurted out, “Are you going to sack me?”

  
“No...I’m going to ask you to set up a lunch with your father,” Theresa said calmly.

  
Emily jerked her head up. “Really?”

  
“Yes, really. I’m free Friday. Let him know.” Theresa busied herself with her paperwork again.

  
“Daddy will be so happy,” Emily beamed.

  
Smiling to herself, Theresa nodded. “I’m sure he will. Now back to work.”

  
“Of course, ma’am. I can’t believe my dad is dating my boss.”

  
“It’s not a date,” Theresa quickly corrected. “It’s two old friends talking. That’s all.”

  
Emily could see the soft blush on the older woman’s cheeks and knew it would be best to just go along with it. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.”

....................

  
_July 1983_

_  
“Philip, tell me where we are going,” Theresa giggled out as she tried to take the blindfold off again._

_  
Philip swatted her hand away. “You’ll be able to tell as soon as we get out of the car.”_

_  
“Really?”_

_  
“Yes.” Philip had taken Theresa away for a week for the summer, deciding they both needed a break. It had been just over a year since her mother died, and it had taken its toll on both of them. Theresa had become withdrawn, almost never wanting to leave the house, and Philip had tried everything to break the shell she had surrounded herself with. He settled on Cornwall, Watergate Bay in Newquay to be exact. It was far enough from London that neither would think about work, and the beaches gave them something to look forward to everyday. He had one m_ ore _surprise before they left though._

_  
Theresa felt the car jolt to a stop. “Are we here?”_

_  
“Yes, love. You stay put, and I’ll come help you out,” Philip said gleefully. He quickly hopped out and opened her door before taking her hand. “Any idea where we are yet?”_

_  
Theresa focused as her other senses were heightened from her loss of sight. “Umm...it’s pleasant weather.” She could hear the crashing of something. “Are we at the beach?”_

  
_“We are,” Philip replied before gently tugging the blindfold off._

_  
“Love, we came to the beach earlier,” Theresa almost pouted._

_  
“I know that, but I have a surprise for you.”_

  
......................

  
“Daddy!” Emily called as she rushed into his flat. “Where are you?”

  
Philip popped his head around the corner. “Just making some tea. Would you like some?”

  
“I’d love a cup. I’ve had the worse day.”

  
“Oh?”

  
Emily pulled her heels off before unceremoniously plopping onto the couch. “The men I work with are the worst. None of them understand public relations at all. And...most of them wouldn’t know good press when they saw it!”

  
Setting a steaming cup of tea, light milk and heavy sugar as she liked, down in front of her, Philip sat in the large chair opposite. “I’m sorry, love.”

  
“It’s alright. I’ll have to put up with idiots in any walk of life.” She took a large swig before leaning her head back against the sofa. “I did get some good news though. Ms. Brasier said she was free for lunch Friday.”

  
Emily saw her father immediately perk up. “Really?”

  
“Oh, yes. She was quite keen,” Emily said, hiding her smirk by sipping her tea.

  
“What time?”

  
“I’ve pencilled you in for 12:30. She always eats around then, and if you want a bit of a boost, I suggest you take her somewhere that has a good salad.”

  
Philip hung on to every word, hopeless to impress his ex wife. “Good salad. Anything else?”

  
“Good wine. And good conversation, that’s the main thing.”

  
“Got it.”

  
.......................

  
_Philip led Theresa to one of the more secluded bits of the sandy retreat. She gasped when she saw a small blanket surrounded by candles. “You did all this?”_

_  
Philip gently wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “You always say how hard it is to see the stars at home. I thought this would be nice.”_

_  
“That’s so thoughtful,” she said before turning to kiss him deeply._

_  
Pulling her towards the blanket, Philip explained how he had gotten a bottle of wine and fruit for their small rendezvous. “I made sure that we had a small telescope as well for you.”_

  
_Theresa smiled as they sat down. She was blown away by the thought that went into this, and she couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of love when she looked at her husband. She knew he brought her here to cheer her up after her parents’ death; she was still dealing with the immediate aftermath herself. But there was something in the way he didn’t push her for details that made her feel safe. He knew if it weighed too heavily she would tell him...eventually. And there was something laying heavily on her. In fact, it was probably the biggest decision she could make at this point in her life, and she needed him for it; she wanted him for it. She didn’t think she could even fathom the idea with anyone else._

_  
“Love, are you alright?” Philip inquired. “You seem a bit...zoned out.”_

_  
“Actually,” Theresa said looking down, “we need to talk.”_

_  
........................_

  
November 10, 2017

  
Philip nervously sat at the small table in the restaurant. He had searched far and wide for the place with the best salad in London, settling on a newer place. He had told Emily, and she agreed that it would be a good one. He was waiting for Theresa to show up when he saw the familiar crowd of suits before the woman herself. He watched in wonder as she strutted in wearing a tartan pantsuit. “Damn,” he said to himself.

  
Theresa had seen him from the door and smiled trying to ease the awkwardness of the situation. She watched him look her up and down and felt a small flutter in her stomach. “Hello, Philip.”

  
“Umm...hi. Hello. How are you?” He stumbled out.

  
“I’m fine. Shall we sit?” Theresa felt a blush coming on and felt almost prideful she could still make him speechless.

  
Philip walked around and held her seat out for her. “After you.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
Taking a seat himself, Philip took the chance to look at her, really look. She was still beautiful to him, and she still had the small indentations from her teeth on her bottom lip. “I’ve ordered us a nice white wine.”

  
Theresa looked up from her menu. “That sounds wonderful. Do you know what you are getting?”

  
“I think the chicken and avocado salad. You?”

  
“Hmm...that sounds good, but I like the sound of salmon today,” she replied as she gazed at her menu.

  
Ignoring the fact he only came here to please her, he nodded along in agreement as she asked his opinion.

  
..........................

  
_Philip stopped his explanation of how he set their star gazing date up when he noticed his young wife was off with the fairies. When she said they needed to talk, he tensed up. “About what?” He asked timidly._

_  
Theresa scooted closer so she could sit in his lap. He was propped up by a large rock behind his back, and she thought it better to ask him this face to face. “I’ve been thinking, and we aren’t getting younger.”_

_  
Draping his arms over her waist, he leaned back, letting the moonlight and candles accentuate Theresa’s face. “No. I suppose not.”_

_  
“And we love each other...quite a lot really.” She started tracing patterns on his chest with her finger._

_  
Philip had never seen Theresa genuinely nervous before. Uncomfortable, yes. Nervous, no. She was the one that was always calm. “Love, whatever it is, just ask me. I promise I won’t get upset.”_

_  
“Promise?”_

_  
“I swear it.”_

  
_Taking a deep breath, Theresa steeled herself. “Philip, I want a baby.”_

  
.........................

  
“...and then the cabinet might have well brawled. I’ve never seen so many politicians act like children,” Theresa exclaimed as she took a long sip of wine. They had killed a bottle and a half already.

  
“It sounds as though they need a good reprimand.”

  
“I wish. I’m convinced I should just sack them all and start over. Then the bloody papers would go wild, and I’d have to deal with rogue backbenchers.”

  
“I suppose. Why not say ‘forget it’ and do what you want? What more do you have to lose?”

  
Theresa pondered the statement for a moment before conceding, “That is true, but you know how politics work. It’s all about egos and self gain for most, especially the men. It’s shameful to be honest.”

  
“You have a point there,” Philip said. He had watched her through lunch. Not much has changed except the slight rigidness that she sat with. There were a few more lines on her face, but she was still breathtaking to him.

  
Theresa couldn’t help but think of how this was close to when they were married: her ranting and him making her feel better. She liked it, the...normality of it all. The domestication she felt. “This has been a very nice lunch.”

  
“It has,” Philip said smiling.

  
Theresa decided to go for it, the wine loosening her inhibitions. “Perhaps you could come to Downing Street tomorrow for dinner? I can cook. Unless you have plans of course.”

  
...........................

  
_Philip froze before slowly forming the words, “You want a baby?”_

_  
Theresa nodded. “Yes. I want one incredibly bad.”_

_  
It’s not that he didn’t want children, it’s more of he couldn’t believe she wanted them quite so soon. “May I ask why?”_

_  
“Because I want to be a mother. I’ve seen how you are with children so don’t tell me you don’t want them.” She was beginning to fret over what his answer would be._

_  
“Of course I want children. I want them more now than ever because...well...because of you,” Philip admitted._

_  
Theresa felt her eyes mist over. “Really? You mean that?”_

_  
“Yes, love. I’m just a bit shocked you want them so soon,” he said brushing her hair back. “We’ve not been married three years.”_

_  
Ducking her head, she began to play with his hand. “I know, but I really want one, Philip.”_

  
_“I can see that-“_

_  
“But let me tell you why.” She shifted so she was straddling him. “I want one because it will be yours. I want to have your baby. No one else’s. I don’t think I would even be discussing it if you weren’t my husband. I love you so incredibly much, and I want to see our love in the form of a child, our child. I want to see you as a father because I know how much you would love it and care for it and protect it. Philip,” she whispered cupping his face, “I want to watch you cuddle a baby to your chest, help it take its first steps, teach it to talk, and bore it to sleep with history facts. I want that extension of our love for us. I want to see physical proof of the commitment we’ve made to each other with our baby. Please, love. I want this with you and only you.”_

_  
Philip felt some feeling of love and pride wash over him. He watched as she anxiously waited for his answer, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. He was so overcome by the image of Theresa with a large belly, and the picture of her tenderly nursing their baby that all he could do in response was kiss her passionately. He pulled her against his chest and held her tightly, almost afraid the perfection in his arms would slip away._

_  
Pulling back slightly, she rested her head against his shoulder. “Is that a yes?”_

_  
Philip kisses her forehead before trailing kisses across her face to her lips. “Yes. A million times yes.”_

_  
She could feel the tears coming as she thought of their future child: a girl with his eyes or a boy with hers. She slowly slid her arms around his neck and kissed him, slightly opening her mouth so he could slide his tongue in. The familiar tugging in her stomach made her shiver as she felt Philip slide his hand from her knee to her upper thigh, taking the light cotton dress with it as he went. “Philip,” she gasped out, breaking the kiss, “we’re on a beach.”_

_  
“I know,” he mumbled from his place kissing her neck._

_  
“We shouldn’t.”_

_  
He managed to push her dress up around her waist and was slowly stroking her hips with his thumbs. “I think we should,” he whispered before kissing her again._

_  
“Mmm...okay,” she said breathlessly. The cool ocean breeze was making her shiver while the man beneath her was making her temperature rise. She raised her arms and tugged the dress over her head, discarding it somewhere by the wine. Her hands immediately went to unfasten the buttons on his shirt, but she wanted him too much and simply tore it, causing buttons to fly everywhere._

_  
Philip looked at his wife in awe. He had never seen her like this, and frankly, it was a turn on. She was always the one to see the sensible side of the things so he never expected her to say yes to making love on a beach. But by the looks of it, she was eager. He gently rolled her over, placing her on the soft blanket. “You are very beautiful,” he said as he left open mouthed kisses on her chest._

_  
Theresa smirked as she ran her hands through his hair. “You aren’t so bad yourself.”_

_  
“I’m very glad you approve,” he giggled out._

_  
“Make love to me, Philip,” Theresa softly said._

_  
Philip took her hips in his hands and slowly slid her underwear down. He gently stroked her inner thighs before touching her core. He took his time in pleasuring her, bring her to the edge multiple times before stopping. He watched as she squirmed below him and begged him to not stop. He could feel her hand snake it’s way to his trousers and push them down. “Are you sure, love?”_

_  
“Please,” she said as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She was holding him close to her, their chests pressed together. She bit onto his shoulder as he entered her, attempting to keep quiet._

  
...........................

  
To say Philip was at a loss for words was an understatement. He never expected for his ex to invite him into her personal space. “Yeah. Of course. That sounds good,” he rushed out.

  
Theresa let out a breath she had been holding, afraid of the rejection he might present to her. “Wonderful. How’s 7:00 tomorrow?”

  
Philip felt himself beam as he took in the slightly flushed face of the woman opposite of him. “It’s perfect. Let me get the check.”

  
“I can help,” she responded as she pulled her wallet out.

  
“I suggested this, and you are cooking tomorrow. I’ve got it.”

  
Sighing, she surrendered, “Alright.”

  
.........................

  
_Philip collapsed on Theresa’s chest as his pleasure peeked. She had found hers right before, and they were both breathless. “Love, that was amazing,” he breathed out before rolling to lay beside her._

_  
Theresa cuddled into his side, feeling a chill take over her. “It was, but now I’m cold. Could we go back to the hotel? We could continue this there,” she murmured while kissing his neck._

_  
“Of course. Find your dress, and I’ll pack all this up.”_

_  
She slowly pulled her dress over her before slipping back into her underwear. She laughed when she saw Philip attempt to button his shirt. All but three wear missing, and it made quite the sight. “I’m sorry. We’ll find you a new one.”_

_  
“It’s not the shirt I care about,” he said shifting his stance. “Love, I have sand in places I didn’t know existed.”_

_  
.........................._

  
The couple was slowly walking down the sidewalk together, trying to stretch their time with the other out. But they could see the car and knew their not-a-date date would come to an end soon.

  
“I really did have a lovely time today,” Theresa reassured. She hadn’t had good company in years, not as good as his anyway.

  
Philip turned and looked at her. “I did too. It was great to talk to you again. I’ve missed that.”

  
Seeking to hide her blush, she looked down. “You get it tomorrow as well.”

  
“I’m looking forward to it.”

  
They were standing in front of the car, and ever the gentleman, Philip opened the door for her. They both leaned in to kiss the others cheek but miscalculated which one they were each going for. Before either knew, they had pressed their lips together for a chaste kiss.

 

 

 


	7. Love Triangle

November 7, 2017

  
Theresa was currently rushing up to her flat, trying to get dinner started before Philip got there. She was making what she remembered as his favorite: roast lamb with potatoes. She had been distracted all day. The thought of having him in her personal space made her nervous and excited. The accidental kiss they shared the day before didn’t help matters. Her head had been overactive since then, memories of them together coming back to her.

  
The worst part was the way she had been preoccupied in her cabinet meeting. She had wandered off thinking about how Philip used to kiss her when she would get flustered with him. She would start ranting about some little thing he had done before he would grab the sides of her face and kiss her deeply. It never failed to shut her up and would often lead to more intimate matters, some in the most precarious places. It took Amber Rudd prodding Theresa with her pen for Theresa to come back. She had never been more embarrassed.

  
Yesterday night was the thing that shocked her though. She had woken up, covered in sweat after dreaming about Philip making love to her in present time. They were back in her hotel room when she first saw him after all those years. She had to take a cool shower to calm down.

  
And now, she was having the very source of all these problems come over for dinner. She threw her work on her bed as she quickly maneuvered her way around the bedroom, pulling various clothing items off as she went. She had settled on a black dress, simple, elegant, and rather low cut. She spritzed herself with her favorite perfume before freshening up her makeup. Theresa was desperately trying to clean up the flat as she walked through. The kitchen was a wreck, and she really needed to vacuum in all honesty, but it was too late for that now.

  
.........................

_July 29, 1993_

_  
It had been just over a year since Theresa had left Philip. She had moved into a small flat in central London after telling her lawyer Philip could have the house. To say she was fine was a lie. The first six months were the hardest. She always had to remind herself that she wasn’t going to her shared house with Philip, and when she got home, she had to deal with the loneliness of not having him there._

_  
She had seen his daughter once. During the last of the divorce negotiations in December of last year, he had brought her, saying his babysitter had canceled last minute. She had watched the tenderness and care he showed with the newborn. Emily, he had called her. The baby had a shock of jet black hair and the most brilliant blue eyes, like her father. She had been quiet for the most part, coughing occasionally. Philip had profusely apologized; he cited a recent bout with pneumonia as the cause._

_  
Theresa felt like she was suffocating as she watched him. She wanted to simultaneously throw herself in his arms and be a mother to the girl while also running as far and fast as she could. She knew she looked horrible; she knew Philip knew she looked horrible. She had lost so much weight, she never slept, and taking care of herself was a battle everyday. She was watching Emily with glazed over eyes as Philip watched her with sadness. She got out as quickly as she could and never looked back. She hadn’t seen Philip since. She occasionally saw his mother, refusing to give up the motherly love she had become accustomed to over the almost twelve years of marriage._

_  
But that was months ago. She had pulled herself together, somewhat. Theresa looked herself over in the mirror. She had joined a gym and had gotten in shape, not just skinny. She quite liked her appearance now. She let her hair grow out and updated her wardrobe. Tonight she was going out, something she had taken to since the divorce. She wasn’t proud of some of her actions, but she could think of worse things than having a few one night stands. Theresa backed up to take in her outfit: a tight, short, strapless black dress with black stilettos and red lipstick to finish it off. She was sure she could get a few free drinks out of it tonight._

_  
............................_

  
The smell of lamb was filling the flat, and all Theresa had to do now was wait. She jumped when she heard three, brisk knocks at the door. Hurrying, she opened the door to be met with a large bouquet of roses and chrysanthemums, her two favorites.

  
“Hello,” Philip said. He was hidden behind the large bunch of flowers.

  
“Hello. These are lovely. Come in.” She stepped aside while he entered.

  
“Do I smell lamb?” He inquired.

  
“You do. It was your favorite if I remember correctly.”

  
“It is my favorite. Thank you so much.”

  
Theresa offered a smile as she took the flowers. “I’ll put these in some water. You can make yourself at home.”

  
Philip watched her walk off and took in his surroundings. It was so...Theresa. It was cozy but professional. A red sofa took up much of the lounge, and he smiled at the familiar decor. It was almost the same sofa that they had at home when they were still married. He looked at the pictures on the walls and noticed there were some of people he recognized and some of people he didn’t. There were the ones with Damien and Alicia. But there were some with people he had never seen. One photo was of what looked like a birthday party. Theresa was sat in the lap of another man, and his hands were on her waist. Philip felt jealousy rise at the thought of someone touching her like that.

  
“Philip,” Theresa said, breaking his thought, “dinner is done. I’ve set the table for us.”

  
Turning, he took her in. She looked incredible. “Perfect. Lead the way.”

  
............................

  
_Theresa was at one of her preferred bars. Two glasses of wine and a shot of tequila later, she felt fairly confident that someone would be sending her a drink soon. She had spotted several men eyeing her. She had just walked back up to the bar when she heard a deep voice behind her. “You know, if you wanted a drink, all you had to do was ask.”_

_  
Turning, she was met with dark green eyes. The man in front of her was tall, and he had thick, dark hair combed back. He was looking Theresa up and down with lust in his eyes. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”_

_  
“Is that so?” He asked smirking._

_  
Theresa gazed at him. He was built and tanned and in an amazing suit. “I’m Theresa.”_

_  
“Samual Parker. Everyone calls me Sam.”_

_  
“Well, Sam, why don’t you buy me a drink? We could continue this conversation at a table.”_

  
_Sam smiled. “What would you like?”_

_  
“Whiskey. Neat.”_

_  
“Yes, ma’am,” Sam said._

  
..............................

  
Philip had continuously complimented the dinner throughout, and Theresa blushed every time. They had managed polite conversation, mostly focusing on each other’s day. Theresa had suggested they retire to the couch to talk and brought a new bottle of wine with them. She watched as he slipped his jacket off, and she all but drooled when he rolled his sleeves up slightly.

  
“This is nice,” Philip observed as he sat. “And dinner was very good.”

  
Smiling, Theresa handed a half full glass over. “So you keep saying.” She slipped her flats off before curling her legs underneath her so she could turn and face him on the couch.

  
Philip mirrored his ex and rested his arm on the back of the couch. “Because it was.”

  
Theresa looked down at her wine. She could feel her nerves jump to life, crumbling almost under Philip’s gaze. “What...um...what did you do after the divorce?”

  
Philip reached out and brushed her hair back. He couldn’t help it; she was like a magnet to him. “I raised Emily. She was handful.”

  
Green met blue as she looked up. “I saw her once. She was tiny...sick I think.”

  
“I know. It was at our last divorce meeting. She was sick. She was just over pneumonia.”

  
“What happened?”

  
“Her mother left her on my doorstep in her car seat. It was mid-November. No note. No call. She just left her. I went to get the paper later that morning and found her. She was freezing and was having a hard time breathing. I rushed her to the hospital. She had a fever, and they said had she not been found or brought in, she would’ve died from hypothermia,” Philip explained. Theresa could see the tears that were gathered in his eyes.

  
“That’s awful. How could someone just do that to her? She was a helpless baby.”

  
“I haven’t seen her mother since.”

  
“Were you there when Emily was born? What happened after I left? I’ve always wondered.” Theresa really had been curious. There was the obvious that Philip became a father, but there were spots missing. A whole twenty-five years.

  
“Emily’s mother, Amanda, told me she was pregnant. Then, I came home and told you-“

  
“I remember. Trust me.”

  
“After that, she told me she was considering an abortion. I got angry. I couldn’t understand why she would tell me when she was just going to end it. Then she told me she wanted my opinion because it was my child. I told her it was her choice. I was still torn up about you leaving.”

  
Theresa was listening with rapt attention as he gave her a walkthrough of what was the hardest time of her life. “She clearly chose not to have one.”

  
Philip sighed as he recalled the consequences of his one night stand. “No. She told me she was going to have the baby. I went to appointments with her. I was there when we found out it was a girl,” Philip beamed as he remembered it. “That was a good day. We didn’t fight about the baby that day. I was there with her when she gave birth. She called me saying she was on her way to the hospital. We had worked out the visitation before so I wasn’t worried about that. And Emily was born at 3:02 in the morning on October 25, 1992.”

  
Theresa was holding back tears as she imagined what it would have been like had she been the one to give him that. “Sounds like quite the day,” she managed as she took a large drink of wine.

  
“I never thought I could be that in love with someone. She was perfect. Head full of hair and big blue eyes. I remember holding her for the first time, and it...it’s overwhelming when you feel all that love hit you. I was there everyday; I didn’t want to miss anything. But then her mother left her for dead...” Philip downed his wine.

  
Reaching over, Theresa patted his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. “You’ve done amazing with her. You should be very proud.”

  
“I’m proud of her.”

  
“You should be proud of yourself. You’ve done well.”

  
“I sold the house after you left. About a year after you left.”

  
“I know. Your mother told me.”

  
Philip was fiddling with the pillow in between them when he asked, “What about you? What did you do after?”

  
..........................

  
_Sam was laughing at Theresa’s story of a drunken, college night. “I can’t believe you did that.”_

_  
Theresa smiled before sipping her whiskey, “I’m not the nice girl you think I am.”_

_  
Sam leaned in closer, almost breathing the same air she was. “Really? Maybe you could show me.”_

_  
Theresa propped her head on her hand and traced patterns on Sam’s arm. “We would have to leave,” she flirted._

_  
“Oh, no. I mean you should let me take you out. I think this whole act you’ve got going is cute, but I would like to get to know you. Not the drunken version.”_

_  
Theresa was taken back. She had gotten a bit self destructive after the divorce, and she used sex quite often to fill the void of love. In fact, she had a few friends with benefits she worked with. They were her main source of anything physical. “Alright. When?”_

_  
“Tomorrow?”_

_  
“Okay. Where?”_

_  
“There is a nice French restaurant downtown.”_

_  
“You’ve got yourself a date, Mr. Parker.”_

  
............................

  
“I got involved in politics. That’s what I did,” Theresa said curtly.

  
“You must have had some type of life between the divorce and you being elected. I saw the pictures on the wall. You looked like you had fun,” Philip said softly. He didn’t want to push her, but he would like some type of answer.

  
“Oh. I mean I had a few friends, but nothing important.” She didn’t like lying to him, but she had pushed it away for this long. A little longer wouldn’t hurt.

  
“I see-“

  
“I traveled,” she blurted out. “I traveled quite a lot. It was...therapeutic.”

  
Philip smiled. “I’m glad you experienced life.”

  
“Me too.” She slowly crept her hand over to hold his. He gave her hand a squeeze before scooting closer. Theresa felt jitters again. Her stomach didn’t have butterflies; it had a tornado. She put her glass down before sliding next to him.

  
“May...May I kiss you?” Philip tentatively asked.

  
Theresa looked at him before slowly nodding. She watched as he gently cupped her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb in the process. She pulled back slightly as he got closer, but then she pressed her lips to his, feeling heat overtake her body. “Mmm...that was nice,” she said as they pulled away.

  
Philip’s ears were pink, and he was blushing. “I forgot how soft your lips were,” he mumbled before running his finger over her bottom lip.

  
“You could kiss me again to double check that,” she said smiling. Philip leaned in and crushed their mouths together again. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around his neck before letting herself melt into him.

  
Philip was the one to break the kiss this time. “I’ve missed you.”

  
“I’ve missed you too. Philip?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“My foot is asleep. Could you...maybe...move?”

  
Philip laughed and shifted so she could pull her leg out from under them. “Better. Now kiss me again.”

  
Smirking, Philip kissed her, slipping his tongue past her lips. His mind was going a mile a minute. He couldn’t believe he was kissing Theresa. Theresa! He slowly slipped his hand lower, letting it settle on her thigh.

  
Theresa tensed. She pushed him away before standing. “I’m sorry. I...I wasn’t ready for that. I’m...not...ready for that.”

  
“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so, so sorry, Theresa.” Philip looked as if he wanted to vomit. Regret and sorrow showing through his features.

  
“It’s okay. Just...just not yet. I...not yet.”

  
“I don’t want sex or anything. I didn’t come here looking for that,” Philip rushed out.

  
Theresa walked over and rested her hands on his chest. “I know that. You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t think that. I just...I need time.”

  
“Of course. I’ll give you time and space and whatever you want. But please say we can go out again,” Philip nervously said.

  
Smiling, Theresa gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. “I’ll have to see when I’m free, but maybe you could cook next time? I can see this bachelor pad of yours.”

  
Chuckling, Philip stroked her cheek again. “I will. I’ll get Emily to set it up.”

  
“Or...you could give me your number? We can cut out the middle man.”

  
“Are you flirting, Ms. Brasier?” He asked using his old nickname for her.

  
“I’m trying, Mr. May.” Theresa played along.

  
“I’ll give it to you before I leave.”

  
...........................

  
_Theresa stumbled into her apartment. She was tipsy, very tipsy. She was happy that she would wake up in her apartment the next morning though. The night had gone quite differently than what she expected. She met a man, was wooed slightly, and had a date for tomorrow night. Three things she didn’t know she actually wanted. She hadn’t been on a date since the divorce. She was excited as she thought of Sam, and what it could turn into. She had no expectations of where it would lead, but he wasn’t like the other men she’d associated herself with recently. She was looking forward to it. She was...excited._

 

 


	8. The Princess and the Sleepover

_March 1997_

_  
Emily toddled into her father’s room. It was well past her bedtime, and Philip had put her down over an hour ago thinking she was asleep. She observed as he read through a stack of documents. She assumed it was that thing he talked about, his job. The raven haired child slowly made her way to the side of the bed Philip wasn’t on. You couldn’t see her head over the mattress so she started to pull herself up._

_  
Philip turned to see the two small hands grasping at his sheets as leverage. He hid a small smile as he heard her almost make it then fall. “Emily?”_

_  
He heard her call from the other side, “Yes, daddy?”_

_  
“I put you to bed a while ago. What are you doing up?” He questioned._

_  
“Me couldn’t sleep. There are monsters under me’s bed,” she said, voice full of fear._

_  
Philip sighed. This had become the new normal. Ever since one of her cousins told her that, she had begun sleeping with Philip, a habit he needed to break but couldn’t bring himself to. “Come to this side, and I’ll help you up.” He heard the quick steps of tiny feet, and soon saw the teary eyes and messy hair of his daughter. She held her arms out, and Philip gently lifted her into his lap._

_  
“Thank you, daddy,” she whispered as she snuggled into his chest. Emily slowly wrapped her arms around his neck; this was her favorite pillow in the whole world because it would cuddle her back._

_  
Philip placed a soft kiss on top of her head and rubbed her back. His little girl was growing up, and he hated it because he knew that she wouldn’t want to cuddle or be read bedtime stories or really want to be around him soon. He knew that his time with her like this was limited, so he cherished all of it. “Love, you need to get some sleep. We are going to Granny’s tomorrow.”_

_  
Emily looked at him and vehemently shook her head. “Me can’t sleep. Me is scared the monsters will get me.”_

_  
“I, Emily. I can’t sleep,” he gently corrected as he brushed her locks back. “How about a story? Those usually work.” He was met with a small nod. “Yes? Okay. What would you like to here?”_

_  
“Me don’t know.”_

_  
Biting his lip, Philip almost laughed. No matter how many times you told her to speak properly, Emily May always did what she wanted. “Um, a book?” She shook her head no. Philip looked around and stopped when he saw the picture on his nightstand. “I know. Why don’t I tell you about a beautiful princess who was brave and kind and very strong?”_

_  
“Yes!” Emily exclaimed before crawling over and settling against his side. “What’s the princess’s name?”_

_  
“Theresa.”_

  
.........................

  
November 9, 2017

  
Theresa was standing outside Philip’s flat. She was nervous and...excited? She was intrigued to see what his home looked like. She gave a soft rap at the door before fiddling with her hands. She heard the door open, and the sight she was greeted with made her flush. Philip had a white shirt on with the collar undone and the sleeves rolled up, old jeans, and bare feet. She was staring, and she knew he was smirking.

  
“Would you like to come in?” He asked.

  
Theresa nodded and stepped through the threshold. The first thing she saw was his lounge, and she was impressed. A large, cream couch took up the center with matching love seats on each side. Dark, wooden tables were at either end of the couch with the same color coffee table in the middle. Flowers, mostly roses, were in a vase on a longer table in front of the large window behind the couch. It was cozy, and Theresa thought it suited Philip quite well. “You have a lovely home.”

  
Philip smiled from where he was standing. “Thanks. Emily did most of the decorating after I moved in.”

  
“Why didn’t you stay in the house?”

  
“Well, I didn’t feel comfortable raising my lovechild in the house I shared with my wife.”

  
“No, I understand that, but you said you and Emily had a house. Why didn’t you stay there?” She wondered.

  
“After Emily graduated, we decided that it would just be better if we moved to London. I could be closer to work, and she would be closer to school.”

  
“That makes sense.”

  
“Why don’t you come in the kitchen? Dinner is almost ready.”

  
Theresa obliged and followed him, throwing her coat over a chair in the process. “It smells amazing.”

  
Philip called over his shoulder, “I’m making spaghetti. I only thought it only fair that I make your favorite since you made mine.”

  
Theresa chuckled before taking a seat at the breakfast bar. It was a nice kitchen, granite countertops and lots of space. Theresa watched as he chopped garlic for the sauce and thought it was familiar. “Are...are you using my recipe?”

  
Philip felt his cheeks go pink. “I remember it from when we were married. I hope you don’t mind.”

  
“No. I don’t mind at all,” she said sincerely.

  
Philip looked up and smiled before handing her a glass of wine. “How’s your day been?”

  
“Busy,” she said taking a drink. “Men really do act like children at times.” She caught the small smile he had. She watched him continue to chop various ingredients before sticking the bread in the oven. He looked handsome to her. He looked...sexy, if she was honest. She had been enjoying what seemed like a never ending text message conversation everyday; it made her miss him, and it made putting her phone down as equally hard.

  
“Would you like to eat here or the table?”

  
“Here is fine.”

  
..............................

  
_“What did this princess do?” Emily asked excitedly. She was practically bouncing up and down for the story. “Did she have a knight in shining armor?”_

_  
Philip wanted to laugh. “She had a prince, but she didn’t need a knight. She saved herself.”_

_  
“Oh?” Piercing blue eyes met his, and he felt his heart swell with love as he watched his daughter._

_  
“Yes, she was amazing. You see, this princess was the smartest girl in the entire kingdom. She even managed to skip an entire year in school.”_

_  
“Wow!” Emily exclaimed._

_  
“But then tragedy struck when she was older. Soon after she married her prince, the king passed away and then the queen. The young princess and prince had to takeover the kingdom with no experience-“_

_  
“Daddy, what’s experience?”_

_  
“Umm...it’s when you know how to do something.” Philip explained. He felt her shift her head up and down in a nod as a sign to continue. “They took over and tried their best to make the kingdom a happy place. They were happy, but there was a horrible dragon that wanted the princess’s happiness for himself.”_

_  
Emily whispered, “Oh, no.”_

_  
“The prince searched far and wide for someone to slay the dragon and protect his wife. Every knight he sent came back defeated. So, the princess stood up one day and said she would do it. The prince begged her not to, but she was stubborn and wouldn’t listen. She said that she had to defend her kingdom, and she said that if it meant risking her life, she would do with or without the prince’s permission.”_

_  
“I like this princess.”_

_  
“I was afraid you’d say that,” Philip mumbled._

_  
“What, daddy?” Emily asked._

_  
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “The princess had beautiful armor made for her and chose the fastest horse. She left early one morning and rode up the mountain to where the dragon’s lair was.”_

_  
“Daddy?” Emily interrupted again._

_  
“Yes, love?”_

_  
“Why did the dragon want her happiness?”_

_  
“Because he was unhappy. He wanted to take what the princess had because he was hurt and unhappy.” Philip explained._

_  
“But...you can’t steal someone else’s happiness. That won’t make you happy,” Emily said in an attempt to rationalize._

_  
“I know that. You know that. But the dragon didn’t.”_

_  
“Oh. Okay.”_

_  
“Would you like me to continue?” Philip asked. He felt her nod again. “Well, the princess got to the lair and saw the dragon was sleeping. She decided it would be easier to destroy the monster while he was asleep and raised her sword, ready to kill the beast, when,” Philip paused and gasped for drama, “he woke up.”_

  
..........................

  
“This is quite good,” Theresa managed to get out as she stuffed her face.

  
“I’m glad you approve.”

  
“Always,” she said before smiling, “especially when it’s my recipe.”

  
Philip laughed before finishing off his food. He watched as his ex wife and current girlfriend sat back and patted her stomach. “Full?”

  
“Definitely.”

  
“What film would you like to watch? That is part of the reason you came over.”

  
“Casablanca?” She asked sheepishly.

  
“Of course,” he said as he collected their plates, kissing Theresa’s head as he did so, and taking them to the sink. He held his hand out to her as they made their way to the living room. He led her to sit on the couch as he set the film up before taking his seat next to her. He felt as she shifted and rested her head on his chest before wrapping her arms around his waist. He smiled and slid his arm around her shoulders.

  
“I’ve missed things like this,” she said as the opening credits started.

  
“Me too.”

  
Theresa looked up, her chin resting on his chest as she studied his face. He had less hair now, and it was grayer. He had more lines, but so did she. But his eyes had hardly changed. That was always the thing she liked most about him, physically of course. She felt her hand move of its own accord and cup his cheek. He looked down, and before she knew, she had pressed her lips to his rather hard.

  
Philip was taken aback but gently placed his hand on her lower back as she leaned back, causing him to be pulled almost on top of her. He rolled slightly so his back was against the back of the couch. He felt her arms go around his neck then she started fiddling with the hair on the back of it, and he groaned into her mouth. He was hesitant to put his hands anywhere with the reaction to him touching her thigh still fresh in his memory, but Theresa solved that problem by taking his hands and promptly holding them over her hips.

  
She was fighting herself in her head. Half of her wanted him to take her to bed, and the other half knew she needed to talk to him about...everything. She could feel that thing in the pit of her stomach tugging at her to do the first of her choices, but her head was telling her to stop it. When she heard his groan from her playing with his hair, she inwardly smiled. Some things never change. She slipped her tongue past his lips and moaned. The hands on her hips softly squeezed, and she felt her legs fall open as he tumbled slightly between her thighs. “Mmm...Philip, we should...mmm.” She was stopped as Philip started kissing her neck, his lips and tongue remembering the most sensitive spots. She began rubbing her foot up the back one of his legs. Her mind was screaming for her to stop, and she finally caved after a few more moments of deep kisses and love bites on her neck. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed slightly. “We should stop.”

  
Philip pulled back. “You’re probably right. I’m sorry I got a bit carried away.”

  
Theresa smiled at his sweetness. “Don’t apologize. I liked it...a lot. But-“

  
“Not yet?” He finished for her.

  
“Yes. Not yet.”

  
“I completely understand,” he said as he kissed her temple.

  
“That doesn’t mean we can’t cuddle though. I quite like it when you hold me,” she giggled out.

  
“Well, I have been known to be an excellent cuddler.”

  
“And we can watch the film since it is one of my favorites.” She felt so comfortable in his embrace as she felt his arm rest over her stomach that she felt her eyes get heavy.

  
.......................

  
_Emily gasped. “What did the princess do?”_

_  
“She and the dragon battled. The dragon tried to burn her with fire, but her armor was made of the best steel and protected her. She fought with everything she had and defeated the beast. She was welcomed home a hero, and the prince made sure she was given the biggest ball,” Philip said as he smiled._

_  
Emily looked up at her father and smiled back at him. “Did her and the prince live happily ever after?”_

_  
Philip teared up a bit before he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I like to think so.”_

_  
“I like Princess Theresa. She sounds cool.”_

_  
“Very cool,” he agreed. “Now, are you going to be brave like the princess and sleep in your room?”_

_  
Emily nodded before burrowing deeper into the covers. “Tomorrow night.”_

_  
Philip sighed and let his head fall back against the headboard of his bed. “Fine.”_

  
.........................

  
Sunlight is what caused Theresa to open her eyes. She was disoriented. She didn’t know where she was, but she knew this wasn’t her bed. It was bigger, and it smelled like...Philip. She sat up as she remembered last night: spaghetti, Casablanca, her and Philip almost having sex. It all hit her, and she realized she must be in his bed, but he wasn’t there. She looked down to see she was still in her shirt and jeans which was comforting somewhat. Looking around, she decided this was definitely a man’s bedroom. Everything was dark furniture and almost bare. There wasn’t much to give away that it was Philip’s room at all beside a few pictures on his nightstand, and the way he laid out his watches.

  
She eased herself out of her warm blanket and saw it was still early. She smelled toast and tea and followed the scent. Stepping off the carpet onto hardwood floor was a nasty shock. She winced slightly before she padded down the hallway. The couch looked as though someone had slept on it, and her heart melted. Philip must have placed her in his bed before sleeping in the living room so she would be more comfortable. She quickly located him in the kitchen making tea.

  
“Good morning, love,” he greeted her.

  
She felt her face split into a smile at the term of endearment. “Good morning. Did you sleep on the couch?”

  
“I did. You needed a good night’s sleep after your day.”

  
Theresa walked over and kissed him. “Ever the gentleman. That was quite sweet.”

  
“I’m glad you think so. I’m making breakfast. We are having omelettes.”

  
“Perfect,” she said as she hugged him close.

  
“Love, I just woke up, and you want to wait so maybe stay away from my lower half,” he said as he but his lip.

  
Theresa’s laughter rang through the flat.

 


	9. Say You Love Me

November 13, 2017

  
Theresa settled into bed with her red box by her side. She had been waiting for this all day. Bed, a nice cup of tea, and a few sugar free biscuits were what she had been looking forward to. The never ending paperwork was tiring, but it was the easiest part of the job. She didn’t have to bother with aides, or ministers who acted like children. She had just started her brief when her phone started buzzing. Philip’s name popped across the screen, and she couldn’t stop the smile forming on her face. It had become their new nightly ritual. Quickly, she answered while trying to hide the excitement in her voice. “Hello, Mr. May.”

  
“Hello, Ms. Brasier. How has your day been?” She could hear the smile in his voice.

  
“Oh, it’s been a day. Meetings...keeping everyone in line...waiting for you to call me,” she flirted.

  
“And have I made your day now?”

  
“Yes. You’ve made it wonderful now.”

  
“Well, I hope this makes your week. I’ve made reservations for us on Thursday night at that French restaurant you like.”

  
Theresa gasped. “That’s lovely. I can’t wait.”

  
Philip giggled on the other end before softly saying, “I miss you. A lot.”

  
“You saw me yesterday for lunch.”

  
“Let me miss my girlfriend.”

  
“Are we official now?” She teased.

  
“If...umm...you want us to be. I...I just...you know...thought,” Philip spluttered out.

  
“Philip, calm down. I was only joking. Of course I want us to be.”

  
She heard is sigh of relief before he cleared his throat. “I’m glad of that.”

  
“Me too.”

  
........................

  
_Late February 1977_

_  
Theresa was leaned against Philip’s side on the swing. They had come back to the little frozen lake he had brought her to on their first date, and she loved it. They didn’t ice skate this time, but they did bring a blanket to cuddle under and hot chocolate to drink. Several kisses had been exchanged while they sat in silence._

_  
“I’m glad we came back here. It’s nice...peaceful,” Theresa observed._

_  
Philip was stroking her shoulder when he smiled at her. “You seemed stressed earlier this week. I thought this might help.”_

_  
“It has. And after, we can go back to that little pub for dinner. Maybe...you could...umm,” she started playing with the buttons on his coat, “come up to my flat when you drop me off?”_

  
_Philip took in her biting her lip and smiled to himself. “This would be the first time I saw your new place.”_

_  
Theresa nodded. She had been saving up to get a flat for months, and with her new job and her parents giving her a bit each month, she finally could afford the monthly payments. She moved in right after Christmas when her father surprised her with the first couple months rent as her present. “The walls are still pretty bare.”_

_  
“I’m sure it’s lovely,” Philip reassured. “It’s your home.”_

_  
“Well, I need pictures of us together to really make it better.”_

_  
“I’m sure we can figure something out,” he said smiling._

_  
“Why don’t we go have dinner? I’m cold.”_

_  
“Whatever you want.” He kissed her nose before sitting up and folding the blanket._

  
.........................

  
November 20, 2017

  
Picking up his phone, Philip tapped Theresa’s contact in his phone and waited excitedly for her to answer. When he heard her answer he felt giddy. Almost like a teenager again. “Hello, love,” he greeted using the pet name he had recently taken to calling her again.

  
“Hello,” he heard the drowsiness in her voice and smiled softly.

  
“You sound sleepy.”

  
“I’m exhausted. Stayed up too late on the phone last night.”

  
“Sorry, love,” he said sheepishly. “I just love talking to you.”

  
“I know. It’s mutual,” she admitted.

  
Philip wished he could reach through the phone and hold her. They hadn’t had anymore sleepovers...yet. He was still holding out hope they would have a repeat of what happened a little over a week ago. “How was the office today? I’ve noticed the papers are half and half on everything.”

  
“It was okay. I’ve had better days. I’ve had worse.” Philip listened closely as she paused. “Can I ask a personal question?”

  
“Of course. You can ask me whatever you like.”

  
“Was...was there anyone after me? A girlfriend? A...lover?”

  
Philip had been expecting this but not over the phone. “Umm...no. There wasn’t anyone. Mum and dad set me up with a few women, but they never went past the first date.”

  
“Why?”

  
“None of them were you,” he answered honestly. He heard a sharp intake of breath before she nervously coughed.

  
“Not even one? No...one night stands?” She asked.

  
Philip laughed. “No. There was no one. And as for one night stands, I think I learned my lesson on that one.”

  
Her giggle bubbled through the speaker, and he was happy he could break the tenseness of the previous topic. “So you’ve been celibate since the last time we...”

  
“Yes. Now, can I ask you something?”

  
“Go on.”

  
“Was there anyone after me?”

  
“Yes, unfortunately.”

  
............................

  
_Walking hand in hand, Philip and Theresa were taking their time getting back. It was a Friday so neither was worried about getting up early the next morning. They were almost to her flat, and Philip was looking forward to it. In fact, he was thrilled. He had begun to tire of the never ending angst that came with being alone with his girlfriend. He would sneak into her dorm some nights, but her roommate would normally walk in before things would get too heated. And if they were in his dorm, one of his friends would inevitably bother them. “Are you happy you have your own flat?”_

_  
Theresa looked over at him. “Oh, yes. It’s nice to come and go as I please without a curfew.”_

_  
“Why? You’re normally in bed by eleven,” he teased._

_  
“Well, now we can spend more time together.”_

_  
“That’s true.” He smiles at her before leaning in for a kiss. “And I don’t have to worry_ about _sneaking in and out of your window.”_

_  
Theresa laughed as the arrived at the front door of her building. They entered, and she led him effortlessly up the stairs and to the green door of her apartment. “Here we are,” she said with a dramatic air as she opened the door._

_  
Philip stepped inside and noticed that Theresa was right when she said the walls were bare. Making a full circle, he realized, aside from that, it was quite...cozy. It felt like Theresa. “It’s nice.”_

_  
“You like it?” She nervously asked._

_  
Philip walked over and placed his hands on he_ r _hips. “I absolutely love it.” He pressed a kiss to her nose. “We could cuddle for a while if you like.”_

_  
“You might be able to talk me into it.”_

  
...........................

  
November 22, 2017

  
“I really enjoyed dinner last night,” Theresa gushed. “It was lovely.”

  
“I’m happy I can still impress,” Philip mumbled.

  
“I think we talk more on the phone than we do in person at the moment.”

  
“You might be on to something there,” he laughed. “It’s nice though. We get to talk everyday, and I love it.”

  
Theresa looked down. She had felt her feelings grow every passing day. It was like an avalanche of...love. She had never truly stopped loving him, but it had been rekindled in the short two months they had been together. “I love it too.”

  
Philip was anxious. He had wanted to say it for days now; he thought he knew what she would say, and he hoped he was right. “There has been something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I really hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable-“

  
“Philip, I love you,” she blurted out. Clapping her hand over her mouth as if he could see her, she gasped. She couldn’t believe she had just...said it.

  
Shock overtook Philip’s body. He was frozen as he felt his heart stop and speed up simultaneously. He knew he was leaving her hanging, but he couldn’t speak.

  
“Philip?” Theresa felt numb and cold and afraid as she waited.

  
Her voice broke his trance. “Oh...umm.”

  
“I’m sorry. That was-“

  
“I love you too. My God, do I love you,” he rushed out.

  
Theresa was beaming as she heard the words. She discerned happiness as she recognized how much she missed hearing that from his lips. “I’ve missed you saying that to me.”

  
“And I’ve missed being loved by you.”

  
.............................

  
_Cuddling had turned to kissing fairly quickly, and Philip was sure this had been the longest uninterrupted time alone he had spent with her. Her arms were wrapped his neck, and he felt her playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. It was giving him goosebumps, and it was making keeping his hands on an appropriate spot hard. Pulling back, he looked at her. Swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and wide eyes._

_  
“Why are you stopping? I like it when you kiss me like that,” she said as she tried to lean in again._

_  
“I know.” He gently brushed her hair back. “But I also know you want to wait, and you kissing me like that will end us up in an embarrassing position.”_

_  
“What...oh,” she said quietly as her cheeks turned a brighter shade of red._

_  
“I should probably go. It’s almost midnight.”_

_  
“Is it? We got here just after nine,” she observed. “That means-“_

_  
“We made out for almost three hours.”_

  
_“Wow.”_

  
_“But before I go, I want to tell you something. I know we haven’t been together long...”_

_  
Theresa tensed. “You aren’t proposing, are you?”_

_  
“Not yet,” he said as he took in her raised eyebrow. “No! I mean...I would like to, but it’s way too soon. I haven’t even met your parents which we really need to do by the way even though I’m absolutely terrified of your father, and I haven’t even met him. But you knew that because I just said. No, what I want to say is...” Philip took a deep breath as he stopped his rambling. “...I love you. I’m absolutely and completely in love with you.”_

_  
She cupped his cheek before smashing her lips to his. “Oh thank the Lord!” She exclaimed. “But I love you too.”_

_  
Philip felt pride well up in his chest as he thought about having this woman love him. He leaned in and gave her sweet kiss. “I’m so happy you do.”_


	10. Let Me Love You

November 24, 2017

  
“Daddy, hurry!” Emily called. “We need to leave in ten minutes.”

  
“I’m hurrying,” Philip said as he scuttled across his living room.

  
“Well hurry faster. Theresa wants us there by five so we can have dinner.”

  
“Fine,” he huffed. He still couldn’t quite believe the events of the past two weeks. After them blurting out I love you’s on the phone, Theresa had surprised him by inviting him and Emily and Michael down to her house in Sonning for the weekend. It had been hastily planned, but they were all looking forward to it. It was just for Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday, but Philip was acting worse than most women by packing several outfits.

  
“Daddy, it’s two nights. You need to calm down.”

  
“I’m going to her house!”

  
“And Michael and I are going as chaperones,” she said while giving him a smirk.

  
Philip opened his mouth to say something before quickly shutting it. She wasn’t...wrong. Theresa had said that they all should come down, and he had suspected it would be so they weren’t tempted to do anything other than cuddle. “Just let me get my bag.”

  
.................................

  
_December 14, 1978_

_  
Snow covered the little cottage. It was picturesque and perfect. It was warm and cozy, and the two young adults inside were in love and happy and...nervous. Theresa and Philip had lied to their parents. They had each concocted some excuse to stay in the city before Christmas. In reality, they had snuck off to Scotland for a long weekend, a small vacation together celebrating their two year anniversary before they separated for the holidays. But Philip had made sure the cottage had two bedrooms for his girlfriend. They had done other things, but neither was ready, or cared to admit they were ready, to take the final step in the physical side of their relationship._

_  
“Philip,” Theresa said sweetly, “will you go make some more tea?”_

_  
“Of course, love.” He grabbed their cups before disappearing into the small kitchen off of the sitting room._

_  
They had been cuddled up on the sofa with a blanket. A fire roared to keep them warm, and Theresa had never felt so comfortable. She could imagine their future like this. If he would ever propose. She didn’t want to rush him, but they had been together for two years. They had talked about it, and they agreed he should graduate first. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be his fiancée until then._

_  
Turning, she saw him with a tray. “Thank you, darling. Did you get biscuits as well?”_

_  
“I did. Those chocolate ones you like so much.”_

_  
“How sweet,” she remarked as he handed her the tea._

_  
Philip sat at one end and lifted her feet in his lap. “I’ve just thought of something.”_

_  
“Oh?”_

_  
“Our first date was ice skating. Our first anniversary was ice skating. And now, our second anniversary was ice skating. I didn’t even plan it that way.”_

_  
Theresa chuckled. “Well at least we know what we like.”_

_  
“I suppose,” he said quietly before picking his book up. It gave Theresa the chance to study him in the firelight. His eyes seemed more blue, sharper, but the shadows made him look softer. Theresa blushed as she thought about how other girls looked at him. She knew she had gotten a looker for a boyfriend, but she also knew he was so much more than that. She knew the kind heart behind that ‘chest rippling with muscles’ as one girl put it as she saw him getting out of the pool one day. She knew the brilliant mind underneath the mop of dark brown hair. And she knew the compassion those eyes could convey._

_  
“I love you,” she said simply._

_  
“I’m glad. I can’t get a refund on this place,” he joked which earned him a soft kick to the stomach. “I’m only kidding.” He placed his book on the small side table stretched out along her, pulling her close and kissing her neck. “I love you too.”_

_  
“Hmmm...this is quite nice. We should do this more often.”_

_  
“What? Lie to our parents and sneak off for a weekend away? A rather dirty weekend if earlier meant anything.”_

_  
“And what is that suppose to mean?” She asked as she blushed._

_  
“A certain someone couldn’t exactly keep her hands off of me,” he leaned in so his mouth was next to her ear and whispered, “or her mouth.”_

  
.................................

  
Pulling in to her house was an experience. Guards had checked the car of course, but he didn’t think there would be that much security. It was worth it to see Theresa, but he had been surprised. Michael and Emily had only one bag between them so getting the car unpacked wasn’t hard. Philip was jittery as he knocked on the door. The flat at Downing Street was one thing. This was something else. This was her home. Her entire life had been rebuilt here.

  
The door eased open and the three people on the doorstep were hit with the scent of lavender and vanilla. Theresa was stood there in old jeans, a t-shirt, no makeup, no jewelry, and barefoot. Philip thought she was beautiful. He had always loved her without the decorations, but he could tell Emily was uneasy seeing her boss in such a natural state.

  
“Come in,” she said stepping aside to make room.

  
The three guests slowly made their way inside, almost looking like a group of tourists as they took in every little detail of the space. The foyer was done in a soft yellow, brightening the room and the staircase that wrapped around to lead to the many bedrooms.

  
Emily swallowed hard as she searched for words. Her boss seemed...relaxed? She had never seen her relaxed, and it scared her. “You...umm...you have a nice home.”

  
“Thank you. It took long enough to decorate,” Theresa laughed softly. She could sense the tension and apprehension. “Why don’t I show you up to your rooms?” She gently pushed past them and ascended the stairs with the group close behind.

  
Pictures and paintings dotted the walls. A lot of her with her parents and in college. There were even some where Philip featured, mostly group shots. They told most of her life aside from the twelve years of marriage. Philip felt his heart skip a beat when he saw one of Theresa in which she sported what looked like a pregnant belly. He blinked. That couldn’t be right. He took in the whole of her in the photograph. He reasoned that she must have just put on a bit of weight.

  
“Philip,” Theresa softly called, “this is your room.” Her hand was extended as to show him the way in. It was all done in soft blues and whites. It was feminine with a large window facing the garden, but it felt like her so Philip was more than happy to stay here.

  
“Thank you. It’s lovely,” he said as he smiled.

  
There was a faint blush on Theresa’s cheeks as she walked to the door next to his. “And this is yours,” she said glancing at Emily and Michael.

  
“It’s wonderful, Ms. Brasier. Thank you,” Michael stumbled out. He was scared and excited and kind of in awe of his girlfriend’s boss.

  
“Call me Theresa, please. I’ll just...umm...let you settle in. Dinner should be done soon.” She fled downstairs to her kitchen, her little retreat from the world. Cooking had always been a passion for her, but it was also her release. She could be free and unrestrained in the kitchen, and given how nervous she was, she needed.

  
Emily watched as the older woman left and turned to her father. “Daddy, I’m scared.”

  
Raising an eyebrow, Philip looked at his daughter. “Why?”

  
“I’ve never seen her like this before!” She harshly whispered.

  
“Like what?”

  
“Relaxed. Theresa Brasier doesn’t relax. Ever! It’s always shoulders back and stiff upper lip.”

  
“It’s her home, love,” Philip said kissing her forehead. “Let her be relaxed. Now hurry down so we can eat.”

  
..........................

  
_Soft snoring was coming from the other end of the couch, and Philip smiled when he looked over. Theresa was sprawled out with her hair a mess. She was always cute when she was asleep. The way her face relaxed almost made her look girlish. Philip slowly got off the couch, pulling the blanket off of her as he did. He couldn’t bring himself to wake her up so he set about trying to lift her._

_  
“Hmm...Philip,” she said groggily._

_  
“Shh. Go back to sleep.” He said as she snuggled into him. He gently carried her up and to her room. She had luckily changed into her pajamas earlier so all he had to do was tuck her in._

_  
He tiptoed back to his room and shut the door quietly. He crawled into bed and started thinking about what they had done earlier. Theresa had been adamant there would be no sex before marriage. And Philip agreed. He respected her, he loved her, and the consequences of the act itself were a lot to handle at their age. They couldn’t raise a baby. Not yet anyway. But Philip had been shocked when Theresa said she wanted to do other things. She told him she had heard some of her friends talk about something, and she said she wanted to try. He had told her countless times she didn’t have to, that he didn’t want her to feel pressured, but she insisted. Then she had kneeled before him while he sat on her couch one night. Philip shut his eyes, trying to get rid of the memory. It was time to sleep not think about that._

_  
Then earlier came to mind. She had been resting her hand on his thigh the entire drive up here. She had flirted and made sure he knew how much she wanted him. And as soon as they were inside the cottage, Theresa had pushed him against the wall and dropped his pants. He didn’t have time to protest as her mouth went from his lips to his chest and to lower extremities. It had been weeks, and he was embarrassed to say that it was over before it had really begun._

_  
Sitting up in bed, Philip rubbed a hand over his face. ‘You can’t do this. Not now,’ he thought to himself. ‘But her lips were so soft, and she always does that thing with her tongue...’ Philip jumped out of bed and began to pace. There was a definite bulge in his pajamas pants, and he was embarrassed. He decided a cool shower might be the best thing. He walked out of his room and heard...moaning?_

  
............................

  
Four people. One table. Absolute silence. Eyes were fixed on plates, and cutlery was scraping against china but no talking. Wine had been consumed in vast quantities by each person, and everyone wore the faint rosy cheeks associated with being tipsy. Yet no one would make a sound. Theresa had shown them to the table and brought out the food, causing more uneasiness with Emily as she had never seen her boss so domesticated. The air was thick with unspoken nerves, and it was like everyone was competing to be the most quiet.

  
Emily glanced up and sighed before forcefully putting her fork down. “Alright, we are all here for the next two days together. We are going to have to talk. I’m as awkward as everyone, but you know what, fuck it. You two,” she said looking at Theresa and Philip, “are dating. This will happen more than just this once so we need to deal. Does everyone understand?”

  
Theresa gave Philip side eye as they both sheepishly nodded. “This is the first of what is hopefully many. We should be more comfortable,” Theresa remarked.

  
“I agree,” Philip said as he grabbed her hand on the table.

  
“Good,” Emily said victoriously. “Now pass the wine, please.”

  
Michael refilled his girlfriend’s glass as Philip gave a soft smile to Theresa. He could see the hesitancy to let her mask slip, but he also knew that she cared for Emily like a daughter. A little nudge would be all it took. “Umm...Emily, how was work this week?” Philip asked.

  
“Busy. Robbie was annoying, and CCHQ has no idea what they are doing. At all,” she said as she took a long swig of her wine.

  
Theresa smirked. The incessant complaints of how CCHQ was run became a source of amusement to Theresa. Emily always had a problem with something, and this time she was right. “I think you might be onto something,” Theresa agreed.

  
“Thank God. I can’t bear it anymore.”

  
Michael snorted into his wine. “You think you can’t?”

  
Philip smirked. “She brings her work home?”

  
“And then some.”

  
..............................

  
_Theresa had felt him carry her to bed. His scent had lingered on her clothes. It was comforting, but it also did things to her. It had gotten harder and harder to hold off on sex, and Theresa wasn’t sure she wanted to anymore. When he had suggested this weekend, she jumped at the chance to be completely alone with him, away from everyone else. She had pounced on him as soon as they had come through the door after watching him drive and deciding she wanted him._

_  
The first time she had ever done it, she thought he was going to wake the neighbors with his moans. She had to forcefully hold his hips down and shove a pillow in his face to keep him quiet. She knew what the end result would be, but she definitely didn’t expect it to be the way it was. She had nearly gagged at the taste of it in her mouth and rushed to spit it out. Thankfully, Philip had still been too high from the pleasure to notice._

_  
She hadn’t expected anything in return, but she also knew Philip wasn’t selfish. He was the furthest thing from it in all actuality. When he had pulled her up and kissed quite soundly before laying her down on the couch, shock was the expression she wore. He started kissing her neck before kissing down her chest. She started to ask what he was doing, but he pressed a finger to her lips and said to trust him._

_  
Even now, after so many times, Theresa could still feel the overwhelming feelings of that moment. ‘Stop that. Sleep is what you need,’ she chastised herself. But she could feel him sliding her dress up, fingertips ghosting against her thighs. He had pulled her knickers down before putting her leg over his shoulder. ‘I wonder what he did with his tongue that time. NO! Go to bed, Theresa!’ She wasn’t tired anymore. Just very, very hot. She threw the duvet off before taking her pajama pants off. She usually slept in an oversized shirt anyway during the summer. Cool air is all she needed._

_  
‘But then you felt him touch you,’ a little voice in her head said. It was true. Supple lips and a tongue had overloaded her senses with the most extreme pleasure she had ever felt. She had thrashed about on her couch until her entire body went rigid before she collapsed in a heap of haziness. Theresa could feel herself getting hotter, and she gently slipped her onto her lower abdomen. ‘It needs to be taken care of,’ she reasoned._

_  
The smirk her lover wore on his face made her want to hit him, but after what she had just experienced, she would let him get away with murder. She had asked how he knew how to do that, and he had cockily replied with, “I have friends too.”_

_  
Theresa smiled as she slipped her hand lower. The smile spread wider before her face contorted with pleasure as she moaned. Creaking floorboards made her freeze. She could see the shadow of Philip’s feet beneath her door and decided then that she wanted him. All of him._

  
.............................

  
Dinner had ended much better than how it began. Conversation had flowed easily after the initial rant of Emily. They had sat and talked for a while in the living room before each heading up. Philip and Theresa had stood in front of her bedroom door for at least twenty minutes saying goodnight, only it was consistently interrupted with kisses and caresses. Finally pulling apart, she had slipped into her room, hearing his door click closed afterwards. She had gotten ready for bed, but she couldn’t sleep. Not with him that close.

  
Her nerves had jumped through her body as she softly padded across the hall to his door. Three soft knocks were immediately answered with a yes, and she popped her head around the door. “Hey.”

  
“Well, hello, love.”

  
“I was...umm...wondering if...I...umm,” she looked down at her feet, glad the dark was covering her, “could...umm...sleep in here...with you?”

  
She could make out Philip’s smile before seeing him hold the covers up for her. “Come on.”

  
Theresa quickly and quietly scurried over and crawled in, tucking herself against him. “Hmm...this is nice.”

  
“It is.” He kisses her head and held her tighter. “Can I ask why, though?”

  
“I missed you,” she whispered before tucking her bottom lip in her mouth.

  
“I’m glad you did. It’s nice to snuggle.”

  
“I love you.”

  
“I love you too,” he said softly before scooting down so they could lay face to face. “Thank you for inviting all of us.”

  
“Anytime. This house is huge, and I have too much space.”

  
Philip thought back to the pictures on the wall, and the one of Theresa with the big belly. He took a deep breath before saying, “Theresa, after the divorce, did you ever get-“

  
“Do you hear that?” She asked with a hint of fear in her tone.

  
Philip paused as he listened for what she heard. It was silent and then there was a rhythmic creaking. “What on earth?”

  
Then the muffled sound of a high pitched moan and the mangled words coming through the wall. “Oh, Michael.”

  
Philip’s eyes went wide as he felt his heart go into palpitations. He could just make out the shaking form of his ex wife, tears running down her face from laughing. He couldn’t see the hilarity in the situation. In fact, to be frank, he was pissed. “Are they...in your...I’m going to kill him.” He went to get up as he felt a hand on his arm.

  
“You will do no such thing,” she said between chuckles.

  
“They are...are...fornicating in your house!”

  
“Yes, because we never fornicated in our parents homes,” she said in a tone that made it sound ridiculous.

  
“That is my baby girl, and he is-“

  
“Let it go, Philip. She’s grown.” The creaking sped up before complete silence then the sound of someone falling on a bed with a loud thump floated in. “At least they’re done.”

  
“That makes it so much better,” he said sarcastically. “And I can’t believe you are okay with this while they are in your house!”

  
“As long as they don’t stain the sheet, I’m fine.”

  
“That is disgusting.”

  
“Would it be different if that was us?” She asked with amusement in her voice.

  
“Yes,” he said sternly.

  
“Why?”

  
“Because we love each other.”

  
“They love each other, Philip. You have to see that he absolutely adores her.” She snuggled into him more.

  
He held her close and whispered, “I still don’t like it.”

  
“She is your daughter so I don’t expect you too, but they’ve been dating for how long?”

  
“A year. Almost a year and a half.”

  
“Give him a chance. He’s sweet and quiet and smart and very handsome. Emily loves him to bits.”

  
“That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid he’ll break her heart.”

  
...............................

  
_December 15, 1978_

_  
Stumbling downstairs, Theresa found Philip attempting to make her breakfast. She stood back and watched as he was trying desperately to not burn the toast. She laughed quietly when she heard him mumble something about “...being in the middle of bloody nowhere.” He didn’t have a shirt on, just his flannel pajama pants, and she thought he looked rather handsome. “Good morning, love,” she said, making her presence known._

_  
“Morning. Could you help me with this?” He asked holding up the eggs._

_  
“Give them here.” She worked quietly and efficiently in making scrambled eggs and bacon before turning to see him still struggling with the toast. “Love, do you need help?” A small nod and she had taken over. Breakfast was plated and served with an incredible speed, and before Philip could ask, a piping hot cup of milky tea was placed in front of him._

_  
“Thank you. I did try.”_

_  
“I know. It was sweet that you did,” she said as she passed a plate to him. Their fingers brushed, and each thought about the night before. The memories and the dreams making it hard to sleep at all. Theresa had made her mind up last night. She was going to see if Philip wanted to take the next step in their relationship. She had brought a new nightgown with her. It had been something she splurged on for herself. Long, silk lilac and white lace wrapped around her like a hug when she put it on. Had she bought it with this intention? No. Well, maybe subconsciously. But was she more than willing to use it for this? Yes_

_  
Philip watched as a blush crept up her chest and onto her neck. He had stood and listened at her door last night, waiting to see what exactly she would do. It had ended in a trip to the bathroom for that cold shower he needed. “Why don’t we go walking today? It’s nice outside.”_

_  
“That would be lovely.” She smiled at him. “Then we could come back and have hot chocolate.”_

_  
Philip nodded and watched her tuck in to her food. He had the image of what she had been doing to herself stuck in his head. He listened as her breathing grew shallower and the little mewls she made get louder until a silent scream went up, and the house was quiet._

_  
She knew he heard her. She knew he showered afterwards. She didn’t care. She was in love and happy and she wanted him. So very much._

  
.............................

  
Sun and the smell of coffee woke Theresa up the next morning. Philip was wrapped snuggly around her, his hand on her stomach. She felt like she was in heaven. Everything was warm and nice and homey. She felt protected in the cotton sheets and arms of Philip. She rolled slightly to look at his relaxed face. “Philip,” she said softly, “I think the kids are up.”

  
“Hmm...why?” He asked groggily.

  
“I smell coffee.”

  
“Oh, well they probably need it after last night.”

  
Theresa sniggered as she remembered his huffing and puffing in anger over Emily’s little tryst. “Let them live, love.”

  
“I won’t castrate him this time,” he said with complete seriousness before they both burst into laughter. “We should go down. I’d hate for them to destroy your kitchen.”

  
“You’re probably right. I just have to get my dressing gown.”

  
“Hurry. I really am worried about your kitchen.”

  
After a quick trip to her room and Philip nearly tripping over his own feet, they found themselves seated at the kitchen table. Waffles were being put in front of them with fruit and toast and tea and bacon. “Surprise!” Emily enthusiastically said. “We thought it would be a nice thank you for last night’s dinner.”

  
“How thoughtful,” Theresa remarked. “And it’s even sugar free syrup.” She was beaming at Philip.

  
“We were actually thinking,” Emily said as she popped a strawberry in her mouth, “we would go shopping a bit later. You know, see your constituency.”

  
Theresa nodded as she ate. It was actually really good, and she was going for another waffle before she knew it to the amusement of Philip. He just squeezed her knee and shook his head. “Will you be going to church with me tomorrow?”

  
“I will,” Philip confirmed.

  
“We will as well,” Michael said.

  
Emily looked at him for a moment. “You’re Catholic.”

  
“It’s a church. I don’t think God cares as long as you show up.” Theresa chuckled at his remark.

  
Philip watched the exchange and smiled. Theresa was right about one thing: Michael adored his daughter.

  
“Did everyone sleep well? I did,” Emily said innocently.

  
Philip couldn’t help himself. “I’m surprised you got any sleep at all.”

  
Emily turned red, Michael nearly choked on a blueberry, and Theresa delivered a swift kick under the table. Philip was staring at the youngest two at the table, almost daring them to make eye contact with him.

  
“Why don’t we go shower and get ready to leave, Michael?” Emily asked quickly. They both bolted from the table before any other comments could be made.

  
“Philip, I can’t believe you did that.”

  
“Why?”

  
“I just never thought you’d do that to her is all.”

  
“Don’t mess with a girl’s father. Ever.”

  
.................................

  
_They had retired for the night after their walk and hot chocolate. Well, they weren’t asleep, but they were both in their respective rooms. Theresa had just gotten out of the bath, deciding it was now or never. The smooth silk flowed over her and cascaded down her body, causing her curves to be on full display. She could see his door from hers. Three long strides. That’s all it would take. Putting one door in front of the other, she counted it in her head, ‘1...2...3...here.’_

_  
She debated herself for a moment. Should she turn and go back? Or should she knock? The latter won, and three soft knocks later, her nerves were even more frazzled._

_  
“Umm...hi,” Philip said curiously._

_  
“Hi. Can...can I come in?”_

_  
“Of course.” He stepped aside so she could make her way inside. His jaw dropped as he saw what she was wearing. “You look amazing.”_

_  
A soft blush covered her cheeks as she bowed her head. “It’s new.”_

_  
“It’s beautiful. Like you.”_

_  
“I...well...Philip?”_

_  
“Yes, love?”_

_  
Theresa bit her lower lip. “Will you...make love to me?”_

_  
Philip couldn’t believe it. She, Theresa Mary Brasier, wanted him to take her virginity. Of course he had hoped it would be him on their wedding night, but now? He was stuck between being over eager and being stuck in tradition. “Umm...”_

_  
Theresa felt all hope deflate. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known. You must think so lowly of me now.” Tears were gathering in her eyes as she went to push past him._

_  
“No! I mean...yes. Yes, I want to. I’m just shocked is all. Seeing how you wanted to wait.”_

_  
“I love you and you love me. I...people can change their minds.”_

_  
“Of course they can,” he said as he pressed a kiss to her temple. “And I’m happy you’ve changed yours, but you do want this? I don’t want you to feel like you have to because we are here.”_

_  
“I want this more than you can possibly know. I changed my mind because...well...we’ve shared everything already. I want to share this with you. I want you to have all of me. Heart and body. That means this because I love you so very much.”_

_  
Tears filled his eyes as he heard her. She wanted to give him everything, and he felt honored by the very thought. Philip gently pushed her to sit before taking his place beside her. He was trying to make this as comfortable as possible for both of them. The easiest thing to do was kiss and let it go from there. He cupped her cheek and pressed his lips to hers, feeling her melt against him._

_  
Theresa felt her stomach turn as the kiss deepened. Her hand snaked between them and gently began to rub him, causing moans to reverberate on her lips. She could feel him begin to get aroused; she rubbed faster._

_  
“Mmm...Theresa,” Philip broke away from the kiss, “slow down.”_

_  
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly._

_  
“Can I take the nightgown off?” He was met with a nod and gently bunched the material up until the could take it off of her in one motion. “You are so beautiful.”_

_  
“I’m not.”_

_  
“You are. Absolutely breathtaking.” His hand cupped her breast as his lips attached to her neck again._

_  
Falling back on the bed, she brought him with her, cradled between her thighs. He was causing the most pleasant sensation with his hand, and the moans kept coming. Before she knew it, he had pushed his boxers down and was gently rubbing her, making sure she was ready. She stilled his hand. “Love, I know it will hurt, but...please,” she pleaded._

_  
He kissed her as he lined himself up and began to sink into her. He was attempting to go as slow as possible to cause the least amount of pain. But she was tensing, and he could feel it._

_  
“Philip, stop,” she said suddenly. A burning sensation was coming from the apex of her thighs. It was easing, but it was there. It hurt, and it wasn’t making this much easier._

_  
“Do you want me to quit?” He asked with panic in his voice._

_  
“No. I’ll be fine. Just...rub that spot you usually do.”_

_  
Turning his attention the the sensitive spot he found beneath her ear, Philip stroked her where their bodies joined, the place that never failed to cause the best pleasure imaginable. He could feel her body as a whole relaxing, and he pushed forward again, sliding in completely._

  
.............................

  
They were both showered and dressed, lunch had been eaten, and Emily and Michael were out of the house. Philip had suggested a film on the couch, but Theresa could see the real motive was to snuggle with her. She had said yes of course, and here they were, too wrapped up in each other to notice the film playing on the television. Her hands were resting on his chest as they kissed.

  
“We really do need to watch this,” she breathed out.

  
“Of course.” He settled back with his arm around her. He couldn’t stop himself from peering over her shoulder to see down her top though. It was white and buttoned except for the first two. Her bra was just visible, and he couldn’t help but smirk at the little bit of lace he saw.

  
Theresa knew what he was doing. She knew he was looking down her shirt. He had always done that to her. From when they got serious to through there marriage, he never failed to take the opportunity. She could feel his fingers rubbing circles on her shoulder, and she decided she would be a tease too. Placing her hand on his thigh, she moved it up and down in firm strokes. She felt him freeze before releasing the tension in his body.

  
“This really is a lovely film,” he remarked.

  
“It is.” She arches her back in a mock stretch before sneakily undoing the next button on her shirt to give him a better view. She heard the low groan from Philip as he saw.

  
“Kiss me?”

  
“You never have to ask,” she said as she turned. Their mouths met and a battle for dominance had begun. Tongue was pushing against tongue as Philip pulled her on top of him. Legs on either side of of his squeezed together gently.

  
Between kisses, Theresa whispered, “You can touch me. Please touch me.”

  
He didn’t need telling twice as his hands went to the hem of her shirt before sliding underneath. He could feel the soft skin of her abdomen and stroked it lightly. “You feel good.”

  
“Take it off.”

  
“What?”

  
Theresa pressed her body against his and bit his ear softly before saying in a hushed tone, “Take my shirt off. I know you want to.”

  
The sound of ripping fabric and plastic buttons filled the air. She looked down and smiled when she realized what he had done. ‘Eager indeed,’ she thought. Her hands trailed a way from his shoulders to his belt, hastily unfastening it and reaching in to feel him through his underwear.

  
“Ah...Theresa!”

  
“Does that feel good?”

  
His head was thrown back against the couch. “Yes...so good.” His lips started kissing, licking, and biting her chest. He was determined to make up for lost time, and this was just the start. He groped her breast with one hand while the other went to the clasp at the back when all of a sudden...

  
“OH MY HOLY FUCK! DADDY!” Emily had just walked in on what was probably the most scarring scene in her life.

  
“What-I,” Philip suddenly stood, knocking Theresa off in the process. But her hand was stuck in his pants, and she went tumbling to the ground while simultaneously yanking Philip’s pants down.

  
Michael’s eyes went wide as he saw Emily’s father stood in his boxers with a rather prominent erection. But then he made the mistake of shifting his eyes to the ground. Theresa was sitting on her knees with no shirt on, and her bra was halfway pulled down. He swiftly turned to face the door as he felt the blood in his body rush to his cheeks.

  
“Daddy, please pull your trousers up!” Emily exclaimed as she covered her eyes.

  
Theresa was frantically searching for her shirt on the floor, and when she found it, she mumbled, “Fuck.” It was tattered. She would have to hold it together to give herself some modesty.

  
“I know what I just saw so I want no excuses!” Emily said sternly as she watched the two mature adults situate themselves. “Now, Michael is going to bring the shopping in the kitchen while you two fix...this,” she said motioning to them. “I can’t believe I just cock blocked my dad,” Emily could be heard saying as she made her way into the kitchen.

  
Philip and Theresa looked at each other before bursting into giggles. “I guess we are as bad as them,” Philip said as he kissed her again.

  
............................

  
_Theresa was curled into Philip’s side. “Wow,” she said._

_  
“Yeah. Wow,” a breathless Philip agreed._

_  
“I can’t believe we waited that long to do that.”_

_  
“Worth it though.”_

_  
“Definitely,” she said as she turned and rested her head on her folded hands on his chest._

_  
He brushed her hair back before tracing her shoulder. “You cried, and I thought I’d hurt you.”_

_  
“You didn’t. It was just overwhelming I guess. I love you so much, and I just gave a really important part of me to you. You really do have all of me now.”_

_  
“Oh, love.” He hugged her tight. “And I’ll always cherish that. I’ll always cherish you no matter what.”_

_  
“I know,” she said softly. “That’s why I cried.”_

 

 

 


	11. The Crying Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Physical abuse depicted and mentions of sexual abuse.

> November 27, 2017

  
Theresa stared at herself in the mirror. How many times has she just stared at herself? She didn’t know, but it was a lot. ‘It’s funny how a reflection can change,’ she thought. She had seen her face in many different ways and through many different eyes. She had seen herself as beautiful and ugly, strong and weak, happy and broken and everything in between.

  
Drip. The faucet was leaking, but it was a nice distraction from the battle in her mind. Philip was going to be here any minute. He had to know what happened. It was the only way this was going to move forward at all. The only way for him to understand the missing years of her life. Drip. She glanced down and turned the handle to the sink harder. Drip. Drip. Drip. She listened to the methodical sound and let it comfort her before she took a deep breath. The dripping was matching her heart, steady and there, reassuring almost.

  
6:47 the clock on her phone read. Thirteen minutes. That’s all she had to either change her mind or change their relationship. But then she heard a knock at her door. He was early. She had invited him over to stay the night, the week really. He would need it to process all of this. ‘Deep breaths,’ a voice in her head said. ‘Deep breaths and faith.’ Her heels echoed off the hallway walls as she made her way to the door.

  
Blue eyes met green as the door open. “Hello.”

  
His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Hi, love.”

  
“We...we have to talk.”

  
................................

  
_October 4, 1993_

_  
It was late. The house was quiet. Too quiet. Theresa had never like the quiet. It reminded her that she was alone. Sam wasn’t home yet even though she had asked he not stay out too late. They had lived together for just over two weeks. It was a whirlwind romance with Theresa falling hard and fast. He had helped her. Or at least she thought so. The alcohol was gone, for her that is. He still drank occasionally, but she didn’t mind. The ever revolving door of men that were between her legs stopped too. She had cut her few “friends with benefits” loose after Sam said he loved her. They had all been sad having formed rather close friendships with her, but they said they understood._

_  
Now, as she lay there in bed alone, she wondered what Sam was doing. He and some friends usually went out at the beginning of each month. She didn’t begrudge him that. Everyone needed a break, but she missed him. The front door creaked open. She could hear from upstairs. Sitting up, she heard him stumble around. ‘He’s drunk.’ A loud crash could be heard. ‘Very drunk.’_

_  
Slipping out of bed, she walked to the stairs and looked over to see him sitting on the couch. She slowly descended them one by one. This was still unfamiliar territory for her. She had moved to his house. It was bigger than her flat, and neither wanted to buy property together yet. “Hi, love,” she said softly._

_  
Sam turned, eyes glassy from the liquor. “Hey. Come here,” he said motioning her over._

_  
Theresa walked closer. She could smell the whiskey on him. He patted his knee to indicate she should sit, and she did, wrapping her arms around his neck in the process. “How were the boys?”_

_  
“They were boys,” he slurred. “Mmm...you smell nice.” He buried his head in her neck._

_  
“Thank you. You smell like you’ve had too much to drink,” she teased._

_  
He gave her a drunken smile. “Probably right.” She could feel his hand running up her thigh; she shivered. “But not too drunk not to want you.”_

_  
“Come upstairs then. But you have to brush your teeth first.”_

_  
He laughed and kissed her. “You don’t like my whiskey breath? I’m hurt.”_

_  
“Sorry, love. I’m not a fan.” She laid her head on his shoulder._

_  
“I’d probably fall asleep before we could actually do anything.”_

_  
“Probably.” He was warm, and he felt safe. “We should still get you upstairs.”_

_  
“Yeah,” he mumbled as he gently lifted her off his lap. He almost tripped standing up, but he made it to the the stair rail. “Shall we?”_

_  
Theresa bit her lip to hide the smile on her face. “You go up. I’m just going to get you a glass of water and some tablets for your head.”_

_  
“Always looking out for me.”_

_  
“Well, of course.”_

  
.............................

  
Philip was nervous as he sat on the couch. Talking had always been his strong suit, but they way Theresa had looked made his stomach twist itself into knots. Theresa sat nervously across from him. He could sense her apprehension, and it made him worry more.

  
“Philip,” she said as she shifted to face him, “I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

  
His anxiety skyrocketed. Did she not really love him? Was there someone else? What was it? “What do you mean?”

  
“I told you there was someone after the divorce. Well, we need to talk about that.”

  
“Were you two married?” He asked as his hands started shaking.

  
“No, but we did live together for quite sometime. Almost two years.”

  
“I see. I’m not mad about that.”

  
“I know. I just...he wasn’t the nicest person.” She bit her lip. “He could be quite nasty when he wanted.”

  
Philip saw the change in her face. There was a sadness there, but it was a hollow sadness. It was haunting. “Was he mean to you?”

  
Her eyes were searching for something to look at; they landed on her feet. “Sometimes.”

  
His anger flared. “What was his name?”

  
“Samuel. That’s all you need to know. He...I thought I was in love with him. I thought he was the one after you. It was all very rushed, you see. We were living together within two months of meeting.”

  
He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. This was her time to speak so he nodded.

  
“He was funny and quite handsome. He helped me in the beginning. I went through a rather rough patch,” she said as she fiddled with her hands. “I was drinking too much. Slept around a bit. That sort of thing, but then I met Sam. He helped me quit drinking, and I got rid of the men.” She looked up and saw Philip swallow hard as he thought about it all. “I wasn’t an alcoholic, but I was still drinking too much. And as for the guys, there weren’t nearly as many as that sounds.”

  
“How many?” He asked suddenly.

  
She didn’t expect that question at all, but she knew if he was going to know this part, he had to know it all. “Seven. Three one night stands, three men I worked with that I mostly used for comfort, and Sam.”

  
“I see.” His hand turned into a fist.

  
“Don’t be angry. I never thought we would ever get back together, and like I said, it was a rough patch.”

  
“What else happened?” He said as his eyes peered into hers.

  
“I...umm...we were quite serious. I kept expecting a ring to be honest,” she said with a slight chuckle. “I think I fell in love with the idea of love and him. He was...different. He made me feel good.”

  
Philip scooted over and wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. “Why did it end?”

  
“He hurt me. He,” she looked down and whispered, “he broke me.”

  
................................

  
_A glass of water was in one hand and the tablets in the other. The light from the bedroom was enough to guide her up the stairs. Walking in, she set the water and medicine down before going to the bathroom. The shower was running, and she could see Sam’s frame outlined through the glass of the shower door. She leaned against the doorway to study him. Broad shoulders, muscles, and he was tall. She never went for this type, but he was different somehow. Maybe in the way he cared about her or the way he held her or the way he made love to her like she was the only girl in the world._

_  
She walked closer, watching water run down him. She slowly pulled one strap of her nightgown down before doing the same to the other and watching it fall. He wasn’t facing her, and she was almost glad that she could surprise him. The door opened without a sound when she pulled the handle. She felt warm, moist air hit her as stepped on the slick tiles. Her hand pressed into his back before the other joined it, rubbing slow circles until she wrapped them around him and rested her head on the back of his shoulder._

_  
“I’m glad you joined me,” he said softly._

_  
“I believe you said you wanted me,” she explained._

_  
Turning, he wrapped her into a hug. “I’ll always want you.” He placed a soft kiss in her hair and pulled her under the water. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”_

_  
“You do. Almost daily.”_

_  
“Almost? That needs to change. It has to be daily,” he said smiling. He leaned down and kissed her before sliding his hands to hold her hips._

_  
“You brushed your teeth.”_

_  
“You did ask.” He walked them backwards toward the cool wall of the shower and pressed her against it. His hands were everywhere at once, and his mouth was trailing kisses over her chest._

_  
‘Ever the pleaser,’ she thought as he kissed down her stomach. She looked down and smiled at him, hands running through his thick, dark hair. He held eye contact as he kissed her thighs. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. His hand cup her thigh before lifting it over his shoulder. “Mmm...Sam.” A smile spread across her face._

_  
Momentarily breaking away from his task, Sam looked up. “Yes, Theresa?”_

_  
“Nothing. Nothing. Carry on.”_

  
............................

  
‘Broke her? How? She isn’t a horse you break in. She’s...her,’ Philip thought. He watched her pause and stay silent. The unshed tears in her eyes were gleaming in the iridescent light. “Do you want to continue? Or do you want to leave it for now?”

  
“I would like to leave it for now. I’m very tired, and it’s hard to talk about,” she managed to get out without sobbing.

  
Philip reached across and held her hand. “Of course, love. Only tell me what you feel comfortable with.”

  
A watery smile was given back to him. “Why don’t we go to bed? We can continue tomorrow night.”

  
“Perfect.” He let her climb the stairs first. The shakiness in her voice and the sadness in her eyes told him much of the story. He could feel the anger swelling in his chest before running through his veins. He had seen scars when he had taken her shirt off during their little incident. The very thought of a man...doing that to her made him want to slam his fist in a wall. How dare someone hurt her? It obviously still affected her; he could see how she was struggling earlier. That’s why he suggested they stop.

  
She slowly wiped her makeup off before brushing her teeth and removing her jewelry. Then off went the kitten heels and finally, the dress. She felt...vulnerable like this. It was like she was taking off her armor by taking off the things that adorned her regularly. Philip had seen this stripped down version, but he didn’t know how bare she felt inside. Everything was visible in this state, and she didn’t know if she was comfortable with that.

  
Philip had watched her. He saw the slight tremble in her hands as she took off the jewelry and the makeup, the way she softly sighed when taking the heels and putting them away, and the way she hunched herself over more when the dress slipped to the floor. He had already changed for bed; he was waiting on her. He knew he should have probably looked away when she reached to unclasp her bra, but he couldn’t. Neither lamp was on as he observed this fantastical creature he called his own. The moonlight bathed her in a soft glow as it illuminated the porcelain skin. He could see the curve of her breast, the dip of her waist, the pronounced hips she wore so elegantly, and he could see the long, slender legs that everyone envied.

  
She was searching through a drawer for her nightgown before she slipped it over her head and padded to bed. She had just settled in when his arm wrapped around her and pulled her close to him. Before she could stop herself, she felt the hot tears run down her cheeks. Great sobs escaped her throat as she clung to him. She could tell his shirt was soaked, but he didn’t seem to care. He didn’t ask questions either. He simply held her, making long, soothing passes up and down her back. Multiple kisses were pressed to the crown of her head as he whispered “I love you” over and over and over again.

  
................................

  
_She was on cloud nine at the moment. She was still pressed against the wall of the shower, but she couldn’t really care. She squeezed her legs together, feeling the bulk of a man, her man. Support for her came from the wall, and Sam holding her up until her breathing settled. “We should do this more often,” she breathed out._

_  
Sam smiled before kissing her deeply, sliding his tongue past her lips. “We should. Can you stand? I’m still drunk, and I don’t know how long I can do this,” he teased._

_  
“Yeah. Put me down,” she said as she placed one foot on the ground before the other. “I’m going to get some underwear for us, and then we can lie down.”_

_  
“Sounds like a plan.” He smirked to himself as she climbed out and took a towel._

_  
She was smiling like an idiot, and she knew it. She was happy. Genuinely happy. She hadn’t felt this way in a long time, since before the divorce actually. It hadn’t taken her long to dig through their clothes to find undergarments. How normal it all seemed to her. She could see herself doing this with him in years, decades, to pass. ‘Maybe with the pitter-patter of little feet down the line, as well,’ she thought before blushing. ‘No. Not yet, Theresa. Calm down. But it would be wonderful.’ She could easily imagine a few little ones with him._

_  
She all but skipped back into the bathroom. “Here we are, love. Boxers for you, and...” She trailed off as she looked up. He was holding up the clothes she had worn to work today._

_  
“What’s this?” He asked evenly._

_  
“My outfit from work?” She said. The questioning tone was accompanied by an arched eyebrow._

_  
He gently laid the skirt down next to the double sinks. “I see.”_

_  
“Is there something wrong? Do you not like that skirt suit?”_

_  
“What time did you get home?”_

_  
“What?” She couldn’t believe he was asking her that._

_  
“I said, what time did you get home?” There was an irritation in his voice now._

_  
“Around six. As usual.”_

_  
“You didn’t have lunch with anyone today, did you?”_

_  
She was beginning to get annoyed herself with the line of questioning. “No. I took my lunch, and then came straight home. What are you accusing me of?”_

_  
“Nothing. This skirt just seems a little short for work is all.”_

_  
“Excuse me?”_

  
.................................

  
Each of them held two rather large whiskeys as Theresa talked about Sam. She was just as uncomfortable as the night before, and he was just as upset. There was a tension in the air. It was angry and sad and hollow and desperate. It was a tension that was hungry. It was the kind that would feed off of you until it snapped.

  
“He used to take me places. We would go to Paris for the weekend or Italy or some other place. It was nice for a while. Then he started using it against me,” she explained.

  
Philip knew he had a useless poker face, and he knew she could read him like a book. There was a reason she sat across from him. She could see how mad he was. “How did he use it against you?”

  
“Said I owed him. He would remind me of it.”

  
“Theresa, I love you...”

  
She tensed. She could sense a “but” coming. “I love you too,” she said apprehensively.

  
“That’s all. I just thought you should know.” He gave her a warm smile.

  
‘This is his way of telling you it’s okay,’ a voice in her head said to her. ‘This is him saying he knows.’ She took a deep breath before she walked over to him. Her hands started unbuttoning her shirt. She was trembling, but she knew he had to see.

  
“Love, what are you-“

  
“I have to show you. You have to see to understand.” The cotton fabric was hanging open as she unzipped her skirt. With it gone, she pulled her shirt off. This was it. Every scar, every story, everything was laid bare to him. “Do...do you see?” She whispered.

  
His eyes glassed over with tears as he took her in. He had seen them fleetingly, but now up close, he wanted to wail. He stood so they were eye to eye before glancing at her neck. There were two long, thin, white lines trailing from her ear to her collarbone.

  
“Kitchen knife. I came home late.”

  
He nodded as her looked at the valley between her breasts. Four burns and two jagged, puffy scars. “This?” He gently traced them, trying to keep his emotions at bay. This was her time. Not his.

  
“The burns are from a cigar. The scars are from hitting the corner of the side table. It was just because he was bored I guess.” She was distant. Cold. Numb, that old friend of hers was back. She had told this story too many times to still get emotional. The first to her GP. The second to her cousin, Mary, after the first time she left.

  
There were a few more on her ribs, but he looked lower. Her thighs had teeth marks on the inside, and his stomach dropped. “He...he hurt you so much.”

  
A slow nod was her answer.

  
He wrapped her up in a hug and softly stroked her hair. “Oh, love. He will never do that again. He won’t. I swear it.” He was the one crying now, and she held him.

  
“I know,” she soothed. “I know.”

  
..............................

  
_“I won’t repeat myself.”_

_  
“You think I wore it on purpose? My other suits for work are at the dry cleaners. This was the only one I had left, and I didn’t wear it by choice. I wore by necessity.”_

_  
He raised his head, coldness in his eyes. “No need to get smart with me.”_

_  
Theresa crossed her arms. “I’m not getting smart. I’m defending myself. I am a grown woman, and if I want to wear a short skirt, I will. You are not-“ Her rant was cut short as she felt her head bounce into the door frame. The resounding crack filled the silence. Her knees gave out, and it went dark for a moment before her eyes saw haziness. Everything was doubled or tripled, and half of her face was stinging. There was something running down her forehead, and when she saw it drip onto the floor, she knew it was blood._

_  
“I said don’t get smart. Now clean yourself up and come get in bed.”_

_  
He stepped over her as she curled into a ball. The rattling was still in her ears, and there was far too much pain to move. Her head throbbed, and she still wasn’t sure what happened. There was confusion, and a million different thoughts racing around in her mind. Crawling, she was just able to pull her body up on the sink. There were two of her, but she could see the clear bruise forming on her right cheek and the deep gash on her forehead from hitting the door hinge._

_  
“Hurry up, Theresa.”_

_  
‘How the hell can I?’ She didn’t want to go back in that bedroom with him. She wanted to lock the bathroom door and sleep in the tub until the sun came up. But she also didn’t want to be hit again, which she assumed would happen. She grabbed the underwear she had originally planned to wear and held them to her head, the fabric absorbing the blood. She stumbled to the bed before falling in and making herself as small as possible. ‘I want Philip,’ flashed across her mind._

_  
“Goodnight.” He said as though he hadn’t just effectively crushed the woman beside him._

_  
“Hmm,” was all she could manage. She was hurting, and she didn’t know what had happened. ‘Who is this? Who is he?’_

  
...............................

  
“There was a baby,” she said suddenly. They had eaten dinner a short while ago, and she thought it was now or never. “She wasn’t planned. I thought maybe we would have children, but after the first time he...he hit me, I changed my mind. But I got pregnant.”

  
Philip was...he didn’t know exactly. He wasn’t mad exactly. Nor was he sad. The feminine pronoun she used caught his attention. She had a daughter. Well, two if you counted theirs. “Did you miscarry?” It seemed sensible. She had twice when they were married. In fact, it was the miscarriages that drove them apart.

  
The sheer bluntness took her by surprise. “No. I gave birth.”

  
‘Frozen. That was it,’ he thought. “Oh. So, you have a daughter somewhere? Did you give her up?” He asked confused. He genuinely didn’t understand. She loved children. She wanted them desperately. He couldn’t see her giving her child up, but he couldn’t think of another explanation.

  
“No.” She began to fidget again. “She was stillborn. She had a broken neck after Sam beat me.”

  
His heart skipped a beat. His poor Theresa. The woman he loved more than anything, other than his daughter, had motherhood snatched away from her over and over again. She had endured so much heartbreak with nothing to show for it. He didn’t need to say anything, and neither did she. He simply tugged her closer and held her tighter.

  
“She had black hair, like Emily. It was thick. I saved a piece. The nurse gave it to me. She was so beautiful,” she said in a hushed tone. There was only a wistfulness in her voice, and he knew she was imagining her little girl growing up, taking that first breath outside of the womb.

  
He kissed her head gently. “What was her name?” She wanted to talk about it; he knew. This heartbreak was the one she had been worried about. It wasn’t the physical abuse that had plagued her. It was this, the loss of her daughter.

  
“Mae. I wanted her to remind me of you,” she said honestly. “But hers was with an ‘e’.”

  
His eyes misted over again. Even though he had broken her heart, she wanted to remember him. And by calling her daughter after him. His heart ached as he pictured what her baby would be like. She would have been beautiful and lovely and sweet and compassionate. “You wanted to call her after me?”

  
Smiling, she looked at him. “Yes. I wanted her to have your kindness, and your heart.”

  
“What happened? I mean, if you feel like telling me.”

  
Theresa laced their hands together. “Umm...Sam came home drunk, and I was almost at my due date. Only a week left so I was huge. He wanted sex, but I didn’t feel like it. We fought. Hormones made me feistier,” she let out a nervous chuckle. “I remember she was so active. Kicking and flipping and keeping me awake at night, but then, he hit me again. I tried to get away, but he caught me on the landing of the stairs and shoved me down them. He started kicking my stomach, and blood was everywhere.” Her voice was thick with tears. “I managed to call an ambulance. I woke up to them telling me to push, but I already knew she was gone. She went all quiet. I got to hold her before they took her.”

  
He had never felt heartache like he did in that moment. She was so...resigned. She had accepted it, and he just wanted to grieve. It was in the past, but he wanted to weep for this little life that would never be lived.

  
“I left after that. It’s one thing to break me. But he murdered my daughter. I would’ve killed him in his sleep had I stayed.”

  
..............................

  
_There was brightness in the room, and her head throbbed. Her whole body throbbed to be honest. She winced as she turned to see his side empty. ‘Thank God.’ Sitting up was a task. She was sure she had a slight concussion as she weakly made her way to the bathroom. Bits and pieces were playing in her mind of the night before. A gasp echoed off the walls as she looked at herself: black cheek on one side and a large, swollen cut on the other. She looked a right mess. And she was scared._

_  
“Morning,” Sam called._

_  
She flinched as he walked through the door. She was still naked, and she scurried to find her nightgown and put it on. Fear was an understatement as she looked at him._

_  
He looked her over. “I know that you are scared of me, and I feel horrible that I even got angry about the skirt. It was so stupid, and now I’ve hurt you,” he said with sincerity in his voice._

_  
She was trying to put as much space between them as possible. She really just wanted her mum. Her mum would tell her what to do, but her mum would also probably disown her for living with a man that wasn’t her husband. He looked upset when she finally had the courage to make eye contact._

_  
“I would never want to hurt you, and I feel so ashamed that I did.” He took a step towards her causing her to shrink back. “I am so sorry. So, so sorry, Theresa. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was drunk and not thinking straight, and I was just thinking about how all those men would be staring. Please forgive me.”_

_  
Theresa appraised him with a skeptical eye. She wasn’t doing anything anytime soon._

_  
Sam looked down, biting his lip. “I understand you are probably confused. I am too, and I feel so guilty. But if you’ll let me, I want to make it up to you. I want to fix this. Let me apologize. Please.” He met her eyes with tears in his._

_  
She melted. “Fine,” she croaked out. Her voice was scratchy from the argument the night before and sleep. She was still in a daze, and her mind still hadn’t wrapped itself around what happened._

_  
“Thank you so much, love. And I promise this will never, ever happen again.”_

  
..............................

  
Philip felt sick to his stomach. She had promised this was the worst one. She had said he had to know, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him yet. Then she did. He felt his heart shatter. And then shatter again. And again. And again. It had been four of the most excruciating nights of his life as he had listened to her recount the horrors she’d been through. But tonight he wanted to actually die.

  
“Philip?” She called softly, breaking his trance.

  
He stared at her, just drinking the sight of her in. Then he felt the bile rise in his throat as he rushed over to the bin. Everything in his stomach, and then some went in. He felt her next to him, her hand rubbing his back. Then, he thought about it and puked again.

  
“I should’ve warned you. I’m sorry.”

  
He waved his hand in dismissal. Nothing could have prepared him for that. “Love, I don’t think a warning would have helped.”

  
“Do you still love me?” She asked nervously, biting her lip and refusing to look up.

  
Philip sat back and stared at her. “Of course I do. This, what happened, isn’t your fault. It was, and will never,” he replied while grabbing her hands, “be your fault. Ever.”

  
“But-“

  
“No. That monster, he...he raped you. You said no. You told him to stop. He is the one who is evil and dirty and unclean. You aren’t.” He cupped her face gently. “You are strong and beautiful and loving and so damn amazing. If anything, you shouldn’t love me. I’m the one who isn’t worthy.”

  
Tears were streaming down her face. She had been worried he would see her as dirty, but he didn’t. “You are. You are the only one that I’ve ever truly loved. I might’ve shared my body, but I never really shared my heart. You have my heart.” She cradled his face and rested her forehead against his. “You are my everything.”

  
There was sobbing and smiling and kissing and laughing. There was hugging and cuddling. Because if healing was going to start anywhere, it was going to start with love.

 

 

 


	12. House Party

December 4, 2017

  
Theresa sighed as she settled back into her seat on the redecorated RAF plane. Another meeting in Brussels that was a bust. Negotiations would be stalled until after Christmas if something big didn’t happen.

  
“Here,” she heard Emily say. She turned to see the girl holding out a crystal tumbler with a clear liquid and a slice of lime. “It’s a gin and tonic. You need a pick me up.”

  
She hesitated before slowly curling her hand around the glass. The cool liquid against her palm almost felt good. She felt stifled in the cabin of the aircraft. “Thank you.” She took a long sip and felt the alcohol burn down her throat. “How are you doing? We haven’t had much time to talk recently.”

  
Emily took the seat next to Theresa’s and sighed. “I’m fine. Michael and I are looking at houses.”

  
“Oh? That’s exciting.”

  
“Not really. We can’t really afford one with him still in school so we are just looking.”

  
“I see.” Theresa studied the young woman’s face. She too had dark circles and looked worn. She wore an expression far too old for her age, but Theresa knew that without her, the team, her team, wouldn’t be anywhere close to efficient. “Is there anything I can do?”

  
Looking over, Emily gave a small smile. “No but thank you. I’m hoping he’ll propose soon so I just thought we could get a general feel of what we wanted when we do settle down.”

  
“You’ve only been together for a year and a half, and you are expecting a ring? Your father took forever before he would even discuss it.”

  
“How long did it take him?” Emily asked with excited curiosity. Philip was reluctant to share too many details about his former marriage.

  
“Two...nearly three years.” Theresa smiled at the memory.

  
“Really?”

  
“Mmhmm. I think Damien actually pushed him to do it,” she chuckled out.

  
Emily raised her eyebrows in amusement. “Uncle Damien? As in Damien Green?

  
“Yep. That’s the one.”

  
“Well, that’s a shocker.”

  
Theresa had just taken another drink when she snorted and started coughing. “You think that’s a shocker?! I have quite a few stories about him and your father.”

  
“Care to share?” Emily asked mischievously.

  
“Well...there is one. It was right after your father and me started dating.”

  
“What happened?”

  
“We went to Manchester for a weekend for some shopping. It was your father, Alicia, Damien, and me. We stayed with some friends of Damien’s.”

  
...............................

  
_April 1977_

_  
Theresa was nervous as she stepped onto the sidewalk. The city itself was bustling around her. She had never been on an overnight trip with a boy who wasn’t family, let alone a boyfriend. Her parents knew of course. She had made perfectly clear that Alicia was going. Hubert and Zaidee Brasier didn’t mind; they trusted her, and she wasn’t going to break that trust anytime soon._

_  
Philip could see the uneasiness by her posture. Theresa usually slouched a bit. He knew she was a bit self conscious of her height, and he also knew that it was so he wouldn’t feel bad. But she was rigid now. It was like a steel rod had replaced her spine as he looked her up and down. Slowly, he slid his hand in hers and felt her relax a touch. “Are you okay, love?”_

_  
“Oh...umm...just nervous.” She gave a tight smile. Her nerves were high, and her heart was pounding._

_  
He gave a soft squeeze to her fingers. “Hey, we are here to have fun. We are here to shop and eat and go out. That’s it. I mean we are sleeping in these people’s living room with Damien and Alicia. And they have kids!” They both chuckled. “Your parents know you are here. My parents know I am here. Would you feel more comfortable if I got you a room somewhere? I can. It’s not a big deal.”_

_  
Theresa’s eyes went wide. “What?! No! Don’t be silly. I just...I’ve never done something like this before. It’s...odd.” She ducked her head as a blush spread across her face._

_  
“I know. It’s all new to me too, but let’s make the most of it. We have reservations tonight at that Italian place Damien raved about, and after,” he pulled her closer and swayed them back and forth, “we are going dancing.”_

_  
“Really?” She knew she looked like a child with her excitement, but she actually enjoyed dancing. It was the little bit of public affection she was comfortable with. “Where?”_

_  
Smiling to himself, Philip watched as her eyes lit up, and her face showed a childlike excitement. “There is a little place not too far from the house. I thought it better knowing Damien’s proclivity for drunkenness.”_

_  
“Ahh...probably right,” she chuckled as she held his hand tighter. “If we are going out to dance, I need a new dress.”_

_  
“Of course you do.”_

_  
“And shoes.”_

_  
Philip raised an eyebrow. “Love, do you...not already have enough?”_

_  
“Oh, no. A woman can never have too many shoes.” She gave him a brilliant smile before quickly pecking his cheek. “Now, lets go find me an outfit,” she said as she dragged him down the street after her._

  
.................................

  
“What else happened? You can’t tell me you just went to dinner and went dancing,” Emily said incredulously.

  
“No. There’s more, but I’m not sure you could handle it!” Theresa exclaimed as she laughed.

  
Emily looked at her for a moment before she decided to go for it. “It’s not about your...sex life, is it?”

  
“What?! No! Absolutely not!” Theresa couldn’t even fathom telling Emily something like that. “But I saw more of Damien than I ever thought I would. More than I ever needed as well.”

  
“What? Aunt Alicia was with you, you said. What could have possibly happened?”

  
“Your uncle Damien isn’t the best to drink with. I don’t like alcohol for the most part-“

  
“Tell me about it. I’ve tried to get you drunk on multiple occasions,” Emily said as she crossed her arms.

  
“Anyway, I had a single glass of wine and some cider while your father and Damien were inhaling shots like it was air.”

  
“Daddy?! My father?! As in, Philip John May, born September 18, 1957, was doing shots?!” Emily asked in shock. She had seen her father do many things, mostly embarrassing, but she couldn’t see him doing shots, even in his youth.

  
Theresa’s face broke into a grin. “Yes. Your father. He could hold it better than Damien. I mean, he could at least walk back to the house we were staying at.”

  
“Aunt Alicia was okay with this?”

  
Snorting, Theresa covered her mouth. “Well, let me tell you about her!”

  
...............................

  
_The fact that Theresa was the only sober one frightened her. Philip was alright, but he wasn’t completely there. And Damien...well...he was near the point of blacking out. She let her eyes scan their table at the bar they had come to. Shot and wine glasses covered the surface while she sat there with a sparkling water after deciding alcohol wasn’t her style. She watched as Philip tried to trudge back to the table with Damien._

_  
“Love,” Philip slurred out, “lets dance.”_

_  
“You are too drunk to dance.”_

_  
“I am not,” he said indignantly before pulling her onto the dance floor. They stumbled as he spun, or attempted to spin her. Her new shoes made it hard to stand because she had yet to wear them in. The music was upbeat, and she could see this ending badly._

_  
“Philip, we should just go back to our seats,” she said as she was pushed back and forth in the crowd of people._

_  
“No!” He shouted over the loud beat._

_  
Sighing, she felt herself get more jostled in the crowd before there was a tugging on her skirt. She looked down to see her best friend, Alicia, sprawled in the floor with one leg tucked under her with the other extended and looking very tipsy. “Alicia?!”_

_  
“Do you have a sticking plaster?”_

_  
“A sticking plaster?! Why the hell would I have a sticking plaster?!” She exclaimed._

_  
Alicia attempted to stand up, but her shoes were slick on the floor so she fell again. “I don’t know. You are the one who acts so mumsy.”_

_  
Theresa was about to reply when Philip tugged her close to him and pressed his lips to hers in a very heated kiss. She quickly pushed him back, reprimand on her tongue when she saw why Alicia needed the medical bandage. She had scraped her knee rather badly when she fell while dancing, and blood was gushing out of the open wound. “Oh my Lord. Alright, Philip, help Alicia up while I find Damien. We are leaving.”_

_  
Philip pouted, “But, love-“_

_  
“No but’s. We are going.”_

  
..............................

  
Emily was enthralled by the story. She had learned several things already about what a young Theresa and Philip were like. “And?”

  
Theresa could tell Philip hadn’t spoken much about his youth by the way Emily was clinging to her words. She wondered if it was because of the memories they had shared as a couple or if he just didn’t talk about the past. “We managed to stumble to the house. I went straight to sleep on this little makeshift bed in the floor after fixing Alicia up. She was too drunk to feel any of the pain thankfully. She slept on one couch while Damien was on the other.”

  
“And daddy?”

  
“He slept on the floor with me. We had a wall of pillows separating us,” she said, smiling at the memory.

  
“That’s sweet.” Emily wanted to ask if there was more, but she didn’t want pry. She knew Theresa liked her privacy, but she thought she deserved something after walking in on her and her father’s little escapade. “Is that it? What about you seeing more of Uncle Damien than you wanted?”

  
“I’m just warning you, prepare yourself.”

  
“Is it bad?”

  
“Love, you are going to wet yourself laughing by the time I’m through.”

  
..........................

  
_Rolling over, Theresa could make out the shape of a person in the kitchen. It was an open floor plan so everything was visible, and as her eyes shifted to the light, she could tell that this person was completely naked. The moonlight streaming in through the window illuminated whoever it was, but all Theresa could see was bare, pale, almost translucent, ass. Taking in the hair and height and build she immediately knew who it was and clapped her hand over her eyes. She turned and started hitting her boyfriend. “Philip!” She said in a hushed yell. “Philip, wake up! Wake up right now!”_

_  
“Hmm...what is it?” He asked groggily._

_  
Grabbing his t-shirt, she pulled him to face her. “Get your friend,” she said through clenched teeth._

_  
“What are you on abou-oh,” he whispered as he sat up. “Is he...?”_

_  
“Yes and these people, who we don’t know, have children. It’s nearly seven in the morning. They will be up soon,” she said with great urgency._

_  
“Right. I’ll get him.”_

_  
“Good.”_

  
............................

  
The raven haired girl’s jaw was dropped. She couldn’t take it in. At all. This story had everything she didn’t expect: booze, acting foolish, and unsolicited nudity.

  
“I know what you are thinking. We couldn’t possibly be capable of all this. Worse is still to come,” Theresa said smugly. She knew people saw her as boring. If only they knew.

  
“Worse?! How could it possibly get worse?!”

  
Theresa gave a mischievous smile before she downed her gin.

  
.............................

  
_After some coaxing by Philip, Damien had been put back on the couch, the disrupted couple had been able to fall back asleep, and everything seemed all right. That was until Theresa sensed someone standing over her. She slowly blinked one eye open to see a, yet again, naked Damien standing at her feet with his hands cupping his...well him. His head was hung, and he looked as though he was asleep standing up. She jumped and gave a silent shriek._

_  
“Theresa, what’s wrong?” Philip asked. He hadn’t really been able to get back to sleep. The image of his friend’s nakedness haunting him._

_  
“Look forward.”_

_  
“What?” He looked at her._

_  
Theresa slowly cupped his face and pushed it so he saw what she did. “We might have to tie him to the couch.”_

_  
“Oh for Christ’s sake, Damien.” Philip ran a hand over his face. “Can’t we just get Alicia to deal with this?”_

_  
“Good luck waking her up,” Theresa remarked as she glanced at the woman whose snores could shake a house._

_  
“Damn. Okay, I’ll get him back on the couch, but I am not helping him get dressed.”_

_  
“Why?!”_

_  
“What if I accidentally...touch it?” He said in disgust._

_  
Theresa rolled her eyes and was about to give a snarky comeback when Damien marched over to the couch and let his hands fall away. “Oh my God. It just...drops like that?!” She asked horrified. She had never seen one other than baby cousins and godsons when she would change their diapers or in biology books, and she was...curious and slightly repulsed._

_  
Philip looked at her. “That is your main concern right now? That our...bits hang?”_

_  
Theresa snapped out of her state of shock. “What? Sorry. You’re right.”_

_  
Damien looked up through hazy eyes before sitting on the couch with his legs open. The couple watched as he put one shoe on before the other. “I think I’m just going to head home now,” he said slowly while standing._

_  
“I think he’s still asleep,” Philip whispered._

_  
Theresa nodded before replying, “At this point, if he wants to go, I’m letting him.”_

_  
“Don’t be that way.”_

_  
Theresa propped herself with her arm and looked down at him. “Philip, I have spent this little vacation taking care of him and you. Don’t tell me what to be like.”_

_  
“I’m just saying-“_

_  
Crash! They both looked over to see Damien splayed on the hardwood floor, bottom stuck in the air. Theresa and Philip heard a creaky door from upstairs swing open and immediately rolled over to pretend to sleep. Quick footsteps were getting closer before Jonathan, the man whose house they were at, said “Oh for fuck’s sake!”_

_  
“What is it? Oh,” his wife, Caryn, said. Judging by the tone change, the couple hiding under the blanket were certain she just saw the grown man in her floor._

_  
“Help me get him back on the couch before the kids come down,” Jonathan said urgently._

_  
“All right. At least the others are sane,” the wife said annoyed._

_  
“Please don’t.”_

_  
“I told you this was a bad idea!”_

_  
Two other, much lighter, sets of feet joined the other. A loud shriek was let out. “Daddy, what is that?!” A little girl could be heard saying._

_  
Philip buried his head in his girlfriend’s shoulder to hide his laughter. “I feel you, kid. I feel you,” Theresa whispered, causing Philip to laugh harder._

_  
“It’s like mine!” A boy’s voice exclaimed. “But his is...standing up?”_

_  
It was Theresa’s turn to bury her face in Philip’s chest. “What on earth?” she whispered._

_  
Philip kissed her head before bringing his mouth to her ear. “It happens in the mornings.”_

_  
She quickly glanced down and eyed him suspiciously. “Are you...?”_

_  
“No,” he said as quietly as possible. “I’ve not been asleep.”_

_  
“Ahh.”_

_  
“Kids, go back to bed. It’s still early,” Caryn said in a voice that meant no arguing._

_  
“Yes, ma’am,” they said before dashing off._

_  
“Okay, just lay him down. I got his boxers on,” Jonathan commanded._

_  
They heard the couch squeak as Damien was laid back down. “Why does he have shoes on? Oh, never mind. I don’t want to know,” the woman of the house irately said._

_  
“Probably best, love.”_

_  
“I’m going back to bed!”_

_  
“Me too. I’m exhausted after that,” Jonathan said as they made their way back upstairs._

_  
Being left alone again, Theresa and Philip looked at each other before bursting into silent peals of laughter. It was the kind that you couldn’t breathe with, the kind that made your sides hurt._

  
...............................

  
Emily was shaking with laughter, tears streaming. She could actually see this happening now. “Those poor kids!”

  
“Tell me about it. Needless to say, we got hotel rooms the next night,” Theresa said.

  
“Good! He sounds like horrible company!”

  
“Your father was very sweet about. He apologized for it even though it wasn’t his fault.” She smiled as she thought about how he took her out for a nice, quiet dinner before they just walked around the city.

  
“Sounds like Daddy.”

  
“Do you have any embarrassing stories about him?”

  
“Too many to count, but we are about to land,” Emily said deviously.

  
“That’s no fair!”


	13. Til It Happens to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: DEPICTIONS OF RAPE

December 6, 2017

  
Opening the door, Theresa turned back to Philip. “Come in for a while?”

  
“Absolutely,” he said pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

  
She stepped aside as he brushed past her. It was a Wednesday night, and he had taken her to a little restaurant right outside of London. It was quiet and intimate and nice to be able to relax now that he knew everything. She slowly took her jacket off before hanging it up. She could hear the clinking of tea cups being pulled out the cabinet in the kitchen, and she smiled to herself before walking in to see him making tea. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  
“I wanted to. I like taking care of you,” he said quietly as he went about making a cuppa for the both of them the way they liked it.

  
“Too bad we aren’t in Berkshire. I’d prefer to be there, but alas, Brexit calls. I have to call the DUP tomorrow. This is so last minute.”

  
“But you’ll do it. I know you will.” He pressed a kiss to her head as he passed her the tea. “Couch? We can snuggle, and you can rant about it all.”

  
She smiled at him. “Sounds perfect.”

  
With tea in hand, they both made their way to the living room where she quickly discarded her shoes so she could curl up and tuck herself into his side. He pulled her close and kissed the crown of her head. This was heaven to them, just being together. “Is tomorrow going to be very busy?”

  
Theresa looked up at him and gave a small smile. “Oh, yes. I have a meeting in the morning, and I have to phone the DUP and then Brussels and more than likely the DUP again and then Brussels. You know, it’s like I’m trying to get something done,” she said as she smiled. “Why?”

  
Philip chuckled at her sarcasm. “No reason. I was just wondering if you’d like to spend the weekend with me afterwards.”

  
“Like stay at your flat?”

  
“Yes or me stay here. But I think you might have a lot on.”

  
“No. Please stay,” she said sitting up and grabbing his hand. “Please. It would be lovely to come home to you, and we can go back to Sonning when I’m done. Please, love.”

  
Philip smiled and kissed her. “Of course. I’ll be here whenever you need me.” He gently brushed her hair back before stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Always.”

  
“I know.” She scooted closer and kissed him soundly. Her hand had a mind of its own as it worked it’s way in the short hair at the back of his head. She could feel that tug in her stomach, but she found that her demons, the things that she had become so familiar with, weren’t there anymore. She felt safe; she felt love without a price attached. And she wanted him.

  
Philip gently squeezed her waist, almost as a sobering tactic so she would realize that they were getting fairly heated with each other. He slid his hands up so they rested just above the dip of her waist. He didn’t want things to go too far too fast and without her being comfortable. “Mmm...Theresa,” he pulled back. “We should probably slow down.”

  
Looking up at him through thick eye lashes, she bit her lip. “What if I don’t want to stop?”

  
Philip’s mind was going a mile a minute as he realized what she had said. “Do you mean that? I don’t want you to feel pressured or like you have to.”

  
She cupped his face before gently pressing her lips to his. “I love you, and I trust you. I want to be with you...like that.” When he nodded, she took his hand and slowly stood, bringing him to his feet as well. They were each silent as she pulled him towards her bedroom.

  
...................................

  
_December 1, 1993_

_  
Theresa was chopping carrots to put in her stew as she waited for Sam to get home. He had hit her a few times after the initial start, but he was always sorry. He always made sure he apologized, and he would make it up to her in the most fantastic way. She was currently sporting a rather bad bruise on her rib cage after she had “fallen” as she told her doctor. Two cracked ribs from Sam pushing her into a wall after he had been drinking again, but he had taken her to Paris as an apology._

_  
She watched as the clock ticked away, creeping towards 6:30. She was trying her hardest to get dinner done so he wouldn’t have to wait. ‘He doesn’t like to wait,’ a voice in her head told her. ‘You know this, Theresa.’_

_  
Sighing, she made quick work at popping some bread in the oven to toast a bit before she checked her soup. It was simmering and smelled wonderful. ‘This should be alright. He should like this.’_

_  
Theresa caught a glimpse of her reflection in the spoon lying on the counter. She had begun to lose weight again, her hair was thinner from stress, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked exhausted and hurt and perpetually sad. She began to think back to last month when she had been late by almost three weeks and had gotten scared she was pregnant. She couldn’t bring a baby into this. Not now._

_  
The door creaked open before being slammed closed again, and her eyes fluttered shut. ‘He’s drunk. He only slams the door when he’s drunk.’ Bracing herself, she began to dish up the soup in a bid to distract him with food. She felt him before she heard him. His hands were on her waist, his mouth on her neck. “You smell good, love.”_

_  
She shivered. And not in the good way. He smelled like whiskey, a scent she now hated, and he was groping her as if he had never felt a figure before. “Thanks. Dinner is done,” she said quietly as she turned to walk to the table._

_  
“Now, where do you think you are going?” He inquired while taking the bowl of the hot liquid and setting it back on the counter. “My, my, my. Has anyone ever told you how,” his eyes skimmed over her, “sexy you are?”_

_  
Theresa gave a small smile, playing along with his game. “You have.” She went to move again and felt his hand grab her wrist, snapping her back against him._

_  
“Kiss me,” he commanded before pressing his lips harshly to hers._

_  
She wanted to vomit as she tasted the liquor. The putrid smell made her gag as teeth clinked together. “Mmm,” she pushed back gently. “You should eat before it gets cold.”_

_  
“Are you on the menu?”_

_  
There was a lack of something in his eye that made her blood run cold. “Not tonight. I’m tired.” She was able to make it further away from him this time, but again, she was trapped in his embrace._

_  
“Well I’m not.”_

  
....................................

 

Philip was sitting nervously on her bed; he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been with a woman for two and a half decades, and this wasn’t any woman, this was Theresa. His hands were shaking as he watched her walk towards him. He wanted to take it all in and remember it forever. He wanted to remember her hair, her skin, her outfit. He wanted this imprinted on his soul.

  
She could feel the butterflies. They were slow but picked up speed and force as she stepped closer to him. Her mind was buzzing with every emotion: fear, joy, happiness, love. She couldn’t fully comprehend what was about to happen, but she was excited. She was standing between his legs before she knew it and took his hands. Bringing them to her mouth, she kissed each knuckle before holding them to her hips. “Are you afraid?” She whispered.

  
“Yes. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you on accident.”

  
She looked down at him and ran her hands through his hair. “Please don’t be. If you’re nervous, I’ll be nervous.”

  
“You are the most precious thing in the world to me. I don’t want to mess that up,” he said softly.

  
“You won’t. Just love me. Love me like you used to. Love me like we need to make up for lost time.” She gently leaned down and kissed him, wrapping her arms around him in the process.

  
His hands slowly slid up her abdomen, taking her shirt with it. Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. “Can I take this off?”

  
She hesitated. Sure he had seen the scars before, but now he wanted to see them for a prolonged period of time. But she was ready. She knew she was ready. “Yes.”

  
Nimble fingers deftly undid the row of buttons up to the top of her sternum before the cotton fabric floated to the ground. He gently reached behind her to undo the clasp holding her bra on and threw it over the small chair by the bed. He didn’t want her to be unable to find her clothes. If she wanted to stop this or cover up, he wanted her to feel like she could, and her clothes needed to be close. He kept his eyes trained on the task of her jeans before he felt her gently push his shoulders. “What is it, love? Do you want me to stop?”

  
“No but...here,” she said softly, hands immediately going to his shirt. They were trembling, making the job of undressing him a thousand times harder. After several tries, his shirt was discarded next to hers, and her hands began shaking even more as she went to unbuckle his belt.

  
He could see she was struggling with her inner self. There was a fragility he had never seen before, a new kind of vulnerability. Her eyes were wide and innocent. ‘Like our first time,’ he thought. Her fingers were slipping as she tried to take his trousers off so he mirrored her. He took her hands in his and brought them to his mouth, kissing the backs and then the palms. She gave him a watery smile before he reached down and pushed his pants off. He gently pulled her to him after sitting back down.

  
She watched as he brought his head to her stomach, placing small kisses there. His kisses began moving upwards as he stood so he could kiss her soundly. Her arms snaked their way around his waist. “Mmm....Philip?”

  
“What is it?”

  
“Bed?”

  
He nodded and backed them up, sitting again when the back of his legs touched the mattress. Crystal blue eyes watched as she slowly straddled him. His hands rested on her upper thighs, lightly stroking them. His hands slid up to hold her waist, fingers tracing patterns on her lower vertebrae. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered, eyes filled with awe.

  
A soft blush covered her, and she ducked her head. “You aren’t so bad yourself.”

  
“I’m glad you approve,” he chuckled out. His hands splayed on her upper back, bringing her chest against his. “I love you, Theresa Mary Brasier. I love you so very much.”

  
The tears she had been holding back sprang forward and down her cheeks. She had been afraid of this, of crying, but now that she had started, she couldn’t stop. “I love you too,” she choked.

  
“Oh, my darling girl.” His hands cupped her face as his thumbs wiped the tears away. He leaned up and kissed first her forehead, then her nose, each cheek, paying special attention to the tear tracks, her eyelids, and finally her mouth. “You are so strong and so brave and so incredible.”

  
“Make love to me. Please,” she whimpered out. Her eyes shut as she hugged him to her while kissing his neck. He smelled like he always did: nice cologne and strong tea; she took comfort in that. She felt, rather than saw, him lift her before placing her gently on her back. There was a brief moment when he disappeared, and she began to worry. Then, his hands, the hands she knew would never strike her or punish her, were pulling her underwear down leisurely, giving her time to say no.

  
She scooted herself back up to the pillows when he was done. She looked at him under thick eyelashes as he crawled up to her. Her hands weren’t shaking as she reached up and gently took his glasses off, placing them on her side table. There wasn’t a sense of urgency as she thought there might be. Nor was there a sense of nervousness anymore. He loved her, and she knew that.

  
He looked down at her, hand skimming over her rib cage. He brought his mouth to the scars on her neck, gently kissing each one. He didn’t stop there though. He gently kissed each mark left by violence and whispered “I love you”, hoping love would take the place in healing it. Tender hands held each other as their fingers entwined. Long kisses were being exchanged when he slowly hooked her leg over his hip.

  
The nerves were back for her. Not because she was going to regret it, but it had been years. She had been so touched by the way he took the time to love her and wait on her. She really just wanted to get the preamble out of the way. “Umm...Philip?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Could...we maybe...actually...”

  
Realization made Philip blush. “Oh...umm...sorry, love. I’m nervous. I’m a bit out of practice,” he said, flushing with embarrassment.

  
“I know. I am too.”

  
“It’s been twenty-five years so I’m sorry if this doesn’t last long.”

  
Theresa smiled. “As long as you remember how and get me there first, I’ll consider it a win.”

  
Philip laughed as he kissed her again. He gently held her closer as he pushed in slowly. He felt like he was where he belonged again. “Are you alright?”

  
“Mmm. Just give me a minute, love.” Her body and her mind we’re in overload. They were each reacting to the current situation in their own way, but when it came down to it, each knew this was what it wanted.

  
..................................

  
_She was holding her tongue. She knew a smart remark would get her another bruise as she struggled to extract herself from the situation. He had her pushed against the island in their kitchen now. She wondered if she took one of the kitchen knives what he would do. “Please, Sam. I just want to eat and sleep. I’ve had a rough day,” she said gently._

_  
“And I haven’t?! But at least I don’t come home and act ungrateful.” He tightened his hand on her wrist as he stepped closer._

_  
She was genuinely afraid. If he hit her, she would be okay, but he seemed capable of so much worse tonight. “I-I don’t mean to be ungrateful. I...umm...I just don’t feel well is all,” she stumbled out, hoping he would buy it._

_  
“I could make you feel better.” His mouth latched itself onto the side of her neck as his hand began to bunch her skirt up._

_  
She was frozen. She didn’t know what to do. She gently pushed against his chest again, and when he didn’t respond, she did it again with more force. “Please. I’ll do whatever you want tomorrow, but please stop.” Her voice was shaky and small._

_  
“I don’t want tomorrow. I want now,” he growled, spinning her around. He held her hands together and to the granite countertops so she couldn’t move._

_  
Fear gripped her body tightly as she felt the cool air touch the back of her thighs. Theresa heard a rip and felt her underwear fall to the ground. Her body was petrified. She couldn’t move, and it felt hard to breathe. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were refusing to shed the tears. He kept her trapped with one hand while the other harshly fisted her hair, pulling it enough to force a yelp from her throat. His fingers roughly pulled her blouse apart as he groped her. Nails and teeth were being sunk into her neck and the flesh of her breasts._

_  
Her voice was stuck somewhere in her throat and the pit of her stomach. ‘No. No. This can’t be happening.’ She could feel his fingers tearing into her. She was dry, and it hurt. And then it happened. A searing pain went through her body as she had trouble breathing. The air couldn’t make into her lungs it felt. Her mind was rejecting this. It was screaming at her to do something, but her body couldn’t. It was completely locked in place. She knew bruises were forming on her pelvis as she was continuously thrust into the wooden cabinets, and she knew that there would be teeth marks on her neck._

_  
She closed her eyes and began to pray as the pain worsened. ‘God,’ she said into the echo chamber of her mind, ‘please let it be over. Have mercy on me. Please, dear God, make it stop.’ A voice, not her own, seemingly whispered into her ear. “Fear not, for I am with you,” it said. She knew it was Isaiah 40:10. It was one of her favorite verses. When she was younger, she would repeat it as a mantra at night so she wouldn’t be afraid of the dark. This was worse than the dark, but it comforted her none the less._

_  
And just like that, it was over. He pulled away, leaving her in a crumbled mess as she slid to the floor in tears and pain. “Go clean yourself up,” he said gruffly. “No one likes to see a woman disheveled.”_

_  
She watched adjust himself before stalking off to his office. Any attempt to walk was futile as she was in too much pain. So, she crawled. On hands and knees, she crawled up the stairs and into their bathroom, locking the door behind her. She was just able to pull herself up on the sink._

_  
A blank face stared back at her. Her mind was buzzing, but her her body ached. There was nothing she could say to herself to explain what just happened. The metallic smell of blood was surrounding her as she felt warm liquid drip onto her thigh. Red was contrasting with the white tiles on the floor as she looked down. Her hair was mussed, and her neck bruised from his teeth. ‘You didn’t ask for this. You said no. What did you do to lead him on? Why didn’t you stop it?’ She could hear her voice berating herself. ‘What do you even call this?’ Lifting her eyes to the mirror, she shook her head violently. He wouldn’t do this. He would hit her, but he wouldn’t r-ra...no. She wouldn’t name it. It wasn’t...that. He was drunk. He wouldn’t do this if he were in his right mind? He couldn’t. He loved her. He was in love with her. He wanted to protect her. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t who he was. And even when he hit her, he apologized. She knew he had a stressful job, and she knew she could be difficult. She raised her eyes to the mirror. Her eyes took in her face and saw something she hadn’t before...brokenness._

  
....................................

  
Philip gently pulled her to him as he breathed the scent of her in. She had lain with him, and she had trusted him. His mind was buzzing with the overwhelming feelings of pride and love. Almost his entire world was laying in his arms. This woman, this goddess, had given everything to him once before, and he had destroyed her, but he wouldn’t do that again. He couldn’t. His heart couldn’t handle the thought of her leaving him again. He hadn’t realized how empty he had been before she had softly taken him in her arms as she had done on their wedding night. He loved his daughter more than anything, and she had made his life so wonderful, but there is something to be said about finding your soulmate. It’s different when you find that one person you share everything with, that one individual that makes your heart pound and your palms sweat. This woman was his lover, his mate, his own heart in female form. She was his universe.

  
Laying in his embrace was so different than the last time she laid in a man’s embrace after sex. No. This was making love. This was healing. This wasn’t forced. Philip was stroking up and down her back as she felt herself relax. He had kissed her scars. He had worshiped her and loved her. He made her feel safe and warm and comforted. She wasn’t sore like the last time a man was in between her legs. There was no blood and no hurt. Whispered “I love you’s” were like air being given and taken freely and without hesitation. Like each person needed them to live. Theresa looked up to see Philip’s eyes closed; he was at ease because she was. Slowly, she wrapped her arm around his waist and turned her head to kiss his chest. She felt like she was seeing color again. She felt whole and happy and safe and so in love. She felt like her again. She felt like she finally found her heart again. The gaping hole in her chest that had been a wound for so long was gone, completely healed. The dust she had crumbled in to was formed again. She was alive again.

  
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “Thank you for sharing your life with me again. Thank you for sharing your heart and your body after everything.”

  
She looked up at him. “You always had my heart. That never changed. I’m just,” she looked down, “I’m sorry that I’m so broken.”

  
“Oh, no. You are the furthest thing from broken, love.” He tilted her head up so he could look her in the eyes. “I could never see you as broken. Just a beautiful mosaic of all the pieces you’ve put back together.”

  
She felt her cheeks become wet again from tears as she kissed him. “Thank you for that. And thank you for coming back to me.”

  
He pulled her closer. “I always knew I would.” He brought their foreheads together, pressing small, soft kisses all over her face. “Because you always find your way home.”

 

 


	14. Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get It On

December 8, 2017, London

  
Theresa had been on the phone nonstop, flown to Brussels, had a Brexit breakthrough, given a press conference, and flown back home. She was being praised for doing what seemed impossible. Her exhaustion didn’t phase her as she stepped into her flat; her confidence was bubbling out of her, and she was happy.

  
Philip had been washing up the dishes when he heard the door open and close. He knew she must be tired from the endless negotiations. He threw the towel he was using over his shoulder, watching as she kicked her heels off. “Well, if it isn’t my little negotiator home from-“

  
Her mouth was on his before he could finish his sentence, arms wrapping around his neck. She didn’t care about formalities; she wanted him. And she wanted him then. “Mmm...Bed. Now.” She latched her mouth back to his while she walked them backwards to her, or really, their room. They bumped into a few walls on their way, but Theresa wouldn’t remove her mouth from his.

  
Philip was shocked. He expected her to do nothing more than take a nice cup of tea and go to sleep with him cuddling her. He wasn’t going to complain, but he was intrigued to see how this would go. He felt her push him as he stumbled to sit on the bed. “Love, are you sure-“

  
“You talk too much.” She was straddling him the way she did their first night together, but something was different now. She was the one in charge, and he was loving every minute of it. Her hands were everywhere: his face, his hair, his chest, and finally, his belt buckle.

  
“Someone is eager,” he said as he unbuttoned her pale blue blazer to reveal a fitted white shirt.

  
“I’ve,” she breathed out as she kissed him again, “had a taste. Now I want more.” Her hands cupped his face again as she lightly bit his lower lip before soothing it with her tongue. She squeezed her thighs together around him as she melted into his embrace.

  
Philip could feel the heat of her on his lap, and he moved his hands to push her skirt up more. They were having a battle for dominance with their tongues as his hands slid under the black material covering her from the waist to the tops of her thighs. He was met with warm, wet silk and groaned. Gently slipping them to the side, he rubbed her.

  
“Ahh, Philip,” she gasped. “Don’t stop.” Her hands were gripping his shoulders and tightened as she felt the jolts of pleasure going through her body.

  
Keeping his hand on his task, he managed to unbuckle and unzip his trousers. He watched as she looked down and softly peeled his boxers back enough to release him from the constraints of the fabric. He moaned as her hand wrapped around him and moved up and down. “Come here,” he said, pulling her chest to his.

  
She smiled as her hand sped up before stopping. “Let’s see how long you can last this time,” she teased while biting his ear gently. She slowly took him in her before immediately establishing a quick pace.

  
“God, Theresa,” he ground out from clenched teeth.

  
She buried her face in his neck, biting his shirt and leaving a lipstick stain. Her body had been on edge the entire plane ride back. In reality, she just wanted to be close with him, and there was no closer way than their current act. She took comfort in how his arms were protectively around her waist, and the way he let her control the situation the first time and now the second.

  
Philip could tell he wasn’t going to last much longer than the first time, so he slipped his hand down to rub her again. His hips were jerking up against hers and causing the most wonderful feelings for both of them. He gently squeezed her waist with his remaining hand as he felt the flutters of her climax.

  
“Ah...ah...ahhhh!” Her voice became a staccato as her pleasure peaked, and her body grabbed his. She bit down hard on his shoulder to muffle her scream lest the civil servants below hear her.

  
He grabbed her waist with both hands and thrust up quickly, bringing her body to his as he spilled into her. “Mmm,” he kissed her as his body relaxed.

  
Pulling back breathlessly, she smiled and cupped his face. “I love you.”

  
“I love you too.”

  
“I can’t believe I just did that,” she whispered.

  
“You certainly did it well,” he chuckled out.

  
...................................

  
_June 1978, London_

_  
It was a miserable afternoon. The weather was meant to be sunny, and it was raining. Theresa and Philip had planned a picnic to one of the parks near her flat, and he had just showed up when the bottom fell out. He had been crushed their little plan hadn’t been brought to fruition, but Theresa said she could solve the problem._

_  
He had watched her unroll a quilt on the floor before unpacking their basket. She said they could have an “indoor picnic”. It was something she used to do as a child with her mother she explained. He happily played along. He would happily play along to anything if it meant time was spent with her. They ate and laughed and had the most splendid time._

_  
He had kissed her, and then she had kissed him, and it progressed until they were both naked in her bed, basking in the afterglow of it all. Philip was partially propped up against the headboard with Theresa across his chest as he traced patterns on her bare back. The window was open so the heat wouldn’t stifle either of them, and the soft tap of rain made it peaceful to the couple in the room._

_  
“Philip?”_

_  
“Yes, love?”_

_  
“I’ve been thinking about our future,” she said quietly, hand going to play with his chest hair._

_  
“Oh?” He looked down at her with big blue eyes and a crooked smile._

_  
“Where do you want to live?” She shifted so her head was on her folded hands on his stomach. The duvet had been pushed to the floor in their love making while they were only covered by a sheet. And that was barely. Her back was exposed as she laid on her stomach, and her long legs stuck out from the backs of her knees downwards. She kissed his ribs as he pondered the question; the white, cotton fabric was merely covering his lap in the heavy summer humidity._

_  
“Somewhere away from the city. A nice village. A big house with a nice garden would be nice, don’t you think?” He pushed her hair back from where it had fallen._

_  
“Yes. That’s what I was thinking. Maybe we could stay closer to London though? Far enough away to relax at home but close enough in case of anything?”_

_  
“I suppose. It depends on how the political aspect turns out. What if you were to be elected somewhere that’s not close to London?”_

_  
“Then we would deal with it,” she said softly. She pressed a soft kiss to the hand that was resting on his stomach._

_  
Philip smiled down at her before tilting her head back up. “Why all the talk of our future, love? I haven’t graduated yet,” he asked, confusion lacing his words._

_  
“I’ve just been thinking is all. I’ve been thinking about babies too, Philip.”_

_  
He froze. Panic gripped him as he felt a sweat breakout on his forehead. ‘Babies. Babies! BABIES!’ He thought. Then a thought crossed his mind, and he was sure his heart was going to explode. “Are-are you...pregnant?”_

  
...................................

  
December 9, 2017, Sonning

  
They were both laid in her bed, breathless. “Theresa, love, I never knew you could have so much energy. Ever,” Philip chuckled out as he pulled her close. “Late night trip to Brussels yesterday, constituency work afterwards, and how many times is it now?”

  
Rolling over slightly, she draped her arm across his chest and snuggled into him as her heart calmed, and her breathing settled. “Today? Twice. In the last twenty-four hours? Six times. Unless you count that little ambush in the shower. Then it’s seven.”

  
“Why wouldn’t we count that?”

  
“We didn’t actually have sex.”

  
“You...you know...it counts.”

  
“Then, it’s seven,” she bragged as she kissed him again. “We didn’t have this much sex when we first discovered it.” They both chuckled at the truth of the statement.

  
Philip turned so he could face her and smiled. “Now we don’t have to worry about someone walking in on us like when we first discovered it.” His hand traced patterns on her side, tempting her to relax more.

  
“No, we don’t. But now, we have to worry about love bites,” she beamed at him. “Because you left quite a few yesterday, and I don’t make it a habit of getting makeup on my collars.”

  
....................................

  
_She was shocked he would even think she was carrying their child, but she could also see the amusement in the situation as her boyfriend panicked. So, she kept quiet. She watched as his face morphed from confusion to panic to love to fear in the matter of seconds._

_  
“Oh my God, Theresa. Do you know what this means?!” He ran a hand through his hair as he stood up, taking the sheet with him and leaving her bare and cold on her bed. “I mean, I know I’ve...gone in a few times without protection, but I’ve always pulled out.”_

_  
She was scrambling to find something to cover herself with and settled on his shirt as she watched him go into full meltdown. Her hand covered her mouth to hide the small smirk she was wearing._

_  
“We can’t handle a baby! Not now at least!” She was sure he would wear a groove into the ground with his pacing. “How are we going to afford this? I have some savings, but not nearly enough to support a wife and child on. I’ll have to ask my parents-“ He stopped. A new level of stress on him as his eyes teared up. The realization he would have to tell his parents was too much. He would disappoint them; he would ruin them._

_  
Her heart really did skip a beat as she saw pure fear in his baby blues. She knew how much it meant to his parents that he graduate. She knew how badly he wanted to please him. She opened her mouth to speak when his tirade started again._

_  
“And your parents. Your father is going to kill me. You’ll be a widow before the baby is even born.” The nervousness was back before he took a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips. “Right. Okay. I’ve got a fair bit put away. This flat is two bedrooms. That’s big enough for us and a nursery. You are earning a decent wage, and I can get a part time job after classes until I graduate. I can call my mum and ask for Granny’s ring. I was trying to save it for later, but now will have to work. We can do this, but it won’t be easy.” He looked up before coming to kneel in front of her on the floor. “How far gone are you?”_

_  
Theresa felt her heart grow a thousand times at his sentiment. He wasn’t going to abandon her if she was pregnant, but he was going to stay and help her. She threw her arms around him, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I love you so much, Philip May.”_

_  
His arms encased her in a firm hug. “I love you too. And the baby.”_

_  
She pulled back, wiping her face clean. “You’re going to kill me, but love, I’m not pregnant.”_

  
...................................

  
December 13, 2017, London

  
Papers were scattered across her desk as she busily worked through her lunch hour. She was adamant that she would get through at least one mountain before Christmas. She heard there knocks before the door opened. “Who is it?”

  
“Me,” Philip said softly.

  
Theresa looked up to see him holding takeout and a bouquet of flowers. “How sweet.” She stood and walked over, kissing his cheek as she took the bunch of roses. “You didn’t need to do all this.”

  
“I wanted to. Let me spoil you.” He smiled before closing the door and pulling her to him, soundly kissing her in the process. “Besides, you are hosting Emily, Michael, and me for Christmas. It’s the least I could do.”

  
“They are lovely flowers, and the food smells delicious,” she said, peering to see the contents of the bag.

  
“It’s simple. Two bowls of soup with two sandwiches.”

  
“Did-“

  
“And yes, yours is on wheat.”

  
“Well, I’ll put these over here until we get some water and a vase. You can move some of those papers around so we can eat at the desk,” she said, turning so the flowers would be on her conference table.

  
They mostly ate in silence, sharing sweet kisses and coy glances through the shared lunch. It was when Philip placed his hand on her thigh she pushed her food away. “Thank you so much for doing this.”

  
“Anytime, love. Are you done? I’ll clean up.”

  
“Yes. Thank you.” She watched as he carefully collected their trash as to not spill anything before disposing of it all. He even made sure her desk was back in order.

  
“And recess starts the 21st?” He asked sweetly.

  
“Yes. I thought you could come to Sonning with me after PMQs the day before and help with the finishing touches on the house. If you don’t mind of course.”

  
He let his hands settle on her waist as he kissed her softly. “I could never mind.” He gave her several rapid kisses on her lips before pulling back.

  
“Where do you think you’re going?” She tugged him back to her by his tie. “You need to learn how to kiss a lady,” she flirted.

  
“Are mine not up to par?”

  
“You could do with some practice.” She smiled, bringing his lips back to hers. She leaned back on her desk and sighed when she felt his tongue touch her lips. Pulling back, she broke the kiss long enough to whisper, “Lock the door.”

  
She saw the smirk on his face spread. “I already did.”

  
.....................................

  
_Philip’s face stared blankly at her. “I’m sorry. What?”_

_  
She bit her lip, afraid of what he would do. “I’m not pregnant,” she mumbled._

_  
“You aren’t...and you couldn’t tell me that before I had a major meltdown?!” He stood, sheet falling as he did so. His hands were back on his hips, and she would be intimidated if the sight wasn’t so ridiculous. “Well?”_

_  
“I...you went off on your tangent. I thought it best to let you finish.”_

_  
“I had a miniature heart attack, and you were just going to let me suffer.”_

_  
Her giggles were bubbling under the surface. Her boyfriend was rather pale, and the bits of him that never saw the sun were on full display as he lectured her. She looked him up and down and nearly sniggered. He wasn’t scrawny, but he wasn’t exactly built either, and the scene was becoming more amusing by the minute. “I’m sorry, love.”_

_  
He watched the corner of her mouth lift. “I’m so glad you think this is funny. I was worried.”_

_  
“Oh, love, I know. And you were so sweet about it. I’m glad to know that if I were pregnant, you’d be there every step of the way.”_

_  
“Of course I would. I wouldn’t abandon the love of my life and my child just because it didn’t fit with our timeline,” he said, sitting beside her._

_  
She put her head on his shoulder, lacing their hands together. “I do love you. I’m sorry if I scared you.”_

_  
“I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “And our hypothetical children. But what was so funny?”_

_  
“Love, you are a pale, below average in height, thin man with no clothes on, and your hands on your hips.”_

_  
“Oh. I guess that is a sight.”_

  
.....................................

  
Emily gave two brisk knocks before opening the door to her boss’s office. She had several things to go over with her. “Ms. Brasier, we really need...” she trailed off as she saw her boss had her head tilted back, and her mouth slightly open.

  
Theresa immediately sat up straight. Or attempted to. Philip was under her desk and...well...”Emily, what is it?” She asked through a tight smile.

  
“Umm,” she paused, taking in the flushed cheeks of Theresa, “I came to ask about you recording your Christmas message. Are you alright?”

  
Philip was in shock. His daughter had walked in on a rather intimate moment with his girlfriend. He had been shoved under her desk with her leg still over his shoulder. He froze as he listened to the exchange before he had an idea. He smirked, moving closer to her again to continue his task.

  
“Yes. We can-“ Her eyes went slightly wide, and she took a deep breath feeling her lover’s mouth on her again. She was gripping the arm of her chair so hard her knuckles turned white. “We...umm...we can do it tomorrow. That,” she paused as he sped up, “that will be fine.”

  
Slowly nodding, Emily took in the vein popping out the side of Theresa’s neck. “Are you sure you don’t need anything? Maybe some water? Maybe you should have a lie down? I’ll help you upstairs.” She moved to step behind the desk.

  
“No!” Theresa tightened her leg over Philip’s shoulder in a futile bid to get him to stop. “No. I’ll be fine. Just a bit hot. You know, menopause.” Another tight smile was given as she dramatically fanned herself with her hand.

  
“Oh. Umm...okay. I’ll just let you get back to work then.” Emily turned to leave, causing Theresa to sigh as Philip kept going. But then she turned back. “One more thing, is there anything I need to bring to Christmas?”

  
She had never considered sacking the girl or murdering a man who so willingly wanted to please her, but Theresa had the two thoughts at the forefront of her mind. “No. Just yourself.”

  
“Alright. See you later then.”

  
As soon as the door closed, she pushed back from the desk. “I thought you locked the door!”

  
Philip was grinning. “I thought I did too. Apparently not.”

  
“Apparently,” she huffed, crossing her arms.

  
“Don’t be upset.”

  
“I nearly had an orgasm in front of your daughter!”

  
“Yes. Nearly. Do you want one?” He smiled again.

  
“I want to kill you, but I need you to finish,” she admitted, sitting back in her chair and letting him get back to work.

  
Emily had forgotten her phone in Theresa’s office and was just about to open the door when she heard the conversation. She silently squealed and cringed as she imagined the things going on inside. “That is so fucking gross,” she whispered. 


	15. Merry Christmas with Love

_December 24, 1980, Wheatley_

_  
It was snowing, a fire was roaring, and the only thing Theresa wanted to do was snuggle her husband until she drifted off. Wheatley had always been perfect for Christmas. It was quiet and picturesque. It always had been. The looming presence of her mother’s illness had been pushed away for this. They had all agreed it was a holiday, and they should celebrate. She had seen the way her father worried; it added years to him. She wanted to take it all way, bundle it up and stick it in a cupboard somewhere. An arm tightened around her, breaking her thoughts. “This is nice, Philip.”_

_  
“It is.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “It’s very different to the city.”_

_  
“Much more peaceful.”_

_  
“Hmm.” It was different. It was very different because in the midst of the beauty of the snow and twinkling lights and peacefulness, there was an underlying feeling of fear, of dread, of...hopelessness. He had seen the dejected face of his father-in-law; he had watched with a sad heart as the woman he so kindly regarded as a second mother slowly withered away. “It’s our first Christmas as a married couple.”_

_  
She turned, flashing a brilliant smile. “It is. It’s lovely that we finally made it down the aisle,” she teased._

_  
“You know I was going to propose. I just needed to graduate first,” he said defensively._

_  
“I know, love.”_

_  
“Can I go ahead and give you your present? It’s rather personal.”_

_  
She looked at him, heart fluttering. “Of course.” He voice cracked slightly as she watched him look for a parcel under the tree._

_  
......................................_

  
December 22, 2017, Sonning

  
“Wow.” Theresa slowly sat up as she removed her head from Philip’s chest, hands resting on the back of the couch. “I think,” she paused, attempting to catch her breath, “we actually need to decorate the tree now.”

  
“You’re the one who couldn’t keep your hands to yourself.” He gently stroked her thighs as they rested on either side of him.

  
“Are you complaining?”

  
“Absolutely not.” He grinned then burst out laughing.

  
“What?” She looked down at him confused.

  
“You,” he reached up and brushed her hair, “have tinsel in your hair.” He was holding up the stringy, shiny decoration.

  
“Gives a whole new meaning to afterglow.” She smiled as she stood, putting the clothes from her waist down back on. “We really do need to finish. Emily and Michael will be here in the morning, and everything else is done but the tree.”

  
“Calm down, love.” He did the same after her before wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. “Everything looks perfect, and we did get it halfway there. The lights are on.”

  
She leaned back against, taking comfort in his warmth, his scent. “I’m glad you brought some of your ornaments. It will give it a nice personal touch. Most of mine aren’t homemade like yours.” She smiled as she pulled a little paper angel that had ‘Emily, St. Anne’s Nursery’ written on it.

  
“Those aren’t even half of the ones I’ve collected over the years. She has always been creative.” Philip gently pulled a string of paper snowflakes out and placed it on the evergreen. “I think she always had paint and glitter on her growing up.”

  
She smiled, imagining a small Emily running about. “That’s sweet. She’s always the one who decorates the office.”

  
“I remember once she got glue in her hair and was so upset because her cousin told her that she had to cut her hair. She came to me sobbing. I told her we wouldn’t do anything of the sort. It took me an hour of soaking her hair in hot water and shampoo, but it worked.”

  
Theresa wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly before pulling back. “You’re such a good daddy.”

  
“I tried to be. I had to be mummy and daddy, but I can French braid hair like no one,” he said as he rested his hands on her hips.

  
“I’m sure you can.”

  
....................................

  
_Philip gently pulled a small package out. He was nervous. He knew how much her mother meant to her and how upset his wife was due to the illness. “You have other ones,” he turned, kneeling before her, “but this is one I thought you’d like privately.”_

_  
She smiled, taking the gift. It was perfectly square and very heavy. ‘A book? Why would I need a book privately?’ She gave him a quizzical look before pulling the red paper off to reveal a white box. “Well, isn’t this all wrapped up,” she teased._

_  
“Couldn’t have it getting damaged.”_

_  
Smiling, she gently shook the lid off from its snug fit and peeled back the tissue paper; it was a small, leather bound photo album. The picture on the front was a familiar one. It was her being held by her mother the day she was christened. They were both in white, and Zaidee was peering down at her daughter with pure love in her eyes. “Oh, Philip,” she whispered, hand covering her mouth._

_  
He pulled himself up to sit beside her. “I had some help from her, but I think you’ll like it.”_

_  
Theresa turned the page to see her husband’s scrawl:_

_  
“Theresa,_

_There are no words to express how happy I am that this is our first Christmas as husband and wife. I knew from the moment I met you that you were my whole world. I thought that I could give you something to hold your happiest memories from your past and our future._

_Love,_

_Philip”_

_  
“It’s lovely,” she mumbled, flipping the page. The first few were filled with pictures of her through the early stages of her life, including an embarrassing one of a two year old Theresa sitting on the steps of a pool completely naked. She covered her face as she looked at the ones of her awkward preteen stage. She hadn’t hit her growth spurt yet, and she had still had the baby face and baby weight._

_  
“I had to put them in,” he sniggered, feeling the light slap on his chest from his wife._

_  
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. There was a noticeable change at the next section. She was tall and lithe. She still had the same shyness in pictures she always had, but there was a grace to her. She smiled as she took in the group photo of her netball team. She had played for a few years, and she had, had her love for exercise sparked then. “Daddy wasn’t happy about the uniforms. He thought the skirts were too short.”_

_  
Philip could see Hubert saying something like that. “Well, be glad that I wasn’t around then because your legs do look incredible, if I may say so myself,” he said, pressing kisses to her neck._

_  
“Stop that! Daddy could walk in any minute,” she said, flushing at the thought of being caught._

_  
“Love, we are married. We are sharing a room. I think he knows I’ve deflowered his little girl.”_

_  
“That doesn’t mean I need him to see it! And he doesn’t know when you did it.”_

_  
“Okay! Okay! I’ll stop...after this.” He pressed his lips to hers soundly and cupped her face. “All done,” he said, pulling back._

_  
“You are insatiable.”_

_  
“You love me for it.” He grinned, wrapping his arm around her again._

_  
“Hmm.” Theresa teared up when she saw the next set of photographs. The first was of her graduating from secondary school with her mother beaming up at her. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered packing the car to move to Oxford. Her father had taken that picture while her mother cried. She had left home for life, and while she was enthusiastic, she was sad to be leaving her childhood behind._

_  
Various shots captured her college experience. Her best friend, Alicia, had gotten a camera and had taken pictures of any and everything. There were several of Theresa sitting in Philip’s lap at various parties. She had even managed one of the couple kissing under the mistletoe at a Christmas party thrown by the Edmund Burke Society._

_  
Then, of course, there had been the picture of her graduation from Oxford, and her first days on her own in her job at the Bank of England. And finally, her engagement to Philip. The engagement photo had been published in their church bulletin as an announcement. Philip was holding her waist, and they were smiling at each other._

_  
Her eyes misted over again looking at her wedding pictures. The behind the scene ones made her smile. She was in a dressing gown with her hair in rollers in one while in another, she was struggling to get her girdle zipped. Her mother had handed her a small blue ribbon to wear underneath as her something blue. Her dress had been her something new, and the small, diamond comb that was in her hair had been her something borrowed and something old; she had always eyed it when she was little and visited her maternal grandmother. Her grandfather had saved for years to buy it for her Grandma, and she had been more than happy to allow her favorite granddaughter to wear it._

_  
Her mother had teared up watching her get ready. There was one photo that was special to her, and Philip knew to give it a page of its own. Her mother’s wheelchair was turned, facing the light streaming through the window while Theresa was sitting, knees tucked under her, on the floor with her hands holding her mother’s in her mother’s lap. The train of her dress was pulled out, shining in the bright, autumn sun, and her veil was pulled down over her face. It was translucent from the light, and it made her look ethereal. She felt tears run down as she remembered her mother gently stroking her cheek and whispering how much she loved her._

_  
“I asked your mother to write something for you,” Philip whispered, kissing her head. “It’s on the next page. I’ll go make us some tea while you read it.” He saw her nod and stood. He knew she would need time for this; he needed to take a break after reading it the first time._

_  
...................................._

  
December 23, 2017, Sonning

  
“We had lunch by that little park. It was amazing,” Emily gushed. She and Michael had done some last minute Christmas shopping before all the stores had closed.

  
“And I take it you spent all of the money I gave you?” Philip questioned, peering over his glasses.

  
Emily ducked her head and blushed. “Money is meant to be spent.”

  
“Unless it’s yours.” Philip smiled before patting his daughter’s hand. “I don’t mind. That’s what I gave it to you for.”

  
“And it won’t be for long. I’m just trying to be more frugal until Michael graduates next year.”

  
“I understand, love. I’m not upset. Stop worrying,” Philip reassured.

  
Theresa smiled as she watched the exchange between them. There had always been something special that happened when Philip talked to Emily, a bond, a love, that was obvious, and it warmed her heart. “Emily, where’s Michael?”

  
“Oh, he had one last gift to pick up. He said it was for me so I had to come home,” she explained, frowning.

  
“I’m sure you wouldn’t want the surprise ruined.” Theresa stood, collecting tea mugs off of the table.

  
“I guess not, Mum,” Emily said nonchalantly.

  
The room froze as Theresa jerked her head over to look at Emily. Philip could not physically move as he heard the endearment. The couple looked at each other before turning their attention back to the raven haired girl scrolling through Twitter. “Umm...what?” Philip asked.

  
“What do you mean?” Emily said, never tearing her eyes away from her phone. “Look, Daddy! Bessie is pregnant,” she exclaimed, oblivious to the internal battle of the people in the room with her. She turned and held her phone up to her father so he could see the announcement. “She lived by us when I was growing up.”

  
Her father’s shock was very evident. “You...you called Theresa...”

  
“I called her mum. What’s the problem?” Emily was confused. She didn’t think there would be a problem with it. “Do you not want to be called that? I don’t have to. I just thought...”

  
“Thought what, love?” Philip was genuinely wondering what his daughter was thinking.

  
“I just thought that since you and Daddy are back together for the foreseeable future I could call you that. I mean, you’ve been more of a mother to me in the past six months to me than my own mother ever was. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so forward. Forget I ever said anything.”

  
Theresa’s eyes glassed over with unshed tears as she heard the reason. Of course she thought of Emily as a daughter; she had since the moment she met her. “Oh, love. Come here.” She pulled Emily into a hug, stroking her back and whispering, “I would be proud to be your mum.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Absolutely.” She pulled back and ran her hands through Emily’s hair. “But don’t do it at work. I have a reputation to maintain,” she giggled out.

  
“Yes ma’am.”

  
One last hug was exchanged before Theresa let the girl go. “Now,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes, “I need to go get dinner started since I’ve cried.”

  
Philip really didn’t think he could fall anymore in love with Theresa until that moment. His heart felt so full with love and adoration watching the scene unfold; he knew the heartache of her lost daughter was still there, but the way she seamlessly folded Emily into her heart as her own made him so happy. He watched as she went into the kitchen, tea mugs forgotten so he followed her with them. “Love?” He softly called as he entered.

  
“I’m here.” She popped her head out of the pantry. “What do you want? Chicken or lamb tonight?”

  
“Umm...lets just wait a minute on dinner, love.” He took the spices she was holding out of her hands and set them down before holding her in his arms. “Are you sure you are okay with Emily calling you mum? I can talk to her later...maybe let her down easy.”

  
“What? No! I meant every word I said. I am happy she thinks of me as her mother because I,” she swallowed her tears again, “think of her as a daughter. I really do. I mean, I love her like one.”

  
“Oh, Theresa.” He pulled her to him and hugged her. “I love you so much.”

  
“I know. I love you too.” She pressed her lips gently against his as they became entangled in the other.

  
Michael slowly pushed the back door open, hoping no one would see him. The soft click of the door distracted him before he turned and saw the passionate embrace in front of him. “Oh...umm...sorry.” He stumbled backwards into the door before bouncing into the table. “I am,” he tripped on his own feet before standing up again, “so sorry. I’ll just...umm...go.”

  
Theresa laughed into Philip’s chest as she watched the awkward dance of the young man in front of her. “Are you okay, Michael?”

  
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry I interrupted.”

  
“Michael, it’s okay. We weren’t doing anything,” Theresa reassured.

  
“Right. While I’m here, I need to talk to you two actually. It’s about her gift.”

  
“Oh?” Philip raised an eyebrow. He had an idea of what it was and smiled.

  
“I...umm,” he pulled out a small black box, “I was wondering if you think she would like this?” The box opened on a gorgeous, cushion cut diamond ring. It’s silver band gleamed in the light as small sapphires on each side sparkled.

  
“Oh, Michael. It’s absolutely stunning,” Theresa gasped.

  
“I got the sapphires to match her eyes.” He blushed before looking down.

  
Philip felt the protectiveness of being a father bubble up. “This is an engagement ring?”

  
“Yes, sir.” He quickly straightened up and put his brace face on. “I was going to ask if we could take a walk so I could ask your permission, but you know now.”

  
“Go on.” Philip crossed his arms, preparing to hear the pitch of his potential son-in-law.

  
Michael took a deep breath, steeling himself. Glancing up, he was given an encouraging smile from Theresa and an icy glare from Philip. “Mr. May, I love your daughter. I love her more than anyone I’ve ever known, and she’s the only family I’ve got. She is everything to me. I never realized that I could care about someone other than myself so much, but she did that. She...she...gives me confidence and love and happiness. And it would be an honor and an absolute privilege if you gave me your blessing to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

  
Theresa was on the verge of tears again listening to his small speech. She could remember eavesdropping on Philip asking her father the exact thing so many years ago. The hand on her lower back squeezed softly.

  
“And if I say no?” Philip was ready to say yes, but he wanted the answer to this first.

  
Color drained from Michael’s face with being faced with the prospect. “Then I’ll wait. As much as I don’t want to, you must have a good reason. I know how much you mean to her, and I would never want to come in between you two. So, if I need to change, I’ll change. If I need to wait, I’ll wait. If I have to rearrange my whole life, I’ll do it, but I love your daughter. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with her.”

  
Philip felt his respect for Michael grow immensely. He never thought Michael was a bad guy, but he never thought Michael cared so much about his relationship with his daughter. “Well, Michael,” he held his hand out, “welcome to the family.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Really.” He beamed as the boy took his hand and shook it profusely. “And you can call me Philip.”

  
......................................

  
_Theresa nodded, watching Philip make his way into the kitchen. She slowly turned the page and saw her mother’s handwriting._

_  
“My dearest daughter,_

_You are probably wondering why I’m writing you this, but I think we both know my time is very limited. We can’t ignore it anymore, and we can’t pretend it’s not here. The symptoms have gotten worse, dove, and I know you’ve noticed. My handwriting is shakier, and tiredness has taken over almost everything. As much as I try, I can’t keep up anymore. It breaks my heart to know that you and your father will have to go on without me eventually._

_I’m not writing this to upset you or make you cry. I’m writing this to tell you how proud I am of you. You have accomplished so much, and you have so much left to do. As your mother, it has been a privilege to watch you grow and mature into the lovely, intelligent woman you have become. I want you to know that I don’t wish to leave you. I wouldn’t wish that now or ever, but I know I must when my time comes. Look after your father for me. He won’t cope very well. I know that is a lot to put on you at such a young age, but I also know that you are a daddy’s girl._

_Dove, I always hoped I would prepare you for this, and I know now that you are. You have found someone that will allow you to lean on him when you need to. You have found someone that I am proud to call a son. For this, I have always prayed. I used to beg God to send you someone special, and He did. He’s answered my prayer for you. I wish I could be around to see your children grow and be nurtured, but I know it won’t be possible. I have already been blessed with so much; I know this is one I won’t receive, and I’m alright with it._

_People have often asked what I have done that I’m proudest about, and the answer never changes: you. You are my pride and joy, dove. Never forget that. You were my biggest blessing, and you will always be my greatest love._

_  
Love, forever and always,_

_Your Mummy”_

_  
Tears were flowing freely as she finished the letter. She didn’t want to think about her mother’s death, but it was a reality that she would have to face. Her husband had known how much she would need something to get her through the ensuing months, and he had provided that for her._

_  
“I put extra sugar in it for you,” Philip absentmindedly said, walking in. He glanced up to see the teary eyes of his wife. “Oh, love, I didn’t mean to upset you, but she asked me to put it in.” He wrapped her up in a hug, allowing her to sob into his chest._

_  
“I love you so much,” she mumbled, pulling back. “This is the kindest, most thoughtful gift someone could give me. It’s perfect.”_

_  
“I’m just glad you like it. There’s room in the back for us to put our memories in, for us to put our future in.”_

_  
“And I’m so looking forward to it.”_

_  
....................................._

  
December 25, 2017

  
Theresa slowly sat up, taking in the snow covered window. She had felt Philip shift behind her before a kiss was dropped on her shoulder. “Morning, love.”

  
“Happy Christmas.”

  
She smiled to herself. “Happy Christmas.”

  
“Can I give you your present before we go down to the kids? I can smell coffee so I know they are up.”

  
“What does this present include?” She flirted.

  
Philip rolled her under him and gently kissed her neck. “Well, it can include a few other...activities, but it’s something I’ve been waiting a very long time to give to you.”

  
“Sounds interesting.”

  
“Very.” His hand was working it’s way up her nightgown when he felt her roll them over.

  
“I can give you mine as well. It’s personal.” Her hands rested lightly on his chest before she climbed off and retrieved his gift from the small tree they had set up in their bedroom.

  
“Tease!” He called out after her.

  
She smirked before flouncing back into bed. “You asked for it.” Her gift to him was in a small rectangular package wrapped in a light blue paper with a big, white bow.

  
Philip rolled his eyes as he found hers in the bottom of his bag. “You go first.”

  
“Okay. Here,” she stuck it out for him to grab.

  
“Some presentation, love.”

  
“I’ll take it back if you don’t want it.”

  
“No. I want it.” He took it and gently tore into the paper. He was interested in what could be so personal that it had to be private. He had just take the lid off when...”Keys?”

  
“Yes,” she beamed at him. “One for here, and one for Downing Street. This way, you can come and go as you please.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Of course. I thought that maybe you could even...move some of your things in there and here?” Her voice reflected a question as she waited nervously.

  
Philip was taken aback as he listened. He had always hoped that they would reach this step, and he was so happy they had. “That sounds brilliant. I can’t wait, love.”

  
“Good. I was worried how you’d react. Now, my turn.” She never was one to tear the paper. She slowly peeled the tape off before folding the paper back. It was an antique jewelry box. “It’s beautiful, Philip.”

  
“There’s more. Open it,” he said nervously.

  
She pushed the intricately carved, wooden top open and gasped. “This...this was your mother’s. She gave this to me on our wedding day.” She was peering down at the small diamond pendant; she remembered leaving it on her vanity the night she left.

  
“I know. I always saved it for you. In case you ever came back. And now, it’s where it belongs again.”

  
“Philip, this should go to Emily one day. This doesn’t belong to me.”

  
“It does. Mum gave it to you because she wanted you to have it. It’s yours.” He saw her try and rebuff him again. “Emily will get enough of her things. This is yours. It always has been.”

  
“Thank you for bringing it back to me.” She said, kissing him soundly.

  
.....................................

  
Breakfast had been eaten, gifts had been opened, and Michael had almost thrown up twice from nerves. He was waiting to propose after the majority of the festivities had calmed down. “Emily, I think there is one more behind the tree for you.”

  
“Oh?” She cocked an eyebrow as she looked behind. “It’s a card.”

  
“Why don’t you open it?” Philip urged. He tightened his arm around Theresa and gave a smile to Michael.

  
Emily slowly reached behind the tree to retrieve it, not turning to see Michael slowly get on one knee. “Let’s see. It says ‘Roses are red. You think violets are purple, and I think we make the perfect couple. It would make me so happy if you said I do, so I’m wondering if I could marry you?’” Her gasp filled the room as she turned, being met with Michael holding the ring out.

  
“Emily Genevieve May, will you marry me?”

  
“Are you kidding? Hell yes!” She pulled him up and pressed her lips to his as he spun her around.

  
“That has to be the most Emily answer to that question,” Theresa managed between tears and chuckles.

  
“It was, but I’m just happy that she’s happy.”

  
“I know, and I love you for that.”

  
“Happy Christmas.”

  
“The happiest of all.”

 

 


	16. From the Ground Up

December 31, 2017, Chequers

  
“This is nice, love.” Theresa rested her head on Philip’s shoulder. She could see her breath crystallizing in the cool air as they snuggled outside, waiting for the fireworks.

  
“It is. I thought you usually had more people over for this type of thing?” He had heard stories from Damien Green, a longtime friend and husband to Theresa’s best friend, Alicia.

  
“I thought it would be nice for it to be just us and the kids. Besides, we still haven’t exactly gone public with our relationship.”

  
“No, but we should. Don’t you think? Your aides know, but I would like to be able to show you off.” He gently kissed her head as her hand squeezed his.

  
“Show me off? That sounds...tempting,” she flirted. “In all seriousness, I think we should introduce you to the cabinet before. They will get asked about it even if they don’t know anything.”

  
“We could have used this as that opportunity.” He was slightly worried about her being...embarrassed to be seen with him.

  
“I wanted this to be family time. I’m sure we can think of something. Maybe a dinner?”

  
“Okay, love.”

  
Emily dawdled out of the house with Michael following, carrying a tray of something. “I have mulled wine for us.”

  
Philip smiled, taking two glasses for Theresa and himself. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

  
“No problem, Daddy. I thought it might be nice. Does anyone know what time it is?” She glanced around in search of her phone, failing to find the small device.

  
“It’s 11:57, dear. Three minutes to go,” Michael offered.

  
“Thanks, love. I need to start putting that thing in my pocket,” Emily mumbled.

  
Theresa lifted the blanket on the bench, allowing the young couple to settle beside them. She watched with the tenderness in which Michael held her surrogate daughter and smiled. “Emily, have you thought anymore on the wedding?”

  
“Have I?!” The girl’s face became animated as she enthusiastically started detailing her plans. “I think an early autumn wedding would be nice. Not too hot. Not too cold. I really want it outside so it would work, and it gives me enough time to plan it. I don’t want anything big. A simple ceremony with family and close friends, and a small reception. I have all sorts of ideas for my dress saved on my Pinterest board.”

  
“Sounds like it’s very organized,” Theresa remarked.

  
Philip smiled before adding, “And it won’t break me.”

  
“Daddy, you always knew that I wanted a small wedding. Even when I played barbies, I never had more than four guests.”

  
Theresa chuckled, burrowing deeper in Philip’s side for warmth. “Michael? What about you?”

  
“I’ve been told my job for the wedding is to agree to everything and show up,” Michael remarked.

  
“Good man,” Philip said into his drink, earning a slap on the chest from Theresa.

  
“It’s 11:59!” Emily exclaimed. The four turned their attention to the sky just as it lit up with the most brilliant reds, greens, and golds. Each watched, getting wrapped up in the beauty and the magic of the night.

  
They could faintly hear a chime signaling the start of a new year when Philip leaned over and kissed Theresa. “Happy New Years, love.”

  
“Happy New Years. I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

  
“Awe-Michael,” Emily swatted his chest.

  
“Oh! Sorry, love.”

  
Emily and Michael both looked at the older couple before saying in unison, “Awwwwwwweeeeee.”

  
“Okay, enough, you two,” Theresa gently rebuked.

  
Emily laid her head against Theresa’s shoulder. “Happy New Years, Daddy. Happy New Years, Mum.”

  
Theresa dropped a kiss into Emily’s hair. “Happy New Years, love.”

  
.................................

  
_October 15, 1980_

_  
Philip slowly sat the box down, watching as his new wife scurried about to put things in their proper places. “Here are your cookbooks, love.”_

_  
Turning, she smiled at him. “Thank you. I only have about ten so I think they could fit on that shelf by the table.”_

_  
“That’s good. I have some...bad news though,” Philip mumbled, hand running through his hair._

_  
“Oh?”_

_  
“The movers called, and they said none of the furniture would be here today.” He winced as he heard a newly unpacked cookbook being slammed onto the counter._

_  
“What?! Why?!” Theresa yelled. “We hired them on the promise that they would be able to do it in a day.”_

_  
“Love, they don’t have the manpower anymore. The man I spoke with said they’ve had to let half the people working there go.”_

_  
“My flat is across London. I don’t see how moving it from there to here could be so bad,” she pouted, crossing her arms._

_  
Philip smiled inwardly; he always thought she was cute when she had a mini tantrum. “Look,” he walked over, hands going to her waist, “the guy said that it would be first thing in the morning, and if not, a full refund. Be patient, love. We still have boxes to unpack and clothes to hang, and we do have the mattress. It’s not like we will be sleeping on the floor.”_

_  
She looked down and bit her lip. “I guess.”_

_  
“Let’s focus on getting all the little things done that way,” he drew her closer and whispered in her ear, “we can focus on...christening our new bed and bedroom.”_

_  
Theresa blushed and giggled. “That sounds very...tempting. We still have this whole new place to break in.” Her hands were fiddling with his t-shirt._

_  
“Exactly. We should enjoy it.”_

_  
“And since the furniture won’t be in until tomorrow, we can paint that wall in the living room. We have the paint to go over it.”_

_  
“Perfect. Because that wallpaper is hideous.”_

_  
“Who on earth paints a room a lovely blue, and then ruins it by putting up purple wallpaper with paisleys on it?”_

_  
“Your guess is as good as mine.”_

  
.................................

  
January 6, 2018, London

  
Philip was pushing, or attempting to push, Theresa’s dresses back in the closet, looking for a minuscule fraction of space for himself. He didn’t consider himself very fashion forward by any means, but he did have suits and shirts that he needed to hang. There was hardly enough space to fit a piece of paper let alone clothing. “Theresa!” He called.

  
“Yes?” She popped her head around the door, eyes wide as she took in the sight.

  
“Is there anywhere I can put my clothes?”

  
“Did you look in the spare rooms?”

  
“Yes. They all have your clothes in them. Love, you go home every weekend. Why not leave most of it there and bring back what you want to wear for the week?”

  
“Because plans change. I might need something, and it will be at home,” she explained, leaning against the door frame.

  
“There is no need to have so many clothes here. Or shoes,” he said, picking up a red kitten heel. “Besides, you have hardly any clothes in Sonning. They’re all here.”

  
“I don’t need many clothes in Sonning. I need clothes for church, and clothes for lazy Saturdays.”

  
Philip sighed, feeling a headache come on. “You’ve always loved clothes and shoes. I’m not begrudging you any of that, but I have nowhere to put my stuff. If we are going to try and live together again, then we need a compromise.”

  
She crossed her arms, eyebrow arching. “And what would that be?”

  
“You take the clothes out of the spare rooms home and let me have one of them. You don’t even have to take all of them home. Half a closet will do, and I can find drawer space,” he offered.

  
“Hmm...no.” She pivoted on her heel and walked off.

  
“Excuse me?” He followed behind her closely, throwing his clothes on the bed.

  
“No.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because I told you, plans change.”

  
“You don’t need all of that stuff here. Or would you prefer I continue to live out of a duffel bag while I’m here?” He was getting irritated with her lack of understanding his point.

  
“Of course not, but I need them here.” Her voice was becoming pitchier as her anger started building.

  
“No, you don’t. You need to take them home or go through them. You’ve lost weight, and I’m sure some of those suits are too big, love. You need to clean out the closets.”

  
“You have a flat. Why can’t you just bring what you need when you stay over?”

  
“I do!” He exclaimed. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed his hand over his face. “Look, I just need a little bit. That’s all I’m asking for. Can’t you take the summer clothes back until its summer?”

  
“No.”

  
“Fine.” He began to pack his clothes up again, gathering socks and shirts and boxers before stuffing them into his bag.

  
“What are you doing?” Her hand immediately went to the diamond pendant around her neck, afraid he was the one leaving her this time.

  
“I’m going back to my flat. You refuse to listen, and I’m done talking.”

  
“You are just going to run away because of wardrobe space?”

  
“No. I’m going to go back to my flat to calm down before we end up having a fight over something stupid because you are being unreasonable.” He slung his bag over his shoulder before walking to the door of the bedroom.

  
“How dare you. I know that I can be difficult, but I-“

  
“It’s not being difficult. It’s being so self involved that you don’t realize what you are doing.”

  
“Philip, I have been on my own for twenty years. I didn’t have a child that would make me selfless. I didn’t have anyone but myself to worry about, and I’m sorry if you can’t understand that.”

  
Sighing, Philip dropped the bag before turning. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just...can’t understand why you are so protective over clothes.”

  
Slowly sitting, Theresa patted the bed next to her. “I...they are the one thing I have where I can express myself. I can’t let the public see who I am. I can’t let them see some...woman who is haunted by her past. They don’t care anyway.”

  
He was finally piecing it together. Fashion was her outlet to the world. She had never been good with opening up to strangers, and he was slowly realizing that included him now. He was the same just as much as he was new. They had changed, become different people, and he knew that now. “Oh, love, that’s not true.” He rushed over and put his arm around her.

  
“It is. If I smile, it’s fake. If I cried, it would be fake. Any and every thing I do is staged to them. To them, I’m weak and awkward, and I shy away from personal questions because I’m a robot. I’m the ice maiden of Maidenhead. Just some monster who doesn’t care about real people with a frozen heart.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she finished, and her hands went to furiously wipe the tears away.

  
It was true that the public didn’t know her. They didn’t see the humor that could be quite dirty when she wanted it to be. Or the way her smile could light up a room when she was relaxed. And no one saw the care and love that she showed children and the elderly or his daughter. No one knew her, and it made her seem unreachable. “Theresa,” he tilted her chin up, “you are the kindest, most loving person I know. You are funny and smart and beautiful, and I know that you are none of those things. But I understand now. It’s not the clothes you are so worried about. It’s your self expression.”

  
She nodded, sniffling a bit. “When...when Grenfell Tower happened, I cried. Not because of the press, but all those people lost everything. Even family. They had nothing, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t help them, and that’s what I wanted. I wanted to just take it all away. Then Manchester...oh, Philip, all those children in the hospital. They were traumatized and hurt and fragile. No child deserves to have what’s meant to be a wonderful experience ripped away like that.” Her tears were flowing freely now. “I’ve lost my family, and I’ve lost my children. I wouldn’t wish those two things on anyone. But all the papers said that I was unfeeling and cold. How do I make them see that I’m not some heartless bitch? I can’t just walk out one day and tell them that I was beaten and raped, and I had to watch them carry each of my children away in boxes. I can’t do that, but no one understands what it’s like to be me. No one understands that I can’t say what I want or do what I want. I have a country to lead. I have promises I have to keep because I made them. I have a part I have to play.”

  
“But you can wear what you want.”

  
Looking at him with tear filled eyes, she nodded again. She opened her mouth and closed it again, searching for the words to say. “I figured if people talked about my clothes they wouldn’t talk too much about...me.”

  
The last word was a whisper that made him lean in. It cut a clear picture in his mind. She wanted to appear boring and stand offish because she felt too much. He had always known she was sensitive underneath it all, but the tragedy she had seen as Home Secretary and then Prime Minister must have been more horrific than he thought. He didn’t speak. He simply tugged her to him and let her cry. “I’ll find something to put my clothes on. Don’t worry.”

  
She slowly pulled back, looking him in the eye. “No. You’re right. I don’t need them. It...it’s just hard to let them go, but I need to. I’ll sort through the ones in the bedroom next door and box them up. Then, I’ll take some and some shoes home this weekend.”

  
“Are you sure? I can find something. Maybe a rolling clothes rack.”

  
“As sweet as that is, I want you to have space too. We are a couple again, and we have to share.”

  
“I love you.”

  
She slowly slid her hand in his, giving a squeeze of reassurance. “I know.”

  
.................................

  
_Bright white paint was splattered across the old Oxford University t-shirt Theresa was wearing. She had paint up and down her legs having elected to wear shorts, and she knew there must be paint in her hair. “Love, come here!” She called after Philip before standing back to admire her handiwork. She felt him stand beside her, hand slipping around her waist. “What do you think?”_

_  
“I love it,” he said, sipping his water. “It looks nice. The one wall with white looks better than that awful wallpaper.”_

_  
She smiled, taking his glass and taking a long swig. “I’m glad. I thought we could put that white bookcase here. We could make it a reading corner since the window is right here. Put up white curtains and a nice, comfy white chair.”_

_  
Philip wrapped both arms around her waist, hugging her from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. “Well, don’t you have big plans.” He dropped a kiss to the side of her neck._

_  
It comforted her when he held her like this, and she leaned back, knowing he’d support her. “Always. If we could just get the furniture in, it would be lovely. Especially with the hardwood floors being so light.”_

_  
“All the kitchen stuff is put away and our clothes. I got a few pictures hung as well. The only thing we have to do is situate the furniture, and it will be ready to go.”_

_  
“My little handyman.” She slowly turned in his arms, wrapping herself around his frame. She felt him begin to sway her as they danced to nonexistent music._

_  
“I think,” he said into her ear softly, “that we should get takeout. I can go get it while you take a bath. I made sure it was all unpacked as well.”_

_  
“That sounds perfect...even if we don’t have a table to eat at.”_

_  
“It will be like when we used to sneak off to our little spot by the university. We always managed then.”_

_  
“We did.” She pressed her lips softly to his._

_  
............_.......................

  
January 15, 2018, London

  
Theresa had just pulled her signature roasted lamb out of the oven when Philip came into the kitchen. “Emily and Michael should be here soon. Will you open that bottle of wine?”

  
Philip smiled, uncorking the bottle and setting it back down. “It smells delicious, love. Did you make anything for dessert?”

  
“Of course. I know your sweet tooth. I made an apple crumble, and its sugar free so I can have some,” she beamed, proud of her accomplishment.

  
Hearing a knock at the door, he kissed her forehead and mumbled, “I’m sure it will be amazing,” before dashing off to open the door.

  
The sound of Philip happily greeting the engaged couple made her heart smile as she put the finishing touches on the food. A hand was on her shoulder, and she quickly pulled Emily into a hug when she saw it was her. “Hello, love.”

  
“Hey, Mum,” she timidly said.

  
“Are you all right?” Theresa took in the dark circles, deeper than usual, and a look of exhaustion that she never wore. “Are you sick?” Her hand immediately went to feel for a temperature.

  
“I’m fine.”

  
Her paleness said otherwise, as did her unusual quietness. “Go sit, and I’ll bring this to the table.”

  
“But-“

  
“Go,” she commanded gently. She made sure the girl was sat before she carried the lamb in. She kept her eyes trained on her as Philip said grace, and she noticed how her daughter just picked at her food.

  
“Emily,” Philip called, “would you like some wine? It’s your favorite.”

  
“No, thank you. I’m holding off on the alcohol.”

  
“But it’s-“

  
“I know,” Emily said, interrupting her father, ”and thank you for the thought you put into it, but I can’t, really.”

  
Theresa watched the small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. There was something off, and Emily knew that she knew. Theresa felt the atmosphere thicken listening to the exchange. Her eyes darted to Michael, whose eyes were trained to his plate. “Is the lamb good? I tried a different glaze.”

  
“It’s lovely,” Michael mumbled.

  
Philip seemed oblivious to the tension in the room and carried on as though nothing was strange. “Have you two decided on a date for the wedding? Emily, you said something about autumn.”

  
Taking a deep breath, Emily forced another smile. “We...umm...we’ve decided to push the wedding back, actually.”

  
“Oh?” Philip looked at her with confusion across his face. “You were just talking about dress shopping the other day.”

  
“It’s just not good timing for us.” Michael said quietly. “We were thinking about waiting another year. Maybe a year and a half.”

  
Theresa felt all air leave her lungs as she realized what was going on. She could see how tense both Michael and Emily were, and she braced herself for Philip’s reaction.

  
Setting his fork down, Philip sighed. “I’ve told both of you that if you need help, I’ll be there. I don’t mind covering rent if it’s going to be that tight, and I’m paying for the wedding-“

  
“Daddy, I can’t walk down the aisle with a baby in a sling,” Emily blurted out.

  
Michael immediately straightened up, preparing for the confrontation. The vein on his neck was bulging, and sweat was beading up on his forehead. Theresa was sure the boy was about to have a heart attack.

  
“Baby? Why would there be...” Philip trailed off, figuring the situation out for himself. “You’re...pregnant?”

  
Emily slowly nodded, reaching across to hold Michael’s hand. “Six weeks. We had a scan yesterday. I brought a picture,” she gently spoke. Her hand was trembling as she laid the black and white sonogram down on the table.

  
Theresa couldn’t breathe. Philip’s face showed no expression, but she knew the anger was bubbling under the surface. She knew he was going to explode at any moment, and it would not be pretty. “That’s nice, love. I’m sure I can find a frame somewhere for it,” she offered. It was more of a peace offering, but nothing would stop it now.

  
Philip just sat there. He couldn’t bring himself to speak as he took in the fact his daughter was carrying a child. ‘It’s not time for her to be a mother. Not yet,’ he thought.

  
“Daddy, please say something,” Emily begged. Her nerves were frazzled, and she could see the disappointment cloud her father’s eyes.

  
“I have nothing to say.” He rested his head in his hands, eyes falling on the picture of his grandchild.

  
Michael slowly took Emily’s hand again before speaking up, “I know this is a surprise-“

  
“A big one,” Philip mumbled to himself.

  
“But,” Michael continued, “we both want the baby, and I will do whatever it takes to give Emily and our baby the best things in life.”

  
Theresa smiled at the sentiment. She could remember Philip saying the same thing to her decades ago, and she knew it was just as genuine when Michael said it. “That’s very sweet, Michael.”

  
Emily got up and kneeled beside her father’s chair. “Daddy, I know you would have preferred we wait, but it’s happened now. We have to accept it, and now, you get a grandchild. A little boy or girl to teach cricket to. Please,” she gently took his hand in hers, “don’t be upset.”

  
Blue eyes met blue eyes as he stared down at her. “What would you have me be? Do you want me to be ecstatic that you won’t get to do the things you have planned? What do you want from me, Emily?” He asked in a scarily even tone.

  
Theresa reached over, laying a hand on Philip’s. “Love-“

  
“I’m taking a walk,” he declared before pushing back from the table, grabbing his coat, and disappearing from the flat. Leaving Theresa, Emily, and Michael to stare at the little photo of a new life that was still laying on the table amid the mess.

  
...................................

  
_Empty Chinese takeout boxes were scattered on their makeshift box table, and there was two bottles of empty wine sitting beside a group of burning candles. “It would have been nice if they would have told us to pay the electric bill before they turned it off,” Theresa said. They had dragged their mattress to the living room to sleep for the night._

_  
“I don’t know. This is kind of romantic, don’t you think?” Philip asked, rolling to face her._

_  
“Always the romantic.” She smiled, scooting closer to him. “But I guess it kind of is. Candle light, a delicious dinner, and wine drunk straight from the bottle.”_

_  
“Are you tipsy?”_

_  
“I don’t think I am.”_

_  
“Really? Your cheeks are flushed. Here,” he pressed a kiss to her right cheek before doing the same to the left, “and here. And, if I may be so forward, your chest is rather red as well.”_

_  
Theresa giggled. “I don’t think that’s from the wine, love.”_

_  
Philip gave a mock gasp. “Are you, dare I say, turned on?”_

_  
“Possibly.” She slowly bit her lip, drawing him closer with her arms._

_  
“I could fix that.”_

_  
“Can you? I don’t know if you are up to the task,” she teased._

_  
“I don’t think you complained two nights ago. Or the night before that. Or the one before that. Or any of the forty days we’ve been married.”_

_  
“Okay, I get your point!” She slowly raised up, rolling on top of him and sitting back on her knees. She watched as he pulled himself up, resting against the wall their bed was pushed against. “But I still don’t know if you can do it.”_

_  
“I would love it if you let me prove myself.” His hands were stroking her thighs softly._

_  
She smiled, pulling her oversized shirt over her head. “I think I might.”_

_  
He brought her lips to his, resting their foreheads together. “I love you so much, Theresa May, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you that enough.”_

  
....................................

  
Theresa had cleaned up from the disastrous dinner and was waiting anxiously for Philip when she heard the door close. She walked into the living to see him hanging up his coat. “Want to talk about it?”

  
“Not really,” he sighed out. “When did they leave?”

  
“About an hour after you did. Emily cried, and I had to calm Michael down. She had questions-“

  
“Asking you to take her side, probably.”

  
“No,” she leaned against the wall, “she was asking that I beg you to forgive her for being a failure, and she asked that I let her know you made it home safe.”

  
He looked at her for a moment, feeling a small amount of guilt wash over him. “I don’t think she is a failure. I just,” he took a long, deep breath, “I wish they would have been more careful, waited. They had plans to travel and see the world. You can’t exactly do that with a baby.”

  
“We can’t change it now. It’s done. We have to accept it.”

  
Philip nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. “Did you know?”

  
“No. I do think you should apologize. You overreacted.”

  
“I did no such thing!” He said defensively.

  
She crossed her arms and gave a dramatic eye roll. “You did. She is scared and pregnant, and she just wants her father to be there for her. You shouldn’t let this go on. You’ll regret it.”

  
Philip could feel the annoyance building and before he could stop himself, “Look, I don’t expect you to understand. You aren’t a parent.”

  
Theresa looked as if she had been slapped and felt like he had just stabbed her in the heart. Tears collected in her eyes, and her shoulders dropped in defeat.

  
He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. “Theresa, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-“

  
“Why don’t you stay at your flat tonight? I think it would be best for everybody if you spent some time alone.” Her voice cracked saying the sentence.

  
“What? But-“

  
“Please, Philip. I’m done with this tonight. Just...go. Maybe you can find someone who is better at this parenting thing than me,” she said with angry sarcasm.

  
“I-“

  
“Goodnight, Philip.”

  
Philip watched her walk to the bedroom and close the door as he sighed. He had hurt the two people he cared most about, and he didn’t know what to do.

 


	17. Falling

January 18, 2018, London

  
“Please pick up,” Philip mumbled to himself. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Theresa in three days, and his anxiety was through the roof. Admittedly, he knew he should probably apologize to his daughter first, but this was Theresa, the woman he had already hurt too much.

  
He decided against his better judgement and picked the phone up again, ordering a bouquet of white roses to be sent to Downing Street. Knowing her like he did, he figured she would just throw them away. She had that habit when she was angry with someone, specifically him.

  
He was fixing tea when he heard someone knock on his door. Rushing to answer it, he found himself staring at the slight figure of his daughter. He felt his heart break all over again as he took in the dark circles and sadness she wore. “Hi, love,” he softly said.

  
Refusing to meet his eyes, she kept hers trained on her feet. “I just came by to get the rest of my stuff from here,” she nearly whispered. “I won’t be long. I promise.”

  
His eyes went soft. They’d never fought like this before. There had never been any tension between them as father and daughter, and he had ruined that. “Of course, love.” He stepped aside, allowing her to enter. He watched her like any parent would watch over their child: protectively. He noticed how her movements were slower than normal, and how hollow she seemed, her light having faded.

  
“I left boxes here so I’ll just use those,” she explained timidly.

  
It was painfully awkward. He knew he couldn’t just hug her and make it okay. He deserved to grovel on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness from her and Theresa. “Okay, baby.”

  
She walked aimlessly down the hall before disappearing into her old bedroom. He could hear her rumbling around and followed a moment later with tea. He set the two cups down on her old vanity, watching as she packed books and photos up. “I brought some tea,” he mumbled.

  
“Thanks.” Her hand went for the handle, bringing it up to sip it before she suddenly put the mug back down and rushed to the bathroom across the hall.

  
Her retching could be heard through the apartment, and he ran after her, finding her kneeled in front of his toilet. Dropping beside her, he pulled her hair back and made slow, firm passes up and down her back until she was done. “Let me get you some water,” he said, standing and filling his tea cup after emptying it. “Here, love.”

  
“It’s the smell of the milk. I’ve had morning sickness everyday for the past six weeks,” she said, slowly taking the cup and sipping the water.

  
He unconsciously reached out to tuck her hair behind ear and smiled, fatherly instincts taking over. “Your mother was the same. She was constantly sick. I remember we were at an appointment once, and she threw up on the ultrasound technician.”

  
The corner of her mouth lifted in a small smile. “Did you two live together when she was pregnant?”

  
“No. We saw each other at appointments and when we were shopping for you.” He slid down the wall to sit beside her again. “We weren’t close.”

  
Emily nodded, staring at the floor. “I’m sure you have things to do. I should finish up and leave.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

  
“I do have something I need to do,” he gently took her hand, “I need to apologize to you. Emily, I know I acted like a complete idiot, and I hurt you by my actions. But...this is new for me. I never expected this.”

  
“Neither did I, but it’s happened.”

  
“I know that. I know that you already love this baby, and if I’m honest, so do I.” He watched her head snap to look at him. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel like a failure, and I’m sorry that I acted the way I did. You could never fail me. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and I love you. That could never change.”

  
“Do you mean that?” She asked tearfully. “Because I’m so scared, and I need you. I need you to help me and be here for me. I can’t do this without you.”

  
“Of course I mean that.” He immediately pulled her into a hug, feeling her sob against his chest. “Of course. I love you so much, and I am so proud of you. This baby, your baby, is so blessed to have you as its mother, Emily, and I can’t wait to watch you be that.” He pressed kisses to the crown of her head and rocked her soothingly.

  
“Thank you, Daddy. Thank you so much.”

  
..................................

  
_May 1992, London_

_  
It was absolutely miserable for both of them. Hearing the other’s voice was excruciating, the close proximity of being across the table made the air thick with tension, and accidental eye contact broke hearts all over again._

_  
Theresa’s solicitor, Mr. Spencer, was shuffling through papers on the table, and the noise was irritating to her. He looked over and nodded before saying, “Mrs. May has agreed that Mr. May should keep the house.”_

_  
Philip snapped his head up. “No. No! That’s her house. We bought it because it was everything she wanted. She deserves it.”_

_  
“Mrs. May has decided that for the well-being of the unborn child, a home is best suited for you. She doesn’t want any profit if you sell, and she doesn’t want her name on the deed,” Spencer explained._

_  
Philip watched as his wife’s face crumbled. He could remember when they found that house, and all the big plans she had for it. They renovated it so she could get her dream kitchen, and he had ruined that to. “Can Mrs. May speak to me instead of through her solicitor?”_

_  
Her eyes found his, and she stared for a long minute before leaning forward and placing her arms on the table. “What would you like me to say, Philip? I’m giving you back everything you ever gave me because I want you out of my life.”_

_  
He thought he knew what pain was until that moment. It was like a knife was being twisted into his heart over and over again. “You don’t mean that,” he whispered._

_  
“I,” her voice cracked, “I do. You have a child to raise, and you cheated on me.” Her face fell as she finished the sentence._

_  
“But you love me. I know you do.”_

_  
“I love you, but not that much.” She knew that he knew it wasn’t true. She knew that he knew she loved him more than life itself just as he loved her._

_  
“Thomas,” Philip said turning to his lawyer, “could you give us a moment?”_

_  
Theresa nodded to hers as well, signaling he could leave. With the two men in suits gone, Theresa sat silently as Philip fixed a cup of tea for the both of them. “Just the way you like it,” he mumbled, placing the cup in front of her._

_  
“Thanks,” she quietly said._

_  
“I...why are we doing this? We are just breaking each other’s hearts all over again,” he suddenly asked._

_  
Sighing, she sipped her tea. “I can’t stay there. You know that, Philip. I can’t stay and help you raise that baby, and I couldn’t forgive myself if I treated the child badly because I blame it for something it had no control over.”_

_  
“Would you try? For me?” He looked desperate. Tears were collecting in his eyes as he pleaded. “Please, love. I’ll do anything.”_

_  
Looking away, she stared at her hands. “You wouldn’t have to do anything if you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”_

_  
“Theresa-“_

_  
“What, Philip? What? I know that I was...awful in the end. I realize that I drove you away, but none of that gave you the right to do what you did. I did try. I tried and succeeded in forgiving you, but asking me to raise another woman’s child is too much. Love does not conquer all. This is something it will not conquer.”_

_  
His head dropped in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’m just so, so sorry.”_

_  
“I am too,” she tearfully explained. “I’m sorry that we both made mistakes, and I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want me to be for you.”_

  
................................

  
January 19, 2018, Downing Street

  
Emily slowly eased in the door, seeing the bouquet of flowers her father sent in the bin. “Mum?” She softly called.

  
“I’m right here, Emily.” Theresa popped her head out from the doorway of the bathroom in her office. “Is something wrong?”

  
“No. Nothing is wrong. I just thought I’d take you to lunch today,” she stated.

  
Theresa exited, still drying her hands from washing them. “Oh?”

  
“I thought we could talk about everything,” Emily squeaked out.

  
“I see.” Theresa sat back down, placing her glasses on the tip of her nose. “How was getting your stuff from your father’s?”

  
The young girl practically beamed. “It went well. Daddy apologized. He told me he was sorry, and that he knew I loved the baby, and he does too.”

  
“He said he loved the baby?” Her eyes glassed over as she imagined it.

  
“I got sick from the milk in the tea, and he held my hair for me. Then, he told me that he never meant to make me feel like a failure and how sorry he was. We had a good cry afterwards,” she explained.

  
Theresa became choked up at the image of the two of them curled up together on the bathroom floor, crying. “I’m glad he apologized, love.”

  
Emily began fiddling with her hands as she remembered the conversation that followed. “He...umm...he is still pretty broken up over what he said to you. He really does feel awful.”

  
“Okay.” Theresa went cold again. Frankly, she didn’t care that he was sorry. He hurt her in a way that was low even for their past. Then, she wondered if he had told Emily. “Did he tell you what he said?”

  
“No, ma’am. He just told me he missed you, and that he wished you take his calls.”

  
“I see.”

  
“He asked me to tell you that he knows he was an idiot, but he really does love you. He was just upset about me, and he never meant to make you feel sad.”

  
The girl’s eyes met hers, and Theresa could feel a sense of forgiveness seeping into her. She missed Philip too, and she had missed him since the moment they said goodbye so many years ago. She couldn’t see the point in letting it drag on if she were honest. She loved him. She wanted him. She couldn’t keep living without him. “I’ll call him later.”

  
Emily immediately perked up. “Really?!”

  
“Yes. We need to talk about it anyway,” she said simply. “Best not to let it go on.”

  
“Thank you, Mum!” She rushed around the desk and threw her arms around the woman she loved like a mother.

  
Hugging her back, Theresa could feel the firmness in the stomach holding her grandchild. She slowly pulled back and placed a hand over it. “You are getting a baby bump.”

  
“I know!” Emily pulled the fabric of her shirt back to show the roundness off. “Michael said I’ll show sooner because I’m so short.”

  
“Quite right. You’ll probably look like you’re carrying twins with your stature.”

  
“Thanks,” she deadpanned. “That makes me feel so much better.”

  
...............................

  
_July, 1992, London_

_  
“She’s just over twenty weeks. We found out it’s a girl last week. I’m so happy. I’ve always wanted one,” Philip remarked absentmindedly._

_  
‘I’ve always wanted one. I’ve always wanted one. I’ve always wanted one.’ The phrase kept echoing in her mind. ‘But you had one. I gave you one,’ she thought. ‘She just didn’t make it past twelve weeks.’ Theresa knew that he wouldn’t have said anything if he knew she was behind him, but the thought of someone else giving him a child made her nauseous._

_  
Philip heard something drop behind him and turned, seeing Theresa bending to pick up a stack of dropped files and her purse. “Let me help you,” he said, stooping to lend a hand._

_  
“No! I’m fine!” She said forcefully._

_  
They had been civilized enough recently, and Philip was taken aback at the toxicity in her voice. “Please. I’m just trying to help-“_

_  
“You can help by leaving me alone. Go brag about the child you are having,” she said, standing with her things._

_  
It hit him that she must have overheard him, and his heart broke. “Theresa-“_

_  
“Happy you can finally father a child that can survive?” Her face was stony and unreadable._

_  
It would have been better if she would have slapped him as hard as she could. All he could do was stare as she bit her lip to hold back tears. “That...umm...we should get to the negotiations.”_

_  
“I agree. Now, move.” She quickly pushed past him, hitting his shoulder so hard he stumbled back._

_  
.................................._

_  
Theresa had sat in her car for at least forty-five minutes after her meeting with her soon-to-be ex husband concluded. She had worked herself up, deciding to confront her husband over his newfound family. Her brain had gone faster than her heart and before she knew it, she was at the front door of the home she once shared with Philip._

_  
To say he was surprised when he opened the door would be an understatement as he took in the pale face of Theresa. She looked like she was in a tizzy and almost...mad. He watched as she stepped in, eyes searching for something. “Umm...hi, I guess. Is something wrong?” He began to worry._

_  
“Is...she...here?” Her voice had a ferocity in it he never expected._

_  
“Who?”_

_  
“The mother of your child.”_

_  
“What? Of course not! It’s not like we’ve moved in together, Theresa. I see her when I need to for the baby,” he explained. Her eyes were wide, tears pooling in them, and he could feel the urge to pull her into a hug._

_  
Walking past him she mumbled, “Of course. Well, I’ll just get out of your way then.”_

_  
“No!” Grabbing her hand, Philip pulled her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face in her neck to inhale her scent. “Talk to me,” he whispered against the skin._

_  
She crumbled. The woman in doubt of everything became too hard to hold back, and the woman who was irreversibly damaged in her head began to wail out in joy and despair to be in his arms again. Weeping wasn’t something she did, but a river ran down her cheeks then. Her pride wasn’t choking her as she said brokenly, “Us. It should be us.”_

_  
One hand held her head to his shoulder, giving her the reassurances that she needed to cry while the other made circles on her back. “I know, love. I know.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say; there was nothing else to say. The sorrow in both of their hearts was too much for even one thousand people to bear, let alone two._

_  
She wanted love; she needed love. Pushing past her inhibitions, her hands cupped his face as she pulled back. “I love you. I love you so much, Philip.”_

_  
It was a simple enough statement, but the heaviness and the realness of the words were too much. They were falling back into each other all over again; they both knew it couldn’t possibly be healthy, but what is health when you are happy? When you are home? Her sharp edges of resentment and heartbreak were meeting his softness of broken pride and guilt as their mouths collided._

_  
Fragments of chipped hearts began shifting to their rightful places when he pushed her purse off and picked her up, carrying her to their bed. The bitterness and hate turned to sugar when their clothing was being dropped on the hardwood floors. When she climbed on top of him, it seemed her body had pulled itself back together again, repaired from the war she was waging with herself. Their mouths dripped with honey as they whispered ‘I love you’ over and over and over again. And after, when their tongues were still dancing with the others, and they were both laying where they belonged, it seemed like even in hell, heaven was on their side._

  
.................................

  
January 20, 2018

  
She had said she would call, but she didn’t. Instead, she ended up at his door, afraid to knock but more afraid of what would happen if she didn’t. Her hands were shaking until she lightly rapped on the wooden surface. ‘It’s done now,’ a voice in her head said.

  
“Theresa?” He questioned as he propped himself up against the the doorframe after pulling the barrier open.

  
“Hi. I...umm...Emily said you’d like to talk.” She was stumbling like she did when she was uncomfortable, but her courage was there. She didn’t want to waste it.

  
Stepping aside, he allowed her to step into his flat. He watched as she threw her purse in a chair followed by her jacket. “I want to apologize. What I said was-“

  
She held her hand up, causing him to stop. “I’ve been thinking, and even though you hurt me, I know you are sorry.” She sighed and looked down. “But you have to understand that I told you things no one knows, and if you use them against me, I will have to walk away again.”

  
“What? Oh, love,” he gently tugged her to him, “I could never do that. Ever. I never meant what I said. Please, believe me. I would never do that to you. I was upset, and I realize that I have to get back to a place where I don’t just say the first thing that comes to mind. I know that was beyond wrong, and I should be groveling right now.”

  
Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t...I can’t lose you again. Just, please, don’t be such an ass.”

  
He chuckled, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’ll work on it because I can’t lose you either.” His hand brushed her hair back gently.

  
“Good. I have missed you. I think that’s why I’m not making you work so hard for it,” she flashed a smile, “and I know it’s been a while since either of us has done this.”

  
“I’ve missed you too, and I love you very, very much.”

  
“I love you too, Philip.” She kissed him, and he kissed back with hunger before his hands slipped from her waist to her hips. Pulling back, she brought their foreheads together. “Mmm...do you remember how good our make up sex was when we were married?”

  
“I remember when we fought about the color of the kitchen, and we had the police round because they thought someone was being murdered because of how loud you were. That was good make up sex.” He smirked and kissed her again.

  
“We should test if it’s still as good.” A hand went to the front of his pants as the other pulled his glasses off.

  
“I like the way you think, Ms. Brasier.”

  
“Sit.” She shoved him onto the couch before pulling her shirt over her head. Smiling, she heard him groan as her trousers followed. “See something you like?”

  
“You are in red lace. Please,” he almost pouted.

  
“Please, what?” She asked, stepping forwards.

  
“Please, anything.”

  
.....................................

 

_The smell of eggs and the brightness of sun woke her. It had been the first time in months that she had slept soundly. Looking around, she smiled as last night came back to her. She had put on one of Philip’s t-shirts after rolling out of bed. She was padding down the hall to the stairs when she saw the bedroom door at the end of the hall was pushed open. The sight inside made her gasp and tear up. The room they had begun to decorate when she was first pregnant was finished. Everything was in cream, and the crib had a single pink bear in it. Her heart began to crack again, hardening a bit at the thought of Philip doing this._

_  
He saw her standing in the door to the kitchen and ushered her over, placing a plate of breakfast in front of her. “Here you go, love.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and felt her tense. “Sleep well?”_

_  
“Fine.” She picked at her food, barely swallowing two bites. “I need to go,” she suddenly said._

_  
“What? But...I thought we could talk. You know, about us now.” He was confused and hurt. This was his wife, and she was acting like they were just two strangers who had, had a one night stand after meeting in a bar._

_  
“There is nothing to talk about.”_

_  
“We...”_

_  
“We what? We had sex. That’s all. It’s not the first time.”_

_  
His eyes misted over at the coldness in her voice. “That wasn’t just sex. That was love. We love each other.”_

_  
“That doesn’t change the fact that you have a kid on the way with someone else. I’m going to shower and get changed. I need to get back to my flat anyway.”_

_  
“Theresa, please, we need to talk. We need to-“ His phone began to ring, and he looked at her with pleading eyes. “Five minutes.”_

_  
She nodded and crossed her arms. She longed to tell him to call his lawyer, and she would call hers; she longed to call this whole divorce off, but she couldn’t. And when she saw his face going soft as he listened, she was just reinforced in her belief she must leave._

_  
“Yes...I’m busy...the baby had a scan? Why didn’t you tell me?...I see...of course you can,” he was mumbling into the receiver._

_  
Her heart froze, then and there, at the conversation. She quickly fled back to their bedroom, closing the bathroom door and locking it. She just sat in the shower, crying, but she picked herself back up, got dressed, and went back to face him. “I’m leaving.”_

_  
He had been panicking until he heard the shower run. Then, he saw the puffiness in her eyes, knowing the conversation must have killed her a little on the inside. “No! We have to talk, Theresa!”_

_  
“Why?! What good would it do? You have a baby with someone who isn’t me, and I made the biggest mistake of my life by crawling back into bed with you.”_

_  
“You don’t mean that,” he softly said._

_  
He could see the light reflecting in the tears in her eyes. “I really wish I did. I need it to be true so let it be.”_

_  
“We can do this. We can work together. I’ll give up the baby if you’ll stay. I’ll send a monthly check, and that will be it. Please,” he uttered._

_  
Biting her lip, her hand went to smooth her damp hair. “You couldn’t do that. You love her too much already, and you would resent me for it eventually. And I’m not taking a father from a little girl; I know how hard that can be.”_

_  
“I know you heard me on the phone, but-“_

_  
“Their room, Philip. You are using their room, our babies’ room.” A single tear fell from her chin onto the floor, shattering like glass._

_  
His faith that they could rescue their marriage disappeared in that moment. He hadn’t even thought about how it might affect her that the nursery she started was being used for his love child. “I didn’t even think...I just...it was already started,” he tried to come up with a reason, but he failed to._

_  
“At least it will be used now,” she whispered, hand going to her empty belly. “I’ll...umm...I’ll see you with your lawyer next week. We need to finish this.”_

_  
He nodded, feeling her walk past him. He placed a hand on her waist, stopping her. Pressing one last gentle kiss to her cheek, he whispered, “I’ll always love you...and the ones we lost.”_

_  
“I know, and you’ll always be my greatest love, but we both need to let go,” she mumbled, walking out of the door. She rushed to her car that was parked across the street, sitting in the driver seat and letting out the grief of it all. Before she could pull off, she saw a car roll in front of the house. A young woman in big sunglasses with long black hair stepped out. Theresa couldn’t see the majority of her face, but she could tell the woman was breathtakingly beautiful. Her polka dotted dress was blowing in the breeze as she walked to the front door and knocked._

_  
Philip opened, red eyed and still slightly crying, and smiled. His hand went to her stomach, unknowingly and simultaneously breaking his wife’s heart and healing her enough to leave._

 


	18. Two Heartbeats

January 31, 2018

  
Philip watched the television as Theresa exited the plane. It was the first day of her China trip, and he wished he could have gone with her. They had made the decision to go to a drinks event together as their first appearance, but that wasn’t until the week after she got back, and it was only the cabinet at first. He turned his head, smiling as his daughter painted her toes on his couch. He had wondered why she didn’t go, being the deputy chief of staff and all, but she had explained she didn’t want to leave him all by himself. “Love, have you been home today?”

  
“No,” she said softly. “Michael is cramming at the library, and he can be touchy when he has an exam so I try to stay out of the way.”

  
“I see. How’s the baby?”

  
Emily smiled as she heard the question; she had noticed her father had become more protective after the revelation he loved his unborn grandchild. “I think it’s okay. I’m getting a bigger bump. It’s...strange,” she explained.

  
“You have a bump, and you didn’t tell me?!”

  
“You’ve been a little caught up in Mum, and what she’s doing, Daddy!” She fought back.

  
“Okay, fair point, but I want to know all about the baby. Every little milestone.”

  
“Yes, sir.” She set her nail polish aside and grabbed his hand, fiddling with it like she did as a child. “I was actually thinking...”

  
“Yes?”

  
Emily kept her eyes on her feet, mumbling, “I have a scan tomorrow, and I was wondering if you’d come?”

  
Tears filled his eyes, and he quickly blinked them away before squeezing her hand. “Of course I will. I would be happy to.”

  
“Good. You can even treat me to lunch afterwards,” she teased.

  
“We can go wherever you like, love.”

  
..................................

  
_March 1987_

_  
There were six boxes sitting on the bathroom sink as Theresa stared, tears falling easily. Her eyes kept going to her watch before back to the little tube in her hands. It had been nearly two hours since she had carefully followed the instructions and mixed the ingredients of the home pregnancy test. There was a faint, dark ring on the top of the liquid in the tube, and she wanted to scream._

_  
Philip had been looking for his wife for the past twenty minutes, starting in the garden and working his way through every room of their house until he was standing in front of their bathroom door. Before he could knock, the door was yanked open, and he was met with his wife’s teary eyes. “Love, is everything okay?” He caught her as she flung herself in his arms. “Love?”_

_  
Pulling back, she cupped his face and kissed him before whispering, “We are going to have a baby.”_

_  
Philip froze as the news sunk in. “We...you...a baby?! Oh, love!” He couldn’t stop himself as he picked her up and spun her in a circle._

_  
“We did it! We are having a baby!” She exclaimed._

_  
Philip set her down before dipping her back and kissing her senseless. “We are having a baby! You’re going to be a mummy!” He was beaming as he looked at his wife._

_  
“And you will be a daddy.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she said the phrase._

_  
“I guess that break we took really helped,” Philip absentmindedly said as his hands gently covered her stomach._

_  
“Our doctor did say we needed it. We tried for two years, and we just had fun for two years. And now, we have a baby,” she excitedly said._

_  
“You should call and make an appointment just to confirm everything.”_

_  
“I will, but I just want to bask in the fact I’m carrying your child first.”_

  
.....................................

  
Philip sat nervously with his phone in his hand. It was only around lunch, but with the time difference, he was expecting Theresa to call. He had slipped out to walk to a nearby Chinese restaurant to pick up food for him and Emily and to take the call away from his daughter. Their order had been placed, and he was waiting when his mobile began to vibrate. “Hello?” He answered, unable to contain the excitement in his voice.

  
“Hi, love,” Theresa said sleepily.

  
“You sound exhausted, darling.”

  
“Long flight, and I can’t really sleep anymore if you aren’t with me. The bed is very empty...and cold.”

  
He almost wanted to laugh at the childish way she sounded. “I’m sorry I didn’t come, love, but you know how I feel about long flights.”

  
“I know. I also know we might need to go public before we start making highly publicized international trips together,” she explained.

  
“Very true. How was the first day?”

  
“Busy. We had the greeting ceremony and a few other things. I have a private dinner with President Jinping in twenty minutes. I wanted to call now because I’ll probably pass out when I get back to the hotel.”

  
“I saw the greeting ceremony. I’ve been watching you on TV all day.”

  
“That’s very sweet and kind of stalker-ish,” she said before laughing, causing his heart flutter at the sound. “How is Emily? We were texting earlier, and she said she had some back aches.”

  
“She’s okay. She’s avoiding Michael and exam stress. I’m currently waiting to pick up Chinese for lunch.”

  
“Awe. She has you completely wrapped around her finger, you know,” she teased.

  
Philip smiled to himself as he considered the statement. He knew she was right, and he had not one doubt in his mind that they would both be wrapped around the little fingers of their grandchild. “Yeah, I know. Always has and always will.”

  
“I think it’s sweet.”

  
“What are you wearing to your dinner?”

  
“A red wrap dress. I thought I could appeal with the national color. Why?”

  
“Just wondering is all.”

  
“Hmm. I don’t believe you were just wondering,” she said with emphasis, “at all.”

  
“You caught me.” He could almost hear the smile in the change of pattern of her breathing. “If it is the dress I think it is, then you are wearing black lace under it.”

  
“You’ve memorized what underwear I wear with what?” Her inflection signaled shock and disbelief.

  
He smiled, looking around to make sure no one could hear. “Only the things that have a,” he paused, searching for the words, “special place in my heart.”

  
She was laughing so hard she was sure her aides thought she might be crazy. “I’m sure they are special, darling.”

  
“They are!”

  
“I have to go. I need to go to dinner, love. I’ll call tomorrow. Same time?”

  
“Works for me. I love you...and miss you.” He said sincerely.

  
“I know.” She could feel the tension draining away as she talked to him. “I love you too.”

  
..............................

  
_Late May 1987_

_  
There wasn’t much either could do about the heat as they sat in the park. Theresa had worn a sun dress that was pushing her limits for modesty just to keep cool, and Philip was sweating through his shirt. “Love, I think we might need to go inside,” Philip observed._

_  
Theresa looked over as she continued to fan herself with her hand. “I think we may. I wish we could go swimming somewhere.”_

_  
“That sounds amazing. David has a pool. Shall I call him?”_

_  
“You don’t think your brother would mind, do you?”_

_  
“No, I don’t think so,” Philip said softly. “Let’s go find a pub to get something to drink and cool off, and I’ll ring him.”_

_  
“Perfect. Help me up?” She asked before sticking her hands out._

_  
He smiled, jumping up to quickly help her to her feet. “Now, we need to make sure you and this baby don’t get dehydrated,” he beamed before placing his hand on the small bump covered by clothing._

_  
“The baby really wants ice cream.”_

_  
“Then the baby will get ice cream as soon as we get out of the heat.”_

_  
“You are going to spoil it, you know,” Theresa remarked as they started walking back towards the village._

_  
Lacing their fingers together, Philip pulled her closer to him. “I’ll spoil it the way I spoil you. Our child will never want for anything.”_

_  
“I know, love, and I love you all the more for it.”_

_  
.................................._

_  
Philip had stepped away to call his brother from the pay phone when Theresa felt a cramp in her lower back. Shifting, she pressed her hand into her back in an attempt to get the pain to go away. She decided walking might help and quickly paid before finding her husband. “Philip, I think I need to go home,” she said, approaching him on the sidewalk._

_  
He had just ended the call when he heard her. “Oh?”_

_  
“I have a backache, and I can feel a migraine coming on. I think I might be dehydrated.”_

_  
“Alright, sweetheart. You can rest today, and we can swim tomorrow. David and Bryony are out of town and said we were free to use their pool as much as we want.”_

_  
“Really?” Her eyes lit up at the prospect._

_  
“Really. Why don’t I get us a cab back to the house? I can’t have anything happen to you two.”_

  
...................................

  
February 1, 2018

  
Pacing nervously, Philip waited outside of the examination room. He had politely stepped out when the doctor explained that he would need to do a much more thorough exam. He knew deep down that a problem would be unlikely, but his parental instincts had taken over so he worried.

  
“Mr. May, it’s all right to come in now,” he heard through the door. Slowly, he turned the knob to see Emily laid on a table with her shirt hiked up.

  
“Daddy, they are about to do the ultrasound,” she said, holding her hand out to him.

  
He quickly rushed over, clasping his daughter’s hand tightly. He observed intently as gel was placed on her stomach before the technician held the wand to it. There was a brief moment of static, and then, there was a fast, steady little thump fill the room. He felt himself gasp, eyes glazing over.

  
“Shall we see the little one now?” The young woman asked.

  
Emily perked up, squeezing Philip’s hand. “Please.”

  
Philip watched the small screen, heart melting by the minute. When the tiny, white shape of his grandchild made it to the monitor, he felt the tears collecting roll down his cheeks. “It’s beautiful, Emily.”

  
“Awe. Daddy, look at it. It looks a bit like an alien,” Emily emotionally remarked.

  
“I know, love.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “I’m so proud of you.”

  
Smiling, she turned her attention back to the ultrasound technician. “Does everything look okay?”

  
“Everything looks perfect. In fact, you are measuring about a week ahead, and that’s good. The baby will probably do that, and then slow down and measure accordingly. Now, do we want pictures?”

  
“Yes!” Father and daughter said simultaneously.

  
“I’ll get those while you get cleaned up,” she said before bouncing out of the room.

  
Philip gently brushes his daughter’s hair back before helping her sit up. “I’ve never been so happy come to the doctor’s,” he joked.

  
“I know! I’m happy the little one is right on track with everything.”

  
“You’ll have to call your mum. She will be ecstatic.”

  
“I wish she could’ve been here to see it. Maybe on the next one.”

  
“She would love that.”

  
.......................................

  
_After a good night’s rest, Theresa felt brand new the next morning. Her backache was gone, and she couldn’t wait to spend her day swimming in a pool. It was so hot that even inside was sweltering. They had packed up and driven to Philip’s brother’s house. They didn’t care if they swam as long as Theresa or Philip watered the plants while they were there._

_  
Philip had jumped in almost as soon as they got there while his wife settled on the side of the pool, dangling her legs in the water and reading a new book. She didn’t wear swimsuits often so Philip took the opportunity to look at her. She had a white one piece on that had a halter top that accentuated her curves but also the roundness of her stomach._

_  
“Theresa, why don’t you get in? It’s like bath water,” Philip declared, floating over and standing in between her legs in the shallower end of the pool._

_  
“I know. I suppose I should since we did come all this way for it.” She slowly put her book down before looking back at her husband. “You look rather handsome in your swimsuit. It’s quite nice to see you without a shirt on,” she teased._

_  
Philip stepped closer, hands resting on her thighs as he leaned into her. “Are you flirting, Mrs. May?”_

_  
“Always, Mr. May.” She ran her hand up his chest and around his neck, leading to several low groans from here. “You know, even sitting down, I’m still taller.”_

_  
“And you just killed the mood.”_

_  
Theresa giggled and gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek. “Sorry, love, but I don’t think we should do...that,” she emphasized, “here.”_

_  
“Why? It’s not like they haven’t done it at our house.”_

_  
“How would you know that?!”_

_  
“He is my brother. We do talk about that kind of stuff,” he nonchalantly mentioned._

_  
“Excuse me?!” Theresa exclaimed. “You have talked to your brother about our sex life?!”_

_  
“Not in specifics. I told him that we didn’t wait, and that I knew I loved you before because he asked if he should wait. I said it was up to him and whoever he was with. I also told him that you shouldn’t do it just to do it. You should love whoever you are with, with your whole heart.”_

_  
“That’s very sweet,” she said, pulling him in to kiss him. Her tongue snaked past the barrier of his lips to tangle with his._

_  
“Mmm.” His hands slid up to grasp her waist before holding her thighs further apart. He could feel her scoot closer to the edge of the pool, and once she was nearly off, his hand slipped under her swimsuit. “Wow, love. Eager much?”_

_  
She flashed a toothy grin before attacking his neck with kisses, making sure to leave marks he would find. Her nails scratched up and down his back lightly as her legs encircled his hips. Her hand had a mind of its own as it reached to cup him._

_  
“Ahh...careful. It will be over before it starts.” He heard her breathing get heavier and moved his hand faster against her. “I don’t know if it’s because you’re pregnant, but you have never...”_

_  
She felt him still against her and bit his ear playfully. “I’ve never what?” When he still didn’t answer, she pulled back to see him wide eyed. “Love, what is it?” Nothing. “Philip?”_

_  
Slowly, he held his hand up between them. Blood was dripping from his fingers and into the clear water he was standing in, dissipating as each drop hit the calm surface. Theresa felt her blood run cold and gently placed a hand on her stomach before looking down. Her inner thighs and the concrete below her were covered in the metallic smelling, red liquid._

_  
Neither said anything as their eyes met. The fear and the hurt in each said all they needed to._

  
...............................

  
February 4, 2018

  
Philip brushed Theresa’s hair out of her face, watching as she shifted in her sleep. He knew he should probably wake her so they could make it to church, but she was exhausted from China; she needed sleep and cuddles and a good home cooked meal.

  
“Theresa, it’s time to wake up,” he urged gently. She didn’t budge. “Love, we have church.” Her soft snores only got louder. He gave up and let her continue to sleep. She deserved it. He decided he would make her breakfast instead of just laying around and procrastinating until she got up.

  
He had settled on French toast and an omelette for each of them with a good helping of mixed fruit. He felt, rather than heard, her walk behind him.

  
“Why didn’t you wake me? We’ve missed church.” Her arms wrapped around his waist as her head rested on his back.

  
He slowly turned, wrapping her up in a hug. “I tried. After the second time, I figured you needed the sleep.”

  
“Thank you for making breakfast,” she yawned out.

  
“Anytime, love.”

  
She brought her sleep filled eyes to meet his before she groaned. “We have that drinks thing tomorrow night.”

  
“I know. You get to take me out and show me off,” he teased, laughing at the prospect.

  
Theresa raised an eyebrow, burying her head in his neck. “I want everyone to know, but I’m not sure I want to hear the reactions of the cabinet.”

  
“What’s the worse that could happen?”

  
“I get to hear jokes about my sex life from colleagues.”

  
“Love, you hear jokes about our sex life from our daughter.”

  
“Damn it!” She exclaimed.

  
Philip jumped slightly, shocked at the outburst. “What?!”

  
Theresa threw her head back, mirroring a toddler mid tantrum. “Emily is going to be there before us.”

  
“Oh,” his face drained of color at the prospect, “damn.”

  
“Thank God she’s pregnant or everyone would know about our little escapade in my office if she were allowed to drink.”

 

 


	19. Stone Cold

February 5, 2018, London

  
“Philip, calm down!” Theresa harshly mumbled as they made their way through lobby of a hotel.

  
“I can’t! I’m about to meet the people who run the country!” He said, hands going to adjust his jacket yet again.

  
Theresa grabbed his arm before spinning him and taking hold of his shoulders. “You have seen the leader of the country naked. Now calm down.”

  
Philip was fidgeting with his hands. “That’s different. I was,” he leaned in closer so their security team couldn’t hear, “I was married to you before.”

  
“And they are just people. Look, you have to be calm. It’s just like when we used to campaign together, and you would work a room. That’s it.”

  
“Right. Okay. I can do this.”

  
Theresa gave a supportive smile. “Thank you.”

  
......................................

  
_April 4, 1992_

_  
It was still dark out when Philip slipped from the house, using early morning darkness to hide where he was going. He was, after all, trying to prove his wife could trust him again after breaking her by sleeping with some random stranger. His hands were shaking as he drove to the small diner right outside of London. The silver car he had come to associate with irreversible damage was already sitting there._

_  
Stepping out of his car, he could feel the light taps of rain as he rushed in. It took a moment for him to make sure it was the person he was meeting. Striding over, he sat, telling the waitress he wanted a black coffee. “Why did you ask to meet me?”_

_  
“We need to talk.”_

_  
“About what?”_

_  
“Philip,” a young, dark haired women said slowly, “we had sex.”_

_  
Philip rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m aware. I’m trying to fix my marriage because of it.”_

_  
Her dark green eyes looked at her hands before she started rummaging through her bag. “Why are you here then?”_

_  
“I don’t really know,” he sighed._

_  
“You said her name during sex, you know. You kept calling me Theresa.”_

_  
Philip rubbed a hand down his face. “Your point? I’m risking everything to be here right now so I suggest you get to talking.”_

_  
“Here.” She pushed across a resealable, plastic bag that had a long, skinny, white stick in it._

_  
“What is it?” He said, heart thumping faster with each second. Deep down he knew what it was. He had watched Theresa use these, and he didn’t know what to do about it._

_  
She nodded her head to tell him to look._

_  
Two pink lines stared back at him._

  
....................................

  
Theresa was basically beaming as she watched Philip laugh and talk and joke with her colleagues. It felt nice that they were accepting him. Even if most of them did stare when they walked in, hands clasped tightly. She was standing in a corner, hoping no one would see her when she felt a light tap on her shoulder and turned, seeing Amber Rudd and Penny Mordaunt wearing sly smiles. “Yes?”

  
“I never knew,” Amber said quietly while tracing the rim of her wine glass, “that you were seeing someone.”

  
“Neither did I. At least you got a looker,” Penny remarked.

  
Theresa turned crimson hearing the statements. She knew that there would be some teasing, but she didn’t expect this. “Umm...thanks.”

  
“He’s quite funny as well. Is that your type?” Penny asked innocently, sipping her cocktail.

  
“Umm...I’m not really sure.”

  
“Well, what was this mysterious ex husband like? You’ve never mentioned him,” Amber inquired with a head tilt.

  
Theresa nearly choked on the water she was drinking. Of course her cabinet and the public knew she was a divorced woman, but she had forgotten all about it the moment Philip had walked back into her life. It was like they had never divorced. There was the same ease and normality that had always been there. The real challenge now was making sure the no one knew he was her ex. And trying to describe the same person without giving it away.

  
“He was...sweet...very kind,” Theresa mumbled.

  
Penny looked at her with questioning eyes. “May I ask why you divorced?”

  
Theresa’s head jerked up, eyes gleaming. “Life had different plans for the both of us.”

  
Amber gave an understanding smile and pat on Theresa’s back. “I know divorce can be hard. I know it can still hurt after years. At least there were no children involved. That always makes it harder.”

  
The air froze for a moment. Theresa had never expected a comment like that to come from one of the few people she considered a friend, and the hurt was obviously evident as Amber’s face morphed into remorse as realization set in. “Oh, Theresa, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I-I don’t even know why I said it. I am so, so sorry.”

  
Theresa just about managed to swallow the lump in her throat. “It’s fine. I get it. I really do.” She offered a tight and completely unconvincing smile.

  
“I’m not any better than Andrea now,” Amber squeaked out.

  
Penny gave a sideways glance before firmly planting her eyes on her feet. The awkwardness in the group was overbearing.

  
Theresa was just going to attempt a joke to break the iciness when she saw Philip Hammond striding towards her. “Theresa, can I speak with you?”

  
“Of course. Excuse me,” she said politely. ‘It must be an emergency,’ she thought as she felt his hand grab her elbow and quickly guide her between the various government officials and party donors. “Phil, is something wrong?”

  
“Just...wait,” he said in a low voice.

  
There was a small door that he gently nudged her out of and into a small holding room of the side of the reception. Her eyes immediately fell on Philip standing with his hands in his pockets. “What’s going?”

  
Philip looked at her and shook his head. “Phil has gone mad.”

  
The door clicked close before they heard him speak up. “What the hell?! Why are you two here?! Together?!” He exclaimed.

  
Theresa cast a quizzical glance at her colleague and knitted her brows together. “Because we are a couple.”

  
“But-but you two got divorced. Hell, the last thing I heard was Philip had an illegitimate daughter, and you were somewhere in Scotland!”

  
“Scotland?” Philip questioned, crossing his arms in the process.

  
“I’ll explain later,” she said before turning to look the chancellor in the eye. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in-“

  
“The budget is a lot to take in. This is just confusing,” he sighed.

  
“Theresa and I have reconciled. That’s all there is to it,” Philip said proudly.

  
Phil watched as the shorter man slipped his arm around her waist and tugged her closer to him. It was simple yet sweet and spoke more about them than they could ever communicate. “Okay. I understand, but does anyone else know you two were married?”

  
“No!” They shouted simultaneously.

  
Theresa took a deep breath and looked up at him. “No one other than you and Emily. We would like to keep it that way as well.”

  
“Emily? Your deputy chief of staff?”

  
“Yes. She’s Philip’s daughter,” Theresa said softly, heart warming as she thought about her.

  
Phil raised an eyebrow. “The plot thickens.”

  
“Where is Emily, love? I haven’t seen her.” Theresa leaned in to Philip, inhaling his cologne.

  
“Michael called me. I was on my way to tell you when Phil ambushed me,” he gave a quick glare to the man, “but Emily doesn’t feel well. Michael said she’s had morning sickness all day.”

  
“Oh,” her face fell, “maybe we can see them tomorrow then?”

  
“Of course, love.” He leaned in, giving her peck on the forehead.

  
“God, this is so fucking odd,” Phil said before turning and rejoining the party.

  
....................................

  
_“You’re pregnant.” He couldn’t breathe. His chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it, and his stomach felt like it had a tornado in it as he broke out in a cold sweat._

_  
“I’m pregnant with your child.”_

_  
Philip looked out of the window. It was storming, and the sun was hidden. He watched as water trickled down the glass and attempted to gather his very scattered thoughts. “I don’t know that. You could have taken some other guy home. It wouldn’t surprise me.”_

_  
She didn’t think she would feel hurt by it, but she was. “I’m six weeks along. You are the only one I’ve been with. Despite what you might think, I don’t sleep around.”_

_  
“I don’t know what you want from me, Amanda. I have nothing to offer you,” he said earnestly. “I have money. Is that what you want?”_

_  
She took in the sorrow on his face and felt a pang of guilt. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything other than you to be a father for her or him. I can take care of myself, but this baby needs a father.”_

_  
Father. Baby. Her. Him. It was everything he wanted to hear coming from the wrong person. “I-I can’t be that. I have a wife-“_

_  
“A wife who knows what happened. I’m sure she knows the consequences of sex.”_

_  
“This would break her.”_

_  
She slowly mixed sugar and cream into her coffee before taking a sip. “And what about this child? Your child? You have to face reality. You helped make it, and you have to take responsibility for it.”_

_  
Philip sighed. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he had no way out. His eyes caught the face of his watch, and he quickly stood. “I need to go. Theresa will be getting up soon.” He threw a handful of notes down on the table and stood, rushing out of the door._

_  
“Philip, wait!” Amanda exclaimed, running after him._

_  
He heard a thump as he got to his car and turned, seeing she had slipped in the middle of the torrential downpour. “Are you okay?” He asked, giving her a hand to stand._

_  
“I’m fine,” she defensively said, “but you can’t just run away from this. It’s your baby, Philip!”_

_  
“I know I used protection so try again!”_

_  
“It fails sometimes, you know! Do you want a paternity test? I’ll give you one.” She managed through the heavy rain._

_  
Philip had to take a moment. There was no reason she would willingly give him this if she wasn’t positive this baby was his. “No. I don’t want one. I know deep down that it’s mine.”_

_  
Amanda gently took his hand, bringing it to her stomach. “I don’t want you to leave your wife. I don’t want to ruin your marriage even though I already have. I just want you to be here for the child. It doesn’t even have to live with you. Just...I don’t know. Show up on Saturdays and take it out to do something. That’s all I want from you.”_

_  
He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, giving a slow nod. “I understand. I...you should get back inside. It’s cold, and it’s not good for you.” He pulled his hand back and watched as she turned, walked back to her car, and climbed in. He was freezing, but he couldn’t move. It was long after she had left when he felt the bile raise in his throat as he rushed to vomit in the bushes by his car._

_  
There was a brief vibration in his pocket, and he pulled his mobile out. Theresa’s name popped across the screen._

  
....................................

  
February 10, 2018, Sonning

  
It was chilly. The air was thick with humidity, and Theresa was sure it was going to rain soon. They were walking down the pavement, hand in hand, when Theresa pointed out a small boutique that held baby clothes. “Let’s go in there. We can look around for Emily.”

  
“Alright, love. She’s almost nine weeks now.”

  
“I know. I think they both just want to know what they are having.” Theresa immediately went to the small shoes that were laid on a table. “Aren’t these just adorable?! Look, Philip!”

  
“Oh, those are cute,” he said, walking behind her. “I think that little onesie is precious.”

  
“This one?” Theresa held up a small navy and white striped outfit that had ducks all over it. “It is, and it can be for a boy or girl. Shall we get it?”

  
Philip wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Absolutely.”

  
“I haven’t been shopping for baby clothes since I lost Mae,” she said suddenly.

  
Philip held her tighter against his chest. “Oh? Want to talk about it?”

  
“I remember finding out it was a girl,” she leaned back into his embrace, “and being terrified. Sam didn’t want a girl, but I was thrilled. I would buy little things and stash them away in closets. There was this one dress I bought. It was a christening dress, and it had the most beautiful lace detail.”

  
“What happened to it, love?” He gently kissed the side of her neck.

  
“I buried her in it.”

  
...................................

  
_“Where were you?” Theresa said sharply as Philip walked in the kitchen._

_  
“I got breakfast. I went to that little restaurant you like that’s right outside of town.” He gently set the bags containing the food down and looked at her. She looked like she had been crying, and it made his heart hurt._

_  
Theresa nodded. “Why are you wet?”_

_  
“Oh, it started raining, and it happened.”_

_  
“I see. You should get changed. I’d hate for you to get sick,” she coldly said. She began unpacking the various containers and plating the food while Philip just stared._

_  
“I...umm...we need to talk later,” he nearly whispered._

_  
“About?”_

_  
“Us. We need to talk about us.”_

  
........................................

  
February 11, 2018

  
Philip had just sat down after they got in from church when his phone began ringing. He saw it was Emily and happily answered. “Hi, baby girl! What’s going-“

  
“WHAT THE FUCK?! IS MUM PREGNANT?!”

  
“Ahh!” Philip nearly fell of the couch as his daughters voice echoed through the living room. Cautiously, he brought the phone to his ear again. “Love, calm down. What are you talking about?”

  
“I am talking about the fact my mother is on the homepage of the Daily Mail and every other newspaper because they think she’s pregnant!”

  
“That’s absurd. Of course she’s not,” Philip defended.

  
Emily sighed and took a deep breath. “Where is mum?”

  
“She just walked in. I’ll put you on speaker.” Philip took the phone and laid it on the couch between them. “It’s Emily.”

  
“Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?” Theresa asked, the worry clear in her voice.

  
“I’m fine, but I’ve got a question.”

  
“Okay.”

  
There was a small pause that made them both think something had happened on the other end of the line.

  
“Mum, I need the truth now. I don’t care if it will hurt me, but I need the truth,” Emily suddenly said.

  
Theresa could feel her anxiety skyrocket as a thousand different scenarios played through her head. “Of course.”

  
“Are you pregnant?”

  
Philip didn’t know what he expected, but the loud cackle Theresa released wasn’t it. He watched her double over laughing as she took it in. “Why on earth would you think that, Em?”

  
“Have you seen the big news story? I’m sending you a picture,” Emily asserted.

  
The pictures nearly made Theresa tear up. They were photos of when she and Philip had gone shopping for Emily. They ranged from the entering the store to Philip looked as if he was cradling her stomach. The Daily Mail had the headline ‘Baby for Brasier?’ and it made her want to sob. “Here, Philip.”

  
He took her phone and scrolled through, getting emotional as well. “That was a bit heartless of them.”

  
Emily’s voice came through the speaker again. “They range from a surrogate to adoption.”

  
“Then why did you ask if I was pregnant?” Theresa asked confusedly.

  
Emily cleared her throat. “Because you still have a period, Mum. I’ve had to buy tampons for you in the last two months. So, are you two being careful?”

  
“Emily, I’ll call you back,” Philip said quickly before hanging up. “Theresa, is that true? You still have a period?”

  
Theresa slowly nodded. “My doctor said it wasn’t common, but it happens. She said it could have something to do with my problems. But she also said menopause should start soon.”

  
“You are still having a period means you can still get pregnant, and I have never used a condom with you. Are you late?” His body was completely locked with nerves.

  
“I,” she was counting back in her head when she looked up, “yes. I’m late.”

  
“Fuck.” His hands went to the back of his neck. “Okay, well, shall I go get a test? I’m the lesser known of us.”

  
“Not anymore. Your face was plastered everywhere right along with mine. There goes us trying to introduce you when we want.”

  
“I still think I’m the safest bet. I don’t think you’d want an aide to go,” he reasoned.

  
She swallowed hard. “No. I don’t. Just please be careful. The last thing I need is this.”

  
“I know, love.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know.”

  
....................................

  
_It was quiet. Too quiet for her liking. Theresa knew there was more to the story of Philip going to get breakfast, but she was afraid to know the answers to the many questions in her head. She had just found out he had slept with another woman, and she was fragile enough. The demon of doubt was gnawing it’s way through her heart, but she didn’t want that. She had told Philip she would try and salvage their broken marriage even though she knew it was broken a long time before he had crawled into bed with someone else._

_  
If she was honest, she was surprised when it turned out to just be a one night fling and not something longer, deeper. She knew she had become a bitter woman, an entirely different creature to the girl he married, but she had, had too many heartbreaks to stay sweet, to stay compliant. But she couldn’t lose him. He was her everything even when she did act like he was nothing more than a sperm bank._

_  
His soft padding was loud as he walked down the hall to their study. She had given the excuse of reading earlier, but she was still on the page she had started when she sat down._

_  
“You’re still in your work clothes,” he said softly, cautiously._

_  
“Yes. I didn’t feel like changing yet.”_

_  
“Could we talk now? Or would you prefer we wait?”_

_  
Theresa looked over her shoulder at him. “Follow me up, and we can.”_

_  
“Alright.”_

_  
Their journey upstairs was awkward and seemed longer than it should. It was wrapped in silence, and filled with anxiety. He paused outside of their bedroom. He hadn’t been inside since he told her about the affair, but she beckoned him with her hand._

_  
“What would you like to talk about? I know the therapist said we should talk about the babies, but I don’t think I can tonight,” she calmly said, kicking her heels off before pulling various pieces of jewelry off as well._

_  
“It’s about where I went this morning.” He couldn’t meet her eyes as his confession started._

_  
“Go on.”_

_  
“I-I went to see Amanda, the woman I had the one night stand with.”_

_  
Her throat constricted, her eyes glazed over, and her heart broke just a little more than what it was already. “Oh?”_

_  
Philip wanted vomit as he clasped his hands together to stop the shaking. “I met her at a diner. She looked me up and called me at work.”_

_  
“Keep going.”_

_  
“Well, she...she’s pregnant, Theresa, and it’s mine.”_

  
..................................

  
Not pregnant. That’s all the little screen said as they sat on the bed staring. “Well,” she tried to sound happy, “that’s a relief.”

  
“Yeah.” His smile was tight and didn’t reach his eyes. “It is. Why don’t I make us some tea before we go to bed?”

  
“That sounds lovely.”

  
She watched him leave, made sure he was downstairs before big, fat tears welled up in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. ‘You don’t need a baby,’ she thought. ‘But I want one.’ She pulled her knees to her chest, burying her head between them and sobbing. Her hand clutched the test so hard she thought she would break it.

  
Philip saw the tear drop fall into the water for the tea and stopped, backing up against the wall and slipping to the floor. Deep down, he knew a baby wouldn’t be good for them. Not now. But his heart wanted it. He had a small section of him wanting it to be positive, but it wasn’t, and he had to accept that. He managed to pick himself up and pick the tray up to carry upstairs.

  
Her hands wiped quickly at the tears as she heard him get closer, and she attempted to look normal. The door creaked open as he entered. He turned, back facing her as he set the tea tray on the table. She couldn’t do it though. Her tears came back when she saw him.

  
He heard her sniffle and immediately rushed to the bed to hold her her. His arms wrapped around her and brought her against his chest. “Oh, love.”

  
“I-I wish I was,” she managed between sobs. “I think I could do it this time.”

  
“Shhh.” He stroked her back and peppered kisses in her head while rocking them back and forth. “I wish you were too. We would have the most darling little baby.”

  
Theresa looked at, noticing the tears covering his face too. “I love you,” her hand gently cupped his cheek, “Philip, I love you so much.”

  
“I know, love.”

 


	20. Tragic Endings

February 23, 2018

  
Theresa stared blankly at herself in the mirror. There were lines, deep set lines on her face now; wrinkles that weren’t meant to be there. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots as she thought about meeting Philip’s family after all these years. She knew they blamed him for the destruction of their marriage, but there was so much that no one knew about. And that scared her. Would they accept her? Would they give pitying glances for going back to him? How could she do this while having the hand of anxiety wrapped around her throat? How could she be, when being was so uncomfortable?

  
She felt his hands slip around her waist before her eyes met his in the mirror. His breath was hitting her ear, and it tickled. Her eyes followed his hands as they reached for her necklace before clasping it around her neck, dropping a kiss right above it.

  
“Almost ready?” He asked softly, chin resting on her shoulder.

  
Nodding, she kept her eyes trained on the task of sliding a coat of lipstick on her mouth. It was hard for her to put into words the anxiousness she felt. She had always been that way, but there was something that made it worse knowing these people were her family once.

  
“I know you are nervous, but Emily will be there. We can show off our little family.”

  
Her smile was brief, but it was honest. She loved her “daughter”, and she loved watching Philip love their daughter. It warmed her heart like nothing else, and she could only imagine what Philip with a baby would be like. “Yeah. I’m just wondering what they’ll think of me is all.”

  
PhilIp brought her back against his chest, holding her snugly. “They will love you,” he whispered, “because they always have.”

  
...................................

  
_February, 1994_

_  
Theresa could feel the hot tears swell in her eyes as the positive sign made itself more evident. That little pink plus sign that she so feared was very real and very there. Her throat constricted with the sobs she was swallowing back._

_  
Bam! Bam! Bam!_

_  
Theresa jumped, clutching the pregnancy test to her chest as the thumps made the bathroom door rattle._

_  
“Theresa, hurry up! We are going to be late for dinner,” Sam harshly yelled._

_  
“I’m coming!” She attempted to stand, but her legs couldn’t carry her. Falling, her hand went to wrap around her middle, subconsciously protecting the child she didn’t know if she even wanted. She could hear the footsteps outside the door before it was thrown open._

_  
“Theresa, what-are you okay?” His presence in that moment made her skin crawl. She could feel him lean over her, could smell his aftershave as he plucked the test from her hand. “What’s this?”_

_  
She tried desperately to take it back, but failed as he snatched it higher._

_  
“You...you,” he looked down at her, “you’re pregnant?”_

_  
It was the way he blanked that scared her. His eyes were empty and wide as his hands trembled, shaking the small, white stick uncontrollably. She was sure he would hit her, take her option to get rid of the baby before she could make a decision. Her hands came to rest on her stomach before she felt him take them and help her stand. She was confused, and she had no idea of knowing what was next. When he wrapped her in a tight hug, she gasped._

_  
“We are having a baby,” he whispered, dropping kisses on her neck, “and it will be amazing.”_

  
.......................................

  
The house was the exact same. It even smelled the same as they pulled in. Philip had held her hand as they walked up to the door, giving several reassuring squeezes on their way. But the inside of the cozy, little house made her want to cry. She could remember spending a Christmas with Philip’s parents here, telling them she was pregnant, and so many others that tugged at her heartstrings.

  
“Are you all right?” He asked tenderly, stroking her hand with his thumb.

  
Theresa took a deep breath and smiled. “Yes. Just remembering your parents.”

  
“Theresa?!” A familiar voice questioned. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  
Theresa’s head jerked up, and she immediately smiled. “David, it’s been too long.”

  
The younger man came over, wrapping her in a hug. “Not really. I think if I would’ve seen you more than him we might’ve head issues. Although, a call would’ve been nice. I was your favorite in-law,” he teased.

  
Philip chuckled before holding her closer. “Where is everyone?”

  
“Right this way. Emily is waiting on you.” He slowly leaned in and mumbled, “They are being even worse than normal.”

  
‘Worse?’ Theresa thought. ‘But they were always sweet to me.’

  
It wasn’t until they made it in the living room that she saw what Philip’s younger brother had meant. Emily was sat off in the corner, pale, and staring at her lap. The girl’s eyes lit up when she saw them, and Theresa was even more shocked when she walked over and held Theresa’s other hand.

  
“Em, are you okay?” She had managed to say under her breath.

  
Emily looked down and shook her head, keeping her head bowed the entire time. Theresa could feel her tense as Philip’s other brother, Peter, came over to greet them, and she did the same when Eve, the only girl in the May siblings, did the same thing.

  
“We were shocked when we saw you two in the paper together,” Eve was absentmindedly fiddling with her wedding band, “and then Emily told us her news.” A pointed glance was given to the poor girl, making Theresa cringe.

  
“Yes, it’s wonderful news, isn’t it?” Theresa beamed. “A new baby for the family.”

  
“Oh.” Eve stood back some. “You’re okay with this?”

  
Philip pulled both of his girls closer. “We are absolutely thrilled.”

  
The look on Peter’s face should have been a warning to Theresa that this wouldn’t end well. “Of course he thinks it’s okay, Eve. Like father, like daughter.”

  
Philip straightened up, meeting his brother’s eye. “What does that mean?”

  
“Just one bastard after another.”

  
Emily’s gasp filled the room as the various children of her uncles and aunt stared. She knew that none of them liked her, but she never thought they could be so cruel. Her hand went to her stomach protectively.

  
Theresa squared her shoulders, looking Peter in the eye. “I’d rather have a bastard by birth than a bastard by attitude.”

  
David nearly laughed out loud as he heard someone stand up to his brother and sister. He never thought they treated the girl the way they were meant to, and Theresa had shut it all down.

  
Theresa could feel her adrenaline pumping and held Emily close to her side. “Now, dinner?”

  
....................................

  
_March, 1994_

_  
The clinic was cold, and it smelled of disinfectant. It was all grey. No color. No life. No happiness. But this place wasn’t meant to be a place of happiness. It was meant to be where women were faced with a decision that far outweighed any responsibility they might think they have. She couldn’t move on the examination table, and she was scared to breathe too loudly, afraid to disrupt the silence._

_  
Sam didn’t know she was here. She had evaded the line of questioning with a lie about a checkup for the baby. It came to her easily that she should have the procedure done, and then say she lost it. She would take the blame, the beating. As long as her baby didn’t endure what she did, she would do anything._

_  
The door squeaked open, and a man in sea green scrubs came in. His face mask was already on, and all she could see was his eyes. Dark brown eyes that were kind and full of compassion. It made her want to cry. His hands were washed before the latex gloves were put on, snapping as he slid his hands in. The medical instruments were laid out, shining in the harsh, recessive lights. It was ironic in her head that such pretty sliver was capable of such life altering things._

_  
A gloved hand slowly placed each of her feet in a stirrup, making her feel more exposed than she would like. The metal clinked together as he picked the first one up, bringing it closer to his face to inspect it and insure it was the right size._

_  
She didn’t know how she felt in that moment, but the reality of what was about to happen set in. Her heart rate spiked as she remembered the times she had sat in her bathtub as she bled out her child. The deaths of them made her tear up as she thought of the death of her marriage, the death of herself in a sense. All the hurt of the past decade hit her, and she sat up, grabbing the doctor’s hand as he was about to insert the uterine curette. “No. No more hurt. No more death.”_

  
.................................

  
The car ride back to Sonning was quiet. Emily had left as soon as dinner was over, citing Michael needed her to help him study. It was her and Philip that had to extract themselves somehow, and Theresa faked a headache so they could leave.

  
“That was interesting,” Philip observed.

  
“Hmm.”

  
“What?”

  
Theresa kept her eyes trained out of the window. “Peter doesn’t deserve to have your parents house. He isn’t worthy.”

  
“I know. He’s quite...something,” Philip said distractedly.

  
Her eyes took in his profile. “Philip, your daughter was hurt tonight. Why didn’t you stand up for her?”

  
“We both know how they can be-“

  
“I am so disappointed in you. You let your daughter be treated that way because you didn’t have the balls to man up.”

  
“Excuse me?” He snapped his head to look at her.

  
“Emily has been hurt by your family, and you’ve done nothing about it.”

  
“Look, Emily understands-“

  
“No, she doesn’t!” Theresa turned in her seat, facing him fully. “She has been the outcast of your family, Philip, and she blames herself for the mistake you made! That isn’t okay!”

  
“I was worried!” Philip defended himself.

  
“What?!”

  
“They were the only family we had, Theresa. What if something would have happened to me?! I couldn’t just let her be taken. I was worried that if I alienated them too much then they would give her up.”

  
“You would’ve let her be verbally abused by them? She was constantly degraded tonight, Philip, and I don’t see why you can’t see that.”

  
“I,” Philip sighed, “I did see it, and it hurt me. Mum used to keep them in line, but their kids are the same way. They all look down their noses at her. Except David of course.”

  
“Why?” Theresa couldn’t wrap her head around the situation.

  
“Because they blame her for you leaving. David was there the day after you left, and he...he knows everything that happened. You have to understand that I didn’t know what I was doing. I never had a kid before. I didn’t have anyone else to help me. I was doing what I thought was best for her. I realized as she got older how bad that choice was, but it was too late for that. I had lost you, and if Emily lost me, I wanted her to have someone, something, to claim as her own. I guess I should’ve known better.”

  
A piece in her mind clicked. He had been left alone, and he was worried Emily would be left alone. Loneliness was something she knew like the back of her hand, and she wouldn’t wish that on anyone. “You were alone and afraid, and you didn’t want that for her. I understand, but you still should have stood up for her. They wouldn’t have done it for so long if you had.”

  
Philip gave a small smile. “I know. Mum yelled at Peter so badly once about it that she lost her voice for a week and a half.”

  
“Joy May had a protective streak? Never,” she said sarcastically before grinning.

  
“I’ll do better for Emily. I promise.”

  
“Good. Don’t make me lose my voice for a week and a half because of you.”

  
Philip peppered kisses in her hair, whispering, “If you lose your voice for a week and a half because of me, it won’t be because we are fighting.”

  
.....................................

  
_Early May, 1994_

_  
Sam rounded the corner, stopping when he saw Theresa standing at her desk. His hands immediately went to cup her stomach. “How is my baby doing?”_

_  
“Kicking up a storm,” Theresa said, placing her papers back on her desk. She actually felt good. The abuse had stopped the minute he had known she was pregnant, and she was thankful. She had even gotten back to her normal body weight. “I should go. I have that appointment.”_

_  
“Okay, love. Take care of my boy, okay?”_

_  
“It might be a girl.”_

  
_“I know it’s a boy. I’ve always wanted a son, and I just know you are going to give me one,” he softly uttered. His hand cupped her face before he pressed his lips against her. “You are amazing so I know our son will be too.”_

_  
Theresa’s heart fluttered just a bit. “I’ll be back after I see the doctor.”_

  
_“Why don’t you go shopping afterwards? You could get your nails done or see a film. Take some time for yourself.”_

_  
“Are you sure?” He never left her alone for more than a few minutes, and now he was giving her hours._

  
_Sam gave a toothy smile. “Positive. Pamper yourself.”_

_  
“O-okay. Thank you.”_

_  
“I’ll see you in a bit. Love you.” His hand pressed into her belly again, feeling the thumps of his unborn child._

_  
The ride to her doctor’s surgery was relatively short, and she was being taken back in no time. It was another examination room, but it was warm and cozy with pictures of mothers and newborns on the wall. Her feet we propped up on the bed; they had started to swell and hurt. “So, what all are we doing today?” She inquired._

  
_The petite woman looked at her, smiling as she felt around her stomach. “Blood work that has already been taken, and an ultrasound. We get to find out what baby is.”_

_  
“Really?”_

_  
“Yes. Is your partner joining us?”_

_  
Theresa looked down, not having the nerve to meet the dark green eyes staring at her. “No. He has to work.”_

_  
“Alright. Just undo your gown a bit.”_

_  
Her stomach was firm, stretched slightly, and rounded. It gave her a small but recognizable bump. She hissed a little when the cold gel was placed on her belly, but it quickly dissipated as the doctor rubbed it around with the wand. The machine flickered on, and the familiar picture of her baby appeared, warming her from the inside out._

_  
“We should be able to tell in just a minute.” Her voice was strained with concentration and then she smiled. “Well, your future just got a bit more pink.”_

_  
“It’s a girl?” Theresa asked._

_  
“Yes. A perfect, healthy daughter.”_

  
_Tears collected in her eyes as it sunk in. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”_

_  
“I’ll leave you to get cleaned up.”_

_  
Theresa watched as she left and felt her heart burst. She was getting her baby girl like she had always wanted, but then Sam seeped into her mind. He wanted a son, and there was no telling what he would do if he knew it was a girl. Theresa brought her hand to her stomach and whispered, “I think we will just keep this between you and Mummy, little one.”_

  
.....................................

  
March 3, 2018

  
Theresa looked across the room as Philip mingled with her constituents. The local Conservatives had thrown a small fundraiser, and Theresa thought it would be fair to introduce them to the most important person in her life. He had been so nervous, but he was able to charm everyone. He always had.

  
There was a small group by the bar so she had bundled herself off in a corner, her favorite spot. She had chatted and even danced with some of them, but she really just wanted to be home with Philip. She wanted cuddles, and she decided that it was time for them to go. Looking around, she saw him standing off, talking to a young man rather animatedly.

  
She turned, placing her glass on the bar before spinning back around. Her heart dropped a bit. Philip was talking to one of the donors’ wives. She was nearly two decades younger than her with jet black hair, and his hand was on her arm. ‘She looks like her,’ a voice in her head commented.

  
Rationality was fighting off doubt and anxiety in her head, but it was losing. She wanted to cry when she watched the woman straighten Philip’s bow tie, and the bile was rising as Philip placed his hand on her lower back before stepping away. He was coming towards her, but she was frozen.

  
‘What did you do this time? Why is he flirting? Does he want to cheat on you? Are you really not his type at all? Stupid, stupid girl.’ These were going round and round in her mind, and she couldn’t stop it.

  
“Ready, love? I know you are tired,” he remarked, hand going to hold hers.

  
Pushing past the thoughts, she nodded. She was able to keep it together until they got to the car, and her jealousy and hurt got the better of her. “Are you cheating on me?”

 

 


	21. What Happened to Perfect?

_December 24, 1991_

_  
Philip watched as his wife rolled off of him. He could feel his heart beat calming, but he knew that his wife didn’t experience any of the pleasure he had. He knew that to her this was nothing more than a means to get pregnant, and it hurt him that such an intimate part of their marriage had been downgraded. He felt her twist in bed, positioning her head towards the bottom so she could rest her feet on the headboard. He propped his upper half up next to her legs and smiled at her. “More comfortable that way, love?”_

_  
Chuckling, she grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Loads more. You should try it.”_

_  
Her chuckling turned to full on laughter when he copied her. “This isn’t as comfortable as you promised,” he teased._

_  
“But hopefully,” she gently took his hand, placing it on her flat stomach, “it will help us conceive.”_

_  
He felt his heart stop just a little at the sadness in her voice. It was almost like she knew it wasn’t going to happen, but she wanted to try her hardest anyway. “Love, can we talk about something?”_

_  
“Anything.”_

_  
He adjusted himself so he was on his side, facing her. “Why don’t you enjoy sex anymore? We fight about it now. I never thought we’d fight about being together intimately, but we are. I don’t like that, and I can tell you don’t either. You don’t even fake it now.”_

_  
He heard her sigh before she looked at him. “I don’t have to enjoy it to get pregnant, but I know you do.”_

_  
“Theresa, there is more to life than having a baby.” He watched her snap her head to look at him. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want one because I do, but I miss you. I miss my wife. We’ve been playing this game for nearly four years, and I’m tired.”_

_  
It was the way he said it that made her feel angry. Angry with him. Angry with herself. Angry with their circumstances. “And I’m not?” She asked defensively. “You don’t think I’m tired of this? You don’t think I’m tired of the diet and the hormones and the never-positive-pregnancy tests? You don’t think I’m tired of having meaningless sex?”_

_  
“Meaningless? You think every time we make love is meaningless?”_

_  
“We don’t have a baby, so yes.”_

  
.....................................

  
‘Are you cheating on me?’ The question rang in his ears, chilling him to the bone. “Of course not. I would never. How could you even think that?” He asked, confusion and hurt lacing his words.

  
Looking away, she crossed her arms. “You did it before.”

  
It was the sting of her words that made him straighten up. “And I’ve changed. We both have. Why on earth would I cheat on you?”

  
“I don’t know. The same reason you were all over that woman in there.” Her head nodded to the building they had just left.

  
“You told me to be friendly-“

  
Her eyes were blazing with fury. “Friendly not fuckable. You had your hands all over her, Philip!”

  
“She was drunk. She nearly fell over. I’m sorry that I didn’t want that to happen!”

  
Theresa walked around the car to face him. “Amanda was drunk when it happened.”

  
Philip sighed in exasperation. “What does Amanda have to do with thi-“

  
“She looks like her.” Her green eyes bored into his blue ones as the numbness and the doubt and all of it came back to her. “So, do you really want to be with me? Have I never really been your type at all?” Her voice began to crack. “What did I do this time?”

  
Philip tried stepping towards her, but she shied away, flinching when he raised a hand. “Oh, Theresa, that’s not it at all,” he attempted.

  
Tears were sliding down her face, glistening in the moonlight over them. “Really? It seems that way. I was so stupid to think this would ever work.”

  
“What?! I haven’t even done anything wrong! I was in that room the whole time. You are overreacting!”

  
“I’m overreacting?! You are the one who broke our vows in the beginning!”

  
He looked as though her hand had smacked him across the face as hard as it could. His anger was bubbling over, leaking out into his words. “Yes, because you were too busy counting days in a month to notice your husband was lonely. You know, you should be happy I didn’t cheat sooner.”

  
She just stared, stuck in place in the winter air. Her heart twisted just a little, and the vile little monster of cruelty was pushing her, forcing words out. “Should I? Maybe I should’ve cheated. Might’ve ended up with a baby instead of night after night of having to fake it so your ego wouldn’t deflate. There’s a reason,” she said through clenched teeth, “that I just laid there in the end. I’m surprised you got someone else to crawl into bed with you at all when you couldn’t even take care of your wife.”

  
His head snapped up, eyes filled with hurt and disbelief. “You don’t mean that.”

  
“I called a car for you before we came out.”

  
“Theresa-“

  
“Goodbye, Philip,” she said, slamming the door shut after she slid in the car.

  
His eyes were glued to the tail lights of the Jaguar as it drove off, leaving him there to wonder what just happened.

  
....................................

  
_Smash! A plate flew by Philip’s head as he ducked. “What is your problem?!”_

_  
Theresa turned almost tripping over the sheet wrapped around her body. “You said it yourself upstairs. I’m too cold. I don’t show emotion. Well I’m pissed.”_

_  
Crash! A vase was thrown to the floor._

_  
“You’re pissed?! You just told me that our sex life was absolutely meaningless. I’m not some sperm bank, Theresa! I’m a human who is your husband!”_

_  
It was like there was lightening in her eyes as she stared at him. “And I’m your wife! I don’t like this anymore than you, but it’s the only way we are getting a baby!”_

_  
“Maybe we should just stop!” Philip yelled, slamming his hand on the counter before hanging his head._

_  
Horror flashed across her face. “What?”_

_  
Philip lifted his head, meeting her eyes. “I’m so tired, Theresa. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Maybe...maybe we should try to adopt. It wouldn’t mean we aren’t parents, and we could help a child who needs it.”_

_  
It took a moment for her to process, and he watched as the tea cup in her hand, presumably one she was going to throw, was gently set back down. “I...I don’t know if I want that. I can do it. I’ve done to before, and I know the next time I’ll be able to do it.” Her eyes filled with tears as they looked at him. “I can. I promise that I can do it. Just...Just...You have to let me try.”_

_  
The desperation in her voice made him rush around the kitchen island, quickly pulling her into a hug. “I know you can, love. I know you can do it. It’s not that I think you can’t, but this can’t be healthy. Not for your body and certainly not for our marriage.”_

_  
She gently pushed him away, hands going to wipe the tears away. “I should get all of this cleaned up. Your family is coming here for Christmas tomorrow.”_

_  
“Theresa, please.” His hand softly encircled her wrist, pulling her back to him. “Tess, I’m begging you,” he whispered brokenly, calling her the nickname he only uttered in complete privacy._

_  
“I need to clean,” she sadly smiled, “and you should go shower. I’ll be up in a bit.”_

_  
He knew she was hurting. Her eyes told him that, and he knew that there was nothing he could do. As much as he wanted to take it all away, her own demons wouldn’t let him._

  
......................................

  
March 10, 2018

  
Seven full days almost. No phone calls. No texts. Nothing. Both of them were too upset and hurt to attempt it. Theresa sighed as she poured another glass of wine and turned. “Thanks for inviting me, Alicia. It means a lot,” she weakly offered.

  
“Damien’s idea to have a dinner party,” she said distractedly, eyes trained on the spread of hors d’oeuvres.

  
“How are you and Damien? I know the whole resignation thing hurt and all the allegations.” She didn’t mean to pry, but she wanted to make sure her best friend was dealing properly.

  
“Oh,” Alicia straightened up, rubbing her hands on her apron, “we haven’t shared a room for nearly four months. I can’t...I just can’t.” Her arms crossed across her chest. Her stature became even smaller as she leaned back against the counter.

  
Her heart broke for her. “I understand. It’s hard.” Theresa gave a small, unconvincing smile before sipping her wine again.

  
“What about you and Philip? You two didn’t come together, and you are downing wine like it’s your last supper,” Alicia observed.

  
“We had a fight. A rather nasty fight if I’m honest. We have issues we didn’t address properly.”

  
“Do you love him?”

  
“Of course!”

  
“And he knows about Sam?” She asked with a pointed glance.

  
Theresa sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yes. I couldn’t keep that from him.”

  
“Then you two can work it out.”

  
“I’m not so sure. It really hurt, what he said that is,” Theresa whined.

  
Alicia threw an olive at her, hitting her right between the eyes. “Look at me. If anyone needs to fight for a relationship, it’s you two. God, if Damien was half as decent as Philip, we wouldn’t be here right now. So get over your pity party and deal!” The smaller woman huffed.

  
Theresa looked at Alicia, realizing the truth in the statement and how stressed her friend was. “You really need to get laid, you know.” She looked down, seeing the small, green food floating in the middle of her glass. “And you ruined my wine.”

  
The kitchen door creaked open, revealing a nervous Philip. He peeked around, face falling as he saw Theresa. “I,” he nervously held out a bottle, “I brought wine.”

  
Theresa opened her mouth to speak.

  
“Fantastic! I’ll go top everyone’s drinks up,” Alicia exclaimed, pushing Philip into the kitchen and grabbing the wine as the door swung closed behind her.

  
“Umm...hi,” Theresa offered.

  
Philip kept his eyes on his feet. “Hi. How are you?”

  
“I’m fine.” ‘I miss you.’

  
“That’s good.” ‘You aren’t. Not really.’

  
“I...umm...could I come to your flat tomorrow? I think we should talk,” Theresa asked softly. She knew she had no right to ask anything of him.

  
His ears tinged pink; he could feel them get hotter. “That-that works. Emily is coming round for dinner though. She should be there at seven. She and Michael are coming to talk about doing up a nursery.”

  
“Okay. I’ll make sure I leave before that then-“

  
“You could stay.” He looked at her, giving a small. “Your decorating advice is much more valuable than mine.”

  
“I’d like that.” She felt his hand gently cover hers on the counter, offering warmth on the cold surface.

  
.....................................

  
_Christmas Day, 1991_

_  
Theresa had spent the majority of the morning and early afternoon preparing dinner for the May clan. Presents had been exchanged, and the paper was picked up after the children of the family had shredded most of it of course._

_  
He watched in silence from the door as she busied herself with the goose. She had removed her wedding rings in fear that they might slip off. He had walked over and picked them up without realizing it. “I never liked your engagement ring,” he said softly._

_  
She kept to her task. “Why?”_

_  
“I always wanted to buy you a bigger one, better one,” he mumbled._

_  
“Love, that ring means so much to me. I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” she said honestly._

_  
“Not even,” he slowly sat a black velvet box down, “this one?”_

_  
Her gasp filled the, otherwise quiet, room. She quickly washed her hands off before picking the small box up. “You didn’t need to do this.”_

_  
“I wanted to. You deserve it.”_

_  
“I’m still keeping my other one. I love it too much to let it go,” she whispered._

_  
He gently pulled her closer by her waist. “I understand. I wanted you to open it away from everyone else. This is too special for them to see.”_

_  
Her small smile made his heart glow. He hadn’t seen her happy in a very long time. So long he almost forgot. His hand went and gently popped the top open._

_  
“Oh, Philip,” she said just above a whisper, emotion coming through her words, “it’s gorgeous.” Her eyes were fixed on the teardrop shaped diamond. She knew this would fit effortlessly with her wedding band, but her heart couldn’t let go of the other one._

_  
“I had it engraved.”_

_  
“Really?” She bit her lip as she turned it, seeing the writing in the light. ‘You’ve made gold out of our heartache. I’ve never seen such beauty,’ gleamed from the gold band._

_  
“I mean it. I don’t know how you do it, but you do, and I’m so sorry that-“_

_  
“Shh.” Her finger pressed against his lips as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Don’t say anything because I can’t ruin my makeup.”_

_  
He chuckled, holding her tighter to her chest. “I’m sorry about last night.”_

_  
“I’m sorry I threw dishes at you.”_

_  
“I probably deserved it.”_

_  
“Oh, you did,” she lightly kissed him, “but I’m still sorry.”_

  
...................................

  
March 11, 2018

  
There was awkward silence as Theresa sat on his couch, waiting for him to bring the tea in. The rattle of the cups broke her reverie as he rounded the corner. “Here we are,” he offered.

  
The familiar clink of china took the space of the quiet as they fixed their tea. Theresa was the first to speak up, hearing Alicia in her head. “I want to apologize for what I said. It was so wrong of me, and we both know how the end of our marriage was. That was far from your fault, and I overreacted and should have heard you out.”

  
Philip stared, amazed by the courage she had with just saying it. Her courage gave him courage. “I need to apologize as well. I’m the one who overreacted, and it’s taken some time this week, but I realize that you are going to have trust issues with me. That’s not your fault. It’s mine, and I need to be more sensitive to that. I promise I will be.”

  
Shock was the only word to describe her face. He took the words out of her mouth, making her fall in love all over again. “That...thank you.” It was all she could manage.

  
“What?”

  
“For understanding and not being put off by it. I do trust you. I just...something snapped. It was probably the resemblance.”

  
“I promise I’ll be more considerate. I’ll do anything for you.”

  
Theresa threw her arms around him without thinking. “I love you so much,” she said into his neck.

  
Philip smiled, happy to have his love in his arms. “I love you too.”

  
Theresa couldn’t help but press a kiss to his lips. “I do think we both need to come to terms that we have issues that will come up. We can’t keep it from each other. We have to be honest. Completely honest about it.”

  
“I completely agree, and I’ll make sure to take into account the fact I hurt you severely. That doesn’t just go away, but I’ll work every day so that you know it will never happen again.” Everything about him screamed that he was being truthful. She knew he would work until he died if it meant her trust, and that made her heart melt all the more.

  
“And I’ll try and realize that you’ve changed. We both have, and I’m sorry for leaving you at the party,” she said sheepishly.

  
“At least there was a warm car waiting on me,” he teased with a wink.

  
“That’s true.” Her smile grew as she leaned in to kiss him again, hands going to cup his face. She could feel his hands on her waist, and her desire for him grew. His hand was working its way up and down her leg, and she leaned into him.

  
She was warm, and she smelled like home as Philip tugged her on top. He wanted her. She wanted him. It was simple. Two pairs of hands were pulling clothes off and apart. He had no idea where she threw his glasses, and she was sure her underwear was a lost cause. Her hands were on him, gently releasing him from the confines of his trousers before she was whispering in his ear, sweet things like how much she missed him, loved him, craved him.

  
His tongue was tracing patterns on her chest after he pulled her shirt off. It was spelling words: mine, beautiful, love. But when he watched her lift before taking him, he thought he was going to explode. The sensuality of the moment alone could make someone burst, but her hips were giving pleasure just as much as they were taking. His hands wanted to touch everything about her to make sure she was real, make sure she was his.

  
Tiny little pricks of overwhelming ecstasy filled her as his fingers dragged from the top of her back to the bottom, and she moaned. She was quickly coming to her end, and she couldn’t stop it. It was like a tsunami of pleasure as wave after wave rolled over her before she felt him tense, groan her name, and collapse back on the couch. “Wow,” she said breathlessly.

  
“Wow indeed.”

  
“You said Emily would be here at seven?”

  
“Yes. Why?”

  
“We have two minutes,” she rushed out, quickly standing to readjust her clothes but almost falling as her legs didn’t want to work.

  
Philip jumped up as well, finding his glasses in one of her kitten heels. He had just tucked his shirt in when there was a brisk knock on the door. “That will be her then.”

  
“Do I look okay?” She asked nervously, smoothing out her skirt.

  
“It might be biased, but I think you look amazing,” he flirted before opening the door.

  
The greetings were nice. Emily was surprised Theresa was there but glad her mum and dad were seemingly okay again. Emily had a sneaking suspicion of what had happened given Theresa’s hair was quite ruffled. It was only after Michael turned blood red as he looked at the floor that she got her confirmation. “So, Mum, what were you and Daddy doing before we got here?”

  
“Nothing. Just talking,” Theresa said nonchalantly.

  
“Really?” Emily held up a pair of cream colored, lace knickers. “Because I see you two sorted your problem.”

  
...................................

  
March 13, 2018

  
The lift opened, showing the immaculate office space of Philip’s firm. Theresa tentatively stepped out and looked around before coming to stand in front of a receptionist. “Umm...excuse me. Where is Philip May’s office?”

  
The younger woman looked up, eyes going wide. “You...you’re the PM.” Her jaw was hanging open.

  
Theresa blushed and smiled. “Yes. I was picking up Philip for lunch.”

  
“Of course. Right down the hall. His name is on the door.”

  
“Thank you.” Her heels clicked on the hardwood floor and echoed in the empty hall. Philip’s door was closed, the frosted glass keeping her from seeing too much before she pushed it open. Her stomach did a flip as she saw him standing over his desk, palms pressed flat against the glass surface and sleeves rolled up slightly.

  
He brought his eyes to hers and smiled. “Hello, you.”

  
“Hi,” she said softly. “Quite the office.”

  
“Thanks...I think.”

  
“It was a compliment.”

  
“Good. I’ll just grab my jacket, and we can go,” he said, starting to roll the white sleeves down.

  
“I like it when you wear your shirt like that,” she flirted, biting her lip.

  
He raised an eyebrow before walking over, hands going to her waist. “Do you?”

  
“A lot actually.” Her hands started fiddling with the buttons up and down his chest.

  
“Maybe we should skip lunch and...fool around here,” he offered, winking at her.

  
Theresa started laughing when she heard a knock on the door. Turning, everything froze. Her heart. Her world. Everything seemed to shatter.

  
“Ahh, Theresa, this is my colleague-“

  
She uttered one word. “Sam.”

 


	22. Back to You

March 14, 2018

  
Silence and darkness encircled her, held her close in the still of the night. Philip’s arm around her waist made her uncomfortable as she stared at the ceiling. She didn’t want anyone touching her. Not now. She allowed him to hold her as she sobbed so hard she couldn’t walk earlier, but the thought of physical contact made her shudder.

  
She extracted herself as gently as possible, softly padding to the bathroom to stare at herself in the mirror. She could see the way Philip’s face fell when she mumbled Sam’s name, could see the smirk Sam was wearing as well. He had tried to pass it off as if they were old work colleagues. She had played along, signaling to Philip that a scene wouldn’t help. But the moment they were in the car, he had pulled her close, letting her cry into his chest.

  
She had tried to reassure him that she would be fine, that he could go back to work, but he wouldn’t leave her side. He sat in her office and read as she worked her way through an entire red box before he gently tugged her hand and led her upstairs, running her a bath so she could relax. It was only after dinner, where she picked at her food, that she broke, releasing some desperate wail as she fell to the floor. He had rocked her back and forth, whispered soothing words, but she still couldn’t stand the fact he was touching her.

  
Her reflection only confirmed that she felt broken. Her eyes were dull, and her face hollow of everything. ‘How dare he?’ She thought. ‘How dare he ruin my life again?’

  
.................................

  
March 15, 2018

  
Philip watched her, the movement of her hand while she cut fruit for breakfast. She had been quiet this morning. Too quiet for his liking actually. He knew it was down to the only man he would ever consider killing walking back into their life. But then there was him. He had unknowingly been friends, confidants, with a monster, someone who hurt and tortured and broke the love of his life. His hands had trembled as he had watched the grin spread across that man’s face. He had wanted to hurt him just like he had hurt Theresa.

  
The sound of the knife making methodical thumps on the wooden cutting board had slashed through his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. He started drifting towards her, reaching out to hold her waist. He felt her go rigid before quickly drawing the knife back and holding her finger. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to scare you and make you cut yourself.”

  
“It’s fine,” she said curtly, pushing past him to run cold water over the small slice in her finger. “I’m used to it from checking my blood sugar. It doesn’t hurt.”

  
He saw her fiddle with the knob to a drawer, pulling it open and taking out a sticking plaster. She was quick and precise, never waisting too much time on something she didn’t deem important. The knife was washed, and her hands were back to chopping apples before he could say anything else. “I’m still sorry.” He came to stand next to her. “Did you sleep any last night? I woke up around four, and you were gone.”

  
“I slept on the couch.”

  
“What?”

  
She turned, afraid he might see the hurt and the fear in her eyes. “I got up and slept on the couch. I...I just needed some space to work through some things is all.”

  
He wanted to reach out, to touch her and hold her, but a piece of him had a feeling he was a part of this issue. His gut told him this was deeper than needing space, deeper than needing to work through things, but he wouldn’t push her. He would simply wait and watch and do anything he could to make whatever this was go away. “Okay,” he said softly, raising his hand to brush her hair back, but she avoided it, ducking her head before he could get too close.

  
“We should eat. Breakfast will be cold if we don’t.”

  
He felt his whole body lose a bit of hope. He knew now why she had gotten up. She didn’t want him touching her, and she didn’t want to be near him in the slightest.

  
.....................................

  
March 20, 2018

  
02:47. Theresa sat up. Her heart was pounding, her muscles flexed as though she had fought someone off, and her body was covered in sweat. Her chest was heaving as she tried for calm her breathing, but she couldn’t. And she couldn’t close her eyes again. She kept seeing it all: blood, tears, swinging fists. The sound of bone cracking was ringing in her ears, and it made her sick. She nearly tripped as she ran to the bathroom, emptying everything she had in her stomach into the toilet.

  
Philip was awoken to the bed jerking as Theresa jumped out of it. He could hear her getting sick, and his chest tightened. He hadn’t noticed until he looked back at the bed that there was a small wall of pillows between them. It hadn’t been there when he fell asleep, and his only logic was that she must have built it. He peeked his head around to see her kneeling on the floor, dry heaving into the toilet. “Love?”

  
“I’m fine. Go back to bed.”

  
“You aren’t fine. You aren’t fine at all, sweetheart.”

  
Red rimmed eyes met his, and a small voice whispered, “I will be.”

  
He wanted to reach out and hug her, comfort her, but her attitude towards the physical anything in the past days halted him. His eyes followed her arm to see her hand clutching at the necklace his mother had given her, and he wanted to sob.

  
“I...it reminds me that it’s just dreams. That it’s not real...not anymore at least.”

  
He came to rest on his knees beside her after filling the small glass she kept by her sink full of water. There was a foot of space between them so she didn’t become upset at accidental contact, and he slowly slid it across the tiles, letting her see him fully withdraw his hand so she could pick it up. “I’ll never let it be real again.”

  
...................................

  
March 28, 2018

  
There was a soft tap on her door before Philip gently pushed it open. He had two glasses of something in his hands. “What’s this?” She inquired.

  
“Lunch,” he responded while beaming at her. “You can’t keep food down so I had Emily do some research, and these are meal replacement shakes. They are full of protein and vitamins, and they will help keep your blood sugar stable while filling your stomach. But,” he paused for theatrics, “you are less likely to be sick because it’s a drink. I got you a chocolate flavored one.”

  
Her heart exploded as he finished. She had lost six pounds in a week due to her nausea. The nightmares and the stress had become too much, and she mostly picked at her food now. But Philip, her Philip, had the solution after seeing her suffer, and it made her love him more. She wanted to hug him, but her brain stopped her. So she gave him the most brilliant smile she had. That had been how they had communicated any affection lately: smiles and soft words. “That has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, love.”

  
“No problem at all.”

  
He had taken his normal seat across from her, kicking his feet up on her desk as he sipped his lunch. She had to admit that it was rather good, and it made her feel full and energized. She had lied when she said it was the sweetest thing, though. She had woken to him sleeping on the floor a few nights ago. It was on her side, close enough if she needed him but far enough she was comfortable. He hadn’t made mention of doing it; he just did. She never remembered him climbing in the floor while she was awake, and she had finally figured out why. He would climb down there after she had fallen asleep, but crawl back into bed just before she would wake up. She knew it was because he knew even the slightest feeling of human skin on hers would cause the hyperventilating and then the tears.

  
Then, of course, there was the nightlight. She learned early on with Philip that he slept with it very cold and very, very dark. Their bedrooms in the past had always had blackout curtains, and if anything bright was on he wouldn’t sleep. But she had mentioned the dark scared her, made her uneasy because of what Sam would do then. And one night, when she had gotten up to use the bathroom, there was a little light shaped like a rose, plugged into the wall. He had simply gone out and bought one so she could rest easy even though he hated it. There were several things she knew about love and it’s fickleness, but she never understood what sacrifice in love meant until then.

  
“How is it?” He asked, breaking her train of thought.

  
She quickly nodded her head in approval. “Quite good. Where did you get it?”

  
“I made it.”

  
“What?”

  
“I bought the mix and made it in the flat. I thought if this was going to continue then we might as well have it on hand.”

  
She just looked at him, unable to do anything else. “I love you. I love you so much.”

  
............................

  
April 15, 2018

  
The nightmares had gotten worse, driving her to the point of insanity. Philip had, had to shake her awake a few times, always quickly stepping back again so she wouldn’t have a meltdown. He had taken to reading Bible passages to her to calm her down and get her to sleep again, but it had taken its toll on them.

  
She was trying to break through it with everything she had, even secretly trying to brush against him, but it made her skin crawl. Easter had nearly been a disaster as Emily and Michael had come to Sonning, attempting to help her cook but just making her more nervous than she already was. They didn’t know about her past yet, and she was afraid of what they’d think. She had seen how Philip watched her closely and then he suggested that she go find “that book” she was looking for, and she had been so grateful for an escape into the calmness of the study.

  
The odd suggestion that they come to Paris came from Philip. He said that a weekend away wouldn’t do anyone harm, but she was afraid of what he had planned. She couldn’t handle affection, and if he thought that this would help, she didn’t know why. She noticed that there were extra blankets and pillows on the couch in their room, and she smiled inwardly, thinking of Philip.

  
“We have a reservation tonight,” he mentioned.

  
“Do we?”

  
“Yes. I thought it might be nice for us to spend some time out and about. We can shop tomorrow.”

  
“That sounds nice, love,” she offered, hesitating a moment before speaking again. “I...Why did we come here? What was the point?”

  
Philip turned, looking her in the eye. “I thought a break from the house and the flat would help. Maybe a new bed could ease everything. I know it will for me.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“The man that hurt you has an office across from mine, Theresa. I have to go in every day and be nice because you asked me to. That can take a toll on someone, to know the person they love has an abuser, and they can’t do anything about it. The thing,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “the thing that hurts the most is the fact he’s still hurting you. You are losing sleep because of him, and I don’t know how to help.”

  
It all dawned on her at once. He was at a loss for everything. She had never considered how he might handle this, and she felt awful for being so wrapped up in her own problems to even realize. “I’m...I’m so sorry, Philip. I didn’t think-“

  
“You shouldn’t have to.” He took a tentative step towards her. “He’s there. He always will be, but you are so strong. You’ve over come so very much, and you underestimate yourself. It takes monsters to steal souls, and it takes fighters to get them back. And if you are one thing, it’s a fighter.”

  
It was a shock to her system, a good shock though. She had been replaying all of the bad, forgetting how much good was surrounding her. It was like a dam broke in her head, and everything in the last year flashed through her mind: finding Philip again, having him love her despite of everything, Emily being her daughter, the announcement she would have a grandchild. All of those thing made her cry, weep, into her hands. “Oh, Philip,” she mumbled brokenly.

  
“Come here,” he said, pulling her into a hug. He was almost afraid of what would happen, but his shoulders dropped in relaxation when he felt her hands grip his shirt. “It’s okay to hurt; its natural. But you can only be hurt by other people if you allow them to hurt you. Don’t let him hurt you anymore, love.”

  
“It’s just,” she was attempting to catch her breath, “it’s so hard because every time I close my eyes I see him and everything he did. It drives me mad because I knew better. I knew I should’ve left, and I didn’t.”

  
“Shh.” His hands made soothing passes up and down her back. “It’s okay. Love makes us do...well...very fucked up things. You thought he loved you, and you thought you loved him. You wanted it to work.”

  
“I was afraid of being alone. I missed you and tried to replace you with a very poor choice.”

  
“It’s not your fault. I should’ve never done what I did, and we wouldn’t be here.”

  
“But we wouldn’t have Emily. I don’t know if I could handle everything without her sarcasm,” she tearfully laughed out.

  
Philip gave a soft smile, pulling her closer to him. “Yeah. Lord only knows where we would be.” He started pressing kisses to the crown of her head. “I think we should stay in tonight. I’ll reschedule dinner for tomorrow night, and we can just stay here and-“

  
“Cuddle. I miss cuddling,” she blurted out.

  
Philip smiled brightly. “Cuddle it is. Come on.” He gently led her to the bed, letting her get comfortable before climbing on and wrapping his arm around her waist.

  
“Philip?”

  
“Yes, love?”

  
“You’re my fighter,” she looked up at him and smiled, “and I know you will say the opposite, but you are my fighter. You always have been.”

 


	23. Cry Pretty

_December 8, 1990_

_  
It was cold out, and Theresa was wrapped snuggly in a jumper under a thick blanket. Philip had just finished rubbing her feet and had crawled up next to her, cuddling her close. He pressed a kiss to her temple before bringing his hand to her stomach. “How are you feeling?” He asked softly._

_  
“Very happy,” she said, “but I wish it would stop snowing. The roads are awful.”_

_  
“I don’t think anything will be open tomorrow. I’m okay with that though. I get to spend time with you and our baby,” he whispered, kissing her._

_  
Theresa beamed, eyes lighting up. “Yes. He or she is very happy to be here too.”_

_  
“Kicking?”_

_  
“More like fluttering, but it’s nonstop. I like it.”_

_  
His hand covered the small dome that was his wife’s stomach. “What does it feel like?”_

_  
Theresa watched as his eyes never left her belly. He was gently rubbing her exposed abdomen and smiling, seemingly communicating with their unborn child in his own way. “It feels like when you catch a butterfly, and it’s wings brush against your palms. It’s soft. Almost not there but there. If that makes sense.”_

_  
“It does. I think it’s amazing.”_

_  
Theresa held his hand and kissed his cheek. “I should start dinner.”_

_  
Philip gently tugged her closer. “Or you could stay cuddled up with me on the couch, and we can eat junk food.”_

_  
“Mmm. That does sound tempting.”_

_  
“I’ll get the chocolate biscuits.”_

  
........................................

  
April 22, 2018

  
The sun was cascading over Philip and Theresa as they lay in bed. He was gently brushing her hair back when she sighed, tightening her arm over his chest. They were in their own little world as the silence enclosed them, blanketing them from the rest of the universe.

  
“Love,” he whispered, “we need to get up. Emily’s baby shower is today.”

  
“I know. Just ten more minutes,” she pouted.

  
“We have to go to London.”

  
He could hear something that sounded like a groan come from her before she sat up. “I love Emily, but why did it have to be so early.”

  
Philip smiled and kissed her. “Because her best friend planned it, and Bessie knew Emily wanted to spend time with her while she’s here.”

  
“How come I’ve never met Bessie?”

  
“She lives in America now. She went for university and stayed because she fell in love.”

  
“That’s sweet.”

  
Philip gently pulled Theresa to stand before nudging her in the bathroom. “It is. It’s also why we get the American tradition of a baby shower.”

  
“That we are paying for,” Theresa said, smiling. “At least we get to find out what the little one is. That’s all I really care about.”

  
“Hmm,” he wrapped his arms around her waist, “I get to find out how much pink I can handle.”

  
“It could be a boy. I have a feeling it is anyway.”

  
“Do you?”

  
“Yes. Do you think she’ll like our gifts?”

  
“I certainly hope so. You’ve spent too much time and effort on yours.” Philip turned the taps on and smiled. “Shower?”

  
“With you?” Theresa smirked. “Always.”

  
..................................

  
_“Philip,” Theresa sighed out, “I think I should go shower.”_

_  
“Why?” He said, kissing the side of her neck._

_  
She cupped his face, bringing their foreheads together. “I’m really sweaty.”_

_  
“You said you were cold.”_

_  
“That didn’t mean we had to add six blankets to the two we already had!”_

_  
“You wouldn’t let me warm you up the other way!”_

_  
Theresa rolled her eyes and smiled. “Only because I feel nauseous. I don’t think it would do for us to be making love, and I vomit all over you.”_

_  
“Totally worth it,” he responded, kissing her neck more._

_  
“I’m going to shower. You could always join me.” Standing, she quickly grabbed the arm of the couch. She could feel herself getting dizzy and promptly sat back down._

_  
“Love?”_

_  
“I must’ve stood up too fast. I’m fine now.”_

_  
“Maybe you should just stay down here,” he said worriedly._

_  
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I’m fine, love. I’ll be back in no time.”_

_  
He made some inaudible sound as she stood and made her way to the stairs. When she stepped under the water, she sighed, and her shoulders dropped. The muscles in her whole body relaxed at the feeling of the hot water cascading over her. Her mind was wandering from scenario to scenario as her hand absentmindedly rubbed her stomach. Maybe she would have a little girl that had Philip’s personality? Or maybe a little boy who was shy like her?_

_  
After her previous miscarriage, she had become somewhat obsessive over children. It wasn’t unreasonable, but it was different. Philip didn’t begrudge her any of it; he wanted one just as bad. But he had noticed how she had changed. She noticed. Certain things were done in certain ways now. She had a few times where she genuinely thought she might be pregnant, but she would eventually see a few droplets of blood, dashing her hopes._

_  
She had been convinced she had the flu this time, too afraid to get her hopes up. Philip had persuaded her into going to see a doctor, telling her that if he walked in on her throwing up one more time he would drive her to the hospital himself and make sure they ran every test possible on her. She had sat nervously on the table, and then her doctor told her she was just experiencing morning sickness. Philip had cried with her when she told him._

_  
There was a definite roundness to her stomach, and she had noticed several looks from colleagues, but no one dared to ask or assume. This was the furthest she had ever been, and at fourteen weeks, she was practically glowing. Philip had remarked how relaxed she looked now. The burden of desperately wanting children had been lifted._

_  
“Mmm,” she hummed, feeling her husband’s arm slide around her waist._

_  
“I put a hot water bottle in bed for you,” he whispered against her neck, “and I brought some tea up. Why don’t you get in bed, and I’ll finish up my shower and join you?”_

_  
She didn’t want to move from the warmth of the shower or his arms, but the bed sounded lovely. “Okay, love.”_

_  
He held her hand as she stepped out to make sure she didn’t slip and quickly handed her a towel off the rack. She offered a small smile as thanks and quickly pulled clothes on before settling in bed. She could feel herself drifting off, eyes fluttering when a dull ache began in the back of her head. Migraines had become quite frequent since she got pregnant, and she had learned sleep was the best way to deal with them._

_  
Philip slipped in beside her and snuggled her close. “Night, baby.”_

_  
“Hmm.” The pounding behind her eyes intensified._

  
..................................

  
The sun was out in full force as the Jaguar pulled in at Gray’s Inn. It was a picturesque manor near St. Paul’s Cathedral and Covent Garden in London. Being in politics, Theresa had asked a few barristers she had met over the years and had known were members of the Inn if they could pull a few strings and have the marquee put up for the shower. She knew it was a long shot as they usually put it up in June, but she had been pleased that the picturesque Walks, as the garden was called, would be used for Emily’s special day.

  
“Love?” Philip called.

  
“Coming,” she said. They quickly fell into step, security close behind them.

  
Philip laced their fingers together and smiled at her. “Why do you seem so nervous?”

  
Shrugging, she squeezed his hand. “I...They are all Emily’s friends. I don’t want to embarrass her or...disappoint her.”

  
Philip paused, pulling her closer. “Oh, love, you won’t. You couldn’t. Emily is so happy that you are her mother. She is so proud, and she is more than ready to show you off.”

  
Theresa smiled and continued walking. She could hear birds chirping and the soft chatter of the group ahead. Her eyes went wide as she saw large cherry blossoms standing, making an archway into the tent. White roses were bundled and on every table, and bunches of blue hydrangeas, peonies, pink roses, and baby’s breath were draping from the ceiling of the marquee. Then her eyes fell on Emily. She nearly teared up as she saw the pure happiness radiate off of her. Her long raven hair was in a loose plait down her back, contrasting sharply with the wispy white dress she was wearing.

  
“Philip, our daughter is absolutely gorgeous,” she whispered.

  
Philip felt his heart get just a tad bigger. “Yes, she is.”

  
Emily quickly spotted them, waddling as fast as she could over. “Mum! Dad!” She exclaimed, hugging them tight. “What do you think?”

  
“It’s gorgeous,” Theresa remarked, “and you look so happy which is what matters most.”

  
“Daddy?”

  
“I agree with your mother. How is Michael doing with it all?”

  
Emily playfully rolled her eyes. “He’s rubbing it in that he can drink, and I can’t.” She paused as she rubbed her belly. “Oh, Mum, Bessie is dying to meet you.”

  
“Really?” Theresa’s hand twitched in Philip’s, nerves bubbling to the surface again.

  
“Come on,” Emily grabbed her free hand and began pulling her into the throng of people. She was carefully weaving them through the crowd when she spotted another young, dark haired woman. She and Emily favored except for the height difference. Bessie seemed to tower over them both.

  
The foreign girl’s eyes lit up as she saw Theresa. She had pulled Theresa into a hug before she could protest. “You must be Theresa! I’ve heard so much about you from Emily!”

  
“Umm,” Theresa gently hugged her back, “thanks.”

  
Bessie pulled back and wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m so happy to meet you. I think Emily was more excited for me to meet you than the actual shower.”

  
Theresa ducked her head and blushed. “I’ve been eager to meet you too. Emily said at Christmas that you were expecting as well.”

  
Bessie’s face dropped a bit. “Oh...I was. I lost the pregnancy.”

  
Theresa felt her heart constrict a bit. The girl looked so sad as she thought about it, and Theresa could feel her face flush with embarrassment. “I am so sorry. I...I didn’t-“

  
“It’s fine,” Bessie quickly added. “James and I are okay with it. We realize it’s not time for us to have one.” She have a small smile. “Please don’t feel bad. We’ve both made peace with it.”

  
Theresa nodded but she started to shrink away from the conversation, going back into herself. She felt Emily place a hand on her arm and squeeze. Her eyes met her daughter’s, and she felt the awkwardness ease just a bit.

  
“Lets go get something to drink, Mum.” She guided her gently to the bar set up at the back of the marquee. “I should’ve told you. I’m sorry.”

  
“It’s fine. I just feel so stupid.”

  
“You aren’t! I said the same thing, and then she told me. They didn’t tell anyone about the miscarriage. Bessie said they told family but no one else.”

  
Theresa nodded. “I understand. That’s personal.”

  
“Yes.” Emily looked down before feeling an arm slip around her. She smiled when Philip kissed her head.

  
“You look beautiful,” he mumbled against her hair.

  
“Thanks, Daddy. Have you seen Michael?”

  
“He’s with your uncle David. They are talking about building cribs. I thought it best I get away from that conversation since I can’t do that,” he said sheepishly.

  
Theresa laughed as she remembered all the things Philip had ruined with his ‘building’ skills. “Yes. Best stay away from that, darling.”

  
“Daddy,” Emily said softly, “would you be upset if we don’t move into a house when the baby is born?”

  
“Of course not, but I thought that was what you wanted?” He asked.

  
“It is, but...we can’t afford a house right now. We’ve been looking, but Michael still has a year left,” she whispered, looking down.

  
Theresa gave a small smile and winked at Philip. “Love, we could never be upset about that. As long as you three are safe, we are happy.”

  
Nodding, Emily looked up and took a deep breath. “Right. Come on you two. We have games to play.”

  
...................................

  
_There was an emptiness next to him in the bed as he rolled over. His hand made contact with something warm and wet, and he sat up. Flicking the lamp on, he froze. Blood was puddled on the bed, and bloody footprints led to the bathroom. His heart dropped as he leapt from the bed and rushed to the bathroom. He could hear sobbing, and he quickly entered, slipping in the blood on the tiled floor. He caught himself on the doorframe before he looked over._

_  
Theresa was on her knees in front of the toilet, nightgown soaked from the waist down. Her hand was clutching a towel, and he could tell by her grip that she must be in pain. “Get out! Get out!” She screamed._

_  
“Oh, love,” he said tearfully. He tried to walk closer, but she threw the cloth at him. “I’ll be right back. I’m calling an ambulance.”_

_  
She simply hunched over more and wailed out in pain._

_  
All but sprinting, he rushed to the kitchen. His hands were shaking as he explained what was happened. “No, you don’t understand! My wife, she’s pregnant. I...I think she’s losing the baby,” he nearly whispered._

_  
There was a brief pause on the other end, and then he heard them say what he feared. No one was coming. The roads were too bad from all the snow, and an ambulance couldn’t reach them. A woman started trying to explain what he could do, but he hung up. He knew what to do. He had done it before._

_  
A crash from upstairs made him dart back. His wife looked like a victim of some sort of torture. Her arms had blood blood dotted all over them, and the offending liquid was still flowing as she attempted to stand up, hands holding the sink. She looked up at him, and his heart broke. Dejection and fear and someone not quite Theresa stared back at him._

_  
“Theresa, we need to get you in the bathtub.”_

_  
“What? Where...where’s the ambulance?” Panic was in her voice. “When will they be here? They...they can save our baby!”_

_  
He slowly took two steps forward. He could tell she was confused and hurting. “Love, there’s so much snow that-“_

_  
“No! They can get here!” Her hands went to push her hair back, leaving blood smeared on her forehead._

_  
He watched her knees buckle and rushed to catch her. His arms held her against his chest. “I’m just going to lift you in the bath.”_

_  
“No! No! Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me!” Theresa screamed, fists hitting his chest._

_  
Philip ignored it, quickly placing her in the tub and pulling her nightgown over her head before tossing it in the laundry basket. “Theresa-“_

_  
“Out! I don’t want you here! Get out!” She sobbed._

_  
“Love, I just-“_

_  
“No!!!” She was crying hysterically, knees pulled to her chest as the red contrasted starkly with the white porcelain of the tub before disappearing down the drain. “Leave! Leave!”_

_  
His hands went to turn the taps on so the warm water could help ease the cramping he knew she felt, but her hands grabbed his, pushing them away. He was crying as well, big, fat tears rolling down his cheeks in silence. “I’m trying to help,” he said softly._

_  
“I don’t want it! Leave!”_

_  
It was hard for him to watch and hear. Something wasn’t right with his wife; he knew that. He knew there was a crack somewhere in the mental shield she put up so often. “Tessa, let me help you.”_

_  
Rationality was nowhere to be found for her. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she knew she wanted him to leave, to be as far away as possible. She began pounding his chest again as his arms reached to encircle her. Nails were clawing, drawing blood from arms, neck, anywhere she could reach. Then, her balled up palm came into hard contact with his cheek, causing him to stumble back._

_  
He could do nothing but look at her as the stinging sensation in his face intensified. She hadn’t broken anything, but he knew there would be a bruise. “Theresa?” He gently questioned, attempting to see if she recognized herself._

_  
Her eyes were trained firmly on the bottom of the bathtub, legs resting apart and against either side of the tub. Her hands went to clutch the sides, blood dripping from her fingertips onto the floor below her. “Ahh!”_

_  
Philip watched as her body contorted itself in pain. He could see her hands grasping hard at the porcelain. Tears were freely streaming down his face as he heard the most ungodly wails before it went quiet, and his wife went limp._

_  
“It’s so small,” she whispered, voice quivering. Her hand reached for something as he approached._

_  
His eyes easily found what she was holding to her chest. He gasped, hand covering his mouth. “Tessa, I...”_

_  
“It can fit in my hand.”_

  
..................................

  
Philip was staring daggers at his girlfriend and daughter as they laughed at him. He was standing in the middle of the marquee with toilet paper wrapped around him to look like a nappy. Theresa had promised to make it up to him, but his hurt ego wasn’t sure she could. They had won the game and the several before, but he was rather grumpy at the embarrassment of it.

  
Theresa walked over and kissed his cheek before pulling him away to make him presentable again. “You were a good sport for doing that, love.”

  
“Hmm.” He looked around, pushing her against one of the large columns holding the tent up and kissing her soundly.

  
She let herself melt into him before placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away gently. “Philip, behave yourself!”

  
“That was your payback,” he said before smirking and entering the tent again.

  
Theresa stared blankly in front of her. She took a deep breath, smoothed her hair, and put a smile on. She had just walked back when she saw Emily motioning for her and Philip to join them on the small stage with the cake. She was confused as they had opened presents a short while ago, stocking up on blankets and stuffed animals and baby books.

  
Theresa held Philip’s hand as Emily took a microphone. “Hello, everyone. Michael and I want to thank each and every one of you for making this so special. A very big thank you to Bessie for putting all of this together, and an equally big thank you to my mum and dad for paying for it.”

  
A large laugh filled the marquee as a round of applause went up. “We know that our baby will grow up to be very loved by all of you, and we can’t thank you enough for that. So without further ado, let’s find out what Baby Fawcett is!”

  
Theresa was gripping Philip’s hand quite tight as her daughter laid her hand over Michael’s. The white icing of the large cake gave nothing away as they carefully cut the piece. Emily was slowly pulling it out when her and Michael looked at each other, saying in unison, “It’s a girl!”

  
Theresa couldn’t hear the cheer as her heart started racing from excitement. Philip pulled her into a hug, whispering, “I told you it was a girl.”

  
Hugs and tears were passed around before the cake was dispersed. Guests began offering their congratulations and goodbyes as the numbers trickled down until it was just the four of them. Emily had her feet propped in Michael’s lap as he gently rubbed them. “Today has been wonderful, baby.”

  
Michael smiled and dug his knuckle in harder. “It has. I’m terrified of having a girl though.”

  
“As you should be,” Philip deadpanned.

  
Theresa looked around. “Where’s Bessie?”

  
“Oh, she went to change before we go out to dinner,” Emily said.

  
“Right. Well, I think it’s time we give you our gifts then.” Theresa pulled an envelope out, sliding it across the table.

  
“Mum, you didn’t have to get us anything. This shower must have cost a fortune.”

  
“I wanted to.” Theresa felt Philip’s hand squeeze her thigh as a sign of support.

  
Emily smiled and eagerly pulled the card from inside. There was a picture of a nursery with the inscription, ‘One free night at Granny’s.’ “Mum, did you...”

  
“The nursery is ready. We had one of the guest rooms converted for the baby because I expect lots of babysitting duty.”

  
“Oh, Mum,” Emily gasped. “Thank you!”

  
“It will be great when we want date night,” Michael remarked.

  
“Absolutely and no problem, love.” Theresa smiled and felt Philip move to stand.

  
“Here’s mine.” He placed a small box on the table and stood back.

  
“Did you get the baby jewelry, Daddy?”

  
“No. Just open it.” He was fidgeting with his hands as his nerves took over.

  
Popping the top open, Emily teared up. “Daddy, you didn’t.”

  
“I did. Well, your mother and I did.” He winked at Theresa.

  
Michael was speechless as he took out the key. “You...you...a house?!”

  
Philip chuckled and felt Theresa wrap her arms around his waist. “It’s close to us in Sonning. I know you two were looking there. It’s just the down payment and the first three months on the mortgage. Then we expect you to take over.” He gave a pointed glance to the young couple sitting in front of him.

  
Emily jumped up and hugged Theresa and Philip. “Of course we will. Thank you! Thank you so much!”

  
Michale stood, shaking Philip’s hand. “ I can’t tell you how much this means.”

  
Philip leaned in. “Just love both of them for me.”

  
.....................................

  
_Theresa’s head was foggy as her eyes opened. She was sore, and she heard a beeping noise. Glancing over, she saw Philip pacing worriedly. She watched as he rushed to her when he saw she was awake. “Philip,” her voice was scratchy and thick, “where am I?”_

_  
“The hospital.” He gently brushed her hair back. “You’re in the hospital.”_

_  
She tilted his face and gasped. “Where did you get that bruise?” The entire left side of his face was black._

_  
“It doesn’t matter. How do you feel?”_

_  
“It does. I’m sore. What happened? Is the baby okay?” She was beginning to worry. Had someone broken into their house? Had there been an car accident? The last twelve hours were a blur to her._

_  
“You don’t remember anything?” He watched her shake her head. “Love,” he took a deep breath, tearing up, “you lost the baby last night.”_

_  
She sat up. “What? No. No, I didn’t.” Her hand went to her stomach._

_  
He watched her deflate as she felt the now empty belly she had. “You...I woke up, and you were in the bathroom. I tried calling an ambulance, but the roads were too bad. They couldn’t get to us.”_

_  
A tear rolled down her cheek. And then another. And another. “But my baby,” she said. Not to anyone in particular, but she wanted to say it, make sure she hadn’t dreamt it all. She began sobbing when her husband pulled her against his chest. Her eyes shut tightly, trying to push it all away._

_  
“I know. I know, love. We can try again.” He mumbled against her hair, pressing kisses to it._

_  
It all came flooding back as he held her. The waking up in pain and the blood and how she was the one to give him that bruise and the little baby that was hers that was no bigger than her palm. And she cried, wondering what she had done, blaming herself for it all. What did she do this time to make it all go away?_

 

 

 


	24. Ballets and Babies

April 28, 2018

  
It had been a week full of controversy and stress. Syrian airstrikes had taken ahold of most headlines, and the Windrush scandal had taken what few remained. She was under pressure to either sack her Home Secretary or force her to resign, and the papers were split on their support and condemnation of her military intervention. In short, it had been a week from hell.

  
Philip had promised a long foot rub and a hot bath when she got home, and it was the only thing keeping her going. The house was dimly lit, a lamp the only thing providing light. She could hear him in the kitchen, and she smiled when she saw him making tea. “I love coming home to you.”

  
Philip turned, flashing a grin. “I’m pretty fond of it to.”

  
“How was work?” She had made her way to him, arms going around his neck to hold him close.

  
“It was work. I’m very glad it’s Friday.” He pressed a kiss to her head before his hands found her waist.

  
“I’m going to help Emily with the nursery tomorrow, love.”

  
“But we have all night and most of Sunday to ourselves. I haven’t seen much of you this week with all the drama going on.”

  
Theresa sighed. She felt horrible at how neglected she knew he must feel. “I’m sorry. I know it’s been crazy lately.”

  
Philip gently kissed her. “Stop apologizing. I understand. My main focus is making sure you are okay.”

  
She melted into his embrace and felt her whole being calm. His hands were making long passes up and down her back, and she could feel her eyes getting heavy. Pulling back, she smiled at him. “You’ll put me to sleep.”

  
“Let’s get you in the bath first.” He gently led her upstairs, undressing her slowly and placing kisses on her neck and head. He filled the bath with bubbles and rose petals and everything else she loved before holding her hand as she slowly sank down into the water.

  
She watched as he made his way to the door. “Stay,” she softly called, “with me.”

  
“Of course, love.” He took his place behind the tub, hands kneading her shoulders. “When you get out, I’ll do your feet.”

  
“Thank you so much, sweetheart. It’s been an awful week.”

  
“I know. Helping Emily tomorrow should do you some good. You and her can have a little bonding time.”

  
Theresa smirked. “Our bonding time used to involve whiskey.”

  
Philip chuckled. “Well now it will involve paint swatches.”

  
She shivered as he began washing her back. It felt nice to be spoiled, and her body certainly appreciated it after a week of stress and wearing heels too much. “I’m very much looking forward to it.”

  
......................................

  
_November 9, 1998_

_  
Philip gently tied a dark green ribbon around Emily’s ponytail before brushing through it one more time. “There we are, love. All done.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and patted her shoulder before she hopped off the counter in his bathroom._

_  
“Thank you, Daddy!” Her arms tried wrapping him in a hug, but they weren’t quite able to fit._

  
_“Absolutely. What should we eat for breakfast?” He slowly lifted her so she was resting on his hip as he made his way to the kitchen. “We have eggs or bacon or cereal. I got some of that yogurt you like so much too.”_

_  
“Can I just have some toast?” Her bright blue eyes stared into his as she asked quietly._

  
_Philip smiled and kissed her nose. “Of course, sweetie.” He promptly deposited her at one of the bar stools in the kitchen and smirked when he watched her kick her legs that were too short. “You start dance class tomorrow. Are you excited?”_

_  
“Yes, sir! We get to go pick out my ballet shoes after school today,” she practically beamed._

_  
His eyes softened as he watched the unbridled joy and passion his daughter had. She had been begging for ballet lessons since she could understand what it was, and he had surprised her on her birthday the month before with her leotard and the promise of lessons. “We do, baby. Granny said she would come along to if you wanted.”_

  
_Her smile grew impossibly large. “Really?” She said in awe. “Granny is going to spend the whole afternoon with us?”_

_  
“Yes, love. She said she missed you,” he said as he gently set her toast in front of her before pouring her a glass of milk. “She also said that you could spend the night this weekend if you wanted.”_

_  
Emily eagerly nodded while scarfing her toast down. “This is the best day ever, Daddy!”_

_  
Chuckling, Philip finished his coffee, grabbing his daughter’s shoes and slipping them on her feet. “It’s about to be a late day. Grab your bag, and we can go.”_

  
_“Yes, sir!”_

_  
It was too soon for her to be in school he thought. She was still suppose to be in nappies, curled up on his chest where she napped. She was meant to still be coming to work with him every day, sitting on his lap and making drawings for his office while he balanced accounts. His baby was growing up, and he didn’t like it one bit. He heard her come pounding down the staircase, oversized bag on her back. He had tried to persuade her to get one more size appropriate, but she had been determined to get the pink and purple one for her first year at ‘real school’ as she called it._

_  
“Ready?”_

  
_“Always!”_

_  
She held his hand as they made their way to the car, and she gave him the brightest smile when he buckled her in. He kept looking at her in the rear view mirror, and he laughed silently when he saw she had fallen asleep again. If he knew she wouldn’t be upset with him, he would let her sleep and call in sick to work so they could spend the day together, but he saw the way she lit up around her friends._

_  
The car came to a stop outside of the school, and he gently shook her awake. “Love, we’re here. Emily, baby, it’s time to wake up.”_

_  
She slowly nodded and slid out of the backseat onto the pavement. “Will you walk in with me?”_

  
_He smiled and held his hand out. “Come on.”_

  
....................................

  
April 29, 2018

  
Boxes were stacked up in what Theresa assumed would be the living room. She could hear Emily fussing over something in the kitchen as she walked through. It struck Theresa as she watched her how much they really were alike in everything: attitude, humor, sense of fashion, a basic outlook on life. The only thing that distinguished Emily as not being her biological child was the lack of resemblance.

  
Emily turned on her heel and gave a small yelp. “Oh, Mum, I didn’t know you were here!” She exclaimed, hand resting over her heart.

  
“Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she offered apologetically.

  
“It’s fine. I was actually about to call you. I think I know what I want to do with the living room and our room. My main focus is the nursery. I need to start on it.”

  
“What about all the other rooms? You have five bedrooms and a study and a home office and a dining room.”

  
Emily’s eyes went wide before she looked down, hands going to her stomach. “I’ve never lived in a house with so many rooms. I’m a bit lost, and we can’t really afford to buy things for every room right now.”

  
“Oh, love, I’ll help you. You know your father and I will do whatever we can-“

  
“But you shouldn’t have to! We are adults. We are having a baby! We can do things, but it’s all a bit much right now. Michael graduates in May, and I’m sure we can do it then. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful for the house, because I am so thankful that you and Daddy did this for us. I am. I just feel like such a failure that I can’t even provide a home for my daughter,” she said dejectedly, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs.

  
Theresa sat next to her, hand going to pull her into her side. “You are not a failure. You are a young woman who works very hard, and Michael is the same way, but you are both young adults who never expected to be having a baby now. I don’t think anyone thinks you are a failure. I think you two will be amazing parents, and I think you are too hard on yourself. It took months for me to finish decorating my first house with your father.”

  
“Really?” She sniffled.

  
“Yes. In fact, I don’t think I ever even finished the last room. I just kept the door shut.

  
Emily gave a small smile. “I just want to make Daddy proud, and I’ve already let him down so much.”

  
“You have not! Your father is extremely proud of you. You are everything to him, Em. You are probably the reason he gets out of bed most days. I’ve never seen a person love someone as much as your father loves you.” Theresa tilted her head up. “We both consider it a privilege that we get to be your parents, and we are both so, so proud of you, baby.”

  
Emily tucked herself into her adoptive mother, taking comfort in her warmth and the familiar scent of vanilla and lavender. “Thank you for being here.”

  
“Of course. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” She kissed her head.

  
“Shall I show you the nursery?”

  
“Lead the way.”

  
It took a lot for Theresa to stop the giggles she could feel rising as she watched Emily waddle around. The stairs caused the most trouble for the mother-to-be. Her stature and the size of her stomach made it nearly impossible to do anything at all.

  
“So,” she said, switching the light on, “this is the nursery. It’s close to our room, and it has lots of natural light. I think we might turn the room at the end of the hall into a playroom for her and any others we might have.”

  
Theresa smiled and nudged her with her elbow. “Thinking about more already?” She teased.

  
Blushing, Emily looked down. “We both want a big family. We plan to adopt one day.”

  
“I think that’s very admirable.”

  
“Michael is an orphan, you know.”

  
Theresa looked over in shock, eyes peering into Emily’s. “I didn’t know that. Philip always said that he was estranged from his family, but...”

  
“His mother left him at the hospital. He grew up in a Catholic orphanage outside of London. He doesn’t like to talk about it. The orphanage wasn’t a great place for him.” She looked down, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach.

  
Nodding, Theresa turned to face her, understanding the underlying confession that she had told. “Does Philip know any of that?”

  
“No. Michael wants to tell him in his own time. I won’t begrudge him that. But now you know why we are so reluctant to spend unnecessary money until he graduates. He’s never had anything, and he’s quite hard on himself to provide for us.”

  
“I have a whole new respect for him, but he has us now. He has a family. I know that it might take a while for that to sink in for him, but I’ll always be here for you two,” she said softly.

  
“Thank you for that, Mum.” Emily gently squeezed her hand before taking a deep breath. “Right. Back to the nursery before I cry. I was thinking thinking maybe a light grey for the main color. Maybe a bright yellow for details.”

  
“That would be lovely. You could do yellow and white.”

  
She stared at the wall in deep thought before she slowly nodded. “And the crib in front of the window.”

  
“That’s perfect,” Theresa agreed.

  
“Are you hungry? I’m starving.”

  
“I could eat.”

  
“I’ll order Chinese.”

  
.......................................

  
_November 23, 1998_

_  
Philip clapped as he watched Emily turn into the fifth position as the music slowly faded. He was sitting off by himself in the corner of the room. He preferred to keep a distance from the mothers of the other girls in the class after the first time he came and most of them made a pass at him when they saw he didn’t have a ring on. He noticed that his daughter’s face fell after a girl leaned over and said something, and he wondered what could be wrong._

_  
He kneeled down to hug her after she walked to him. “You did so well, love. You’re quite the ballerina.”_

  
_“Thanks,” she said quietly, quickly pushing him away and slipping her pointes off._

_  
His chest tightened when he saw tears in her eyes. “Let me help you with your coat, baby.”_

_  
“I’ve got it.”_

_  
She struggled, but he let her do it, afraid to upset her further. “Shall I carry you?” He offered. She wouldn’t look at him, but he was grateful she nodded. Picking her up, he held her close, trying to convey how much he loved her._

_  
“Daddy, I want to quit ballet,” she said from the backseat on their way home._

  
_Philip nearly slammed on the brakes as he heard her. She had begged and begged and begged to take ballet, and now she wanted to give it all up even though she was a very talented dancer. “Why, love? You have so much fun, and you are so good at it.”_

_  
“I...I don’t fit in, and I don’t even look like a real ballerina.”_

_  
“What do you mean you don’t look like a real ballerina?”_

_  
Emily sighed, crossing her arms. “Ballerinas don’t have ponytails, Daddy. Ballerinas...they have mummies too.”_

  
_Philip looked at her from the rear view mirror and saw the tears slipping down her cheeks. He knew it was always going to come to this, come to the absence of such an important figure in her life. It wasn’t lost on him that he couldn’t do some of the elaborate hairstyles the other girls had either, but that wasn’t the most pressing issue. “Love, I know it’s hard-“_

_  
“No, you don’t! You got a mummy and a daddy! You got brothers and a sister! I don’t get anything, and it’s all your fault!” She jumped out of the car as it came to a stop in the driveway. She didn’t wait for him to unlock the front door, choosing to go through the back gate instead, knowing the back door was always unlocked._

  
_He had just slipped in when he heard her bedroom door slam, and he sighed. He wanted to tell her, explain that he wanted her to have a mummy. Specifically, a woman he knew would love her, cherish her more than anything. A woman he knew would take the time every morning to plait and curl and pin her hair. A woman he knew who would give anything to snuggle up to her every night, constantly reassuring her of how much she was loved and wanted and telling her how precious she was. But he had ruined that, and she was too young to understand._

_  
The silence was hurting him; he was so used to her laughing and playing that it was unsettling. He could hear her moving around upstairs, and he slowly trudged up, knocking softly before pushing the door open. “Emily?”_

  
_The soft sniffling broke his heart, and he scooped her up from her crouched position on the bed. Her fingers clung tightly to his shoulders as she sobbed so hard her body shook, face buried against his neck. His arms encircled her snugly, hands going to stroke the long black hair that had started all of this._

_  
“Love, I wish you had a mummy so much. I wish I could do all the things a mummy could, and I know I’m a poor substitute, but you are so loved by me. You are so precious, baby, and not having a mummy doesn’t make you any lesser.”_

_  
“The other girls make fun of me,” she managed between sobs. “They say my mummy didn’t want me, and they say...they say that I’m not a real ballerina because I don’t look like one.”_

  
_It all made sense to him now, and he felt terribly stupid. “Emily,” he gently pulled her back to look into her swollen eyes, “your mummy...she wasn’t ready to have a baby yet. She decided that it was best for me to take care of you and for her to not interfere with your life.”_

_  
“Is it my fault? Was I a bad baby?”_

  
_Philip’s eyes widened, and he hugged her closely again. “No, baby! Not at all. You were a wonderful baby. You laughed and smiled all the time.” He pulled back to look at her again. “You see, some people have babies when they aren’t prepared to. Your mother was one of those people. That had nothing to do with you. That was her, and it was her decision. She knew she couldn’t take care of you the way she knew you deserved, and she gave you to me to have all the time.”_

_  
Emily was slowly piecing things together in her mind about her situation when her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Will I ever get to meet her?”_

  
_“I don’t know, sweetie.” And he genuinely didn’t. He never knew if she would pop back into his daughter’s life randomly or not._

_  
“What was her name?”_

_  
“Amanda Lee. She was a journalist at her local paper the last time I saw her.” He pushed her hair back, grateful she wasn’t sobbing anymore._

_  
“Was she pretty?”_

_  
Philip smiled and kisses her forehead. “Yes. She was very pretty. You look quite like her.”_

  
_She nodded again, slipping off his lap. “Daddy, will you make me dinner?”_

_  
“Yes, love,” he said, chuckling. He was amazed at how quickly she had calmed, but there was a niggling sensation in the pit of his stomach that this wouldn’t be the last time she brought her mother up. “Get changed while I go start.”_

_  
“Okay, Daddy.”_

_  
Once he was in the kitchen, he picked up the phone, calling a familiar number in times of distress. “Mum, I need you to teach me about hair.”_

  
.....................................

  
“That was amazing,” Emily said in satisfaction as she dropped the plastic fork into the container.

  
Theresa looked over in amazement. “Did you eat all of that?”

  
“I’m eating for two here,” she said defensively, “but yes.”

  
“I’m not judging you, love. I just hope you don’t get sick from so much rice.”

  
“It was my favorite part,” she laughed. “I miss eating food like this. Michael has me on a strict pregnancy diet.”

  
“He’s just worried about you two.”

  
“Hmm. I’m more worried about how hard she is kicking,” she groaned.

  
Theresa smiled, closing several take out boxes. “Shall I put these in the fridge? It will save you from cooking when Michael gets home.”

  
“That would be lovely. Could you help me up first?”

  
“Gladly.” She gently helped to pull Emily up before carefully stacking the boxes.

  
“I’m just going to go upstairs and grab the pillows for the couch. They are in a box up there, and it should be delivered any minute.”

  
“Okay. Be careful.”

  
“I will, Mum. You sound as bad as Michael and Daddy,” the young woman huffed.

  
Theresa rolled her eyes, weaving herself and the leftover food through the maze of boxes into the kitchen. She had never been so thankful that the layout of her house was so similar to another’s, giving her an upper hand at knowing where things would be. She had just shut the refrigerator door when there was a loud thud. “Emily?”

  
There was no answer, and she rushed out, finding her daughter at the bottom of the stairs, surrounded by pillows and blood.

 


	25. Secrets Aren’t Always Secrets

The beeping of the heart monitor was comforting as Theresa, Philip, and Michael sat around the hospital bed. Emily had been asleep, but the doctor had reassured them that she and the baby were fine. Emily would be a bit bruised and probably sore, but she would make a full recovery. Michael had wept, first with fear, and then with relief. All Philip had done was sat quietly, his mouth a thin line while he was ghostly pale. Theresa had immediately taken on the role of mother and kept everyone calm, offering a warm presence of reassurance that everything would be okay.

  
“Mum,” Emily said in a voice laced with sleep, “what happened? Is the baby okay?” The panic was evident in her voice as she took in the surroundings.

  
Everyone rushed to the bed: Michael by her head, Philip by her feet, and Theresa taking hold of her hand. “Yes, love. The baby is perfectly fine. You tripped on the stairs, but everything is okay.”

  
“I’ll go get the doctor,” Philip mumbled, dashing into the hall.

  
Michael’s hand brushed his fiancé’s hair back before he rested his forehead against hers. “Oh, love, I was so scared,” he whispered. “I thought the worst.”

  
“I’m here. We’re both here,” she whispered back, bringing his other hand to her stomach.

  
Theresa teared up, feeling like she was intruding on a very private moment. She quietly stepped back and observed them. Smiling to herself, she could see herself and Philip in them. A youthful her and Philip that is. The couple they were before the bitterness set in...before the anger and resentment. A hand on her shoulder drew her out of her thoughts, and she smiled as she felt Philip wrap his arm around her waist.

  
“They are doing an ultrasound,” he mumbled into her neck. “Just in case.”

  
Emily and Michael watched closely as the screen revealed their little girl. Theresa gasped when she saw her grandchild start moving around. “She’s beautiful,” she whispered, not to anyone in particular, but she felt Philip smile against her neck.

  
“She is.”

  
Emily looked at the doctor, smile slowly fading. “Where did all the blood come from?”

  
“You scraped your knee rather badly. There’s a large gash on your shin,” Michael interjected before the professional could.

  
“I see.”

  
“You and your baby are both perfectly healthy. You might be sore, but that’s expected. We do want to keep you overnight though. It’s just a precaution,” the young man in scrubs explained.

  
Emily sighed, hating the idea she wouldn’t be able to go home. “I understand.”

  
“I’ll leave you to rest with your family. A nurse should come by and check on you.”

  
When the door clicked closed, Emily looked over at Theresa. “Will you stay with me, Mum?”

  
“Me?” She asked in shock, cheeks reddening at being put on the spot.

  
“Yes. Michael needs to be at home to study.”

  
Michael opened his mouth in protest but quickly shut it when he saw his fiancé glare at him. He gently squeezed her hand and smiled. “If that’s what you want, love.”

  
“It is. So will you, Mum?” Emily asked, pulling her best puppy dog eyes.

  
“I,” Theresa felt herself cave, “I will.”

  
Philip chuckled and kissed her cheek, whispering, “She did that to me when she was younger. She’s glad to have someone who isn’t immune to it.”

  
She swatted his chest. “Will you bring me some clothes? I’m sure Emily will get Michael to bring her some, and we can eat dinner here together.”

  
“Of course, darling.”

  
“I’ll make tonight up to you.”

  
He smiled naughtily. “I plan on it.”

  
..................................

  
_March 1979_

_  
“Shhh,” Theresa giggled out as she hopped on the kitchen counter. They had come to Wheatley for a small weekend break and to spend time with her parents, but they had found themselves sneaking down to the kitchen for a midnight snack. “There are some biscuits in the cabinet.”_

_  
“I was thinking about that ice cream your mum mentioned earlier.”_

_  
“Oh! I completely forgot about that. I’ll grab the spoons.” He grinned, watching the t-shirt she was wearing inch up her thigh and reveal a pair of boxers she had stolen from him. “You’re staring.”_

  
_He gently set the tub of ice cream down on the counter and came around to where she stood. “You’re wearing my underwear. I kept thinking I had lost this pair.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning her back against the kitchen island._

_  
“Not lost. Just stolen.”_

_  
“I know.”_

_  
She brushed her lips against his neck, hands running through his hair. Her small yelp echoed in the kitchen as he picked her up and sat her back in her original spot. His nails were scraping up her thigh as his fingers danced their way up her legs. She was becoming lost in him. Hot breath was hitting her ear, making her shiver, and she felt herself tug on his shirt, silently requesting he take it off._

_  
The moon was streaming through the window over the sink, and it illuminated how blue his eyes were. She melted when she saw him look at her before pulling the offending garment over his head and throwing it somewhere in the corner. His hands went to grasp her hips while hers cupped his face, pulling his mouth back to hers in a heated kiss. She hooked her legs around his waist and locked him to her before she felt his lips and teeth nipping her neck._

  
_Her fingers grasped fistfuls of hair as she sighed, letting out little moans. “Philip, I...mmm.” His hands were pulling the stolen underwear down her stomach, gently lifting her so he could drag them off._

_  
“What do you want, Theresa?” He said, looking into her eyes as he knelt and started kissing his way up her leg._

_  
“You,” she breathlessly said._

_  
He lifted himself up, pushing her to lay back against the wooden surface. Strong hands held delicate hips as her back arched up to him. He was kissing up her rib cage through her shirt, and he reached down and untied his pajama pants, letting them fall. “I love you so much.”_

_  
“I know,” she moaned as she felt him. Her hands reached out to hold his upper arms, and they both froze as they heard the tub of the forgotten ice cream hit the floor, it’s melted contents spilling. “I’ll get it later.”_

_  
He nodded as he began to move above her. She wanted to block everything out, focus on him and her together, but the knowledge that her parents could walk in made her wary to even try. She was amazed that they were doing this here if she were honest. Philip was making it rather hard to stay quiet as well, but she buried her face in his neck, biting his shoulder to stop herself._

_  
He could feel her starting to lose control as she squirmed beneath him, and he gently kissed her, swallowing her moans as she pulled him over the edge with her. They were still kissing, completely wrapped up in one another as he removed himself from her. Her quiet sigh against his ear made him shiver as he looked down at her. “I think it’s official. I’m not afraid to die.”_

_  
“What do you mean?” She asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as he helped her sit up._

_  
“I just had sex with you, a vicar’s daughter, in your parents house, before we are married. And in their kitchen to top it all off.” He quickly pulled his pants up before grabbing a paper towel and wetting it._

_  
She smiled and brought him to kiss her again. “Totally worth it.”_

  
_“Totally.”_

_  
She watched as he meticulously wiped her thighs before sliding his boxers back on her. “I’ll clean the counter if you mop up the ice cream.”_

_  
“Perfect.” They worked in silence until everything was spotless, and disinfected, again. He was watching as she put the unused spoons back up, and he smiled. “Too bad we didn’t get to eat that ice cream.”_

_  
“We had more fun though.” She leaned back against him, feeling his heart beat against her back through his chest._

_  
His arms wrapped around her again, hugging her close. “We did.”_

_  
She could feel her nerves swell as she swayed back and forth in his arms. There was something that had been bothering her. Actually, it was scaring her. Her heart rate sped up as she thought about it, and she was mustering everything she had in her to say the words. “Philip,” her voice was soft and loud in the quiet house, “I’m late.”_

_  
“Late for what?” He was too tired to pay attention to what she had said before it all clicked, and he tensed._

_  
“My period. I’m almost six weeks late.”_

  
.....................................

  
“Mum,” Emily called quietly, “will you lay with me while I fall asleep?”

  
The request made her uneasy, but her maternal instinct took over, and she nodded. Philip and Michael had left just over an hour ago after they had enjoyed a family dinner of take out from a local Italian place, and Theresa had helped ready Emily for bed before doing the same. She had watched how the younger girl fidgeted, almost couldn’t sit still, and when she had mumbled she was scared, Theresa’s heart melted. It’s part of the reason she was climbing into bed next to her.

  
“Is that better, love?” Theresa had asked, settling back as Emily wrapped her arms around her and snuggled in.

  
“Much. When I was little, Daddy did it, lay in bed with me until I wasn’t scared. Michael does it now, but I wanted you. I wanted my mum.”

  
“I’m here for you, love. So what ever you need I’ll do.” She pressed her lips to her daughter’s head. “I love you.”

  
“I love you too.” Emily laid against her in silence for a while, being soothed by Theresa stroking her hair. “I’m sorry you and Daddy didn’t have babies. You two would’ve been amazing at it.”

  
Her heart started to beat rapidly, and she decided to swallow her fear and say the things she had never spoken of. “We did. We,” she took a deep breath, “we had a little girl and a little boy. I just couldn’t carry them.”

  
The gasp Emily let out shocked Theresa. She couldn’t understand why that was so hard to believe, and she couldn’t understand why Emily was shocked they had tried for children. “You were pregnant?”

  
“Yes. Your father and I took it very hard.” Her voice cracked as she remembered all the pain and tears and fights it had caused.

  
“What happened?”

  
“We had tried for a very long time before I fell pregnant. We were very excited when it finally happened. It was summer, and it was so hot outside.” She smiled as she remembered it like it was yesterday. “Your father was so protective of me. He didn’t even want me to go to work because he wouldn’t be there. We went to David’s house to swim one day. He and Bryony were out of town, and we were checking in on everything. Your father had just dived in while I was reading, and I started bleeding.”

  
Emily tightened her arms around her in a silent apology, trying to wish it away. “I’m so sorry, Mum. Was the second the same?”

  
“It was worse.” She could feel her eyes filling up with tears as she thought about that night in the bathtub. “I didn’t remember much, but it eventually came back to me.”

  
“I wish you wouldn’t have gone through that.”

  
“I know, but things like that happen. But you do have a brother and sister. They are buried by your grandparents.”

  
“That explains it.”

  
“Explains what, love?” Theresa looked down, eyes peering into Emily’s.

  
“After Granny and Grandpa died, Daddy always sent four bouquets to the cemetery. I knew two were for them, but I never knew what the other two were for. He always sent white roses, and I know why now.”

  
“Your father sent flowers?” Her heart constricted a bit as she thought about it.

  
“Yes,” she reached to touch a piece of hair behind her ear, “and he always wandered off when we went to visit the graves.”

  
“I see.” Her lip started to tremble, and she gently cleared her throat. “You should get some rest.”

  
“Night, Mum.”

  
“Goodnight, love.” She held her close, stroking her hair and her back until she was sure she was asleep. Slipping out of bed, she gently padded to the bathroom and closed the door before sinking to her knees in the floor. Silent sobs escaped her, shaking her body as she thought back to all the things she blamed Philip for when they were younger. Her hand covered her mouth as her cheeks became wet and streaked from her tears. As she sat there, on a cold floor in a hospital bathroom, she felt love and hurt and anger and forgiveness wash over her at once, and through her tears, she smiled as she thought about the man who was waiting on her at home.

  
.....................................

  
_They were both silent as they walked beside each other the next morning. They slipped out of the house after breakfast, giving the excuse of taking advantage of the weather. Neither of them had really reacted last night after her revelation. Theresa had known, and Philip simply nodded before kissing her goodnight at her door and slipping to his room down the hallway. He had held her hand tight as they walked, tugging her close to his side._

_  
“So,” he said, breaking the quiet, “you’re late.”_

_  
“Yeah.” Her stomach began to tumble._

_  
“What do we do?”_

_  
“Get a test I suppose.”_

_  
“Right. Shall I go? People know you more than they know me here,” he offered._

_  
Her eyes were trained on her feet, and she sighed. “I was thinking I should tell my mother.”_

_  
He paused, pulling his hand back and staring at her. “Why?”_

_  
“Because I’m scared, and I want my mum. She’ll have to know if I am anyway.”_

_  
“But you might not be, and you would just be breaking her heart for nothing if you aren’t.”_

_  
“Philip,” she turned to him, “you and I both know the likelihood that I am.”_

_  
He hung his head, hands stuffed into his pockets. He wanted to tell her it would be okay, and they would adapt if there was a baby, but he was absolutely terrified. He’d only been afraid she was pregnant once before, but she had corrected him. But now, even she doubted how likely a negative sign would be. “You’re on the pill. Couldn’t it be that?”_

_  
“I’ve been on it for over a year, Philip, and even my doctor said it wasn’t one hundred percent effective.” She took in how disappointed he looked, and she began to worry. Was he disappointed in her? In them? Did he not see a future for them after all?_

_  
“I’ll run and get a kit later. You can take it tonight,” he mumbled._

_  
“I know that we are both scared, but...would having a baby with me be so bad? You told me before that you’d be here for me and a baby if I was pregnant.”_

_  
He ran a hand through his hair, trying to contain his frustration. “Of course it wouldn’t be bad. I just,” he sighed, “now isn’t great.”_

_  
Her mouth dropped as her temper flared. “Now isn’t great?! You think I want to be pregnant now?! I don’t, Philip, but if I am, I am. We can’t change it.”_

_  
“But we don’t know yet, Theresa. You are acting like we should start preparing for a baby that might not even exist.” His hands came to cradle her cheeks. “I would love a baby with you. I plan on having several...when we are older...married. If you are, of course I’ll do everything I can for us, and I’ll always love you and the baby.”_

_  
Her anger dissolved as soon as he touched her, and a tear slipped down her cheek and onto his hand. “You just sound so disappointed.”_

_  
“Oh, love.” He brought her against his chest, wrapping her in a tight hug. “Terrified of what your father will do, but never disappointed.”_

_  
She chuckled, breathing in the familiar scent of him. “We should head back,” she whispered. “I think they’ll worry if we don’t.”_

_  
“They would worry what we were getting up to more like.”_

_  
“Given our predicament, I don’t blame them.”_

_  
The house was quiet when they entered, and Theresa was almost grateful until she saw her father round the corner. “There the love birds are,” he teased._

_  
“Philip is going to walk into town in a bit. He said he needed to pick something up,” Theresa said as nonchalantly as possible._

_  
Hubert looked up, quirking an eyebrow. “Good. I can go with you. I need to drop in on a congregant, and you can do your shopping.”_

_  
Philip felt his chest tighten, and his palms become sweaty as he stood there. “Umm...okay, sir.” He looked over at Theresa, eyes going wide. She gave a small shrug and quickly turned, avoiding eye contact with her father._

_  
“Why don’t we go ahead and go? I think it might rain.”_

_  
“Just let me grab my jacket, sir.” Philip quickly tugged his girlfriend with him into the sitting room. “What do I do?” He whispered frantically._

_  
She put her hands on his shoulders, calming him somewhat. “You go, and you buy the test and stick it in your jacket. Don’t act like it’s a big deal.”_

_  
“Right.” He nodded and took a deep breath. “Act like it’s nothing. Got it.”_

_  
“Good. When you get back, we’ll slip upstairs and see if I am pr-the p word.”_

_  
“Okay.”_

_  
She watched them both start the short walk towards the middle of town and sighed, deciding it was now or never as she made her way to her mother’s sewing room. Watching from the door, she smiled softly as she watched the nimble hands of her mum hem one of her skirts. Just like she did when Theresa was younger. “Mum,” she called gently._

_  
Zaidee looked over her shoulder from her wheelchair and smiled. “Hello, dove. Where did the boys get off to?”_

_  
“Just into town.” She came to sit opposite of the frail woman she loved so dearly. “Philip had to pick something up, and Daddy went to call on someone.”_

_  
“I see. You didn’t want to go?”_

_  
“No, ma’am. I wanted to stay here with you.”_

_  
She smiled, warming her daughter’s heart. “I’m glad you did. I’ve missed having you here, dove.”_

_  
“I know, Mum.” She began fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt, feeling her nerves build. “Philip actually went to get something for me.”_

_  
“Oh? Why didn’t you put it on the shopping list? I could’ve picked it up before you came this weekend.”_

_  
“He,” her face flushed, and she bit her lip, “he went to get a pregnancy test.” She cast her eyes down, afraid to see the disappointment and anger in her mother’s eyes._

_  
Zaidee stilled. Never had she imagined that her daughter would tell her that before she had a ring on her finger and a different last name. “Why?”_

_  
The tone was void of any emotion Theresa could detect, and her lip began to tremble as she thought about having to tell her mum more about the private life she knew the older women would disapprove of. “Because I’m late.”_

_  
“How late?”_

_  
“Six weeks.”_

_  
“Oh, Theresa.” Her voice was full of shock and fear as she thought about her husband’s reaction. “I thought you knew better.”_

_  
A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. “I...I went on the pill, but I,” she finally looked at her mother, “I love him so much, and he loves me.”_

_  
“I don’t doubt that, dove, but it doesn’t change the fact that you two aren’t married.”_

_  
“But it doesn’t make it quite so bad, does it?” She was searching for some kind of validation that it wasn’t the end of the world._

_  
Her mother reached out to push a piece of hair back, hand trembling, and Theresa didn’t know if she or her mother’s illness caused it. “I guess so. At least he’s not just someone in passing, and I know he’ll do right by you.”_

_  
“He will.”_

_  
“Your father will have a fit, but I suppose that’s to be expected,” Zaidee said quietly. “Do you think you are?”_

_  
Theresa shrugged before letting herself fall back in the chair. “I...I don’t know. I haven’t been nauseous or had any of the other symptoms.”_

_  
“And I suppose there is good reason you think you are?” Her mother have a pointed glance to her._

_  
“I...yes.” She looked down again, feeling her cheeks turn an even darker shade of red._

_  
“I know your father always gave you the speech about waiting, and I did to, to an extent, but I always told you to be careful. I told you what to do to prevent a pregnancy. Didn’t you listen?” There was no malice in her voice, just sheer curiosity._

_  
“We were careful...for the most part. We just got carried away a few times.”_

_  
“I understand. At least he hasn’t decided to run for the hills now that you may be.”_

_  
She nodded and felt her mother’s hand hold her arm again. “How disappointed are you?”_

  
_Zaidee gave a soft smile and pulled her daughter closer to her. “I’m not disappointed. A little shocked. I’m more worried about you and Philip if you are. I know he graduates this year, but is he ready for a baby as soon as he’s done with school?”_

_  
“I don’t know. I know that’s not the answer you want, but I don’t. I think he would cope, but I think it would take its toll. His parents would be so upset. They would probably be more upset than Daddy, and that’s saying something.”_

_  
Zaidee’s chuckle broke the tension and elicited a smile from Theresa. “Find out first. Then leave your father to me.” She watched Theresa nod and look down again. “I wouldn’t mind a grandchild right now.”_

_  
Her head snapped up, and she took her mother in, noting how honest the statement seemed. “Really?”_

_  
“Yes. I think we both know I’m not getting any better,” she stopped and took a deep breath, “and it would be nice to hold one before I go.”_

_  
“Mum-“_

_  
“Theresa,” they heard Philip call, “I’m back.” He stopped when he saw them both sat there. “Oh. I take it you told her.”_

_  
“She did,” Zaidee piped up. “Where’s Hugh?”_

_  
“He stayed for a bit. He said that he would come back in an hour or so.” Philip hung his head and held out the brown paper sack that contained the test._

_  
Theresa gently took it and sighed. “Thank you for getting it for me.”_

_  
“Go on and take it. We can decide what we need to do before your father gets back if you are.”_

_  
They watched as she walked down the hall, gently closing the door behind her. Philip turned to someone he hoped desperately to call his in-law, and he let out a breath of relief when he saw kindness and acceptance in her eyes. Sitting down, he ran his hand through his hair as his nerves set in. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly._

_  
“For?”_

_  
“Ruining your daughter.” He wiped a hand over his face and sat back._

_  
“Philip, look at me.” She stared into his blue eyes and reached for his hand. “You did no such thing. I know that the blame falls on both of you, and you have to calm down, dove. Getting upset or worked up won’t help the situation, and I promise that I’ll not let Reverend Brasier beat you to a pulp.”_

_  
He grinned at her humor. She had always made everything better with her quips. Her wisdom was often conveyed through sarcasm, and it made him smile when she would correct her husband with it. “Thank you for that, ma’am.”_

_  
“I know you love Theresa, and I know she loves you. I think you would do well to remember that no matter what happens.”_

_  
Before he could respond, they heard the bathroom door open. Theresa very quietly made her way back to them, looking solemn. “It’s negative.”_

_  
“That’s good, love.” Philip said in the most relieved voice she had ever heard._

_  
“Hmm.” Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and Zaidee noticed._

_  
“I think I’m going to go up to change. We should all go out to dinner tonight. My treat.” He practically bounced upstairs, and Theresa felt her eyes well up._

_  
“Theresa, was it negative?” Zaidee asked worriedly. She watched as her daughter began to wring her hands._

_  
“It wouldn’t have been.” Her voice was small, barely above a whisper._

_  
“What do you mean? What did you do?”_

_  
“I didn’t do anything,” she said tearfully. “I sat down to take the test, and...oh, Mum, there was so much blood.” Her body began to shake with sobs._

_  
Zaidee’s gasp filled the room, and she rolled herself closer to Theresa. “You were pregnant.”_

_  
“I’m not now.”_

_  
“You should tell Philip.”_

_  
“No! Absolutely not. You saw how happy he was that I wasn’t. I can’t tell him. You can’t either.”_

_  
“Fine, but you are making an awful mistake, dove. You shouldn’t keep something like this from him.” She began wiping the tears away before she leaned in, kissing the crown of her daughter’s head._

_  
“He’ll never know. It’s better that way.”_

_  
But neither of them noticed the two figures in the doorway, covered by darkness. One of whom was crying from the revelation that he had lost a child; the other who was unconsciously grasping the younger’s in solidarity as he remembered all the times it had happened to his wife._

 

 

 


	26. Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: DEPICTIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 
> 
> Also, there is some brief smut. Nothing too in detail.

_July 1994_

_  
It was sweltering outside. The heat had become unbearable as the summer had progressed, and Theresa hated it. Normally, she would be fine, but the swelling and general uncomfortableness that came with pregnancy made that hard. Everything seemed to hurt and get bigger even when she thought it couldn’t. Work was a relief because they kept the offices freezing, and she could always put a fan on._

_  
Home life had become more bearable the further along she got. Sam had insisted on blue for the nursery, sighting it would fit his son, but Theresa had talked him out of it, knowing that her little girl needed neutral and soothing. They had compromised with a nice cream color and yellow. She and Sam had actually had fun painting together; she was able to forget about everything for just a little bit. She had insisted on a lock for the door though, figuring she could hide away with her baby in there when Sam would lapse._

_  
Theresa gently sat down, beginning to fiddle with her napkin as she waited. She was at a small cafe outside of London. Sam had become more relaxed about what she did, and she had simply said she was going out before she slipped away. Her nerves were in full force now though. She hadn’t seen this woman in nearly eight months, but she had missed her and jumped at the opportunity to see her again over lunch._

_  
“Theresa!” She heard a sweet voice call._

_  
Turning, she smiled as she took in Joy May; nothing had changed about her except a few more grey hairs. She stood up slowly and watched carefully as the older woman tried to hide her surprise. “Hi,” she said softly._

_  
“Hello, love.” She engulfed the younger woman in a giant hug, squeezing her tight to show her that extra bit of affection._

_  
“Shall we sit? You can tell me all about how you’ve been.” Theresa eased herself back down and watched how delicately her ex-mother-in-law sat and adjusted everything to her liking._

_  
Joy looked over, taking in every little detail of Theresa. She had noticed over the past year how much she had changed. What she feared became obvious when Theresa had shown up to one of their lunches with oversized sunglasses and a hand on her side every time she bent over. She had forced a smile, trying not to pry too much, but she had worried when Theresa began dodging their monthly catch-up sessions. She still got a weekly phone call, and now she could see why Theresa had been so reluctant to meet with her. “How have you been, love? It’s been ages.”_

_  
Theresa could sense the underlying question, and her stomach began to flip as her nerves set in. “I’ve been okay.” She was lying through her teeth, and she knew Joy knew._

_  
“I’m glad to see you looking well.” ‘I’m glad you aren’t bruised this time.’_

_  
Theresa smiled, hand settling on her stomach. “Thank you.” ‘Thank you for not pushing.’_

_  
“I see you...umm...have some exciting news,” Joy stumbled out, not sure what to say or do._

_  
She ducked her head, cheeks flushing as she thought about what the older woman must think of her. “Yes. Are...are you angry?”_

_  
Joy looked up, and her heart constricted as she saw pure fear in the green eyes of the woman she still considered a daughter. “Oh, love, of course not.” She reached over, grasping Theresa’s hand gently. “ I couldn’t be angry with you for this, but I am worried...about you...about the baby,” she said softly._

_  
Theresa nodded, staring at her lap. “I’m worried about us too,” she whispered._

_  
Joy felt her heart break like it did when Philip had showed up at home, sobbing and on the verge of collapse after Theresa had left. “Love, I know it’s none of my business, but if you need somewhere to go, John and I will always be here.”_

_  
“I couldn’t do that to you. Not after everything.”_

_  
“Theresa, look at me,” Joy commanded gently, waiting so she could stare into the green eyes. “You will always be my daughter. It doesn’t matter if you and Philip are married or not. You are part of this family, and I will be here whenever you need me.”_

_  
Theresa felt tears slip down her cheeks, and she quickly went to wipe them away. She was forcing the lump in her throat down, knowing that crying at the table would just draw looks. She could imagine her own mother telling her that. She could imagine her own mother saving her. “Thank you for that. Thank you so much,” she managed with a scratchy voice._

_  
Joy squeezed her hand again. “I,” she hesitated, “I have this.” She quickly wrote something down on a napkin and slid it across the table. “It’s Philip’s address. John and I do live a bit away, and if you need somewhere to stay if anything happens, he would let you stay there.”_

_  
“You really think he would?” There was a small bit of hope that he would, that she could go home._

_  
“Of course. He...he misses you. A lot actually.”_

_  
Her head snapped up at the revelation. “Really?”_

_  
“Yes. He talks about you. He gets this far off look, and he blushes. You know how his ears turn pink!”_

_  
Theresa laughed, remembering the endearing feature. “Yes. He could never hide his embarrassment, could he?”_

_  
Joy watched as Theresa got the look she had just described, and her heart fluttered. She knew her granddaughter had kept Philip sane and given him a happiness he had never had, but she could tell that he was missing a puzzle piece. And it was Theresa. “Not around you.”_

_  
She smiled and let her hand settle back on her stomach, feeling small thumps against her palm. “He could never keep surprises a secret either.”_

_  
There was something Joy couldn’t quite put her finger on about Theresa. She seemed happy but scared. Warm but distant. The complete same and complete opposite at the same time all wrapped in a fragile smile and sad eyes. “Tell me about the baby,” she felt herself say before she could stop it._

_  
Theresa’s eyes rose in surprise, and she took a deep breath. “Well, it’s a girl. She’s due in October. I’m a bit scared about the birth if I’m honest.”_

_  
Joy smiled as she remembered her fear when she was expecting Philip. “Love, all that pain is-“_

_  
“Not that.” Theresa said suddenly. “I can handle pain.” She began fiddling with her napkin._

_  
Joy nodded at the confession, knowing she wasn’t talking about the pain of childbirth. “Why are you scared?”_

_  
“Sam wants a boy.”_

_  
The simple statement made Joy’s blood run cold. She knew that Theresa was terrified of what this Sam would do. “Is Sam-“_

_  
“Yes and no, he doesn’t know it’s a girl.”_

_  
“Oh, love,” Joy scooted closer, “you don’t want to tell him, do you?”_

_  
“No. He might...he might hit me. He could cause me to lose her, and this is the furthest I’ve ever been in a pregnancy. I couldn’t bear it if I did.” She began to cry again, her shoulders shaking._

_  
“Love, you are so strong, and you are so brave. I know you don’t think you could do it, but you have the strength to leave. You can take the baby, and you can leave. You can give your little girl a whole different life, and I will do anything to help you,” she said, tears building in her eyes._

_  
“I know, but what about when she asks about him? What do I do when she wonders why she doesn’t have a daddy like other girls? I want her to have a family.”_

_  
“Families come in all different shapes and sizes. You are her family. John and I are her family. She’ll have one always.”_

_  
Theresa gulped down air, forcing herself to calm down. “I’ve already picked out her name, you know.”_

_  
“What is it, love?” She brushes the younger woman’s hair back._

_  
“Mae with an ‘e’.”_

  
.......................................

  
May 23, 2018

  
Philip slipped out of his office building quite easily, moving in between the various people of London as he made his way down the street. He had managed to avoid Sam for the past two months, dodging their usual lunch every month. He was trying to get to his destination as quickly as possible before the group of paparazzi that had taken to stalking the prime minister’s mystery man found him again.

  
“Morning!” He heard a young man say as he walked through the doors.

  
“Good morning,” he mumbled, eyes immediately searching for what he set out for. They quickly settled on a line of the desired items. Walking over, he watched as the young sales assistant who greeted him moved behind the counter towards him.

  
“These are a very good choice, sir. Top quality if I may say so myself.”

  
“Yes,” he said to himself. “Do you have anything more,” he paused, searching for the right word, “antique?”

  
The young blonde man smiled. “Give me one moment.”

  
Philip watched as the boy dashed into the back of the store, and he sighed. He knew what he wanted, and he was trying his hardest to find it, but everywhere he went had been a disappointment to him. He turned when he heard the assistant come back. There was a large case in his hands, and Philip looked closely as it was opened, heart skipping when he saw the selection. “I’ll take that one,” he said eagerly.

  
“Of course, sir. I’m going to guess you’ve been looking at engagement rings for a while.”

  
Philip nodded absentmindedly. “Ages in fact.”

  
.....................................

  
_“Sam,” she called softly, “I’m back.” She gently kicked her shoes off._

_  
“In the living room, darling.” He was sprawled out on the couch when she walked in, face relaxed as though he was about to drift off. “You’re back early.”_

_  
“I think it’s going to rain, and I didn’t want to be out in it. I don’t think getting soaked would be good for us.” Her hand began rubbing circles on her stomach, and she watched him move, scooting over so she could sit._

_  
“I think cuddles would be good for you both though.” He held his arms open and wrapped them around her as she sat._

_  
Theresa felt herself relax before she tensed, feeling his hands on her stomach. She was always afraid that there would be something that clicked, and he would discover it was a girl, a daughter. He pulled her closer and kissed her head. She couldn’t imagine this happening six months ago, and the thought of what would happen in the next three made her shudder._

_  
“Cold, love?” He asked quietly._

_  
“Sorry. I don’t know what that was,” she lied. She was good at lying now. He made her good at lying. She tried to be comfortable with him touching her, being so close to her, but she hadn’t been comfortable around him since the first time he had ignored her calls to stop and get off. “I should probably get started on dinner if we want to eat at a reasonable time.”_

_  
“I’ll go shower while you do that.” He kissed her temple once more before heaving himself up and disappearing upstairs._

_  
She sighed as she moved about the kitchen, preparing ingredients. Her mind kept replaying her conversation with Joy, and the older woman’s words rang in her ears. “You have the strength to leave,” was on a loop in her brain. She did want to leave. She wanted to run as fast and as far away as possible, but Sam loved her. ‘Does he?’ Her conscience kept asking. There was a gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach that told her the answer she didn’t want to hear._

_  
She heard his heavy footsteps on the creaking stairs and felt her blood run cold when she saw what he was holding. He looked angry, and she wrapped her arms around herself in a bid to protect her baby. He just stared at the small dress in his hand for what seemed like an eternity before he met her eyes. “What’s this?” His voice was emotionless._

_  
“A...A dress. I thought it was cute,” she said quietly, looking down. She had hidden most of the things she bought for Mae in a travel case, and she hated herself when she realized she must have forgotten to zip it back up._

_  
“Why on earth would you buy a dress? My son won’t be wearing it.” He squeezed his fist around it, the soft, pink taffeta crumpling under the pressure._

_  
Her throat constricted, and she felt the familiar pressure of fear building in her chest. “I..umm...I just thought I’d buy it in case-“_

_  
“In case of what?” His green eyes were cold and hard and everything her nightmares were made of._

_  
“In case it’s a girl.” Her voice was small and fragile, like her. She watched with wide eyes as he moved closer, close enough to throw her against a wall with the swipe of his hand if he wished. She jumped when his hand made a loud bang on the table as he slammed the dress down. His left hand struck, almost as fast as a snake, wrapping around her delicate throat. It was tightening like a python, and she knew the more she struggled, the more he would squeeze._

_  
“Don’t you ever say that. You wasted good money on some silly little dress.”_

_  
“Sam, you’re hurting me,” she struggled to get out, hand going to his to try and loosen the grip._

_  
He stepped closer, nearly picking her slight body up off the ground as he leaned in, breath hitting her ear. “We won’t have weak people in this house, and any daughter of yours will be just like you. She’ll be weak, feeble, and above all,” he stared into her eyes, “worthless.”_

_  
She fell to her knees as he moved away from her. She was gasping for air as she curled herself around her stomach in case he tried to kick her. He had been known to do it in the past. He stalked out of the kitchen and to the front door before opening it. “I’m going out,” he said through gritted teeth._

_  
She had never been so thankful to hear the door slam shut as she raced upstairs, grabbing the small outfit in the process. She was pulling clothes out of drawers and stuffing them in every suitcase she had. She dumped her jewelry in her makeup bag and kept packing, grabbing the pictures she had of her parents and stowing those away safely in her purse. Most of her things were still in storage, and it made her sad that her whole life was easily put into three large suitcases. She was careful as she loaded her car, afraid of lifting anything too heavy. She stopped just as she was about to get in and rushed back inside. She paused as she stood in the doorway of the nursery, tearing up at what she was leaving, but she pulled herself together, barely, and gently grabbed the old quilt her mother had made before walking out of the house, leaving her key on the side table._

  
.....................................

  
Theresa pushed Philip back to sit in the kitchen chair, mouth on his. She was untucking his shirt from his trousers as she straddled him precariously. He had pulled her trousers down earlier, when he had swiped their dinner plates aside and set her on the table. It had started out as simple flirting before she had gotten riled up as she recounted her day, and he had leaned over to kiss her as a politer way to say shut up.

  
It was all teeth and tongue as she worked to unbuckle his belt. Philip groaned as she took her time and eventually slapped her hands away, mumbling he would do it himself. He had kissed the smug grin off her face before holding her hips, urging her to give him something, anything. And when she did, he nearly wanted to scream at the pleasure of it. He felt the warm weight of her pressing against his lap and his chest, and he felt his heart love her just a bit more as he took in the flushed cheeks and wild hair.

  
“Philip,” she whispered breathily, “I love you.”

  
Her eyes were closed and her lips parted slightly. It was the most beautiful, most sexy, and most endearing thing he had ever seen all rolled into one woman who was in his arms. His forehead was resting against her chest as she moved against him, above him. He wanted this moment to last forever: just them, together, without a care in the world. He kissed up her jaw, biting her ear gently. “I love you too.”

  
She completely shattered, keening as her body spasmed under his touch before she slumped against him. Her hand went to scratch the hair at the nape of his neck, and he lost it, falling down some deep, dark abyss of pleasure only she could give him.

  
“Thank God the chairs aren’t cloth,” he heard her mumble.

  
His chuckle shook both of them as they attempted to catch their breaths. “Why don’t you go up and shower, and I’ll clean all this up and join you?”

  
She smiled and nodded, easing herself to stand. “Don’t be too long.” Her body had the most delicious ache to it as she slowly made her way upstairs. The cascading, hot water caused her to relax as she hung her head, feeling the day melt away even more. His hands slid around her stomach, and she sighed, leaning back against him. “That was fast.”

  
“Couldn’t keep you waiting, could I?” He was dropping kisses to her shoulders, thankful for the distraction of showering so he could stash the little velvet box away in his sock drawer.

  
“No. I would’ve reprimanded you.”

  
He wanted to laugh, but he cupped her cheek instead, running his thumb over her cheekbone. “I love you without makeup.”

  
“You’re joking. I look old and tired,” she said, attempting to sound amused, but he was peering into her eyes with such gentleness that she felt a lump from in her throat.

  
“No. You look beautiful and elegant and graceful. I love seeing the pure, unadulterated face of you. You’re lovely. You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

  
She felt a tear slip down her face, and she leaned her forehead against his. “Thank you for that,” she whispered.

  
“It’s the truth-“

  
“Not the compliment. Thank you for loving me, for making me feel real again. Alive again. Thank you for making me feel like I could conquer the world.” Her arms were wrapped loosely around his neck, and they were swaying to the gentle beat of the running water.

  
“You never needed me to make you feel those things, love. You always had them in you, but I’m happy that I could help bring them out again.”

  
She was content to stand there, wrapped up in his arms with the warm water running down their bodies when she felt his shoulders shake. She knew he was sobbing, and she held him closer, kissing his head and stroking his back.

  
“It’s not fair, you know,” he mumbled. “It’s just not fair.”

  
He was talking about their lives. All the ups and downs. All the victories and failures. All the highs and lows. He was grieving for them, and the time they would never get back, and she grieved with him, letting her inhibitions go and sobbing like she was a child again. “Aren’t we a pair,” she eventually managed through gulping for air. “Crying in the shower.”

  
He gave a small smile. “But it’s worth it. Anything is worth it for you.”

  
......................................

  
_She couldn’t believe she was actually here. She couldn’t believe she had come if she was honest. But to be sat here, in front of this house, made her stomach turn with knots. Driving around for hours was exhausting, and she eventually caved and dug out the napkin from earlier, and before she could stop herself, she was in front of a detached, two story. It was a lovely house, but it terrified her. She was taking deep breaths as she opened the door. It was pouring rain, and of course she had forgotten to pack an umbrella. She was soaked through by the time she had actually made it to the door. This was, of course, after stopping herself multiple times in the street to contemplate if this was a good idea._

_  
But she was here now. She was mere feet away from a decision that could change her whole life. Her mind was racing, her heart was pounding, and the tug of a forgotten, buried love was pulling her closer to the door. She was lucky in that the small ledge offered some shelter from the summer rain. Her hand went to smooth her hair only for her to realize that it was as smooth as it could get having been pounded by the rain. Her peach dress was clinging to her, making her pregnancy all the more obvious in the humid storm._

_  
Her hand raised to knock, but she heard something. It was laughter, and it was clearly coming from inside. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she peeked through the window. Her entire being deflated. Philip was chasing a little girl around. She was in a nappy and had wet hair, and Theresa assumed that she had escaped as her former husband tried to put her pajamas on._

_  
She couldn’t do this to him, to them, she decided in that moment. ‘They don’t deserve this,’ she thought. ‘They don’t deserve some pregnant woman knocking on their door and ruining their life.’ She saw how happy he was, and she refused to destroy that because she had gotten herself in some mess. She did it; she’d fix it. Her presence was obviously noticed because she saw Philip knot his eyebrows together as he glanced out of the window. Without a second thought, she turned, trying to get back to her car as quickly as possible._

_  
She had reached the sidewalk when she heard the door open. “Miss?” A familiar voice called, causing her to pause as she resisted the urge to turn around. She took another two steps before he spoke again._

_  
He could recognize her anywhere. Her hair. Her frame. Her walk. He had noticed someone was at his door, and when he had stared into those green eyes again through the glass, his heart skipped a beat. Emily was hiding behind his leg, and he gently placed a hand on her head. “Theresa? Tessa, is that you?”_

_  
It was hazy as she looked over her shoulder. It wasn’t quite dark, but it wasn’t quite light either. They were in a twilight zone both figuratively and literally. The rain obstructed her view, but she could see him take a step towards her. She looked down, starting to walk again._

_  
“Theresa, wait!” He squatted, coming eye to eye with his daughter. “Wait right here, love. Daddy will be right back.” He began sprinting towards her, no regard of getting drenched. “Theresa, I know it’s you!”_

_  
“Stop!” She managed to scream at him as she approached her car. “This was a mistake, Philip. I’m sorry that I ever came here.”_

_  
His glasses were all but useless, and he couldn’t really see her. He couldn’t really see the handprint around her neck either. “How did you...”_

_  
“Your mother told me. I...I should go.” She grabbed the car door handle, yanking it open._

_  
“Stay! Please. Come inside and talk. I’ll make us some tea, and we can just talk. Please, Tessa.” His voice grew louder as the rain began pounding the pavement harder._

_  
She could tell his vision was blurry in the way that he kept squinting, and she walked towards him in the middle of the street. Her hand brushed his hair off his forehead as the rain splattered around them. “You have a beautiful daughter, Philip. Go take care of her.” She pressed her lips against his before sliding into her car and shutting the door._

_  
He stood there in shock as he heard her ride off. He had lost her twice, and she had given up her happiness so he could have his._

 

 


	27. For Everything A Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments would be welcome.

June 4, 2018

 

“Mum,” Emily called from the bathroom in Theresa’s office, “I don’t think this is normal.”

 

Theresa looked up from reading and capped her pen. “What isn’t normal?”

 

Emily slowly waddled out and sat, hands going to rest on her stomach. “I have this...discharge.”

 

“Is it bloody?”

 

“No. It’s kind of...milky.” She grimaced as she finished saying it.

 

Theresa nodded and looked back down. “It’s normal. I had one when I was pregnant, and I wondered the same thing. All my doctors said it was okay.” She smiled and patted Emily’s hand softly. “I remember waddling around like that. It was never comfortable.”

 

Emily’s head jerked up, and she stared. “But...I thought you only ever had miscarriages?”

 

Realizing her mistake, she sighed slowly, trying to steel herself for the conversation ahead. “I almost carried to full term once. It was a little girl.” She was praying that would be the extent of it, knowing Emily would pick up on the tension and hopefully drop it.

 

Emily stared at her for a moment, trying to gather the courage to press on with her questions. “Was she stillborn?”

 

“Yes,” she answered curtly.

 

“Was this after you and daddy separated?”

 

“Yes. We were divorced.” Her hand began to twist the fabric of her skirt as she waited for the onslaught of why’s and how’s.

 

Emily cleared her throat, hand rubbing her stomach. “Did daddy know you were pregnant when you divorced?”

 

“It...she wasn’t your father’s. I was with someone else,” she stumbled out. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she looked down nervously.

 

“I see. Does daddy know about her?”

 

“Yes. He’s known for quite a while.”

 

“What happened? Why was she stillborn?”

 

Theresa looked up and nearly cried as she saw the compassion in the blue eyes staring back at her. “My partner was abusive. He...he beat me, and I went into labor. He broke her neck when he kicked me.”

 

“Oh, Mum,” she whispered softly, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. Well, it isn’t, but I’ve come to terms with it. Your father has helped a lot, and you,” she looked across her desk, “you’ve helped me so much. I often think that if she had lived, you two would’ve made great friends. She had dark hair like you.”

 

Emily blinked away the tears in her eyes. “I think we would’ve been sisters. I would’ve been jealous she got you as a mother, and I’m sure she would’ve helped me scheme to get you and daddy together.”

 

“Most definitely.” Theresa grinned before she felt sadness crawl into her heart. “You two could’ve had babies together.”

 

“Oh, Lord. Two spoiled little ones running about would be a nightmare!”

 

“For you two. Your father and I would just give them back when they got fussy.”

 

“Thanks for that!” Emily giggled out.

 

 ......................................

 

_October 1981_

_Black. It was a comforting color to her. It could hide you away, and that’s all she really wanted then. She wanted to be hidden from everyone. Black was what she had mostly seen the past few days. Black dresses. Black curtains. Black silk bunting. Black rings around her eyes. Blackness covered everything after the sun went down, and that’s what she loved. She was able to sneak away and cry silently in the black of the night._

_It had only been two days, but it felt like years. Family had poured in from everywhere, her mother had isolated herself in her sewing room, and she had been left to sort everything out. Flowers and music and Bible verses and headstones, it had all been left to her. She had started with what she thought was the easiest, flowers. Her father had always loved red roses, and she had settled on those the quickest. Philip had picked the music for her since he knew it would end with her sobbing in the floor again. The various pastoral friends had offered a selection of verses, and she had simply chosen at random. The church had given a stone for the plot. The only thing that was left was a coffin, and Theresa picked one quickly, and it was black with a black lining._

_She had closed herself away in her mind, going to the small closets she had made herself over the years and locking the door to save face. She couldn’t shake the vision of her father in that hospital bed, bruised and battered and broken beyond recognition. Her mind hadn’t come to grips with the fact it was her father, her daddy, the man that protected her and stood up for her and made it all better. Because it wasn’t meant to be him. It was meant to be her mother; it was meant to be the death she had been preparing herself for, for years. Of course she didn’t want her mother to die, but she was the one everyone had expected the call to be about._

_She had laid in bed, replaying the memories of when her father would play cricket with her or read her a bedtime story or when her mother had a bad day, he would be the one to get her up and ready, and he would hopelessly try to fix her hair. She had laughed tearfully as she remembered her teacher fixing it when she got to school after she had learned the circumstances of why she had lopsided pigtails._

_It wasn’t until the day of the funeral that everything hit her. The numbness went away, and all the pain and the grief and the hurt descended on her all at once. Standing there, in the church of her youth, the church where she was married, she recognized that she would never hear her father preach another sermon or christen her little ones like she wanted. She would never get to see him hold her children or hold her hand when her mother went. He would never see her accomplish any of the things she had wanted to, and it felt like a knife was being driven into her heart. Philip had held her in the first pew as she sobbed almost violently when ‘Amazing Grace’ was being sung._

_When it was all said and done and everyone had left, she had slipped into her mother’s bedroom in the middle of the night, expecting to see her curled up in bed. The sight before her had made her heart hurt. Her poor mother was sat with her father’s pillow pulled tightly to her chest, sobbing. The ever stoic face that Theresa had yet to see shed a single tear had crumbled into the grieving widow she now was. “Mum,” she whispered gently, crawling beside her, “it will be okay.” She had drawn the fragile figure into her, hugging her close and tight._

_“I miss him so much, dove. I just don’t know what to do,” the older woman had whispered brokenly._

_“I miss him too, but you know what he would say. He would puff his chest out and put on his vicar voice and tell us to do the best we can. If he could’ve stayed, he would have.”_

_“I know, dove. I just...I don’t have anyone left, and I’m scared,” she tearfully explained._

_Theresa tilted the sullen face towards her. “You have us. You have Philip and me.”_

_“You two are young and just starting out. You shouldn’t have to look after me.”_

_“You are my mum,” Theresa said defiantly. “You’ve looked after me for my whole life. It’s my turn to do it for you. Philip and I would love to have you.”_

_“I don’t want to put that burden on you,” she sadly mustered. “It’s not what I want for you.”_

_“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m grown then. I can decide what I want for myself, and I want you to let me take care of you.”_

 

_Zaidee huffed before looking at her again. “You are as stubborn as your father.”_

_“I’m sure if he was here he’d say I was as stubborn as you,” she teased, feeing some of the sadness slip away._

_“I’m sure he would,” she joked back. “Theresa,” her voice turned serious, “in all seriousness, I want you to sell everything in this house.”_

_“What?”_

_Her mother held her hand up to silence her when she saw the protest on her tongue. “I want you to sell everything. I want you to pick out the things you want, and I want you to pack me up, and I want you to sell everything to put me in a home.”_

_“Mum-“_

_“Do it for me, dove. You have to work, and I need round the clock care. I’m not getting better, and it’s no use to pretend I am,” she said softly._

_Theresa looked at her in shock. “But I-“_

_“You can’t, dove. You can’t work and look after me. Please, Theresa. Please do this for me.” The tears in Zaidee’s eyes spoke volumes as her daughter sat there in her embrace._

_Three weeks later the house was empty, and Theresa could walk from work to the nursing home to check on her mother._

_..................................._

June 23, 2018

 

There was an excitement in the air as Philip tugged Emily aside after dinner. Theresa and Michael had gone through to the living room with coffee after dinner while Philip had given an excuse about helping with dishes. “Are you sure they can’t hear?”

 

“I’m positive, but they’ll come back in if you don’t hurry up,” she frustratedly said.

 

“Okay! Okay! Calm down.” He gently pulled a box from his pocket. “I got it a while ago. Do you think she’ll like it?”

 

Emily gasped as she took in the diamond ring. “It’s absolutely breathtaking, Daddy. If she doesn’t like it, can I have it?”

 

Philip chuckled before he gently closed the box and stuffed it in his pocket. “I was hoping to propose when we go on holiday when parliament is in recess.”

 

“Oh, that’s so romantic! Where are you going?”

 

“We used to take walking holidays in Switzerland. I was thinking about doing it there. Maybe on top of one of the mountains,” he said sheepishly.

 

Emily grinned at her father. She had never imagined him to be such an old romantic, but he continued to prove her wrong every single day. “Come on. We should go before they start wondering.”

 

They easily slipped into the living room, each taking seats by their respective partners. Emily cuddled into Michael, and Philip held Theresa close. “What was all that about?” She whispered to him.

 

“Oh, nothing, love. Emily wanted to talk,” he gently reassured her.

 

“I see.” Theresa turned her attention back to the film that was playing on the television, but she had this inkling it was more than just talking that kept them. Philip’s hand gripped hers a bit harder, and she smiled to herself, leaning back against him more.

 

Emily bowed her head as she eavesdropped. Ever since Theresa had told her about her stillborn, Emily had seen her in a different light. She couldn’t believe her mum had, had to deal with so much heartbreak in such a short amount of time. The loss of her parents had shaken her to her core Emily knew, but the miscarriages and the abuse and the baby had broken her. For the longest time, Emily had looked up to so many women out of her grasp, but now she had her hero sitting across from her. She snuck over sneakily, wrapping her arms around Theresa’s neck. “I love you, Mum,” she whispered.

 

“I love you too.”

 

....................................

 

_March 1982_

_Grief had a funny way of turning everything grey in her eyes. The whole world seemed to fade into shades of black and white. Trees weren’t green. The sky wasn’t blue. Roses weren’t red. Everything was dull and sad and empty. Her hands had started to tremble again, and she knew Philip had noticed. She had, had to let him chop the vegetables for dinner for the past week to avoid more cuts on her fingers. She had only been like this once before, when her father died, but it hadn’t been this bad. She had thought she would be ready when her mother went, but she was terribly wrong._

_The night, or rather the morning, she had found out wouldn’t leave her. Zaidee had come to stay the weekend with them, and she had been so excited to get away from the nursing home for a bit. It was meant to be fun and nice and sweet. They had taken her out to dinner before coming home and playing cards. It had warmed Theresa’s heart as they sat and laughed until the early hours._

_Zaidee had thanked her daughter profusely as she helped her get ready for bed, and Theresa had gently shushed her, saying it was her pleasure. It wasn’t lost on either of them how their positions had shifted. It used to be Theresa who was tucked in and kissed on her forehead; now, it was Zaidee. But Theresa had still happily crawled into bed and snuggled up to her. She had promised herself it would just be until her mum fell asleep, but she was the one who drifted off as her mother played with her hair and hummed an old hymn._

_When she had blinked her eyes open, it was black, dawn just seeping into the sky. She instantly knew she wasn’t in her bed and was startled until the grogginess left, and she remembered last night. Smiling to herself, she had decided to slip back to her room for another hour or two of sleep. She had just stood up when something made her stop. Their wasn’t a sound in the room. Not even the sound of her mother breathing. It made her heart stop because she knew; she knew before she turned to check on her. And after, when she had started to sob, and Philip came to gently pull her away, her brain mumbled the same word over and over: orphan._

_The funeral had been small, and Theresa had given the eulogy, looking at Philip several times for strength. The worst bit had been going to the home to collect the rest of Zaidee’s things. Her mother had always had a passion for flowers, and she and Theresa had spent hours cutting out pictures from gardening magazines and sticking them to her wall. It was her little paper garden, and Theresa had crumbled as they stripped the wall bare._

_At night, when Philip drifted off, she had sat up, eating peanut butter and contemplating what she was meant to do now. For once in her life, she didn’t have anyone to look after. Philip would let her fuss over him, but it wasn’t anywhere near the care she was used to dishing out, and she missed it. She knew most people would tell her it was time to live her life, to be young, but she had never known how to be young. The only time she ever acted like an adolescent was with Philip, but grief had stolen that from her too._

_She had been laying in bed with him one night, his body curling around hers. She gently laced their hands together over her stomach before she had rolled over to face him, taking in how boyish he looked sleeping. “Oh, Philip,” she whispered, “I think I want us to have a baby.”_

_.................................._

July 3, 2018

 

“Lunch was lovely, darling,” Philip gushed.

 

Theresa looked down and blushed. “It was just leftovers.”

 

“But you were here to eat it with me,” he said sincerely. “I don’t get to do that often on week days.” His hand held hers over his desk, and his fingers gently stroked the back of it.

 

She smiled at him, feeling her heart flutter. She almost wanted to roll her eyes at herself for acting like a teenager. “It’s time I go. I have some meetings, and I have to finish off some details for the Trump visit.”

 

“Will I come to the dinner with you?”

 

“Please,” she said quickly. “I’ll need all the moral support I can get. Mostly because of how divided the cabinet is on him, and they’ll all be there.”

 

“Of course. I seem to be good at dealing with controversial American presidents,” he said cheekily.

 

“Thankfully, protestors won’t be allowed anywhere near Blenheim unlike when Nixon came to Oxford. You could barely hear him through the chanting,” she remarked as she began throwing empty containers away before turning back to him. “Walk me to the lift? If we’re alone, you can even kiss me before the doors open.”

 

“How could I possibly pass up an opportunity like that?” He said as he leaned to kiss her.

 

“Come along then.” She wanted to hold his hand as they walked along the corridor but refrained, afraid someone might see. She could feel his hand hover over her lower back as they approached the lift, and she smiled, knowing what was crossing his mind.

 

“Ah, I didn’t expect to see you here,” a low voice stated. Theresa felt her blood run cold and could feel Philip step closer to her.

 

“Sam, nice to see you,” Philip said through clenched teeth. He pulled Theresa into his side more, almost trying to shield her.

 

“Yes,” Sam nodded, eyes raking up and down Theresa’s frame. “What brings you here?”

 

“I had lunch with Philip,” she curtly explained. Her skin was beginning to crawl as he stared. She watched his green eyes take her in, and the only thing she could see was all the times those eyes had stared down at her while his fists had come into contact with some part of her body.

 

“How nice. My wife came to eat lunch with me as well,” he said, waiting to see her reaction.

 

“Wife?” She questioned in shock. She looked over at Philip to see he was as surprised as she was.

 

“Say goodbye to Daddy, girls. He’s quite busy.” A young woman came to stand by Sam. She had long strawberry blonde hair and was trailed by two small girls who looked to be twins.

 

“This is Imelda, my wife,” Sam slyly said, giving a pointed glance to Theresa. “Our daughters, Macy and Mia, seem to be acting shy today,” he said, eyes going to the girls hiding behind their mother.

 

Philip could feel Theresa tense as she stared wide eyed. Imelda must have been at least thirty years younger than Sam, and the girls looked no older than four.Glancing over, he could see her clench her jaw as the tears pooled behind her eyes. “Very nice to meet you,” he heard her force out. Her voice sounded strained and thick.

 

“Imelda, this is Philip May and his partner, Theresa Brasier,” Sam offered.

 

“Nice to meet you.” She held out her hand to shake each of theirs. “Especially you, Prime Minister.”

 

Theresa offered a tight smile and shook her hand in a daze. She could feel the hurt and the anger build up in her as she looked at the small family. He had daughters, and it should’ve been hers. Her daughter deserved to live just as much as the ones he had now. Mae deserved her chance at life, and he had stolen it.

 

“Are you going down as well?” The sweet voice of one of the girls asked.

 

“Oh, um,” Theresa stumbled, “you take this one. We’ll catch the next one.”

 

“Well, we’ll see you at home later.” Imelda turned to hug Sam, and Theresa saw it. A small, but very there, bump. “Take care of yourself. Again, it was very nice to meet you both. Come on, girls.”

 

She watched as they left. “She’s pregnant?” She asked suddenly, and she instantly regretted it when she saw the evil little smirk on Sam’s face.

 

“Yes. We are having a boy. I’ve always wanted one.” He stared at her, watching the pain seep into her eyes. “I should get back to work. Enjoy your day.”

 

“Love?” Philip asked as they watched him swagger off.

 

“Your office,” she managed before she felt him lead her back.

 

The door had barely been shut when he pulled her into a hug. “Theresa, I am so sorry.”

 

“How could he?” She mumbled into his neck. “How could he murder her and not look back?”

 

“Oh, my darling girl, I wish I knew. I wish I could take it all away,” he said sincerely, kissing her head.

 

“She was mine. She was my little girl, and he...he took her. He ruined my life by taking hers, and he got to walk away.” The dam broke as great sobs came from her. “He never even saw her, and he didn’t have to live with it.”

 

Philip held her tightly, feeling his shirt become soaked, and he wanted to cry to. He wanted to mourn for everything that never came to be, and he wanted to wrap her up and hold her tight and make her feel whole again, but he knew he would never be able to replace her daughter. And it made it all the sadder.

 

....................................

 

_October 15, 1994_

_It was cloudy and overcast and perfectly suited for the occasion. Her heart had been lowered into the ground in the children’s coffin that held her baby. After being released from the hospital, she had hastily arranged for her daughter to be buried by her parents in Wheatley. It had been a small service. It was private, and it was just how she wanted. She had barely slept since the birth, and she doubt she would for a very long time._

_“Love, are you ready?” A soft voice with a slight Scottish lilt asked. “You’ve been sitting out here for nearly an hour.”_

_“I miss her, Mary. She should be safe and kicking up a storm inside my belly. She shouldn’t be six feet in the ground,” she said tearfully. She felt her cousin brush her hair back before squatting down to be eye to eye._

_“I know, love, but you need to rest. Besides, our train leaves soon. We should get to the station,” she said gently. Her deep brown eyes couldn’t take in the sheer sadness the younger woman wore._

_Theresa nodded and felt Mary start wheeling her away and sighed. She had lost her child and almost all her independence as well. The beating had left her severely bruised, but the birth had left her almost broken, and she had been confined to a wheelchair. Mary had been her emergency contact on her medical papers, and she had come down as soon as they called, knowing what was going on before Theresa had to explain it. “Thank you for letting me stay with you.”_

_“Of course, darling. I’m only sorry it’s under these circumstances, but Brian and I will be happy to have you and happy to look after you.”_

_“They were very kind to give me time off from work,” Theresa said absentmindedly, trying to think of anything but her child._

_“Yes, but I think it would have been very unkind if they hadn’t.” She eased them across the road, towards the car and her husband waiting for them. She watched as her husband lifted Theresa gently, checking for signs of pain and discomfort._

_“Are you all set?” His deep voice asked. He was a gentle soul with a baritone voice and thick accent, and he saw Theresa as the sister he never had. When she had shown up on their doorstep months ago with a handprint round her neck, he had wanted to kill the man who’d done it, and it had taken much persuading to stop him._

_Giving a tight smile, Theresa nodded. “As set as I can be.” She slid her sunglasses back on, hoping to cover the black eye she was sporting up. As the car began to roll away, she turned her head, looking back to the church. She had thought she lost everything once before, but she knew now that this was it. This was the loss that everything in her life had prepared her for, and she still wasn’t ready._

 


	28. Young and In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter away from the big question! 
> 
> Also, I’ve had some requests about the smut. This chapter is fairly smutty, BUT if you don’t like smut (or just want to find it faster) from now on, I’ll be starting and ending each smutty section with asterisks (******) instead of dots (.......) so those of you who prefer to gloss over the bedroom can skip right by.

July 14, 2018

 

“We have ten days until I get to steal you away from all of this,” Philip said softly as he kissed Theresa’s neck. “Just think about us in Italy, and then we get to go to Switzerland like we did when we were younger.”

 

“Mmm, it sounds too good to be true,” she whispered. They were standing in the middle of her Commons office, his arms wrapped firmly around her waist from behind, and she was leaning back against him. “I usually just stay at home. Or I’ll go to Wales and walk, but now I won’t be lonely.”

 

Philip smiled as he buried his face in her hair. “Couldn’t bear the thought of you being all by yourself in some big, cold bed. My poor Tessa.”

 

“I was cold,” she slowly turned, wrapping her arms around his neck, “and all by myself...nothing to occupy my time.” She was flirting and teasing, and she knew it couldn’t possibly end well, but she couldn’t stop herself from leaning in to nip at his lip. 

 

“You are being very, very naughty, you know. This office is meant for business of the house,” he mumbled, lips trailing from her ear to her collarbone. 

 

“It’s quite nice to be naughty, and this is so much better than wheat fields.”

 

He chuckled as he walked them back against her desk. “I’ve always wondered if that was a euphemism.”

 

“To what?” She gently kissed him. “Sex in a field?”

 

“Among other things.”

 

“You’ll never know.”

 

“Don’t be a tease,” Philip groaned. 

 

She smirked. “You like me being a tease.” Her hand was slowly trailing down his stomach when her door was pushed open, causing them to jump apart. 

 

“Sorry!” Seema exclaimed as she threw her hand over her eyes. 

 

Theresa looked down and smiled. “No, we’re sorry. We got a bit...”

 

“Hot? Carried away? Turned-“

 

“We get it, Seema!” Philip joked. “I should get back to the house anyway. I’ll see you later, love.” He gently kissed her cheek before awkwardly nodding to his girlfriend’s parliamentary private secretary. 

 

Seema watched him leave before turning to her boss. “You’re very smitten. It’s quite nice to see you happy.”

 

“Thank you for that. I’m sorry that you’ve had to work on a Saturday though. I know you like to canvass and see the kids,” Theresa said apologetically. 

 

“It’s fine. I’m surprised I haven’t had to work more if I’m honest. Brexit has made longer hours for us all.”

 

She sat, pulling her glasses on. “Oh, yes. Are you looking forward to holiday?”

 

“Yes,” Seema said softly, sitting across from Theresa. “You?”

 

“I am. We are going to Italy for a few weeks before Switzerland. I’m hoping we can have some couple time before Emily gives birth,” Theresa said wistfully. 

 

“Looking forward to being a granny?” The younger woman grinned as she pictured Theresa proudly showing off her granddaughter. 

 

“You have no idea. I’ve been excited since we found out. I’m hoping another one won’t be too far away after this one,” she embarrassingly giggled. 

 

“Ah, you’re one of those bossy mums.”

 

“I’m not bossy! I’m the boss,” she declared triumphantly. 

 

.....................................

 

July 21, 2018

 

“Emily, I demand to know where you are taking me! I’m meant to be canvassing today!” Theresa said frustratedly. 

 

“You can canvass after,” Emily said matter-of-factly. “I got us, well you, an appointment to help you be vacation ready.”

 

“Like...a hair appointment?” She asked curiously. 

 

Emily grinned mischievously. “You could say that.”

 

Theresa raised her eyebrow as her daughter continued to drag her down the high street. When Emily paused in front of a salon, Theresa felt her jaw drop. “No. No! Absolutely not!”

 

“Why not, Mum?!”

 

“For one, I am not twenty, and I,” she lowered her voice as she stepped closer, “I’ve never done it before.”

 

Emily’s eyes went wide. “What?! Not even...you mean...oh poor Daddy.”

 

“Poor Daddy?! What does your father have to do with this?” Theresa asked in shock and curiosity. 

 

Emily rolled her eyes. “Well, given our little hiccup in your office that day, I assume he’s been getting mouthfuls of-“

 

“Emily! Enough!”

 

“I mean, do you at least do a little upkeep in that...area?” 

 

Theresa sighed. “Yes, okay. I...groom myself.”

 

“Oh, thank God.”

 

“Now that you know that, can we leave?” Theresa asked impatiently. 

 

“Sorry, Mum,” Emily gently patted her back, “I’ve already paid so come along.” She all but dragged her in, giving the name on the appointment sheet. 

 

“Emily,” Theresa whispered, “what if they tell papers that it’s me?” The worry on her face made Emily chuckle. 

 

“I’ve already had them sign NDA’s.”

 

Theresa sighed and looked up. “God, I never thought I’d have to make someone promise not to talk about this.”

 

“Oh, shut up. You probably need it.” Emily unceremoniously plopped down in the seat by the door as they waited. 

 

“Ms. Brasier?” A soft voice called. 

 

Theresa turned to see a young girl shorter than Emily holding a clipboard and smiling at her. “I’m right here,” she said nervously. 

 

“Follow me this way, and we can get started.”

 

Theresa looked over her shoulder, an expression of nerves across her features. She felt her palms become sweaty as she was led into a back room and told to strip from the waist down. Laying down gently, she felt her stomach start tumbling as she watched the girl prepare the wax. “Will it hurt?”

 

The young girl smiled. “A bit since this is your first time, but it will go away.”

 

Theresa nodded but had her doubts. She felt like she was at her gynecologist’s office with the way her legs were, and she didn’t like it one bit. Her eyes close when she felt the thick, warm concoction being put on her before the linen strip was rubbed. 

 

“FUCK!” Emily heard, head snapping up. She silently laughed before she saw the beautician come out with a red face. 

 

“I...I just have to get more wax.”

 

Emily bit her lip. “More?”

 

“She used all of it in the bowl,” she said softly, embarrassed for her customer. 

 

Emily covered her face with her hands to hide the laughing. She was going to tease her mother until the end of time about this. When she heard the curtain pull back, she looked up to see her mother hobbling towards her. “Mum, are you okay?” She quickly made her way towards her so she could assist the older woman. 

 

Theresa looked like she was having a PTSD flashback. “So much wax...and so much pain.”

 

“Mum, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would react this way.”

 

“It’s fine. I just want to sit in a bathtub full of ice now,” Theresa said as limped out of the salon. 

 

Emily felt guilty as she saw the struggle her mother was having with walking. “I’ll treat us to lunch. Wherever you want to go.”

 

“How about that Japanese place by the house?”

 

“Perfect. I’ll tell the driver when we get in.”

 

“I still can’t believe you made me do that,” Theresa grumbled. 

 

Emily sighed and looked at her. “If it makes you feel better, I make Michael shave mine since I can’t fucking see it anymore.”

 

*********************

 

July 28, 2018, Lake Garda, Italy

 

As they strolled through the various village streets, Philip eased closer to Theresa, placing a hand on her lower back. “Are you having fun?”

 

“Yes,” she said shyly, ducking her head to avoid his gaze. “I forgot how fun holiday could be with someone else...with you.”

 

“I’m just glad you’re relaxing. I know work has been tense.”

 

She gently leaned into his side, wanting to hold his hand but wary of photographers. “That’s an understatement, but you make it better.”

 

He smiled at her as they continued to walk. She looked like she was enjoying herself, and he was pleased. He had forgotten what a carefree Theresa had looked like, and when she had naughtily smiled before pulling him into a shop, he felt his heart skip just a beat. “What are we doing?”

 

“Looking, of course,” she said over her shoulder before smiling brightly. She was swinging her hips in front of him, and he groaned. 

 

His eyes were too focused on her to notice where they were, and when he looked up, he nearly choked on his own saliva. “Th...Theresa?!” He exclaimed in a hushed yell. “What on earth are we doing here?”

 

She grinned before biting her lip. “I thought we could get some...things.”

 

“It’s a sex shop basically.” He had a look of worry on his face. “Is...Is our sex life that boring?”

 

“Of course not!” She stepped closer, bringing her hands to his waist. “I just thought it could be fun. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

He looked over his shoulder to see the security team standing in front of the building, almost embarrassed to come in. “What did you want?” He whispered, afraid of someone noticing them. 

 

She smirked, knowing he would cave. “I want to know what you want. What’s you’re biggest fantasy?”

 

“You,” he said earnestly after a moment of deliberation. “You always have been.”

 

“No. I mean what did you,” she leaned in and said quietly, “use to get off.”

 

“What?”

 

“You said yourself you didn’t have anyone after I left. So, tell me what image you conjured up in your head.” 

 

He raised an eyebrow. “You really want to know?”

 

She nodded her head; her cheeks were flushing the longer she waited. “I really do.”

 

He pulled her close to him, hands on her hips. “You...in bed arching against me. Your hands grasping at the sheets, and your hair splayed on the pillow.” He gently touched her cheek, letting his fingers trail down her neck and in between her breasts before settling at the top of her pants. “This bottom lip of yours tucked in your mouth as you moan, and your face flushed from your excitement as your cheeks get redder the closer you get.”

 

Her breathing hitched as she listened to every detail. 

 

His voice was gravely, and it made her shiver. “I can see your chest heaving as your body contorts itself in pleasure. Your heart is pounding so hard I can feel it when I kiss your breasts, and your legs wrapped around my waist as I’m deep inside of you.” He pulled her body even closer to his as he leaned his lips against her ear so only she could hear, so she was the whole audience for his little show. “And finally, your voice starting out normal but rising as you feel your pleasure peak all while letting out breathy little moans and whispers until you finally say Philip over and over and over again as you tighten around me. That’s my fantasy.”

 

Stepping back, he saw how glassy her eyes were and grinned. He had gotten to her the way he wanted to, and all he had to do was wait. She went to push her fringe out of her face before she looked up at him, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind her. “We’re leaving.”

 

“Where are we going?” He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her say it.

 

“The hotel,” she said curtly. 

 

The walk was brisk, and before he could say anything, she had him pinned against the back of their hotel door with her tongue down his throat. Her hands were pulling his shirt apart before he pushed her back, mouth attacking her neck as his hands gripped her hips. “Get undressed,” she mumbled to him. 

 

Doing as he was told, he watched her disappear into the closet in their room. “Love?” 

 

“Get on the bed,” she called back to him. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

 

He grinned as he laid on top of the linen sheets, nothing but a light blanket draped over his lap. He could hear her bustling around before she slowly walked out and towards the bed. His jaw dropped as he took her in. She was all black lace and creamy skin. “You...wow,” he said in awe. 

 

“I was saving this for tomorrow after dinner, but after that little stunt earlier, I think you deserve it.” She was crawling up the bed to him, and he bit his lip to contain his moan. 

 

“God, I’m lucky.”

 

Smirking, she pulled the blanket back and straddled his lap. “I have a surprise.”

 

“Oh.” He was busy kissing and nipping her neck to pay attention until she held up one of her Hermès scarves. “You want me to tie you up?” He asked excitedly. 

 

“No,” she gently kissed him, “I want to tie you up.”

 

“Theresa-“

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

“With my life,” he said seriously. 

 

Her hands pulled his glasses off. “Then trust me with your penis.” 

 

He stared for a moment. “You really know how to get to the point, don’t you?”

 

“Always. So, lay back, relax, and enjoy the show,” she smugly said, taking his wrists and binding them to the headboard. Her lips and tongue began their journey down his neck and onto his chest as he writhed below her. The lower her mouth traveled, the more he moaned. 

 

“Th...Theresa, wait,” he said breathlessly. 

 

“Hmm. What is it, love?”

 

He looked down before his eyes found hers. “You...you told me what happened, and I...I know that he would make you...do this. Are you sure you want to?”

 

Her eyes began to water as she thought about the kindness and the thoughtfulness. Stretching along his body, she kissed him deeply, attempting to show him how much she loved him. “I’m sure,” she whispered, pulling back. “I haven’t done this since we’ve been together, and I...it makes me feel close to you in a way.”

 

“Only if you want to, and if you have to stop, please do. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want,” he said sincerely. 

 

“Of course. I promise.” She waited for him to nod before she kissed his left hipbone, running her tongue over the ridge she felt because she knew the affect it had on him. Her hand came up to stroke him softly before she gently took him in her mouth. 

 

“Ahh.” His hips bucked up, and she used her hands on his hips to hold him still as her tongue began to tease him. There was an audible pop as she removed him and kissed up and down his length before wrapping her lips back around him. “God, Theresa.”

 

She hummed her approval around him and though he was going to lose it as her head bobbed up and down in front of him. He was almost afraid to look down at her, afraid he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Slowly shifting his eyes down, he thought he was going faint from the eroticism of it all. He could feel the pleasure building up in his stomach as his hips became more and more erratic. 

 

Stopping, she wiped her lips on the sheet before grinning up at him. “Can’t let you have all the fun.” 

 

His eyes went wide as he watched her shimmy out of the lace underwear before climbing back on top of him and grinding against him. “Please. Please untie me, love.”

 

“I don’t think so.” Her hands trailed behind her back to unhook her bra, letting her breasts fall softly against her chest. Putting one hand on his chest, she used her other to line him up before sliding down on him. “Mmm. Oh, Philip.”

 

His eyes practically rolled back into his head as pleasure overwhelmed him. “Tess, please let me touch you. I’ll do anything.”

 

She pouted at him, leaning down to bite his ear. “But I’m having so much fun.” 

 

He watched as she raised herself up before throwing her body back against his. His hands itched to touch her, hold her, grip her. He wanted to roll them over and pound her until she lost her voice from screaming. A groan came from deep inside his chest as her hand reached down to rub herself. “Fuck, Theresa.”

 

Smiling, she slowly sped up, feeling him thrust up to meet her. Her entire body began to tense as white hot pleasure shot through her. “Ahh!” She screamed as she collapsed on top of him, hand going to work the knot out of the scarf. 

 

Being free, he quickly turned them over, never severing where they were connected and began to thrust into her. He gripped her hips so hard they both knew she was going to bruise, and he sunk his teeth in her neck as he pushed her body into the mattress with the power of his thrusts. He pulled her leg over his hip and felt his body tip over the edge as he released into her with a grunt. “Wow,” he managed before rolling off of her. 

 

“We’ll have to do that again,” she said breathlessly, turning to hide her face in his neck. 

 

“Where the hell did you learn how to do that?”

 

“I spent a month in the south of France after the divorce.”

 

He stared at her for a moment before snuggling her close. “Remind me to take you back.”

 

************************

 

August 5, 2018, Lake Garda, Italy

 

He had seen her from their balcony that morning. She had said she was going to slip off to the private pool for a few laps before it began to fill up with people. His eyes had gone soft when he had seen her sitting on the side, one knee pulled to her chest as the other dangled in the water. Her navy blue one piece had made her easy to spot from the high window, and he had gently padded down to join her. 

 

“Hey, love,” he mumbled softly as he sat behind her in a double lounger. “How’s the water?”

 

“Warm. It’s lovely,” she said quietly. “You should get in.”

 

“Maybe in a bit.”

 

“We leave tomorrow,” she stated. 

 

“Yes. On to Switzerland before home.” He began to flick through the book he had brought down as one of the hotel employees put up an umbrella for him. 

 

She looked over her shoulder and smiled, almost sadly. “Home and the baby.”

 

He caught on to the melancholy tone in her voice and looked at her. Her hair was slicked back from the water, and she looked small and almost fragile as she sat there. “Love?”

 

“Don’t worry about me.” She gently wrapped a towel around herself before sitting next to him. “I’ll be fine.”

 

He set his book aside and grabbed her hand. “Tell me. Please.”

 

“I just don’t want to go back to work, and I worry. A lot. Mostly about Emily because she’s so close to her due date, but I worry about you and Michael and the country. Things like that.”

 

“Well, we are on holiday so I think you need to not worry so much,” he stated quite matter-of-factly. “I’m going to go get us some cocktails.”

 

“It’s eight in the morning!” She exclaimed, looking at him in disbelief. 

 

“We’re on vacation. After we drink, we will go get cleaned up and do some more shopping before dinner tonight.” He leaned over and kissed her soundly. “Who knows, maybe I’ll let you tie me back up.”

 

She watched in shock as he made his way towards the bar. “What has gotten into you?”

 

Thinking about the small black box in his suitcase made his grin widen. “I’m in love!” He shouted from across the pool as she rolled her eyes playfully.


End file.
